Harley Quinn was sitting at the table in the dining area with Poison Ivy, pushing the slop they call food around with her plastic spork and sniffling sadly. It was almost the end of dinner and The Joker hadn't even entered the room.
"Oh Harl…I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way you wanted…Just forget about him, he doesn't deserve you. He never has" Ivy soothes, gently stroking her back.
"How could he forget Valentine's Day? I've been talking about it for weeks!" Harley mopes, pushing her plate away and staring down at her lap.
"Oh Harley~" A familiar voice calls from behind Harley Quinn.
Harley looks up quickly and smiles. "Mistah J?"
The Joker saunters to Harley, a large lump under his shirt. He pulls Harley Quinn to her feet, ignoring Ivy entirely and kisses her roughly for a few moments.
"Now it's your turn to close your eyes" The Joker whispers against her lips, his bright red eyes burning into her light blue ones.
Harley blushes hard and giggles, covering her eyes with her hands.
"No peeking~" The Joker says in a sing-song tone as he pulls Osito out from under his shirt and holds it out to her. "You can open your eyes now~"
Harley uncovers her eyes and gasps when seeing the light brown teddy bear, marveling at its cute little red stitches. "Where did you get him?" Harley asks incredulously, taking the bear and hugging it tightly into her bosom.
"That's a secret~ Happy Valentine's Day, Pooh!" The Joker says with a large grin plastered on his face.
"Thank you so much! I love ya, Mistah J!" Harley giggles, refraining from making the same mistake as before and hugging Joker again. Instead she shifts from foot to foot restlessly, smiling happily.
The Joker chuckles at the scene before him and spreads his arms in welcome, wordlessly giving her permission to hug him.
Harley squeaks joyfully, understanding the message perfectly and hugs Joker tightly. When she feels his arms wrap around her petite frame, practically squeals with delight.
Poison Ivy rolls her eyes and groans at the sight before her, perfectly disgusted by the depth of Harley's infatuation with Joker.
"Is that my Osito?" A deep angry voice questions, the sound echoing through the dining room and turning a few heads. The Joker knew that slight Mexican accent anywhere.
"Oopsies…Gee, for a big, hulking behemoth; you sure blend in well in crowds!" The Joker laughs, unwrapping his arms from around the stunned Harley and pushing her into Ivy's lap as he turns to face Bane, who was sitting only two tables away.
Bane stands up slowly, rolling his shoulders menacingly as he stalks towards Joker and stands before him. Bane casts a shadow over the smaller man and cracks his knuckles loudly. "You stole my possession, Payaso, and now you will pay dearly" Bane growls, eyes filled with badly restrained fury.
"Heh, you'll make me pay?" The Joker asks as he pulls his trusty switchblade out of his sleeve and flips it in his hands. "You call that a joke?"
"Ooh, this is going to be good…" Poison Ivy purrs, holding Harley close as she stares on in confusion and alarm.
The other inmates echo Ivy's statement and being betting with one another on who the winner of the impending fight will be. Some of them move to other locations, searching for front row seats to the carnage.
The guards on duty scramble about on the balconies above, watching the two super villains warily and discussing whether they should intervene now or wait. Finally, the head guard makes a decision. "These are two of the most dangerous inmates in the Asylum, if we try to stop them now, some of us will die. We'll watch and wait for them to get tired, and then haul their asses to medical, solitary or the morgue. Whichever we need.
"Looks like we got an 'all clear' from the donut patrol, Paco" The Joker says mockingly as he points his index finger up at them. The Joker knew that it would be suicide to attack Bane head on but he had a sharp weapon and Bane had no Venom. If he played it safe, he would win.
"C'mon, take yer best shot!" Joker giggles, making a 'come here' sign with his unoccupied hand.
"Scared, Payaso?" Bane smirks cockily but he hesitates and stares at his opponent. He was no fool and what the Joker lacked in physical strength, he made up for in wicked ingenuity. He was unpredictable and had an incredible resistance to pain. A switchblade in the Joker's hands might as well be a chainsaw.
After a few tense moments of the two criminals glaring at one another, Bane charges quickly and takes a swing at Joker's ribs. Joker sidesteps and slices Bane's left arm from the back of his wrist up to his elbow. Bane roars with pain and grabs Joker by the back of his shirt, throwing him into the concrete pillar in the middle of the dining hall. Joker coughs up a mouthful of blood, feeling some ribs crack but he gleefully ignores it, knowing that he crippled one of Bane's arms and increased his chances of winning the fight.
Bane charges at Joker again, this time more cautious as he dodges a stab to the chest and punches Joker in the stomach with his good arm. The Joker dry heaves and coughs, snarling angrily and shoving his thumb into Bane's left eye to force him away. Bane lets out a pained shout and backs off, holding his eye and glaring at The Joker with the other. Joker laughs weakly and smirks to himself.
"What's wrong? Don't like it rough, big boy?"
Bane pulls his hand away from his reddened eye as they narrow in rage and he grabs the metal leg of a table nearby and rips it clean off. The inmates sitting at that table shout in surprise and scramble to get to another table, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire. The Joker's trademark smile slips off his face momentarily as Bane takes a swing and he barely manages to get out of the way, cutting a shallow diagonal slash on Bane's chest. Bane ignores the slight sting of pain and sees an opening, bringing the metal leg down on Joker's shoulder. A loud crack resounds through the room and the criminals groan to themselves in unison. Some chuckle to themselves, thinking that they won their bets and Bane won. They were wrong.
The Joker laughs loudly as he shoves the switchblade deep into Bane's unprotected stomach, making a move to disembowel him but Bane moves back just in time, hissing and grabbing the hilt of the blade in his stomach. His face contorts in agony and he glares darkly at the Clown Prince of Crime.
"Now, you just had to go and move, didya?" Joker growls, clutching his limp arm and glaring right back at Bane.
"Were you expecting an easy battle?" Bane asks angrily, pulling the knife out slowly and choking down a groan. Blood spills on the floor as he throws the knife carelessly to the side and out of reach of the Joker. He knew that now he had the upper hand.
The two criminals stare each other down, breathing heavily and preparing for a final charge. Above them, the guards reload their tranquilizer guns, getting ready to step in. The other inmates sit on the edge of their chairs, silent as death as the suspense builds until suddenly, the unexpected happens.
Out of nowhere, a police baton cracks against the back of Bane's head. Bane's eyes roll as he falls to the ground, out cold. "You…" Harley says in a low menacing tone, stepping over Bane's limp body and towards Joker slowly. Behind her, a bloodied and probably dead guard and a shocked Poison Ivy with her mouth wide open.
"H-Harley, I can explain-" The Joker starts, effectively terrified by the furious blonde.
"Shut it! You stole Bane's bear and got Humpty to fix it 'cause you forgot it was Valentine's Day, didn't you!" Harley screams accusingly, pointing the police baton at him.
The injured Joker shrinks away from Harley, giving her a slight nod as Harley stands before him.
"That…That is the most…Romantic thing you have ever done for me! You risked your life by stealing Bane's most prized possession and fixed it up to look nice and pretty all for me! I love ya, puddin'!" Harley says happily, dropping the baton and very gently hugging Joker, careful to avoid his injuries.
"Aww…You know I'll only get the best for you, Harl" Joker coos, allowing the hug only because the baton was still dangerously close to his emotionally unstable girlfriend, and wrapping his uninjured arm around her.
"Everybody on your knees, now! Hands behind your head!" The Head guard calls as the other guards rush in. The inmates drop to their knees quickly, a few of them grumbling about losing their bets.
Joker and Harley drop to their knees together slowly. Harley reluctantly unwraps her arms from the Joker and repositions them behind her head, pouting in disappointment.
The Joker chuckles at her cute pout and mouths 'later', winking as he puts the only hand he could move behind his head.
Harley squeals in delight as the guards gently nudge Bane with their feet to make sure he was unconscious before dragging him into a gurney and off to the Medical wing.
Other guards pull Joker up roughly, earning a quiet groan of pain from said clown. "Be gentle with me, boys. I've had a rough night" The Joker tells them before laughing loudly at his own joke.
"Be careful with my Mistah J, you meatheads!" Harley screams in outrage.
"No worries, pumpkin pie, I'll be just fine" Joker soothes as they lead him away to the Medical wing. "Oh! And happy Valentine's Day!" The Joker calls, laughing maniacally as the other prisoners are ushered back into their cells.
"That's my Mistah J…" Harley sighs dreamily, smiling in his general direction as she is forced back into her own cell.
Authors notes:
Dark: First of all, I would like to thank all my reviewers. You're all awesome! Sorry for the wait, I had unexpected priorities to take care of...However, I hope I made up for it! Please tell me what you think and stay tuned to my profile 'cause this ain't the only thing I'm going to write and that's a guarantee!