A/N: I have about two more chapters planned out before the end. That may extend to three, but we'll see. I hope you enjoy it!
"Stop, stop, stop," Kurt was mumbling over and over, as Sam placed frenzied kisses on his cheekbones and neck.
It turned out, Sam wasn't listening to what the flustered nurse was saying – only how his body was reacting. And right now, Kurt's body was giving Sam the absolute green light to continue what he was doing.
Kurt's eyes fluttered closed as Sam trailed those full lips along the skin of his neck, then down towards his damp collarbone. Both boys were still soaked from the water pump incident, but Kurt felt as if the temperature in the bathing tent was scalding.
Kurt had two fears, as he felt Sam ridding him of his wet shirt, shucking it from his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor in a pile of wet fabric. The first fear: that someone – anyone – would walk in. No one usually occupied the showers at this time of day, but there were always a few stragglers. They were in a shower cubicle, but it wasn't impossible that someone wouldn't pull open the curtain without thinking.
The second thing that Kurt was afraid of: Sam. He was afraid of how he was feeling – how quickly Sam could get under Kurt's skin, how easily the soldier could morph Kurt's emotions into something he could work with.
They kissed, hard. Kurt was pressed against the shower wall, as Sam grinded against him, trailing desperate kisses along his jaw line, neck and lips. Kurt – despite his hesitations and struggle – had never felt anything better. Even as he tried to fight it, he wanted desperately to fall into the embrace with no fears or worries … but he couldn't. He couldn't do it.
Not like this.
And so, he struggled against Sam's roaming lips, against the hands that were causing him to shudder. It was only as Sam's fingers were working on Kurt's soaked belt when Kurt finally got the courage to push him away.
"Stop!" Kurt's voice was broken, his chest heaving. His skin was crawling – a painful combination of arousal, frustration and anger. If his body had its way, he'd be letting Sam ravish him against the bathroom wall.
As it was, he was struggling not to just let that happen. The thought of being absolutely, completely at Sam's mercy again was more than a little desirable; and a little scary, but very desirable, all the same.
So why was Kurt fighting it?
Sam said nothing. His chest was heaving, also, the very obvious bulge in his wet pants was distracting Kurt and Kurt struggled as he tried to remember what he was going to say.
"I … This … Sam."
"What?" Sam's voice was merely a breath as he stepped closer to Kurt. "What's wrong, sweetie?"
Kurt shook his head quickly, stepping backwards until his shoulders hit the shower wall. "Don't call me that!"
"I'm sorry … " Sam said slowly. "Did I do something wrong?"
Kurt's hands were shaking, and when Sam took his hands, he didn't have the heart to pull away. His body wanted this, and yeah, so did his heart. He was lonely. It had been so long – too long – since had been close with someone.
But his heart was also protecting itself, because, Kurt knew, that Sam couldn't give him what he needed – though, maybe, the attractive soldier could give Kurt exactly what he wanted.
Well, what part of him wanted. A very hard part of him.
"You did nothing wrong," Kurt looked down, because he couldn't meet Sam's eyes. He was upset and he hated that. Why couldn't he be like everyone else? Why couldn't he have some meaningless fun without worrying or hesitating to the consequences?
Because Sam was sweet, if not a little clueless, a little quirky, so why couldn't Kurt just fall into the experience? Why couldn't he let himself explore things with Sam – because … it was fun?
It was just fun.
Sam stepped back, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. Kurt was momentarily surprised at that … was the forward soldier actually backing away? "Look, Kurt, I - "
Kurt couldn't stop the scoff that arose in his throat. The words stumbled from his lips before he could drag them back. "So, at least you know my name," he said in a hard voice.
"What?"
When he caught the expression on Sam's face, he knew he's said the wrong thing. Sam stepped back even further, blanching at Kurt, his eyes hard, his posture rigid.
"Sam, I – "
"You think I didn't know your name? God, who do you think I am?"
"I don't know who you are!" Kurt was thankful that no one was in the bathing tent at this time of day, because his voice had risen to unimaginable proportions. "I never got the chance to know! One minute you were harmlessly flirting with me, and the next we were practically fucking! There was no middle ground! If you knew me at all, you'd realize that I don't do that!"
"I was doing that because I like you Kurt!"
"Or you just wanted an easy slut to fulfil your disgusting needs!"
"They were your needs, you idiot!"
Kurt flushed, because Sam was exactly right. They were his needs. In retrospect, it had probably been better to just shut his mouth because now he was looking for ways to end the argument without admitting he was wrong, because, well … Kurt didn't like admitting he was wrong.
"Are you gay?" he asked quickly, spieling off the first question that came from his lips.
"What? Are you kidding me right now?" Despite his obvious annoyance, Kurt couldn't help but find Sam's outrage attractive. He knew he shouldn't, but the way Sam's chest was heaving was, well … delicious.
"Are you gay?" Kurt repeated. "Or do you like men and women? Or are you one of those - "
"Stop, Kurt! Why are you doing this?"
"Because you don't go around doing what you're doing without stating why you're doing it! We can dance around the subject for as much as you want, but if you want to know me and I want to know you then these are questions you should be answering! Questions that you shouldn't have a problem with answering!"
"I've been with men and women," Sam said finally, his mouth stretching into a grim line.
"Okay then," Kurt nodded his head once – thankful that Sam could at least answer the question honestly. That was one step in the right direction. "I'm sorry that I - "
"No Kurt," Sam cut him off. "When you make assumptions about people, you have to deal with the consequences. I'm sorry you feel that way about me, but I can't do this if all you think I'm good for is trying to take advantage of you! I'm not that kind of person and it kills me that you think I am! It makes me sad that the world doesn't deem people like me - people like us - acceptable, and I have to find my way around that! But I am not going to run away scared from you. Yes, we got together quickly but I'm not forcing you - "
"Sam, you didn't give me much choice!"
"That is bullshit! I, look, I - " Sam ran a hand through his wet hair, stepping even further away from Kurt. "Okay, you know what? I'm gone. I can't do this."
Kurt stood, frozen, resting against the shower wall. His gaze was locked on Sam for one long moment, his mouth hanging open.
He couldn't say anything – he had nothing to say. This was what he'd wanted, wasn't it? Even as Sam walked away, he told himself very firmly that he'd started this argument; he'd forced Sam to talk and it had escalated into this. He couldn't stop Sam – whose blonde hair was dripping down his back, who Kurt simply couldn't look away from.
Yes, this had been what he wanted – speaking his mind, telling the truth. He'd wanted this to happen, right?
So why did seeing Sam walk away hurt so much?
He couldn't talk to anyone; couldn't ask anyone for help because no one understood it. Of course they didn't.
Kurt didn't even understand the emotions spinning through his head as he sat, perched on the fence in the middle of the night. The air was cool, biting at his skin but he couldn't feel it. He was numb. After his argument with Sam, his mind couldn't settle. He wanted so many things, but nothing at all.
He wanted everything he couldn't have - everything he'd never have.
He hated this. He hated caring. He hated that this was getting to him and he just wanted to forget.
He wanted to forget about Sam and his lips, his damp hair and the way his hips strained against Kurt's. He wanted to forget about Sam's hands, they way his breath came fast as he watched Kurt fall into those waves of pleasure.
And most of all? He hated that he still wanted it.
But he wanted more. Feelings, heat, passion, love. He wanted it all.
He wanted everything that Sam just couldn't give him.