The Joker was leaning gingerly against the wall. Dinner was in about five hours, so he did not have much time to scrounge up a present for Harley. However, the Duke of Knaves had a plan and that plan involved breaking in to the highly secure Evidence Room down the hall. There just had to be something for her there. He eyes the two security cameras that were permanently fixated on his cell, a result of his nineteenth successful escape in three months from Arkham, and then his eyes wander to the other cameras in the hall. It would normally be quite difficult to get past those pesky little machines all by his lonesome…So it was a good thing he had back-up this time around!
"Edward~ Oh, Edwaaaard~" The Joker calls to the cell that sat diagonally from him in a sing-song voice.
The Riddler drops the book he was reading down on his lap, letting out an exasperated sigh. "What is it, Joker?"
"You owe me a favor~" The Joker coos, giggling madly to himself.
"I remember…" Edward Nigma groans, "What do you want?"
"A little snitch told me you found a way to hack the security cameras…" The Joker purrs, peering through his bars and staring into Nigma's cell with his trademark grin plastered on his face.
"Did you kill him afterwards?" Edward growls, his eyes narrowing slightly. He wanted to keep that a secret.
"Well…Let's just say he…Wandered…Into Killer Croc's lair...Entirely by himself, of course. Not like anyone pushed him or anything…" The Joker hints, winking at The Riddler and his smile growing impossibly larger. "Can you hack the cameras for me, Ed?"
"How long do you need them out?" Edward asks quietly, feeling slightly better now that he knew that the little rat had died a horrible death. He grabs a book from the bookshelf he had nearby and opens it, revealing it to be a laptop.
"About fifteen or twenty minutes, won't be long. I just need to pick up a little somethin'-somethin' from the Evidence Room" The Joker says, whistling in admiration when seeing the hidden laptop and heading to his bed. He searched through the sheets until he finds his favorite lockpick.
"Hmm, is that so? Can you grab my cane while you are there?"
"You'll owe me another favor~" The Joker chirps, hiding the lockpick behind his back until the cameras were off.
"Nevermind…" The Riddler mutters, deciding not to continue pursuing debts with the smiling devil before him. His fingers dance over the keys of the laptop, a light clicking echoing down the hall before he presses the enter key with finality. This puts all the cameras on an endless loop, the little red light on them turning green, the Riddler's favorite and signature color.
"Go, you have about thirty minutes before the guards notice that something's wrong. Don't take too long, Joker"
"No worries, Eddy. You can trust me!" The Joker cackles, slipping his thin, pale arm through the bars with ease and laying his ear on the lock. He inserts the lockpick and after a few seconds, opens the door.
"Well, see ya later, Ed!" The Joker says as he leaves his cell, whistling quietly to himself.
The Riddler mutters curses under his breath, returning to reading his book.
The Joker whistles quietly to himself, using the ventilation ducts occasionally to avoid the guards before finally reaching the Evidence Room. It was a room guarded by three cameras(Which currently did not function), a three inch thick solid steel door, an alarm in the door that would go off if the door were to be miraculously forced open and a simple, electrical numeric keypad next to the door.
The Joker drops down from the vent above and walks to the keypad, inspecting it closely. He smirks and chuckles when he sees the tell-tale signs of the guard's greasy fingers on the keypad over the numbers 1, 5, and 7. He was a pizza-holic and it was the only reason the door was so ridiculously easy to open. Well, that and the code was only three numbers long. The Joker quickly tries a few random combinations until the keypad beeped twice and the door locks click open.
The Joker licks his lips as he opens the door, a stereotypical choir song playing in his head. He stares around at all the weapons, armor, and other paraphernalia of every inmate in the Asylum…He could play so very many tricks on them after this…But first things first, Harley's gift. He looks around the place like a middle-aged lady in a supermarket. He smirks and grabs a small bottle of Joker Venom and his favorite switchblade before his eyes rest on a solitary teddy bear sitting on a tank of Bane's Venom. It was Osito, Bane's most prized possession…It was the perfect gift for Harley!
The Joker picks it up and examines it closely, thinking to himself. 'It's a bit raggedy and it has a few holes…But I know just the guy who can fix it' The Joker thinks to himself, smirking as he quickly turns around and leaves the room. He closes the door and makes sure it looked the same as before. He walks down the halls again, heading to Humphry Dumpler's Cell.
Humpty Dumpty's hall had very little security since he was just about the most nonviolent inmate in the entire Asylum and all the other nonviolent inmates were there as well.
"Psst! Hey Humpty!" The Joker hisses in a lowered voice when he reaches Humpty's cell, "I have something for ya to fix!"
"Something to fix? Can I see it?" Humphry asks hesitantly, looking up from the puzzle he was making on the floor and slightly afraid of the Joker.
"Here! It's a stuffed bear!" The Joker says enthusiastically, still keeping his voice low and shoving the fluffy thing into the cell.
"W-What? Is that Osito? Bane's bear?" Humpty asks in surprise, standing up quickly and backing away from it like it was a bomb.
"Yeah, is that a problem?" The Joker asks, still playful but there was a malicious edge to his voice. It was a warning that screamed 'Fix this bear, eggy, or learn to fix yourself because all I will leave behind is pieces!'
"N-No! No problem…Just g-give me a moment and I will fix it for you" Humpty Dumpty mutters nervously, grabbing a sewing set the doctors let him have and pulling out supplies.
"Use red thread" The Joker says suddenly, taking out his switchblade and watching him like a hawk…A grinning, murderous, insane hawk that could kill him in less than a minute without even trying.
Humphry whimpers and takes out the red thread, starting to sew up all the tears as fast as he could, fixing the ears as well for good measure.
Meanwhile, The Joker was humming to himself and fooling around with his switchblade, flipping it, tossing it, and catching it masterfully, not cutting himself even once and in the process making Humpty Dumpty exponentially more nervous.
"I-I'm done…" Humpty whispers after a few tense minutes.
"Already? Lemme see" The Joker says quickly, surprised at how fast he finished and reaching for the bear through the bars with one hand, keeping his switchblade in the other.
Humpty Dumpty slowly lifts the bear and holds him out to the Joker, keeping his plump body as far away from the bars as physically possible.
The Joker snatches the plush toy away from Humphry and inspects the workmanship carefully, his green eyes focused solely on the teddy bear before him.
Humphry Dumpler backs into the corner of his cell, whimpering quietly to himself and looking at the Joker tensely.
"It's…Perfect! Thanks, Humpty, I owe ya one!" The Joker exclaims, smiling and laughing to himself as he leaves to return to his cell.
"God…I hope Bane doesn't find out about this…" Humphry whimpers, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor again and shuddering.
Author's notes:
Dark: Hello again! I made good on my promise and I intend to post another chappy tomorrow so stay tuned! Please, please, please review!