A/N: So sorry about the lack of updates. I had major computer troubles and omfg BACK UP YOUR WORK, OKAY, JUST DO IT. That's all I'm saying. I hate technology, that is all. Anyway, enjoy! Thanks for sticking around!(:

"I'm sorry."

Of all the things Kurt had thought about saying, that was not one of them. He'd rehearsed hundreds of speeches in his mind – some of which ended with him passionately embracing Sam and some of which ended with him walking away – but, when it came down to it, all he could manage was a stumbled, stuttering apology.

Sam blinked twice, studying the flustered nurse. Kurt folded his arms across his chest, lifting his chin to meet Sam's gave, hoping to send off the impression that he was sure about what he was doing.

Of course, he wasn't sure. He never was around Sam.

"Pardon?"

Kurt raised an eyebrow at Sam's reaction, pressing his lips together and glancing furtively around the deserted courtyard to make sure no one was peeping through windows. It was late at night and the courtyard was well lit – making them easy targets for harassment.

"I said, I'm sorry," Kurt murmured, meeting Sam's eyes. "I acted stupid yesterday and I'm sorry. It's just - "

"You don't need to explain Kurt," Sam interrupted. "I understand."

Kurt nodded once, looking down at his gloved hands. The nursing wing had finally got new stock in today, so they were working overtime with the soldiers to ease the backlog of patients. Kurt had been up since 3am this morning, with no breaks and hundreds of injured soldiers, he hadn't managed to slip away until midnight.

Sam had been waiting for him.

"For the record, I'm sorry too. I … these things are never easy."

For a second, Kurt wondered what the soldier meant. He was pleased to see the cut on Sam's cheek is healing well and he couldn't help but wonder how his chest looked too – but that wasn't really for medical purposes …

"People aren't meant to have relationships in the army, I guess," Kurt sighed, nervously adjusting the collar of his shirt.

An awkward silence settled between them and Kurt didn't like the feeling of it at all. Shit, why did he have to say that? Meeting Sam had been one of his most thrilling experiences in the army – probably the only one he'd ever look back on with fondness … So how had it come to this? Halted conversation under the cover of darkness?

"Yesterday, I …. I wasn't trying to offend … or imply that you are in anyway promiscuous," he stuttered out quickly, because he had to. He had to say it. "I was upset, I - "

"Kurt," an easy grin was settling over Sam's full lips, it was something Kurt wanted to pause and replay forever. "Stop. Seriously, I was an idiot. You were … You are … brilliant. You're amazing."

Kurt blushed, looking down at his shaking fingers. God, why was he so nervous? He couldn't do anything right.

"So … friends?" He asked quickly.

In a heartbeat, he realized he'd said the wrong thing. Sam blanched and Kurt froze. Jesus, shit, fuck, Christ.

Friends?

Friends?

What was he thinking? Friends didn't want to rip each other's clothes off, or grind against each other, letting out desperate gasps and grunts. Kurt didn't want to be friends. He wanted to be loves, boyfriends, husbands.

Oh my god, stop. He did that sometimes, let his mind go completely astray. He over-thought and then opened his mouth. God, why did he have to open his mouth? Why couldn't he just let things happen?

And, well, the answer … he was Kurt Hummel. He was physically incapable of just 'letting things lie.' He had to ask, he had to wonder and question … he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

But now … God, he wished he hadn't said that.

For a moment, Sam stared – looking resigned, sober, but then that easy grin flashed back on his lips and he nodded once. "Yeah, friends."

Kurt could see the forced actions behind it, the way Sam took a step back ... the surrendering tone of his voice. It killed him. He wanted to take it back and say something else, he wanted to make it all better but ... what was there to say?

He'd watched Sam walk away. He'd watched it and hated it and even though he knew it was inevitable, even though he knew that it was the best thing to do, it killed him.

Soldier Sam Evan's had made it clear what he wanted. And Kurt just wasn't it. Kurt wanted love and attention, and romance. Yeah, he wanted the physical things too – god, he wanted them – but he wanted other stuff to come with it. Starting things with Sam had been a mistake but ending them had been even stupider. He hadn't even realized he'd ended it - all potential, all opportunity ... it was gone in that one word.

Friends. Ha.

So when Sam walked away, Kurt vowed that it would be the last time he'd have to watch it happen. He had a job to do and a home to go to when this nightmare was over. He'd distract himself by working overtime, he'd do what he was born to do: save lives. And, god, he wouldn't talk to Sam Evan's again. Everything he said made things worse and it was clear that the men were on two different pages. They came from two different worlds and … it would never work.

But still.

Still.

Kurt chewed his lip, heading to his own sleeping quarters. He was upset – far more than he'd care to admit – but he'd lived through the pain of being let down before and he could live through it again. He was strong, despite the thoughts of others. Being a homosexual working with the army was hard enough but adding love into it was … it was unthinkable.

But this wasn't love, Kurt laughed to himself. He was being ridiculous. Love. He hardly knew Sam!

So why did it hurt? Why did he want nothing more than to be laying across that chest, listening to the steady heartbeat of the soldier that was Sam Evans?

How could he possibly want something so badly? Something he'd never even had before? Something that was a mere possibility, a thought, a dream maybe, but never reality?

A could've been that never would be.

He'd shove it all away, the wanting, the needing … He'd ignore it. He'd smile at Sam in the hallways and nod politely in the lunch hall. He'd speak about the latest bomb in lot 76 and he'd exchange phone credit with Sam when he needed to speak to his loved ones. They wouldn't even be friends. They'd be acquaintances.

This was the only way it could be now.

Kurt knew one thing for sure, as he lay on the hard bunk in his tent.

He knew one thing that would keep going, one thing that Kurt Hummel did best: he knew that life would go on. His contract with the army would end and he would go home. He'd live with his father until he met a nice blonde man that reminded him of the soldier he once knew. His father would give his blessing and Kurt would peruse a new love.

By the end of this, Sam Evan's would be nothing but a mere memory.

Sorry for the badly written chapter, it's mainly a filler just to say 'I'm still here!'. It's three am and I need sleep, but now that I've started writing again, you can expect a new update within the next week! And don't worry, it's not the end for Sam and Kurt just yet!(;