Here it is guys :) the (possible) final chappie :) I worked really heard to get everything right in this chapter - to get all the emotions and feelings I wanted to portray well described and detailed, so let me know if i've got it right? (There's a chance I haven't)
And I just want to say a HUGEEEE thanks to all the readers and everyone who reviewed, favourited and subscribed to this story - you really made my day and encouraged me to continue the story! :) Hope you enjoy :)
2. I Won't Let You Go
Slamming the door behind him, Damon grabbed the bottle of Bourbon from the counter, not bothering to find a glass. His eyes were still moist, his insides burning. He went and stood by the fire place, twisting the cap off the bottle and drank forcibly. He kneeled down, staring at the emblazoned flames that flourished uncontrollably, a little like his emotions and pain within his heart. He took another long sip, not caring that this was his last bottle. On his knees, he paused for a moment, just staring unseeingly at the fiery red. He was motionless as his mind conceived an image of Elena. The heat radiating from the sparks began to filter into Damon's now-stinging eyes as the image of Elena began to slowly fade just like his reality with her was.
Those four words were forever etched into his memory. Never was a very long time for Damon. He'd spent his last lifetime chasing after Katherine, thinking that he'd never love again, that she was it. But with Elena, it something more. It was pure. And that's why the pain stabbed him in his heart. Because it was knowing that he'd have to let her go. That she wasn't his, she didn't want him. He fought tears as these thoughts crossed his mind. What was the point in feeling, what was the point even trying, not shutting off your humanity totally when in the end, it was going to go to waste?
He couldn't fathom ever letting her go. He couldn't let her go. He just couldn't. He wouldn't live without her. Or bring himself to imagine a life without her. Life as it was wasn't worth living without her. It wasn't worth it if she would never be his. He couldn't accept the fact. It was true, once you'd tasted perfection and had everything you'd wished for in a lifetime, it was a struggle to let it go. And the world knew Elena was Damon's mirage of perfection. How could you opt for anything but that? How could you let that go? But a part of him knew that he wouldn't completely let her go. He'd just disappear or something. Something to ease the heartache. Perhaps putting distance between her and himself would make it easier. Or at least, that's what he kept telling himself.
Staring at the deep red in the fire, all his thoughts gathered together, burning in his mind. His thoughts repeatedly echoed, 'Why was he still here? Why didn't he leave earlier? Was it in the sheer hope that she'd change her mind?'. Well, if that was his answer - his reasoning, then there was no reason keeping him here now; there was nothing to stay for. Nothing to live for, even.
And though part of him fought against this, furiously he stood and smashed his glass into the fire, watching callously as the facets sparked back, falling prey to the flames. He just stood there, motionless, lifeless, staring at the flames, making his mind up. He was going to leave.
-x-
Elena was upstairs, drying the remnants of her tears.
"Hey, are you okay?" Bonnie asked quietly as she stepped into the room. Elena turned her back on her instantly brushing away her stinging tears.
"Yeah" she answered, her voice shaky, "Yeah, I'm fine" she lied, trying to force a more content face as she turned to face Bonnie.
Bonnie didn't buy it. She needn't be a witch to know that something or someone had upset her. She stood in front of her, brushing her palm against Elena's shoulders in reassurance and instinctively asked, "Jeremy?".
Elena nodded, "Yeah", she lied, again, "It's just sinking in now I guess. That he's leaving, He's actually lea-" she broke off mid-sentence as her cries evoked from her chest. But it wasn't just because Jeremy was leaving. Damon too, was leaving.
"Hey, shhhh" Bonnie tried to reassure her, hugging her tightly. Elena's cries came more forcibly now as she flashbacked to earlier when Damon stopped by.
-x-
There was a light knock on the kitchen door. Instantly, she turned to, expecting to see Rick or someone else from the party she'd planned for Jeremy, checking up on her. But it wasn't Rick. It was Damon, standing in the door frame, mashing his lips in a tight line.
"What are you doing here Damon?" Elena asked, not in the mood.
"I got an invite" he said, his lips twisting at the corner to reveal his seductive smile. But it didn't meet his eyes.
Elena just turned around, aiming to walk out of the opposite door; she didn't want to share Damon's company. But before she knew it, a hand grabbed hers and within a moment, she felt the air around her swivel around impulsively. As she opened her eyes and gasped, she was in her room, her head on Damon's torso. As the shock dispersed, she half-jumped away from him, backing towards her window.
"What are you doing? Why did you just do that?" she demanded furiously.
Elena only now realised that Damon was blocking he door, her only way of escape and suddenly she felt stuck.
Damon threw his hands out in the air, "Would you have heard what I wanted to say otherwise?" his icy eyes didn't let go of Elena's, "Didn't think so" he said, walking towards her.
"Damon, I've said what I needed to say, you should go", she tried to persuade but Damon wasn't having any of it.
"So that's it", he asked, his tone harsher than he intended it to be. "You don't love me and I'm supposed to just accept that?", his eyes widened and for the first time, Elena saw another side to him. It wasn't an angry or violent side yet she was still afraid of this part of him. Because he was hurt. He was sensitive. And it scared her seeing him almost vulnerable.
Elena's face was plastered in fear and as soon as Damon realised this, he suddenly felt reluctant; he'd sworn he'd never be like this with her, he'd be calm. But he couldn't stand pretending that he was okay, that he wasn't hurt. He could no longer pretend that he didn't love her; the whole universe knew that.
"I don't believe it Elena. I don't believe you".
Elena just dropped her head, her eyes unseeing at the floor. Yet, this simple gesture answered Damon's assumptions.
"You dragged me out of a dark place Elena. Remember how you saved me?" his tone was quieter, with deeper meaning within. Elena looked up, "From all the wrongs, from feeding recklessly, from shutting off my humanity completely. You're the reason I've still got it, Elena. You. There's something here for us, I can feel it." He gathered her hands and even though she tried hard to resist their capture, he stopped her, almost forcing her to look at him, to listen to him and to believe the words he spoke.
"Just take a little time to feel it Elena, to feel our love. It's there." He paused, searching for something, a spark of hope in her eyes. "Just feel it before it's too late. Please?" he begged , but she wasn't saying anything. "You don't have to be alone, you don't have to wait for my brother to change because there's no guarantee that he will change, Elena". He paused, looking at her moist chocolate brown eyes. "Let me be your guarantee".
A lump grew in Elena's throat knowing that what she was hearing was the truth. She couldn't keep on hoping that Stefan would come back to her. She couldn't go on hoping, it wasn't a life. She dropped her hands from his and he didn't re=capture them, he just stared into those big, brave eyes of hers.
"Just trust me. Open up your heart to me, I won't break it. I'll be here always, forever, holding on, you can trust me", he tried to reassure her. But there was no use.
Elena just stood, looking at her hands, shaking her head as she tried to find the words to say. "I can't do this Damon" she half-whispered. Forcing her eyes away from his angelic eyes, she walked past him to the door, her eyes stinging. Damon didn't respond, didn't try to stop her. Instead, the sound thudding of his heart beat in his head, getting louder every step she took. The pain in his chest now excavated it's claws around his heart, making it hard for him to breath. He stared straight ahead, outside her window where the clouds were gathering in the twilight sky. Bitter
"I'm leaving, Elena", his voice didn't falter. He said it with no hurt, no emotion.
Elena froze at the door. She turned back slowly, her face unrecognisable.
"Today", he finished, not turning back,
No one spoke for a moment. The silence was deafening.
"Wha-Why", Elena's voice was barely a whisper, she was fighting back the lump in her throat.
He shrugged, turning to meet her eyes, "It's not like there's anything to stay for," he said, unknowing how harsh his tone was. Elena flinched back instantly and though he saw it, he fought against responding. He fought against his humanity.
"Damon, you don't need to leave. You can't" she pleaded, edging forward.
"Why Elena? Exactly what is there here for me to stay?" he said, unbreaking his cold, menacing eyes off her. He couldn't understand why she wanted him to stay, she didn't love him. Why did she expect him to stay when she couldn't even fight against her heart and learn to love him? She didn't reply and he just started towards her, aiming for the stairs. He didn't want to be here any longer, it just made it hard for him.
"Wait… what about Stefan?" she asked, stopping him as he walked past her.
He froze immediately just behind her choking back a laugh, but his facial expression was grave. "You love him Elena," he directed his icy, bittersweet eyes to her, "I'm sure you can bring him around again." His words were sour as he swallowed his pain. Regret overshadowed him because eh knew that what he was saying – and preparing to do – would hurt her. But the was past all that. He wa spast feeling.
"Damon, please…" she began to plead, but he just turned his back on her regrettably. She hesitated back for a moment before approaching him again and forcing him to face her by pulling him round.
"Damon, please, we don't need to be like this. You don't need to do this". She was right, surely they could fix this. They could bounce back right?
Not for Damon. He was burnt.
He'd given his heart to a girl that didn't want it, that didn't want him even though he wanted her so much. And he couldn't deal with the pain anymore.
He looked back.
"I'd be with you in a heartbeat if you'd let me but" he paused, "I can't make you love me Elena. So as much as I don't want to, I have to let you go", it was as if he'd shut off his feeling completely the way he said the words, with upmost ice in them.
He saw the pain he inflicted in her eyes and didn't flinch. He fought against the sparks of guilt because if he didn't, he'd have to go on living each day running out of air to breathe. And his only source of air was Elena. And she didn't want him, so the faster and farther he got away from her, the better. The more time he'd have time to heal.
"Goodbye." he said, his voice barely a whisper.
Elena took a step forward "Damon-ple" before she could finish, a flash of air swipped infront of her and her bedroom door closed. Damon was gone.
And then her tears didn't stop streaming.
-x-
"It's okay. It's all going to be okay" Bonnie's voice brought Elena back to the harsh, painful present, trying to calm her down but Elena knew better. Trying to get a grip on her sobs, she looked up to see Jeremy standing by the door. Immediately, she repositioned herself, wiping her tears away from her eyes. She forced a smile.
"Elena, are you okay" he asked, concerned.
The last thing Elena wanted was to lose her brother but she knew deep inside that, this was the best thing to do. The best way to protect him. Even though Bonnie thought Elena was being selfish, it was the only thing she could do, to prevent losing someone else. Because 'til today she'd lost nearly everyone in such little time. Her parents, Jenna, John, Jeremy, Stefan. And now Damon. And it was all her fault. It was selfless of her for wanting to protect her brother.
Elena forced a smile, "Yeah" she said, her voice a little disjointed and half-ran towards Jeremy, engulfing him in a hug.
"Whoah" he exclaimed, wrapping his hands around her, trying to lighten the mood in mock. Elena's tears continued streaming as she closed her eyes, not knowing when she'd next hug her brother like this, if she'd ever have a moment like this again.
"Elena, I'm only going away for a few weeks, I'll be back before you know it" he said, trying to reassure her but in his eyes was sorrow too, Bonnie could see it.
"I know" Elena tried. After a few moments she let go of him, pulling him in front of her, "Just promise me something" she asked, turning a little serious.
Jeremy shrugged, looking a little worried but Bonnie gave him an encouraging smile.
"Promise me that you won't forget me. And be safe okay?" she asked. After a moment, Jeremy just laughed.
"Jeez, a whiny big sister, always telling me what to do, where to go, how to behave. How could I forget?" he laughed and Elena did her best to laugh to.
"You just promise me something Elena" he looked at her, "Please, try not to attract anymore supernatural beings – I think this town has enough", Elena shook her head, laughing, "And please, try not to get yourself killed. Last thing I want is to lose you too", his tone was solemn and Elena just stared at her brother, who'd grown up in such little time without her knowing, almost appearing as her father.
"Mind you, if you do get killed, that means no more nagging" he joked as did Bonnie and Elena just scowled, playfully punching his shoulder. Just then, Alaric came up behind Jeremy and stood at the doorway, giving Elena a gentle smile.
All three of them echoed each others laughs one final time as Elena gave Jeremy another hug. Alaric stood silently at the door, patiently for the goodbye's to draw to a close. Knowing this, knew that it was time. She let him go and turned to see as he hugged Bonnie once more.
"Ready to go?" Alaric asked. Elena tried her best to hold herself together.
"Yeah" Jeremy answered, giving a long lustful glance at Bonnie who smiled cheerfully at him. But as soon as his back turned on her, sadness surpassed her too. Elena went and gave her a cuddle as they followed them down the stairs.
Elena waved goodbye to her brother as she stood, holding her fragile self together on the front porch. The dark sky above had a grey lining, almost symbolising the somewhat grey occasion. Tears escaped her cheeks vehemently as the car doors shut and the engine started. As Alaric's car turned on her street and suddenly vanished, she let out a gasp, as if unable to breathe. She suddenly felt cold.
"Hey Elena, it's going to be okay" Bonnie said, clutching Elena. But it wasn't because of her brother's departure that made her clutch her heart. It was Damon.
It was as if he mind just clicked, giving her all the answers she needed. Presenting her a way of salvaging at least one thing she'd thought she'd lost. Within an instant, her mind was made up, she knew what she had to do. And there was no time to waste.
"No, Bonnie, I… I have to go do something" she said, looking past Bonnie and started for the house.
"What?" Bonnie said in confusion, "what do you need to -" before Bonnie could finish her sentence, Elena was running into the hallway, grabbed her car keys from the midst of the party decorations on the table and ran back out, past Bonnie who stood bewildered.
"Just listen to me okay Bonnie. I need to go do something, I won't be long, just…" the thunder crackled as Elena half-ran to the car in the light rain that escaped with the thunder. She opened the car door and gave her best friend a meaningful look, calling out, "just stay here please. I'll explain everything later" she said before slamming the car door and starting her engine simultaneously. She shot one last consequential glance at Bonnie who still stood, dazed and sped off.
She flew down the wet highway, praying that she wasn't too late. Praying that he wasn't too far gone. That her words didn't affect him so much as to really push him away. The heavy clouds above started to let out heavier droplets as she pressed her foot down further. Tears fled from her eyes continuously at the faint thought that maybe he'd already gone. But as soon as the thought appeared, Elena drove faster, adamant to not lose him, not yet. The thunder crackled above as she drove into the boarding house porch. The rain hadn't eased as she parked up. Damon's car was still there. In the sheer hope that he was still here, Elena ran out into the pouring rain, towards the house. Running up towards the front door, she pulled the handle but with no result. The front door was locked. Shock and surprise bewildered here. It wasn't normally locked. Stefan and Damon always left it unlocked. But not today. She pulled again and as she did, she called out his name. But there was no reply, not that she expected one. Looking back at the fleeting rain and the crackles of thunder, she tried once more. But the door wouldn't budge.
She ran towards the side of the house, running up against the windows as the heavy rain drenched her. She couldn't see anything or anyone in there. She ran to the other side of the house, to the window that onlooked the living room; the fireplace was enlightened with red and orange flames and below the fireplace she saw remnants of glass, scattered. From the corner of her eyes, she spotted Damon's car keys on the table, but no Damon. She swept the raindrops from her face as she raced back to her car and grabbed her phone. Out in the rain, she dialled his number and pressed the phone to her ear against the thundering rain. There was no answer.
She tried again but still, there was no answer. Gasping for air, she ran back to the house trying the doorbell again, banging and thrusting her hands at the door. After a few moments, she heard his phone ring inside. It was hard to notice the ringing first with the pounding rain and thunderclaps but eventually, hope instilled her. Maybe he was home, just avoiding her? She continued calling out his name.
She ran back to the window, furrowing her eyes through the glass, she couldn't see anyone. By the eleventh ring, she was about to give up. Until the corner of her eye noticed a shadow.
It was at the corner of the room, near the encroaching staircase. Fighting through the raindrops, she slammed her hands on the window, yelling out his name. But there was no answer.
"Damon, I know you're in there, please, just open the door. Damon, please". But momentously, the figure disappeared and once again, Elena was calling out no one. She glanced around her breathless, unsure what to do now. Tears escaped her eyes as her calling became cries which turned in to heartfelt sobs. The rain didn't ease as her heartbreak caught up with her. She didn't know what to do, where to look for him. How to find him.
She didn't know if she was just imagining the figure inside but a part of her knew that he was already gone. That her efforts were pointless. And it was knowing this that her heart crumbled apart once again, beyond repairable.
She walked, lifeless, away from the house, into the hammering rain and as the lightening struck above her, she fell to her knees, her eyes still crying out. Her sobs came louder as she beckoned out his name into the sky. She clutched onto her chest as images of the moments she spent with him flashed behind her eyes like a slideshow on play. The moment's she'd spent with him, she regretted not cherishing them. She'd be lost without him. How would she stay strong, to fight off Klaus and Stefan without him by her side?
Regret. Guilt. And utmost love. That's what she felt in the midst of the pouring storm. And what she wanted, wanted more than anything right now, wasn't Stefan, wasn't her brother, but Damon. To hold him tight and feel his warmth; it was the only thing that could erase her pain and stop the tears. Yet, hardest part of it all was knowing that all this time, everything they were – friends, heroes, even lovers - are all a thing of the past, they were now coming to a sudden end.
To think she wouldn't see those beautiful azure eyes again made it almost impossible to not let the river continue streaming down her cheeks. The fact that she'd not even said goodbye continued to disassemble her heart further. She'd realised that what she was feeling now, the hollow emptiness within her that consumed her, was how it'd felt when you lost something – someone – you could never replace. For Damon, nothing was worse that loving someone so much but went to waste. Elena only realised now through the pain that she felt that she was far too in love to let him go. Even though it was too late, she couldn't let him go, just like he couldn't let her go. And it would be the death of her. Damon would going to hold onto their kiss, without feeling guilty. He'd hold onto their shared moments. After all, it's all that would keep him going. And if he stayed, all those cherished moments, the good times would eventually disperse into nothing because seeing Elena would constantly remind him of what could have been. For Damon, it was better to let go of something than to hold onto nothing.
Tears continued streaming down her face when she realised that she'd lost something she could never replace. Never – the word that broke two hearts in one night.
Elena let out a pained cry into the night sky and heard her echo as she wrapped her sore hands around her, trying to keep herself from falling apart. In the middle of her cries, she managed to whisper "I'm so sorry" breathlessly to the emptiness surrounding her. The thunder clashed again as she clutched her sore hands and succumbed into the ground. Her cries didn't stop. She felt numb. She'd lost him, once and for all.
"Elena?" a gentle voice asked through the thundering storm.
As soon as she heard the voice amidst the clashing clouds, she stopped breathing. She opened her eyes slowly, afraid that it was just her imagination, giving her what she wanted. And as she scanned before her, she realised it was. There was nothing but the heavy, grey downfall in front of her. She gasped out, her cries starting again as her face marvelled into her palms.
"Elena," the voice rendered again, but this time closer, more urgent. It was coming from behind. Apprehensively, she stood up, her hands still enveloped around her waist. Closing her eyes, she turned around, fearing that there'd be nothing but nothing once she opened her eyes.
"Open your eyes", he said.
And she did.
And another rainstorm started in her eyes. She didn't know if it was real. She wasn't sure if he was really there.
"Damon", she whispered, looking at the tall dark figure that no imagination could perfectly picture. As she stared at the blindingly beautiful eyes, Damon's lips twisted at the corners to reveal the smile Elena had come to love.
And that's all it took. Before time could tick, before the rain could purposefully hit the ground, before Damon could blink, she was running to him. With every step she took, she felt her heart heal and her tears weren't stinging anymore. Before she could fully reach him, he met her halfway. And before either of them could share another word, Elena pressed her lips onto his, returning the kiss she owed him.
It was sheer perfection.
The pounding thunderous rain above couldn't falter or break their hold on eachother. Damon wrapped his arms protectively around her, holding her firmly against his chest, afraid he'd lose her if he didn't. He kissed her back passionately, ensuring that he felt it, ensuring every nerve in his body was feeling. He kissed her back as fervently and as fondly as she kissed him. Her arms enveloped around his neck, as if in her capture.
And in that moment, she knew it. She'd never let him go again. She wanted to be here, right now and she wanted to be his forever. She loved him. Truly and immensely loved him.
They parted slightly as Damon gently pulled her face up to his and looked into those deep brown, moist eyes. He captured a teardrop on her cheek and brushed it away. He opened his mouth to speak but Elena beat him to it.
"I love you, Damon" she finally admitted, capturing the moment in it's entirety.
And she took Damon's breath away. The glimmer in his eyes returned as it did in Elena's eyes and he smiled back at her, tenderly taking her face into his palm.
"You don't know hwo long i've waited to hear that".
"I'm so so-", Elena began to apologise but she placed a finger on her lips.
"Shhh, you don't need to say anything," he whispered. He could hardly speak but he understood what she was trying to say.
He placed his lips onto hers again and this time, they shared short sweet kisses.
"You can't leave. I won't let you" Elena managed to spurt out in the middle of a kiss.
Damon laughed, still holding onto her tight.
He looked deep into her eyes, "I love you Elena. I'm not going anywhere." he declared, his eyes were once more fierce. He meant the words he said. Elena smiled, her eyes up once more. "I'm never going to leave you", he whispered, brushing away the streaks on her cheek.
"Never's a long time," she whispered back.
He shook his head, looking into her eyes and pushing a wet stray strand of hair away from her face, he smiled once more, "It's not long enough." he whispered back into her ear and met her lips once more.
There, standing in the middle of a rainstorm in the arms of one another, they both knew where they hearts lay; they were in each others captivity. And Elena finally knew where she belonged. She loved Damon and all this time denying her feelings for him only made the love she had for him, stronger. For the first time in her life, something went right in Elena's life and for Damon, he got a second chance. It was perfection. They were perfection. And nothing could change that. No one could change that.
They parted briefly and exchanged a longing glance at each other like long lost lovers in-between the rain which still hadn't given up. "I need to get you inside", Damon said after a moment, realising that Elena was shivering in his hold. Elena just smiled, burying her head into his torso as she let him lead her up to the house. He kissed the top of her head profoundly. It was sweet.
Just as he opened the door, he kissed her once more, a little like the first time. They were in the doorway, in the middle of their kiss, when they were distracted...
"Elena",
The voice that they both next heard made them part abruptly. Glancing at each other for a split-second, they both looked back into the rain. Elena gasped at the figure before them. But it only made Damon's clutch on Elena stronger, as if he wasn't going to let her go, as if he'd take a bullet for her right there and then.
It was Stefan. He'd been standing in the rain the whole time. His hands were in his pockets, his face dripping. Shock and surprisement overtook Elena. As Elena looked back at him, she realised that something was different about him. The way he stood gracefully. He had the spark in his eyes again. They were slightly red and moist as if… as if he'd been crying? Yet, they were somewhat dazzling. They had life in them again. Resurrected. Like they were before Klaus had gotten to him. Before the blood frenzy turned him into something Elena learned to detest. It was as if he'd changed. As if he'd turned back into the Stefan she'd fell in love with.
The three of them just stood there, silent, in the downpour. Elena's heart began to pound faster.
"Stefan", she acknowledged, awestruck.
Thank you so much for taking the time out to read this :) Leave a review? I'd love to know what you thought!