I have no excuse for how long it's taken me to update this, I can only apologise. I very much hope that it is worth the wait!

Henry

My son has his first sword. I spared no expense on it's crafting of course, in truth the finished product is ridiculously extravagant for an eight year old boy, most likely he will hardly be able to lift it, let alone wield it with any sort of skill. But no matter, I want my son to have the best of everything, to know that his father loves him and that he is hopeful of a great future for him. When I saw the finished sword I was satisfied because it was fit for the heir to the throne. Except that I had to be content with dispatching the sword to Sheriff Hutton and imagining the joy on his face when he received it because I could not deliver it myself. I had to accept that his stepfather, Baron Talboys would be the one to teach him how to use it and that in all honesty he is probably far more of a father to the boy than I ever will be. I have had to accept that my only son will never be king and it is a bitter burden for me to carry.

I have resigned myself to it though. Richmond can never be king, no matter how healthy and vital he is and in spite of, if the reports I have been receiving are true, the potential he shows. Investing the succession in my bastard son would almost certainly throw the country into civil war, my father's worst nightmare and mine as well, if I am honest. I cannot condemn the English people to that fate upon my death. What I cannot accept however is the terrible possibility that I will never have a son who will inherit the throne. It is why I have refused Katherine's and some of my braver advisors' pleas to formally invest my daughter as Princess of Wales and name her as my successor. No argument that they formulate will convince me that Mary is a suitable heir for this country. She is fiercely intelligent, they tell me, waving her tutors' glowing praises under my nose, as intelligent as any prince could be. I will make her a brilliant marriage so she will have a strong king to rule by her side and with the marriage will inevitably come a score of healthy Tudor boys to inherit after her. All is not lost just because the Queen and I do not have a son, they claim.

They present all these far fetched possibilities as if they are certainties but they are not- far from it in fact. I have no doubt that Mary is highly intelligent, God knows that I have put enough effort into finding only the best tutors for her education. She is educated to a far higher standard than any female in Christendom, even taking into account that she is royalty. But what of it? Knowledge of languages, religion, riding and hunting is useless without politics, diplomacy and war- the intricacies of kingship- of which she knows nothing. Yes, she is devout, yes she is charming but Wolsey's spies in her household also report her bouts of high emotion, her tendency to become upset easily, both unavoidable consequences of her sex but hardly desirable qualities of a king. Moreover, she seems to be physically weak, hardly a month goes by without her physician reporting some new ailment. The Princess suffers from migraines, the Princess has little appetite and has lost weight, the Princess has a weakness in her chest and has been in bed for several days, too weak to rise. She is hardly ever healthy. What if, God forbid, she was to die before she is able to produce a male heir?

Then there is the question of her husband. There is no-one in England worthy enough to marry her, a foreign prince will have to be found. But whom? Two of her betrothals have already failed, the Emperor was not willing to wait for her to be of age and the King of France evidently thinks there are better matches for the Dauphin. Of course there will always be suitors for the hand of a princess of England but which of them can I trust to rule this country alongside Mary? The people will not like a foreign ruler either, it will cause disquiet, disquiet which unscrupulous power-hungry barons will be only too happy to seize upon. Finally, I am thoroughly skeptical that Mary will have copious amounts of sons considering Katherine's failure to produce even one. Mary may well be as barren as her mother and then what will England be left with? A barren queen, a foreign king and the problem of the succession still unsolved.

Placing Mary on the throne will be equally as disastrous as naming Richmond as my heir. I must have a legitimate son and I will not get one from Katherine. God must see this and He will ensure that this trial comes to its rightful conclusion. It pains me to cause anguish to Katherine but personal feelings will have to be put aside for a matter as important as this. The security of a kingdom is at stake. I will not abandon my daughter as Katherine seems to think I will, I see no reason why she cannot retain her title as princess- she was conceived in good faith and it is not her fault that her mother and I have been living in sin. No, she will remain legitimate and I will find her a suitable husband worthy of a princess of England. Then, once she is married she will go abroad as my own sisters did and live in the kingdom of her husband. Mary will make a good wife and, God willing, mother but it is simply not her destiny to be queen of England. I will put this to Katherine and make her see that I mean to be fair. I will make her see reason. I must.

These late night meetings with Katherine must stop, for what good will they achieve in the end? I am merely giving her false hope of reconciliation which is cruel and I have no desire to be cruel towards her. She is my late brother's wife after all, and therefore I will extend to her all the favours and courtesies she deserves as the Dowager Princess of Wales. She will not live in poverty as my father forced her to, I am no skinflint miser who would make her wear torn dresses or eat cheap food. She will be comfortably accommodated with a generous allowance and a reasonable staff. She will be welcome at court whenever she wishes to attend, she may see Mary as often as she wishes. For God's sake, they can even reside together if that would make her happy. I will find her a worthy husband if she wishes to remarry. There is nothing I would not do to please her if she would only indulge me in the matter of our sinful union and its consequences.

Today is the first day of the trial which she has forced me to have. Hopefully she will behave with dignity and accept the inevitable conclusion with grace when it comes. I tread the right path, though it is not an easy one by any means, of that I have no doubt. But why is it then that I feel so nervous, so uncomfortable about the events of the coming days?

A remark I made to Wolsey suddenly reappears in my mind. He had asked me what I would do if the jury found mine and Katherine's marriage to be valid.

'Then I will live happily with Katherine for the rest of my days.'

At the time a happy future with Katherine had seemed unthinkable, now evil whispers in my head constantly tell me it is possible. I have let Satan in by laying with my brother's wife and he tries to make me stray from righteousness. I must proceed.

They cheer for her. The deafening sound rings in my ears as I wait for her in the courtroom. It is my imagination I know but as I sit alone with the eyes of the most important men in England upon me I fancy that they cheer with more fervor for her than for me. A seemingly endless amount of time passes before she appears in the doorway and all that can be heard for miles is 'God save the Queen!' and 'Long live Queen Katherine!'. Hordes of people line the streets to see their Queen of Hearts, they kneel in the dust and dirt when she is near them and what am I to them but her heartless husband who would cast her off so he could indulge his lust. They serve me because they have to but they love her, as they love their family- willingly and fiercely. These are the thoughts that invade me when I am alone, without the protection of my supporters to keep them away. This is the poison that flows through my veins and weakens me more and more each day.

The acclaim is louder still when she deserts the courtroom and I am alone again, staring at her empty seat and surrounded by admiration for her. It is in the very air or so it seems. Across the court men are gaping and whispering and I am powerless to make them stop, her words- elegant and heartfelt, compared to my clumsy, cold offerings- are as deadly as arrowfire.

'I beseech you, for all the love that has been between us...'

'Give me some pity and compassion...'

'I call God and all the world to witness that I have been to you a true, humble and obedient wife...'

Slowly, deliberately I survey the room. Boleyn with a look of pure fury. Brandon uncomfortable and embarrassed. Wolsey despairing with his head in his hands and abject fear in his eyes. Fisher, alone like me, and yet seemingly possessing none of the insecurities that plague me. None can help me,at this, my lowest moment.

Eventually I can tolerate the humiliation no longer and manage to stand. I slink away via a side entrance, with shame following me like a shadow. When I am able to speak I issue a taut command to my steward:

'Bring Fisher to me. I would speak with him.'

His face as he bows to me seems to reflect my thoughts at that moment. What have you done?, it says.

Fisher does not appear until several hours later. He seems to have no fear of me whatsoever which is novel, I mean to see just how plainspeaking he will dare to be in front of me. Something tells me that I have pit myself against a very dangerous foe.

'Bishop Fisher, Your Majesty,' the steward announces and then exits, leaving us alone.

'Your Majesty,' he says calmly and bows. 'I was informed that you wish to speak with me.'

Damn him, he looks completely at ease and displays none of the signs of being overawed in my presence. Any fleeting notion I had of bribery or intimidation quickly leaves my head, he will not be bought or threatened.

'Indeed. I was intrigued by your performance in court this morning.'

' "Performance", Your Majesty?'

He has the audacity to look offended which irks me even more.

'You made some quite serious accusations of Bishop Tunstall. Forgery, if I recall correctly. I found your manner to be unnecessarily theatrical and offensive.'

'I apologise if I conducted myself incorrectly. If I did it was because of the shock and outrage that I felt. As for what I said in regards to Bishop Tunstall, I am afraid I must stand by my accusation, grave though I acknowledge it is.'

'Not many people would think to interrupt their King when they are speaking!'

I am shouting now through sheer irritation and frustration, why must he continue to thwart me and aid Katherine?

'I thought your Majesty would like to know the truth.'

'Do not presume what I would like to know! I did not appreciate your interruption!'

He does not apologise which makes me almost explode with fury but instead I force myself to present a calm exterior. Anger is not the path to Fisher's support. I will have to reason with him, damn his intelligence.

'You may sit, Your Grace. I would ask your opinion.'

Once we are seated I fix him with a piercing stare. I will make him blatantly declare his allegiance and test his bravery fully.

'You are on the side of the Queen in this matter, are you not?'

'I am on the side of right, and of God.'

How convenient it would be if Fisher would just succumb to old age and die. I would fantasise about it if I would not be faced with the shame of confessing it.

'Of course. But you think it wrong for me to try and dissolve my marriage.'

'I believe you are woefully ill advised Your Majesty. After being appointed as counsel for the Queen I took it upon myself to do extensive research into this matter and I cannot deny that I believe that yours and the Queen's marriage is fully valid and legal.'

'Ill advised?' Obviously he is not afraid of making enemies. 'By whom?'

'The Boleyns and their allies, principally. Also, regrettably, Cardinal Wolsey. Sadly his greed and thirst for power appear to have overpowered him.'

His candor is astonishing, refreshing almost. After the disaster of this morning I cannot bring myself to defend Wolsey and I let Fisher's comment pass without reprimand.

'You are familiar with Leviticus I take it, Your Grace.'

'Naturally. However, as the Queen's marriage to Prince Arthur was not consummated I cannot see that it applies to your case. There is also the dispensation from the Pope which allowed you to marry the Queen.'

I choose to ignore the last point.

'There are many who claim that the Queen's first marriage was in fact consummated.'

His face is skeptical and knowing.

'Then you think the Queen to be a liar?'

'I am simply saying that there is supposed proof of the marriage's consummation. I have no wish to dishonour or embarrass the Queen. I would gladly spare her this trial if she would only admit the truth.'

'Sire, forgive me, but I believe wholeheartedly that Her Majesty speaks the truth, including her speech in court this morning.'

'Fisher,' I say tersely, my voice rising again in spite of myself, 'if our marriage is completely valid then why do we have no heir? There is no more obvious proof that God is displeased by our union.'

'God has in fact blessed you with an heir, Your Majesty. The Princess Mary.'

'A girl! She cannot succeed!'

God forgive me but I have to restrain myself from striking his placid face when he speaks next.

'No? It appears that God wills it.'

'Are you mad, man? Do you know what happened the last time a King tried to name his daughter as heir?'

'I assume you are referring to the Empress Matilda? I do not disagree that period was a dark time indeed for our country. However, I think we must also entertain the possibility that had her crown not been fairly stolen from her head that she had the potential to be a competent ruler. And, Your Majesty, I believe that your daughter could be far greater than merely 'competent'.

I am speechless. I have been soundly defeated twice in the space of a day.

'You may go, Your Grace.'

'Last night I was in the midst of Spain!'

'Henry?'

Katherine looks shocked, as well she might, seeing as I have stormed into her apartments unannounced. She is still refusing to attend court, but I will make her hear what is being said about her, I swear it, so she can bear some of the crushing humiliation that I am forced to suffer.

'Your husband's words after he had spent a night in the marital bed!'

She blushes and looks away.

'What explanation have you for that?'

Her eyes are pleading with me to stop but I will not.

'Apparently you were also a pleasant pastime for him. I wonder what he could have been referring to? Conversation, no doubt.'

Despite the slight on her dignity she eventually manages to look at me with defiance.

'I do not know why he said such things. Bravado, perhaps. May God forgive him.'

'Katherine, they have the stained bedsheets from the night of your wedding. Stop this now before you are embarrassed further, for God's sake.'

Instead of breaking down in submission her eyes blaze with injustice.

'Any evidence they present is false. I beg you to remember that. I have never lied to you.'

'I hope not, Madam. For your sake and our daughter's.'

With that I leave, I cannot be in her presence another second, else I will start to believe her.

October 1st. More months of delaying, deliberating and torment. But I will wait, I will have my decision from Rome and no-one will say that I have acted on selfish desires or insulted Katherine and Mary. No-one will accuse me. I will wait and I will have my right.