Pretty on the Outside
"If I tear you open wide, take a look inside
Are you pretty?
Can I get inside your mind, see what I can find?
Are you pretty?
So just take off that disguise, everyone knows that you're only
Pretty on the outside"
May 2, 1998
Narcissa glided slowly across the dark stone floor, to her son's bed. She had been standing in the doorway, for a while now, just making sure he had fallen asleep and would not notice her presence. The dark green drapery was pulled aside and she could see his sleeping form in amongst the silver silk sheets. He was sleeping soundly, only the slight movement of his chest gave away any sign of life. She glanced towards the nightstand and noted the empty bottle. Her last bottle of dreamless sleep. She had insisted he take it before going to bed, but refrained from telling him it was her last bottle. After all he had seen and done today, Draco deserved dreamless sleep. War, it seemed, makes one forget about the simple things, like potion stock. She had been taking a nightly dose of dreamless sleep for almost as long as she could remember. To keep away the nightmares, and the dreams. She looked back at her son, her Draco. His life was the one thing that kept her here. She edged closer to his sleeping form, letting her knees bump against the bed frame. She reached forward and brushed a tendril of his white blond hair away from his face. So like Lucius in looks and attitude, yet, she knew he wasn't as much like his father as he once wished. Lucius was capable of far worse than Draco, and Lucius was an idiot. Draco wouldn't make the same mistakes Lucius had. She'd make sure of that. She and Lucius may have caused irreparable damage already in the life of their son, but she'd be dammed if she didn't do everything in her power to make sure Draco would be accepted in society once more. Draco stirred slightly in his sleep and Narcissa backed away from his bed slowly. She took one last lingering glance at her son before leaving his room, her long white silk robe billowing after her.
Narcissa walked slowly down the empty manor hallway. Her wand flicked feebly in her hand, casting cleaning, repairing and vanishing charms as she moved onward. The manor still held so much leftover from the weeks He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named made her home his headquarters. The ministry would more than likely swarm her home tomorrow, after the celebrations ended, the least she could do was make her home presentable. She heard a clamor from inside Lucius's office and found her feet carrying her inside. She watched silently from the door as Lucius packed feverishly, removing almost every item from his desk, shelves and cupboards.
"Lucius," she called coldly. His hands froze for a moment as his head snapped up. She frowned at his appearance, red-rimmed eyes, and ashy complexion.
"What, Narcissa?" he spat, as he returned to zooming hidden objects from beneath floorboards into the box on his desk.
"Are you leaving?" she asked calmly. She walked in and sat properly on the armchair across from the heavy, dark desk. She watched as his gaze flickered to an exposed bit of her thigh. She smirked, relishing in the small fact that he still desired her. She then swept her robe over her leg and his gaze moved to her face.
"We're going to France, hide until this all blows over." He said quickly, than almost to himself. "If it ever does."
Narcissa let a small bark of a laugh escape her lips. It was laughable that he could possibly think that they could outrun this. That he could outrun what was coming to him.
"No." Narcissa stood, placing her hands on his desk. His eyes met hers and she knew he had never seen her quite like this before. Never quite this bold. Never outwardly in opposition to him. "You'll stop packing and take what you get from the Ministry. I'm not leaving here. I'm not hiding for the rest of my life, nor is Draco. He'll get off easy enough." She gazed sadly at her husband. "You, on the other hand probably will not." She watched his face crumble, all the stress of the years showed his expression. The previous years in his service during their youth, the fear of his return, and then his return and reign. Even now, when he was finally dead, Lucius had retribution to fear. The punishment for his unwise decision to dabble in dark magic that he had no control over.
"Cissy." he whispered, voice broken and bleeding.
She clenched her jaw. "No," she ground out. "You do not get to call me that. Only those who loved me truly called me that. You never thought of anyone but yourself. Even when you claimed it was for Draco, it was only for you. You've never loved anyone more than you love yourself. I was a fool to fall for you and I've regretted it for years. Do not call me that." She straightened, turned and walked resolutely to the door. She turned her head over her shoulder and called out as she left, "Leave Lucius. But you will not get far."
Narcissa exited the room, closing the door behind her and then fled to her private bedchambers. They had slept separately for a majority of their marriage. She marveled to herself how devoid of emotion her marriage had been, how it had changed so quickly from a love fueled courtship to a cold emotionless marriage. Love? No it must have been lust. For Narcissa knew love had never been a part of her and Lucius's relationship.
She collapsed feebly onto her bed. She wouldn't allow herself to sleep, she was strong enough for that. She knew if she slept the nightmares that started slowly after her marriage and gradually got worse, would plague her. No, she would not sleep tonight. But try as she might, she was not strong enough to stop the memories.
September 5th, 1975
Narcissa gazed out the window of her bedroom to the lush gardens below, or rather what would officially become her bedroom in a few short hours. The tall, black gates evaporated as each guest stepped up to them and spoke the correct incantation. This was one of the few things that Mrs. Malfoy had insisted upon. The other was that the wedding be held at the Malfoy Manor, as per pureblood and thus family tradition. Narcissa was loathed to give into this woman's demands. But, she had dug her hole and now had to lie in it.
"Narcissa!" Druella Black's sharp voice caught her attention and she turned to gaze icily towards her. "I know you are unhappy…"
Narcissa allowed one short burst of laughter to escape her lips. Her mother's sharp gaze ceased any other outward show of emotion.
"It is for the best. You seemed to want this not a few months ago. Perhaps the Malfoy family will straighten you out, as your father and I have apparently failed to teach you anything. At least…" She paused for a moment, a look of disgust fluttered across her face, before the indifferent cold mask was once again in place.
Narcissa knew, she wasn't fooled by her mother's cold demeanor. "At least I'm not like Andromeda?" She whispered fiercely. "At least you can clean up my mess and appear blemish free in front of your friends? At least I will be married into money, power and most of all, pure blood?" She spat the last few words like they were a bad taste in her mouth.
Her mother crossed the room swiftly, her blood-red robes billowing out behind her like a warning flag. Narcissa shrunk back against the window but even that did nothing to quell her mother. She felt the sharp slap across her left cheek.
"Don't ever say that name to me again" Druella straightened and pulled her wand swiftly from her robes. She cast a quick glamour spell to remove the pink mark from her daughters face. She caressed her cheek softly, gazing at her daughter. "At least, if you cannot be a proper wife in attitude, you have your beauty. That should be enough." She turned and walked towards the door, leaving her daughter standing alone in the room. "I'll send a house elf to fetch you when the time calls." She called over her shoulder, not bothering to turn around.
Narcissa crumpled to the floor and willed herself not to cry. She tried to remind herself that it wasn't worth fighting any longer. She had no choice in the matter. She pulled herself from the ground and ran her hands across her brilliant white robes, laughing at the absurdity of the symbolism. Crossing the room, she looked at her reflection in the exorbitantly large mirror. It covered the entire west wall of the room. The frame was made of thick silver snakes, curving around each other and around the glass. It was her wedding gift from Lucius, something she would have valued and loved months ago. Now it just reminded herself that she was only pretty on the outside. Vanity wasn't worth a single galleon to her anymore. She let her hand rest on her abdomen, other things were more important than vanity.
"Miss Cissy? They's ready for you." A small house elf said hesitantly from the open door.
Narcissa straightened. She lifted her head and buried any emotions she had. She would get through this. She would marry Lucius Malfoy. She would become Narcissa Malfoy. She would become a proper wife today, and soon a proper mother. She would not look back at what she could have had; there was no point in crying any longer. She pulled a smile on her face and walked towards the door and the rest of her life.
A/N Hellloooooooooooooo! How's it going? Good? I hope so, it has been so long since I've uploaded ANYTHING on here! I know this chapter is kind of shorter, but I do have more already written, I just want to see if anyone has anydesire to read it. :-p I'm hoping to upload about once a week or so, and I'm not sure how long it's going to end up. I'm just happy to be writing again. Leave me a review! Loves!
Sarah