Thank you to all of you who have put this story on your alert and favorite's list and to all of you who reviewed. Your support means the world to me and I loved reading all the reviews. As a little thank you from me, I thought I'd give you chapter 2 tonight instead of tomorrow. Enjoy!
Thank you My-Bella and Hope4more, for all the time you put into the edits and re-edits and for making sure I put all those annoying commas in all the right places. You both Rock!
Disclaimer:
All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters, plot, names, nicknames are all the property of the author. Unauthorized use of such material is plagiarism. In simple terms— it's theft. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. And of course just in case that doesn't cover it, Stephenie Meyer owns anything and everything relating to Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.
~*Bella*~
December 29, 2010
It took me the next couple of days to wrap my head around the fact that not only did Edward not hate me but that he wanted to take me on a date and somehow thought we were being given a second chance.
I was thrilled and terrified all at the same time. The nerves I was experiencing were almost as bad as those I'd felt when I was sixteen and he'd asked me out for the first time.
Although I wanted to be optimistic and believe things could work out for us after all this time, I knew we still had much to learn about the people we had become over the last six years. There was so much we didn't know about each other. So in a sense it would be like we were truly starting all over again.
When I wasn't worrying about my date with Edward, I was either helping my mom with Gran or looking for a job. Fortunately Gran's insurance allowed for her to receive care from a visiting nurse so all of her care didn't fall on my mother or me. Not that we wouldn't be happy to do it, it just made things easier as well as giving us the reassurance of having a health professional check on her every day.
"So what's been eating at you?" my mother asked as she entered the kitchen. I was in the process of having a cup of hot chocolate while scanning the help wanted section of the Forks daily paper. "Are you worried about finding a job? Is that what has you so frazzled?"
"Um…no." The sound of my chair scraping across the floor as I got up, caused her to turn around from where she had been digging through the fridge for some breakfast. Having only been here a few days on top of celebrating Christmas and dealing with the snow storm, we hadn't had a chance to make a run to the grocery store.
She came over to the sink where I was rinsing my cup and leaned back against the counter just watching me for a minute. "You saw him didn't you? Christmas Eve at the Cullen's house. He was there wasn't he?"
"I don't want to discuss him with you, Mom," I told her as I turned and started to walk away. My head was telling me that I was a twenty-four year old adult now and she couldn't stop me from seeing Edward this time. But my heart was afraid she was going to do just that. That she'd tell me that it was foolish for me to think I could start things back up with him again after all this time or tell me it was silly for me to still be "hung up" on him.
"Bella," she called to me as I neared the kitchen doorway. When I didn't stop she called to me again. "Isabella. Please."
I sighed and reluctantly turned around. "Mom."
"Come sit with me for a minute. There are some things I need to say," she told me while squeezing my hand briefly as she remained next to me, waiting for my reply.
I didn't really want to have this conversation with her. I knew if things developed between Edward and I that I'd eventually have to, but I wasn't ready to do it yet. I wasn't ready for her to burst the bubble my heart was currently floating in due to the fact that Edward seemed to still have feelings for me. I just didn't know how deeply his feelings still ran and until I had some sort of idea how things might go between us, I had wanted to keep it to myself. I also knew not telling her anything at all was not an option.
Searching inside for the strength I was going to need to keep her from prying too deeply, I silently nodded my answer to her while I kept telling myself over and over in my head that I wasn't going to let my mother take this chance away from me. I braced myself for the resistance I was certain I'd get from her as I followed her into the living room.
Taking a seat next to her on the couch, I sat there waiting for her to begin. I figured I was better off only answering her questions and not offering up any more information than I had to.
She finally blew out a long breath and began, "Judging by your reaction, I am guessing it's safe to assume you saw Edward on Christmas Eve."
I nodded again.
"How was it?"
"Not at all what I expected," I said to her, trying to finally answer her directly and honestly without giving anything away. And the truth was, seeing Edward again hadn't been at all what I'd expected so by answering her as I had I wasn't lying to her at all.
"What does that mean?"
"It means exactly what I said. It wasn't at all what I was expecting," I told her.
"Am I going to have to pry the details from you? Since when have you been so reluctant to share anything with me?"
"What do you want me to say, Mom?" I popped up off the couch and flew across the room. It was becoming increasingly clear that I was going to have to say a lot more than I wanted to. It angered me that she was forcing my hand. It angered me that she couldn't just accept the obvious fact that I didn't really want to talk about this with her. And if I was completely honest with myself, it scared me because I had no idea what she'd say about the conversation Edward and I had, had the other night. I was afraid to let her get into my head again and cause me to doubt any of what he'd said to me or belittle the fact that Edward and I might still have feelings for each other after all this time.
"Well, I don't know, Bella. How did he react to seeing you?" I could tell by the surprised almost confused look on her face that she just wasn't getting why I didn't want to share any of the details with her.
"Don't you mean was he upset to see me? How about if he's married or has a girlfriend? Or how 'bout does he hate me for the way I dumped him?"
"No…well not exactly. Yes I would like to know all of those things, but I was more concerned about how you were handling his reactions. I've seen how you've been…I don't know…restless the past few days. I know you've been scanning the help wanted section of the paper and thought maybe you were stressing over finding a job." She paused and let out a long sigh. "It's just now you tell me that's not it. So the only other reasonable conclusion I can draw is that you've seen Edward and you are upset over something."
"Confused, surprised, shocked…maybe even somewhat excited, but not upset."
"Bella, you're still being quite cryptic with your information."
"Like I said before, what do you want me to say?" I mumbled as moved back across the room and sat down, this time in the chair next to the couch, not on the couch with her.
"What are you afraid of telling me, Isabella? Or more importantly why are you afraid to tell me? Please just be honest with me," she pleaded.
If there had been any remaining hope that I could escape this conversation without having to give her any real details, there was none now. I could see she wasn't going to let this go. However, I began to think that maybe it was best to get this all out now when there was only the possibility of having a relationship with Edward again, instead of once we were already involved again. If I got it out of the way now, and laid it all on the table with her, then hopefully it would greatly diminish the possibility of her interfering if and when things did develop between Edward and me again.
"Bella, please. Talk to me," she whispered.
"I don't know if I can."
"Why?"
"Because I'm afraid of what your reaction might be," I told her honestly.
"Look, if he was angry or lashed out at you…I will talk to Esme. It's my fault and I will take the blame for his anger. You shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes."
"You'd do that?" I asked completely surprised.
"Yes I would," she stated without an ounce of hesitation. "It's my fault he is so angry at you. I…Bella—what I asked you to do all those years ago was wrong. It was extremely selfish of me and unfortunately by the time I realized it, it was too late."
"Why'd you do it?" I asked, using the same words Edward had said to me a few nights ago. And even if I already had a pretty good idea of why she had done it, courtesy of my conversation with Edward, I wanted to hear it from her in her own words.
"There are so many reasons, Bella. I was still hurting. I was lost, heartbroken over your father's death, scared and also incredibly selfish. I wanted you with me. You are so much like him, Isabella. You were and still are all I have left of him. You were my last tie to him and I couldn't bear to let you go."
"Why didn't you just tell me that?" I asked while fighting the lump forming in my throat. My father's death had been immensely hard on us both and talking about him as we were now brought back some of those feelings I had learned to deal with over the years.
"Pure selfishness," she uttered so softly I could barely hear her. She cleared her throat and then in a slightly louder tone said, "At the time I didn't think it would be enough to keep you with me. I had convinced myself that I had to make you think that it was what was best for Edward if no one else. I could see how much you cared for him. You loved him."
"I still do," I softly replied.
"That doesn't surprise me. You love like your father. You gave your heart away wholly and completely, you never really got it back. I hadn't realized it, how much you loved him, until it was too late and you had already broken things off with him."
"When?" I asked her. "When exactly did you realize how deep my feelings were for him?"
"In all honesty I think I realized I had made a mistake shortly after Christmas. I saw the sadness in your eyes and you got so quiet and kept to yourself so much. But then as time went on you seemed to be coming out of it and I was hopeful that you were moving past it. That is until—"
"Until when, Mother?"
"Until spring break came and you withdrew all over again. I was coming to tell you something one afternoon and I saw you pulling his picture out of your dresser drawer and then wiping away tears. That was when I really saw the magnitude of what I'd done."
"Why didn't you come to me then?"
"I was worried it was too late. I was afraid if I did you'd be on the first plane to Forks and what if you'd gotten there and found he'd moved on without you?"
"That wasn't your choice to make, Mother. You saw my pain and heartbreak and you just let it go," I screamed at her. "You took the choice away from me. I could have at least called him or hell even Alice and asked her. At least if I'd known one way or the other, I wouldn't have spent all these years wondering what might have been. What if Daddy had lived, what if we'd stayed in Forks, or what if I'd come back for Christmas anyway? What would have happened to Edward and me?"
She got up and got down on her knees in front of me. After taking both of my hands in hers she said, "I'm so sorry, baby. You are so right. I can't answer any of those questions for you. I did take the choice from you. I wanted you with me. I don't know what else to say. It was wrong. It was selfish. I don't know what else to say. I wish I could take it all back but I can't."
I pulled my hands from hers and got up. I pushed past her and strode across the room again. I was so angry and hurt I couldn't look at her right then. While I'd given everything I could to her and had done so much for her, never once protesting or questioning her motives, she had taken so much from me.
After pacing back and forth across the floor a few times to help me simmer down a bit, I said to her, "No, you are right about that. You can't take it back. But you can tell me this and I really need for you to be completely honest with me, Mother, because if you don't as soon as I find a job I will be moving out. So if you have any hope of me, of us, moving past this, then I need you to swear to me that you will be one hundred percent straight with me."
"Anything. I promise. I'll tell you anything you want to know."
"If we had never come back to Forks, would you have told me any of this? Would you have ever admitted how wrong what you did was?"
The second she closed her eyes and hung her head I knew what her answer was. Without waiting for her to say anything I launched another question at her. "Even when you found out about Gran's health and you knew we were coming back to Forks and I might see him. You weren't even going to tell me then, were you?"
"No," she muttered. I could see the guilt and shame on her face. I could see that she was remorseful. I just didn't know if at this moment it mattered.
I turned my back to her. I needed to rein in my emotions before I said something I regretted. Not only had she taken me away from Edward, but her actions had led me to believe that I'd lost the best friend I'd ever had as well. When I'd received the invitation to Alice and Jasper's wedding, I was so guilt-ridden over breaking up with Edward the way I had that I not only refused to attend the wedding, but I declined her wish to be her maid of honor. I knew he'd be there and I had not been ready to face him at the time. That had been two and a half years ago and the last time I had talked to Alice. We'd kept in touch through emails and occasional phone calls before then, but after she had never made any attempt to contact me until just days before we returned to Forks. She emailed me saying she'd heard of our return through the grapevine, which wasn't hard to believe since nothing was a secret in the small town of Forks, and that she wanted her best friend back.
A couple of days after my arrival, Alice had shown up here and offered to take me to lunch. We'd ended up spending most of the afternoon together and had cleared up everything between her and me. However I'd only given her answers similar to the same ones I'd given Edward the day I broke his heart. At that time I was still convinced that those reasons were real. Now…well now I knew I had let my mother cloud my judgment.
"Bella, sweetheart," she said coming up behind me and putting her hands on my shoulders. "Please let me help you with this. I will talk to Esme or even to Edward if need be. I don't want him to hold this against you anymore. You were young and hurting over your father's death and instead of letting you go be with someone who might help to ease your pain, I forced you to stay with me while I wallowed in my own grief."
"That's not necessary, Mom."
"Yes. Yes it is. I can't let him go on blaming you any longer. I need to make this right. Then…well then maybe you could at least learn to be friends again."
She mumbled something about calling Esme and started to get up. Grabbing her hand I stopped her. "No."
"What do you mean no? I just want to help, honey."
"I said no because for one, it's really not necessary. And two, I don't mean to sound cruel, but you've done enough. I will handle Edward on my own."
I kept going back and forth in my head about how much to tell her. I didn't want her help in dealing with him, but I also didn't want her to go behind my back and try to help. Unfortunately at this point I couldn't be sure she wouldn't go to Esme and try to smooth things over. I wasn't aware of what Esme knew at this point about what was going on between Edward and me. But I wanted it to be done my way without either of our parents interfering. Because if I knew Esme Cullen like I think I did, if my mother breathed one word to her about there being possible tension or harsh words between her son and me, she'd be questioning him left and right. While they both might mean well, neither Edward nor me needed our parents getting involved. Ultimately I decided to tell her enough to placate her. I also wanted her to know that I wouldn't ever give Edward up again if things worked out. He would have to send me away if we were ever to split again.
"I really just want to help any way I can," she reiterated.
"I know you do. But listen to me now, Mother. Whatever happens or doesn't happen between Edward and I will be decided upon by us. I didn't just see Edward on Christmas Eve. We spent quite a bit of time talking."
"You did? That's wonderful, honey."
"Um, yeah," I said letting a sarcastic chuckle out in the process. "Look, Mom, by some miracle he somehow, some way still has feelings for me too. And he seems to think we've been given a second chance. He's ah…he's even asked me out on a date," I said, watching her facial expression change a few times while she mulled over what I'd said.
"Really?" she asked with a hint of excitement in her voice.
"Really. But there's…um…something I need to say. And I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I don't know any other way to say it. So it might be a bit blunt."
"Okay," she said drawing the word out.
"You're right. I never did get my heart back from Edward. I know I dated a few guys over the years in Arizona, but as you know it never lasted no matter how hard I tried. It just never felt right with them. I think now it's because they weren't Edward. My heart still belonged to him even if I didn't know it at the time. I promise to be here for you in any way you need me to for Gran. I will help with her care as much as you need me to. But I have to do this on my own, Mom. I have to see if there is still something between us and I don't want you interfering."
"I understand and of course you want to see where it will go. And I know you will be here to help with your grandmother. I mean, you quit your job to come here with me."
"That's something else I need to talk to you about." I took a few seconds to gather the right words. While I wanted to be sure my mother understood where I was coming from, I didn't want to hurt her. "Gran's doctors say she doesn't have much time left. I don't know how it's been being back here in Forks for you, and I don't know what your plans are for, um…later," I said unable to actually think much less speak of my grandmother passing. "Mom, what I'm trying to say is, if this works out for me and Edward, maybe even if it doesn't, I'm staying in Forks. If you want to go back to Arizona or wherever, I won't be going with you. This is my home. Where I belong."
I knew that she couldn't stop me this time and I could have stayed in Arizona had I chosen to do so. But I wanted to spend some time with my grandmother while I still could and in all honesty I did want to see Edward. I had hoped to maybe apologize to him and have a civil relationship with him, but things were turning out so much better than I could have ever dreamed of. Well maybe not dreamed of because God knows I've dreamt of being with him again and hearing him tell me he still loved me.
I didn't know what my mother's response would be, but I was totally unprepared for what she said next.
"My beautiful baby girl, I love you so much. You are right. It is absolutely time for you to live your life as you see fit. It's time for you to live for you and only you. For what you want. I hope and pray that I haven't ruined things for you and Edward and I pray you can find love again. If not with him then someone else. You are no longer a child. Although looking back I'm not sure you were still a child at seventeen. I want you to do whatever you need to make yourself happy. That is all I've ever truly wanted for you. Just know that I am here for you should you need me. I love you, Isabella."
"I love you too, Mom."
"Can you ever forgive me?" she asked as we hugged.
"Yes. It's going to be hard for me at first. You really hurt me. But give me some time. Okay?"
We hugged each other again before she pulled away and rambled off a slew of questions. "Now tell me about this date. Do you have something to wear? Do we need to go shopping? I can arrange for the nurse to be with Gran. Do you need money?"
"Woah, hang on a second, Mom," I said holding my hands up to show her she really needed to stop and listen to me. "I actually do need to go shopping, but I'm going to ask Alice to go with me. With Christmas and everything else, I haven't had a lot of time with her. So I'm going to see if she is willing."
Despite the look of sadness I saw flash across her face, she smiled and said, "She always had such a great sense for fashion. That will be great for the two of you." She continued to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes, telling me just how disappointed she was.
"I'm sorry," I told her. And I really was sorry. I didn't want to hurt her and I didn't expect my newly found independence to be easy on my mother. It had been just me and her for the past six years. In fact I think she was probably more dependent on me that I was on her.
"No, don't be. I meant what I said before. This is what you need." That much she was right about.
I left to find my phone and call Alice. I knew it wasn't going to be easy on my mother and at times probably not for me either. But it was time for me to do this. I needed to do this. I had spent six years with "what ifs" running through my head, now it was time to answer as many of those "what ifs" as I could and really live my life. For me.
*X*X*X*X*
December 31, 2010
I had just stepped out of the shower and was in the process of getting ready for my date with Edward. Alice had been extremely willing to go shopping with me—her eagerness really shouldn't have surprised me. She had been busy the afternoon I called her so we had made plans to go yesterday. It hadn't left me much time either as her party had been only a day away. However I'd been confident that with Alice's help I'd have no problems finding a dress. My dress hunt had also been aided by the fact that since I had still been living with my mother in Arizona, most of the money I had earned from the job I'd had there was sitting in my bank account. That afforded me the ability to purchase a dress that would dazzle Edward's socks off.
What really worked in my favor was the fact that Alice had also invited me to her party. Therefore I didn't have to tell her that I'd be escorted to the event by her brother. One of the first questions that had come out of Alice's mouth upon her picking me up for our shopping adventure was about my and Edward's talk. Apparently he hadn't been very forthcoming with any details, other than the fact that we had talked and had gotten some answers that we'd both needed. She said he'd told her that if and when we were both ready, we'd fill her in. After I reiterated Edward's sentiments she left it alone which really surprised me. Oh she'd fake pouted for a few minutes, Alice hadn't ever been one to give up on getting the scoop, but when she saw I wasn't going to budge, she didn't press. Maybe she had changed more than I'd thought. Whatever her reason for not prying was I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
We had opted to shop in Port Angeles instead of going all the way to Seattle like she had first suggested when I'd called her. I wanted something fantastic; it didn't have to be a one of a kind type dress, but definitely something different that wasn't mass produced. Alice said the small dress shops and boutiques in the Port area would be perfect for finding just that sort of dress. She'd been absolutely one hundred percent correct. After searching through racks upon racks of the little black dresses I knew most women would wear to a party similar to Alice's, I'd found my dress.
If I'd had any doubt it was the one, the second Alice shrieked loud enough to catch the attention of every patron in the boutique, they were instantly erased.
It had been the color that had first caught my attention, purple, which was my favorite color and also the color Edward used to comment about loving on me. It was a fun, sassy and sexy cutaway shoulder lace mini dress. Alice had said the dress really was perfect for me. Enough sexy with one side completely bare but still safe enough for my tastes with the other shoulder and arm covered in purple lace. She said I'd have all the available men's heads turning. I couldn't help but wonder if she was including her brother in that statement and what he'd think if I did attract that kind of attention.
Used to the warm Arizona air, my skin was protesting the cold Forks air and was drying out. As I sat on the edge of my bed to smooth some lotion on my legs, I caught sight of the fringe of Edward's scarf I still had peeking out from under my pillow. Maybe it was a bit weird, but I'd been sleeping with it, and his hat he'd put on me, since Christmas Eve.
I pulled the scarf from under my pillow where I'd kept it hidden and rubbed it against my cheek. It was incredibly soft and still smelt of Edward. Thinking of the other night, his words came back to me.
"I think we are being given a second chance here. It might be scary, but no risk, no reward."
Of course thoughts of a second chance with him only led to me thinking about the kiss he'd planted on me a short time later. Those thoughts led to my lips tingling again just as they had when he'd finally let me come up for air. Air was overrated. Edward's lips on mine was pure bliss. Six years certainly hadn't left him unable to leave me swooning and breathless and I was willing to risk just about anything to be with him this time.
My phone ringing jarred me from my thoughts. The caller ID box showed it was Edward.
"Hi," I answered. I could feel myself blush as if he could somehow read my mind and know I'd been thinking of kissing him.
"Hi, beautiful. I hear all the unattached men of Forks are going to be lining up and fighting for your attention tonight. Something about a dress that would make grown men cry."
"The dress is nice. What exactly did your sister tell you about it?" I was curious as to what Alice had told him and if she'd been trying to play matchmaker despite my telling her that Edward and I only talked and nothing more. I wondered if he'd told her he was bringing me to the party.
"My sister? Not the tiniest of details. However Jasper seemed to be full of them. Apparently Alice had been going on and on about finding the perfect dress for you and how no single man was going to be able to take his eyes off of you. She may have also said something about finding you a man."
Guess I can't wring her neck for sharing with her husband, and hopefully the man had already found me.
"Interesting," I told him. "She may have said something similar to me."
Nothing like seeing how he reacted to a little competition.
"Bella, there is only one single man in Forks who is going to get anywhere near you tonight."
"Oh really? Who might that be?" I couldn't resist teasing him as my face threatened to split in half from the huge grin that was plastered on it.
"I think you know who, Miss Swan."
"No, I'm not quite sure. Maybe you could enlighten me, Mr. Cullen."
"Let's me just say this, Isabella." I loved the way my name sounded in the husky tone of his voice. "If I have my way, neither one of us will be single by the end of the night."
Damn he had me swooning again from being all caveman and possessive.
"Hmm, staking your claim, Mr. Cullen?"
"Damn right I am, Bella. So be ready for me to sweep you off your feet."
I was so ready for him to do just that. I'd been so hesitant all week to be really truly hopeful about what might happen between us. But now it seemed as though my worrying was for nothing. Edward had made himself pretty clear and now I could only hope that the night went as he planned.
"Well in that case, I had better finish getting ready. Was there a reason for your call or was it just to warn me of your intentions?"
"Actually there was. I've been helping Jasper with some of the last minute decorations and it took longer than expected. I wanted to let you know I'll probably be about fifteen minutes late picking you up."
"Okay. You know I could meet you there if you need me to."
"Now what kind of a date would I be if I allowed you to drive yourself? I don't think so. We should still arrive on time to the party."
"So old fashioned."
"No. You better than anyone should know my mother raised me to be a gentleman."
He was right about that. I remembered many times in high school when Esme had pulled him by his ear or swatted him on the back of the head if she'd thought he'd been rude.
"You're right. I'll see you soon."
"Bella, wait," he blurted into the phone.
"Yes, Edward?"
"I can't wait," he said in a tone much softer than he'd used during the entire phone call. I could hear all the emotion in his voice. It gave me hope that his feelings for me were just as deep as mine were for him.
"Neither can I," I whispered before telling him goodbye.
A short time later I was ready to go except for my hair. It wasn't as long as it used to be, only going a couple of inches past my shoulders, and I couldn't decide if I wanted to leave it down or attempt some sort of an up-do.
After pulling and twisting and playing with my hair for about twenty minutes, I had finally managed to secure it into three small, loosely twisted buns close to the nape of my neck with a few wispy strands framing my face to soften the look. It was more formal than leaving it down, yet still dressy and also soft and romantic. Once I was satisfied it was going to stay in place, I touched up my lip gloss and then tossed a few necessary items into a small clutch purse before heading down stairs to wait for Edward.
Edward must have either gotten ready at super human speed or driven like a bat out of hell to get here because he was barely five minutes late. For a brief second as I watched him walking up to the door, my conversation with my mother crossed my mind and I was grateful she was upstairs with Gran, watching one of those classic movies they reran every year at this time.
I let go of the blind slat I was peeking out of and sat down on the couch, trying to appear as though I was patiently waiting for him. When I heard his footsteps on the porch it took everything in me to keep from running to the door and flinging it open before he'd even had a chance to ring the doorbell.
The second the bell rang, I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself and walked as slowly as I could force myself to the front door.
Hopefully he hadn't heard the rapid clicking of my heels on the hardwood floors in my rush to the door.
~*Edward*~
I chuckled to myself, hearing the clickety-clack of Bella's shoes coming across the floor after I'd rang the door bell. It excited me that she was as eager for our date as I was.
"Hi," she said with a wide toothy grin on her face as she opened the door.
I felt my heart stutter at the sight of her. I couldn't think of an appropriate word to describe how fucking gorgeous she was. I was unable to take my eyes off her or make any words come out of my mouth. I just stood there staring at her, completely stunned speechless by her beauty. The way her dress clung to her and defined every curve of her body suddenly had me feeling the need to adjust my pants.
"Edward, are you okay?" I was quickly aware of Bella snapping her fingers and waving her hand in front of my face. "You looked a little flushed. You need a drink of water or something?"
"Um…yeah. A drink of water would be great. I'm…a…just a little overheated from keeping the heater turned up in the car so it's warm for you," I told her, hoping to have a minute to compose myself. But damn if the back view of her wasn't almost as tantalizing as the front.
Better get a hold of yourself, Cullen. Your body might be ready for things to get physical, but there's no way that's happening tonight. It's way too soon.
I stepped into the house and shut the door while I waited for her to return with the water. Once she did I downed the whole thing in a couple of gulps.
"Are you ready to go?" I asked after she returned from placing the empty glass in the sink.
"Yes. You sure you're okay? You're still a little flushed."
"I'll be fine. If I'm still warm once we get to the inn I'll take my jacket off."
She nodded and then opened the entryway closet door and pulled out her coat. After helping her put it on, we made our way outside.
"Where's your truck?" she asked when she noticed the Aston Martin sitting in her driveway.
"At home," I told her as I opened the car door for her. I pulled her against me and said, "I thought a special occasion deserved a special car. And this is definitely a special occasion, Bella." I then leaned down and kissed her softly.
Knowing we'd be surrounded by people most the night, I couldn't resist sliding my hand up her arm until I was cupping the back of her neck and turning her head so I could deepen the kiss.
"Mmm, cherry," I murmured before sucking her bottom lip into my mouth for another taste of her and her lip gloss.
*X*X*X*X*
"I still can't believe Alice rented the entire Inn for her party," Bella said as we pulled up in front of the quaint two story building.
"Alice is still Alice. She never does anything small. Ever."
"No I guess she never was one for plain and simple or quick and easy," Bella said through her giggles.
"Nope, you should have seen her and Jasper's wedding. You'd have thought the Queen of England had been getting married."
The second I saw the expression of guilt appear on Bella's face and the sparkle disappear from her eyes, I regretted what I'd said. Had she been invited to their wedding? All I knew was she hadn't been there and for some reason that appeared to upset her. It made me wonder if her mother had stopped her from attending.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I asked as I helped her out of the car and handed my keys to the parking attendant.
"It's nothing. I'll be okay." When she didn't look me in the eye, I knew that she was anything but okay.
As soon as we entered the building, I pulled her into a small sitting room off to the side. I wanted to put a smile back on her face and do it before we were surrounded by half the town of Forks.
"Bella, please don't hide from me. I thought we'd gotten past that the other night. I know there may still be things we need to talk about, but I can't bear to see you look so sad or to see you pull away from me again."
"You're right. I'm sorry."
I took her hand and led her to the small wing backed loveseat.
"Bella…I…I know we still have some talking to do and now isn't really the time to get into it. But can you at least tell me why the mention of Alice and Jasper's wedding had you looking like you were about to burst into tears?" I was still holding her hand and had begun to run my thumb back and forth across it in a soothing manner, but I wasn't sure it was solely for her benefit. It was soothing me too—just being able to touch her. It was almost as if until she said the words and told me she was mine again, I was afraid she'd disappear again.
"She never told you, did she?" Bella asked hesitantly.
"Alice?" I questioned, making sure it was my sister we were both talking about.
Bella nodded.
"Um, I guess not since I have no clue what you're talking about. But considering your reaction to my statement earlier, I'm pretty sure it has to do with her wedding. Am I right?"
"Yeah. You see, you aren't the only one I've hurt by staying away all these years."
"What are you talking about? I thought you and Alice had kept in touch through the years."
"We did for a while. But then I hurt her too," she whispered. "When I declined to be her maid of honor and then failed to even show up to the wedding, well… let's just say that was the last time I heard from her."
"Jesus, Bella. You're mom really did a number on you, didn't she?"
She let out a long sigh and looked down at our joined hands instead of at me as she spoke. "She did and we had a bit of a blow up over it the other day, which I promise to tell you about another time, but I'm afraid the wedding fiasco is a bad decision I made as a result of the fallout from what my mother had done. But ultimately I still feel guilty because I had the chance then to see you, to see Alice, and I didn't. I knew you'd be there and I was too afraid to see you. I wasn't ready to face you yet, so I was a big coward and I stayed away. By doing so I hurt Alice."
I couldn't help but get furious at Renee Swan all over again. Bella was still beating herself up over choices she made that were set into motion by her mother's selfishness. It may have been Bella's decision to stay home from the wedding, but her decision was fueled by the guilt her mother had dumped on her years before. Had Renee not coerced Bella into staying home that first Christmas, everything would have been so different. Not only had she toyed with Bella's life by doing what she had done, but she had altered mine and Alice's as well. Somehow it made me only more determined to set things right between Bella and me.
Releasing her hand, I stood and immediately caught her attention. I could see sadness and fear filling her eyes; she must have thought I was going to walk away from her. She was so very, very wrong. I had to make her smile again because I knew if I didn't do that quickly there would be tears filling her eyes too. Tonight was supposed to be a fun, amazing time for us and I wasn't going to let it be tarnished by something that happened years ago.
I held my hand out to her. "Come on, I have a surprise for you. It was supposed to be for later, but I can see how much it's needed now. I think you can already see by Alice's actions how willing she is to let the past be in the past and move on. So now it's my turn to show you I am too."
I led her through the inn to the double wide French doors which led to the gazebo that overlooked the river gorge below.
The instant I opened one of the doors, Bella gasped as she saw the Japanese lantern lit pathway and the gazebo covered in thousands of twinkle lights.
"Edward. It's—oh my God…it's just like your prom night. I can't believe you did this for me."
Placing my hand on the small of her back, I nudged her forward to the light covered structure.
"Why? What's so hard to believe about me doing this for you?" I asked as I stood behind her and watched the last rays of the sun sink below the gorge ahead of us. "Look at me, Bella." She turned so she was facing me and leaned against the rail of the gazebo. I lifted her chin with my finger until our gaze met. "You and Alice have no doubt talked and worked out your differences, right?"
"Yes. We talked some my first afternoon back and again when we went shopping the other day."
"She's forgiven you for the wedding and everything?"
"Yes."
"But with all I've said and even my recreating my prom night, it's still hard for you to accept that I have forgiven you too. Why is that?"
"Because it's different. I may have hurt Alice a lot with my actions, but I didn't rip her heart out like I did yours."
"Bella, I—"
"No I need to say this, please."
I nodded for her to continue.
"I know that's what I did, Edward. I know because if your heart hurt anywhere near as badly as mine did, then I know I ripped it out. There's really nothing you can say to make be believe otherwise."
"Like I told you the other night, it hurt. I'd be lying if I told you anything other than it hurt like hell. And I can tell you that breaking up with every other girlfriend I've had since, has never hurt me as bad as losing you did."
"Oh God, I'm so sorry."
She started to push past me and leave but I caught her arm and spun her to face me. Cupping her face in my hands I continued with what I wanted to say to her before she became so upset. "Please, just hear me out. You're misunderstanding. I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I'm telling you because it's a testament to how much I cared about you. It only hurt me so much because I've never cared for anyone else the way I do for you. And I still do, Bella. That's why I did all this. I wanted this night to be special and magical for you. For us," I told her as I waved my hand around to indicate the decorations.
"I…I don't know what to say," she murmured as she flicked away a few tears that trickled from her eyes. "I keep waiting for something to wake me up and to find that this has all been a dream."
"Oh, sweetheart, I promise you it's not a dream. It's real, I'm real and my feelings for you are very real." To help prove my point I kissed her. I kissed her hard and with passion, pouring all the emotion I was feeling into it so that there'd be no doubt left in her mind. When I finally pulled away, her chest was heaving as she sucked in enough air to catch her breath. "Is that real enough for ya? Do you believe me now?"
"Yes," she said in between the breaths of air she was still sucking in.
"Does that mean you're ready to enjoy the party now? Alice is probably twitching with worry that neither of us is going to show."
"We certainly don't want Alice to twitch," Bella said with a smile returning to her beautiful face.
"Eh, it won't hurt her to do it every now and then. It keeps her on her toes," I told her, causing her to giggle. "You are so beautiful when you laugh. Your whole face lights up. I'm going to make it my mission to keep that smile there the rest of the night." I placed a soft kiss on her lips and then said, "Let's go find Alice."
"Okay, I need to find the restroom first. I don't want to go in there looking like a raccoon with makeup smeared all under my eyes."
"You'd be the cutest raccoon I ever saw," I teased.
She smacked me playfully on the arm as we made our way inside to the restrooms. It didn't take Alice any more than a few seconds to spot me while I waited for Bella by the hall leading to the Ladies room.
"It's about time you got here, big brother," she said while giving me a hug.
"I've been here. Where were you?" I asked her.
"Well, I guess I must have missed you. I've been busy looking for someone else and I'm worried she's backed out at the last minute."
"Really? Who?" I knew exactly who she was talking about but asked anyway just to be able to build up the surprise for when she realized Bella was here with me. Jasper had promised me he'd keep it a secret when he was here helping me earlier and it appeared he had.
"What are you doing standing here anyways? Oh and it's Bella I'm looking for," she said as she looked around some more. "Oh," she exclaimed like she'd just had some sort of brilliant idea pop into her head. "You never told me how your talk with her went the other night. Care to share, big brother?"
"No," I told her knowing it would annoy her. I wasn't sure how much Bella had shared with her and until then I wasn't saying anything.
"Edward," she whined. "Bella wouldn't tell me much either. Just that you guys talked about the past and that's it."
"We did." It was almost impossible not to smile and give anything away.
"Come on. Please," she pouted while dragging out the word.
"Sorry, Munchkin. If Bella wants you to know, she will tell you. Besides here comes my date so now isn't the time," I replied after seeing Bella exit the restroom and head towards me.
"Date!" Alice shrieked. "You didn't tell me you were bringing a date."
"It was a last minute thing. Sue me." I couldn't help laughing at her. However when Bella walked up and linked her arm around mine and smiled brightly up at me, I found myself wishing I had a camera so I could capture the look of shear stunned shock on my sister's face. It was absolutely priceless.
Alice looked back and forth between Bella and me a couple of times and then down the hall like she was expecting some other woman to appear there and claim to be my date. As I brushed my hand gently across Bella's check and asked her if she was better now, I caught out of the corner of my eye Alice frozen and staring at the two of us with her mouth gaping open.
"I do believe she's speechless," I said softly next to Bella's ear, but loud enough so that I knew Alice had heard too.
"I didn't think it was possible," Bella teased.
"Ugh! The two of you owe me an explanation. Now talk," Alice demanded, recovering quickly.
"You know, I think I liked it better when you were speechless," I told my sister. Bella giggled and then nodded her head in agreement.
"What's to explain? Bella is my date."
"But—but, when? How?"
"He asked and I said yes when we talked on Christmas Eve," Bella offered.
"But why didn't you tell me? And what does this mean for the two of you? Are you back together?"
I knew if I let Alice continue with her wave of questioning we could very well end up answering them all night and still not be finished. "Alice, you are supposed to be hosting a party. Are we going to play Question & Answer all night? Wouldn't you prefer we enjoyed the party? Isn't that why we're here?"
"I suppose you're right," she said stomping her foot lightly on the floor. It reminded me of when we were kids. "But we're not done here. The two of you will talk," she added before turning and heading off.
"I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. What'd you say we go find something to eat?" I asked Bella as we both laughed at Alice's tirade.
The rest of the night was near perfect. Bella had gotten a few evil looks from a few of my ex's and Alice's mutual friends, but neither of us let it bother us. We spent our time dancing, laughing, catching up with people she knew from before she'd moved and visiting with my parents. My mother had sported a beaming smile on her face when she'd seen Bella and me walking towards her and my father hand in hand. I knew my mother, really both of my parents, had thought of Bella as another one of their children almost from the moment they'd met her. I was sure that they'd be thrilled if we were to officially become a couple again.
Hoping to accomplish that goal, I excused us from the conversation we were having with Emmett and Rose when I saw it was about fifteen minutes before midnight. I was determined to make Bella mine again before the end of the year. Taking her hand, I led her to the gazebo again. Reaching the center of the star design on the gazebo floor, I pulled her into my arms.
"I hope you've had a good time tonight," I whispered against her ear.
"I have. Thank you so much. It's been amazing to see everyone and catch up. But most of all to be with you." She rose up on the tips of her toes and pressed a kiss to the underside of my jaw. "How about you?" she asked. "Has it been fun for you too?"
"It has. There's just one more thing that would make it perfect."
"Mmm, what's that?" she asked curiously.
"For you to be mine again—officially. I know we may still have to work though some of the emotions from what's happened in the past, and there are things to learn about each other, but I'm confident we can. I meant it the other night when I said I believe we've been given a second chance and I think we could best work through those things together. So, Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my girlfriend again?"
I was practically holding my breath as I held her and waited for her answer and prayed she didn't shoot me down. I had first seen the look of shock and disbelief cross her face and had worried that maybe I was pressing her for too much too soon. I felt a little better when her expression changed and her eyes went wide with surprise as she realized she hadn't imagined it. She actually looked around a bit as if she were double checking where she was.
When her facial features softened and I could see her emotions taking over and I felt her heart pounding in her chest as I had that night so many years ago, I could see she was almost finished digesting what I'd asked her and the sparkle in her eyes gave me hope I was about to get the answer I wanted.
She took a deep breath and pulled her upper lip between her teeth to chew on before looking straight into my eyes. "You want me to be your girlfriend again?" she asked needing me to confirm it for her.
"Yes."
"And you're sure about this?"
"That's why I'm asking."
"Yes." Her voice wavered from all the emotion she was feeling and her eyes glistened with tears.
"Yes?" I asked as if I needed to be sure that's what she'd said.
"Yes," she repeated so confidently and with a smile so bright it could have lit the night sky brighter than the fireworks that had begun to explode above us to signify the start of the New Year. It also told me there were no doubts in her mind about her answer. She wanted this just as much as I did.
Without waiting any longer, I captured her lips with mine to ring in the new year with a kiss to not only signify the beginning of a new year, but of a new beginning for Bella and me. When we broke apart, I lifted her in my arms and twirled her around a few times before setting her back on her feet.
As the notes of Auld Lang Syne drifted out to the gazebo, I held Bella in my arms and danced slowly to the music. Pulling her closer to me and burying my face in her hair, I closed my eyes letting the moment and my emotions take over. Many thoughts of how over the years I'd often wished she'd come back and be mine again scurried through my head. I briefly thought about how I wished I'd known back then why she had never come back, because I would have gone after her and done everything I could have to change her mind. As I felt her nuzzle her face against my chest, I realized that the past was the past and despite still having some resentment for what her mother had done, we couldn't change it. She was here now and she was mine again, that was what was important. Accepting that realization, I smiled and pressed a soft kiss against her hair. All I could think about is how sometimes things aren't exactly what you always imagine they'll be…they're better.
There ya go, our favorite couple is back together. What did you think of Renee's reasoning? Hopefully things continue to go as smoothly for them as it did on their date.
The Polyvore with a picture of Bella's dress is up under the page for this story on my blog. Also a teaser for chapter 3 will be on the blog and The Fictionators website on Monday. In the next chapter we'll be having a bit of a time jump to move things along for them.
Want something, new, different and exciting to read? Go read Beneath The Surface by My-Bella and myself. We're taking Edward and Bella on an adventure like nothing they have ever gone on before. It's posted on My-Bella's profile page and you can find the link on my profile page.
Here is the summary: One summer, an internship in Africa, bloodlust, sharp teeth, and a boatload of fear are all that stand in the way of Bella Cullen landing a job at the Atlanta Aquarium - As long as she doesn't count cocky shark expert Edward Masen on her list.
See ya next time. Thanks for reading.
EA