Summary: In which Castle answers questions about his marriages, Johanna Beckett is remembered, and a dance is shared. Spoilers for 4x11.

Author's Note: Because who doesn't need a little more fluff to help us survive until January 9th?

Disclaimer: Despite my best efforts, I still lay no claim to Castle and its characters.

Chapter 4

"So what about you?" Castle asked as they made their way to her car.

"What about me what?"

"You asked about my weddings, but what would your dream wedding be like?"

He was aiming for a casual conversation, of course, but he was also completely committed to remembering every detail of her answer because, whether she knew it or not, he fully intended to marry her some day in the not-so-distant future.

"I haven't really thought about it," Kate lied, ignoring the images in her head of her in a white dress and her partner in a tuxedo, gazing at her lovingly as she walked down the aisle.

"Liar."

"Do you not remember when I told you I'd never torn a picture of a wedding dress out of a magazine?"

He could not believe she had remembered that conversation. "I do."

"And?"

"I don't believe you."

She shrugged. "Well, it's true."

And it was, mostly. Kate vaguely remembered being fascinated by a couple wedding dresses way back in the day. She was pretty sure she had dog-eared a couple of magazine pages before, but she honestly had never torn one of them out. And then her entire world was torn apart and she could not have cared less about weddings.

He elbowed her side gently. "I still don't believe you."

She did not respond.

"Come on," Castle urged softly. "I know somewhere inside of you is the little girl who planned out the perfect wedding."

Kate averted her eyes, focusing on the sidewalk beneath her feet, willing herself not to tear up. Working with Castle had brought out pieces of her that she had not seen since before her mother's death. Pieces that she forgot even existed, pieces with happiness and innocence, not the tragedy and death that plagued her on a daily basis. And she had found that she really missed that part of herself. She also really, really missed her mom.

"Kate?"

She did not answer.

Castle stopped walking and tried again. "Kate."

Their arms were still linked and he used the connection to pull her around to face him.

"Castle," she protested. She still refused to fully look at him, but he could see the tears in her eyes, fighting for escape.

He immediately realized his mistake. "I'm sorry," he said softly, pulling her to him and wrapping both arms around her. She hugged him back tentatively. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked you that."

She bit her lip and forced back the tears. "It's okay."

Her voice was too choked up for Castle to believe her. "No, it's not, I..." He wanted to smack himself. "I didn't think that through."

They stood there wrapped in each other's embrace for a good minute or two before Kate broke the silence. "My perfect wedding would have my mother there," she murmured, her breath playing across the skin of his neck. "But honestly, the only other thing I really want is to be walking down the aisle to the man who loves me."

Castle's arms involuntarily tightened around her. He did not speak, but Kate was pretty sure that they were currently having the exact same thought, sharing the exact same visions. At least, she hoped they were.

She hugged Castle tighter, hoping to convey what she was not yet ready to tell him, and he melted into her embrace. God, he would give anything, anything, to be that guy. To spend the rest of his life with Kate Beckett.

He would like to think that he was the one in her mind when she described that scenario, but with Kate, he could never be sure. Everything that had happened tonight had spoken of something deeper than just friendship. The dancing, the closeness, the sharing of memories and dreams and emotions. He could only hope that is was the first step towards the future he longed for.

Kate shifted against him, laying her head on his shoulder, and that tore him from his daydreams. He could consider the ramifications of the evening later. Right now, there were more important matters.

He loosened his grip slightly and lifted his head to look down at her. "I'm really sorry, Kate."

She shook her head against him. "I'll be fine, Castle."

He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her temple. "You sure?"

She looked up, eyes still moist, but not so sad. "Positive." She stepped out of his embrace and tugged on his arm. "Come on, let's go."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," he said hurriedly, willing his brain to catch up with what was happening. He felt horrible for starting such a conversation, but Kate seemed to be taking it better than he thought she would, for which he was thankful. He also hoped it meant that she was healing, that her wall was coming down.

Castle stepped to the curb again, raised his arm, but was interrupted by Kate.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you a cab."

"I think I might walk," she said, her voice steady, betraying her recent emotional turmoil.

"Kate..."

"My place isn't far from here." Plus, she could use the fresh air.

Castle glanced at the nearest street sign. A few blocks was not so bad, really, especially not when you were a cop, but everything inside of him screamed not to let her walk home alone. A gentleman would not do that.

Plus, he was not ready for the evening to end.

"At least let me walk you home," he suggested, though Kate knew better than to think that he was actually waiting for her permission. He would follow her even if she said no. And though Castle knew that she could quite easily hurt him for insisting that he accompany her, he knew she would not. Her hidden smile was really not all that subtle.

"Okay."

They walked in silence, side by side, taking in the lights and sounds of the city. It was a chilly winter evening but there was no snow to be seen and the sky was completely clear above the excessive glow of neon and headlights, street lamps and stoplights.

After a couple blocks, Castle offered his arm once again and, to his delight, Kate did not hesitate to accept, linking her arm through his and weaving their fingers together as well.

She felt him relax against her side and chanced a glance over at him. His eyes were fixed ahead of him, his profile set, but there was a soft smile gracing his features, all but erasing the tension of their earlier conversation. She could still see some of it lingering, though, in the line of his jaw and the slight wrinkle in his forehead.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"Huh? Oh, yeah."

She nudged him with her elbow. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, trying to organize his thoughts and suppress his insecurities. How was he supposed to explain this to her without undoing all of the progress they had made tonight?

"It's nothing, Kate."

"Hey," she said sharply, finally drawing his eyes to hers. "Partners, remember?"

"I know, it's just..." he sighed. She was right. He had told her no more than a few hours ago that she could tell him anything, so it was only fair that he extend her the same level of openness. "I don't want this to end."

"What?"

"This evening. Us right here, right now. Tonight has been...I don't know, different somehow."

"What do you mean?" she inquired curiously.

"We've shared a lot more. We danced. It's been...wonderful, Kate. And I don't want to go home and wake up tomorrow and find out that this was all a dream, or that nothing has changed."

Oh, Castle. It broke her heart to hear him so unsure, so insecure. She also mentally cursed herself for letting him believe that, for not doing more to convince him that this was what she wanted. Him. Evenings spent in his arms, dancing and drinking coffee, talking softly.

"I've been going to see a therapist, you know?" she said quietly.

"You mean Roger?"

Kate shook her head. "No, a different one. The department psychiatrist."

Oh. Oh. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Since when?"

"Since September. Since my first case back."

"I..." he hesitated. Castle was sure this was probably an intensely private subject for her. "I had no idea."

"I needed it," Kate continued, emboldened by her admission. "I wasn't okay."

"And now?"

"I'm trying to be," she answered truthfully, her brown eyes meeting his blue ones. "I want to be." The for you was left unspoken, but she hoped he understood. Sharing this with him was the first step. Another time, she would explain the reasons behind her decision.

"You will be," he said softly, and Kate's heart warmed at his unwavering faith in her.

"It's changed me, you know."

"The therapy?"

She shrugged, considering her answer. "The shooting. The sniper case. All of it. It's made me realize that I can't keep being defined by my mom's case. I don't want it to hold me back anymore."

"You're letting it go?" he asked in surprise.

"Not forever."

"But for now?"

"For now. Until I can stand on my own two feet again without it. I don't want any more of my life swallowed up by this case."

"But that wall...?"

Kate shook her head. "Solving the case won't fix that. It won't take away the pain or bring her back."

She swallowed hard, forcing back the sudden onslaught of tears. Castle had done a good job of helping her forget that today was January the ninth. But it was, and the pain was real, and though having him here beside her lessened it, it was still there. Would always be there.

She reached up, wiped her eyes. "He's helping me let go. It's painful, but I think I can feel it starting to get better."

"Can I...can I help somehow?" Castle asked hesitantly.

She squeezed his hand. "Just being here for me helps more than you know."

He squeezed back. "I'm glad."

"Tonight isn't a dream, you know," she said then, drawing them back to their previous conversation. "This is real. This is me trying to let go, trying to break down that wall and let you in."

The feeling that suddenly overwhelmed him was something that Castle was not sure he would ever be able to understand. He never thought he could be more in love with Kate Beckett, but in that moment, knowing that she was trying to break down her wall for him...he was so completely, helplessly in love with her. God, she was amazing.

"Kate, I..." Speechless. She had rendered him speechless. "I don't even know what to say."

They continued in silence for a minute, Kate enjoying the newfound freedom that came from her admissions, while Castle scrambled to figure out how to properly respond to her words.

"Wow, Kate," he said eventually. Certainly not his most eloquent sentence ever, but it was all he could manage. She was amazing.

After his failed attempts at coherency, the remaining three blocks were traveled in silence, but it was not at all awkward or uncomfortable. In fact, the best way to describe it would probably be hopeful, as both of them were contentedly basking in this new stage of their relationship.

Castle was so captivated, in fact, that he was caught completely off guard when Kate stopped in front of her building. He stumbled to a halt next to her, nearly tripping over his feet in his dazed state. But Kate had just admitted that she was trying to be better, for him. That she was trying to let him into her heart. How could he be anything but stunned and amazed and completely out of touch with his current surroundings?

That was, until he felt her free hand on his cheek, her thumb caressing his jaw. "Thanks, Castle."

"For what?" He hoped his voice did not sound as overwhelmed and shaky as he felt.

"For making this the best date I've had in a long time."

Uh...date?" he stammered, his brain still fighting to regain its focus.

Kate leaned in and brushed her lips across his ever so lightly. "Date."

She started to pull away but at the feeling of her lips on his, Castle suddenly found that he was completely caught up with current events. Kate Beckett had just kissed him and suddenly nothing else mattered except for kissing her again. Right now.

He deftly snagged her around the waist with both hands and pulled her back in, her lips warm and pliant against his. This kiss was tentative but passionate and lingering, and when their lips finally separated, Kate swore her heart was pounding out of her chest, while Castle's threatened to melt completely.

"Kate?" he asked, and she could not blame him for being confused and curious. Along with adorably flustered, which she always found completely endearing.

"That's my promise to you, Rick," she explained.

He was lost again. "Promise?"

"That I'm going to keep fighting for this. I'm not ready yet, but..." she hesitated, searching for the right words.

He squeezed her waist gently.

"But you'll get there?" he asked, his voice so full of hope that it warmed her entire being.

"I will."

She feathered her lips across his once more, a gesture full of promise and love, before stepping away.

"We will, Rick. Together."

THE END

Thoughts?