Title: Those Crazy Cheerios
Author: QuickFan09
Summary: Brittany is a genius, Santana is a raging lesbian, and Quinn is borderline psychotic. Now what does Sue Sylvester have to due with this?
Ratings: PG-13 for language
Spoilers: Let's just say up until the season two finale to be safe. Takes place somewhere between the Super bowl episode and Nationals.
Disclaimer: Owning Glee was on my To-Do list but I never got around to it so don't sue me.
AN: So I've gotten some alerts and favorites on this story and I'm psyched because that makes me feel good inside :). I'm excited for this chapter because it's kind of where the main idea came from. I'm hoping to have this story wrapped up by the end of the week because I am about to start school and I feel like Glee might give me some major writer's block.
Happy Reading!
Rachel stood impatiently outside of coach Sylvester's office. As she was checking her watch a figure shuffled into the hallway.
"You're late Finn" She said slightly annoyed.
"I know, Quinn had me trapped so I had to wait until she went to class." He looked at the door nervously. "Are you sure we should do this? I mean we could always just deal with everyone's crazy until graduation."
"You'd rather get tormented for more than a year then talk to Sylvester once?" Rachel asked, shocked. "We have to do this if we don't it could jeopardize our chances at Nationals." She turned the handle and entered the office.
It took a moment for their eyes to adjust to the darkness. A shadowy figure sat at the desk in front of them. "Ah I was wondering when some of the mouth breathers would be paying me a visit." Sue said calmly. "Admittedly I was hoping for Porcelain or Aretha"
"Miss Sylvester we know that there's something fishy going on with your Cheerios" Rachel said with an air of confidence.
A light came on casting an eerie glow over the trio. "And what do my Cheerios have to do with your pathetic club?"
"It's not the Cheerios that you still have it's the ones that got away" Finn said defensively.
"Oh you mean Jamie Lynn, Fan Boobs and Tweedle dumb" Sue said leaning back in her chair "Yes I imagine they'd be giving you quite some trouble these days.
"So you know how they are behaving? How?" Rachel asked.
"I saw those girls before they set foot into this school at Cheerios tryouts. Only the elite are accepted before freshman year and they were some of the best." Sue replied simply. "Sure I noticed they had their odd tendencies but The Great Sue Sylvester has no trouble taming a few head cases."
"But what were they doing? They couldn't possibly be as bad as they are now." Rachel said.
"Trust me they were probably worse, take Q for example."
"I don't care if your arms are tired if you even think about dropping me again it will be the last thing you do." Quinn said fiercely.
"B-but we've been building stunts for h-hours" the other girl said trembling from head to foot.
"Look at my face" Quinn pointed at herself "Does it look like I care that you aren't in shape? If you can't handle the workouts then you obviously aren't cut out for the Cheerios. Now why don't you go run some laps and think about how much you suck." She turned away.
"Any girl who could order another around like that was obviously on my radar. But Q did take it too far sometimes so I had to keep her in check." Sue said with nostalgia. "I immediately noticed Brittany's dance ability and wanted her for my squad; unfortunately she was too smart for her own good and jeopardized my training program for the Cheerios. I never quite got her dosing right; she could almost remember certain facts but would often get her words mixed up. And she never last her grotesque knowledge of cats."
Finn and Rachel exchanged a confused glance.
"And Santana" Sue continued in her own little world "Well as much as I hate quoting pop culture I can't think of any other way to explain it. She was too gay to function. She couldn't keep her eyes to herself. She ruined stunts, flat out stopped during routines and often coerced other girls to skip practice to go under the bleachers. Yes she was difficult but I got her dosing down and was able to dig through all the gay and find the sheer talent underneath." Sue finished with a satisfied smile.
After a moment Finn said "And what exactly do you mean by 'dosing' dosings of what?"
"A secret government drug created for the use of creating the perfect army" At the stunned silence Sue continued. "After being in Special Ops for more than a decade I earned a few favors. I guess that when the drug is out of their systems they go back to 'normal'. I wouldn't know either a Cheerio dies or I kick them off the team. And by kick them off I mean I send them to another district with a drug record so that they cannot compete against me."
"But if you know how to keep them sane and happy morally you should continue to give them the medication" Rachel said.
"Hm, nope. I think I'm going to watch this one play out and see the glee club destroy itself from the inside out." An evil grin over took her features before transforming into a steely façade "Now get out of my office."
Later…
After relaying what they had learned to the Glee club Rachel and Finn waited for a response from their fellow team members.
"We're screwed" Artie said after a long pause.
"Definitely" Lauren added.
"Come on guys there must be a way to figure this out." Rachel said encouragingly.
"There's nothing we can do they're going to be crazy forever" Mercedes said defeated. Kurt nodded his agreement.
"Come on guys don't think like that. There's got to be something to fix this" Finn enthused.
"Give it up man it's never going to happen." Sam said sternly.
"Unless" Rachel said quietly.
"Unless what Rachel?" Finn said hopefully.
"Well Quinn was off the squad before right? And she wasn't nuts like she is now."
"Yes but she was pregnant" Tina said.
"So maybe there was some kind of hormone that acted in place of the drug that Sylvester was giving her." Rachel said growing more confident.
"So how does that help us?" Mike said doubtfully.
"Maybe I should knock her up again?" Puck said excitedly.
"Not cool man." Sam and Finn said together.
"That's also impossible Noah since you got a vasectomy" Rachel rationalized.
"Oh right" Puck said looking at the floor.
"So we're back to square one?" Mike asked.
"I think we should split into teams and try to find out information on each Cheerio" Rachel said.
"That's sounds good" Finn agreed.
"Okay" Rachel grabbed a marker and wrote 'OPERATION: HI-HO CHEERIO' on the board followed by 'Team Quinn – Rachel' "Who else wants to study Quinn?"
"I think the real question is why do you?" Mercedes questioned.
"Quinn has a habit of opening up to me plus I've never been particularly close with either Brittany or Santana." She said shrugging "So who else wants to be part of 'Team Quinn'?" Nobody moved "Come on guys this should be a team effort!"
"Okay okay I'll help you with baby mama" Puck said.
"Yeah me too" Mercedes replied "We got pretty close last year after all"
Rachel added their names and turned to Finn.
"What? I'm with Quinn all the time and I obviously can't find a way to make her relax" Finn said holding his hands up.
"Dude that's not something you tell people" Puck sniggered.
"Shut it Noah. While I find it odd that you don't want to help get your girlfriend back to normal Finn it is your choice, which team would you rather be on?"
"How about Brittany?" he asked "Me and her have kind of the same mind set after all."
She wrote 'Team Brittany – Finn'
"I'll help with Brittany too. She was my girlfriend after all"
"Me too. Dancing has really brought me and Britt together."
"If Mike goes I go"
Rachel added Artie Mike and Tina to the list. "Okay that leaves Lauren, Kurt, and Sam for Santana is that okay with everyone?"
Everyone nodded their agreement.
AN: Okay so what did you think? Now we'll have some team antics and hopefully a conclusion. I haven't really figured out how the club is going to 'fix' our favorite Cheerios; probably through song, any suggestions?
Reviews will probably help me type faster :)