Summary: It was the best date night Kate had ever had...except this wasn't even supposed to be a date.

Author's Note: Okay, so this is no longer a one-shot (obviously). You guys have been so persuasive lately that I just can't seem to stop after one chapter. I know this was supposed to be all about an adorable date night, but this chapter ran in a completely different direction once I sat down to write it. However, I think it's appropriate and necessary...and I promise, there is more adorableness to come.

Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of.

Chapter 2

The first of Kate's senses to make its way into consciousness was touch. She could feel an arm around her shoulders, cold feet touching her ankle, and whatever her head was on was far too warm to be a pillow. In fact, whatever was surrounding her entire body also seemed to be abnormally warm.

The next sense was smell. There was a strange combination of leftover cologne and aftershave invading her nose. A very familiar combination, now that she thought about it.

She could hear someone breathing very softly.

Kate felt a puff of warm air expelled onto the top of her head and a huge smile blossomed as the pieces came together.

She was surrounded by Richard Castle.

Slowly, she blinked her eyes open, taking in the stubble on his cheeks and the slight drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. His hair was mussed from sleep, the lines of his face were soft and relaxed, and he looked absolutely adorable.

Boyish, yet handsome.

And Kate could almost swear that he was smiling ever-so-slightly.

Then again, she was grinning like an idiot after waking up in the arms of her partner. The partner whom she had quite enthusiastically made out with just a few hours ago.

Wait. Waking up? Castle's arms? They had been sleeping all wrapped around each other like this?

Kate quickly glanced down, relieved to find both of them still fully clothed. When that happened...because it was a when now, not an if...she wanted to remember every single moment.

Tentatively, she reached out and brushed a few pieces of hair out of his eyes, running the pads of her fingers across his forehead, along the lines of his face. She traced his cheekbones, down the angle of his jaw, her thumb brushing ever so slightly across the corner of his mouth, before dropping her hand back down where it had been, curled in between their bodies.

At her movements, Castle stirred, and Kate snapped her eyes shut again. If he had been awake for what she had just done, she was not sure she would be able to come up with a believable explanation...aside from I love you and want to be with you, which she was not quite ready for. She just hoped he was unobservant enough in the morning that she could pull off the fake sleeping.

On the other side of Kate's closed lids, Castle sleepily opened his eyes, the soft smile from his dream (in which Kate's hand had been caressing his face) spreading into a giant grin when he saw Kate herself snuggled up next to him, her nose buried in his neck.

He hugged her tighter, bent down to kiss her temple, at which point Kate could not pretend to be asleep any longer. Not when he was holding her and kissing her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

Her eyes opened again, blinking not in response to the light, but in response to his warm blue eyes very close to her own, gazing down upon her reverently. Like he could not believe he had just woken up with her.

Then again, she could not believe that this was happening, either.

"Kate," he said softly, causing her eyes to flicker ever-so-briefly to his lips. His voice was still scratchy from sleep, his eyes filled with joy and contentment, and Kate suddenly flashed back to last night, in the final moments before she drifted off. In that same gentle tone, he had spoken to her then, too.

G'night, love.

Love. He had called her love, and while Kate was pretty sure he did not realize he had done so, she knew without a doubt that he meant it. Hell, he had probably imagined that scenario in his head, though maybe not with the pillow fight and sleeping on the floor aspect of it. And probably with less clothing.

"Hey," she managed, tearing herself from her thoughts long enough to formulate some type of response.

He brought a hand to her cheek, thumbed the remnants of sleep from the corner of her eyes. "Sleep well?"

"Mmmm, very."

"Me too." He leaned down, kissed her forehead. "Best I've slept in months."

Kate smiled then, raising a hand to his hair again, running her fingers through the disheveled strands. Castle subconsciously leaned into her touch as Kate toyed with his hair, making it stick up even more than it already was. Somehow, it made him even more attractive.

"You're so adorable with bedhead," she murmured, realizing too late that she had actually given voice to that thought.

"I...I mean..." she stammered, but Castle held up a hand to stop her.

"Huh-uh, no take-backs." He reached around for his phone, opened the notepad app. "I'm writing that down and saving it forever."

She lifted her head. "Then I'm getting up and leaving right now."

They both knew it was an empty threat, but she would not be Kate Beckett if she did not try.

Castle set his phone aside, the screen void of any text, for now. Really, though, whether he wrote it down or not, she was not going to live that one down any time soon.

"For the record," he said softly, tangling a hand in her hair, "you look pretty damn good in the morning too."

Kate blushed. Again. Damn him and his compliments, especially when it was early in the morning and his voice was deeper than normal and he was being so gentle and loving.

She was hopeless. They both were. Whatever this thing was between them, it was deep and powerful and all-encompassing. It was terrifying at times, the ways he made her feel, the reactions he could bring about with a single sentence or a simple touch.

She looked down, away from his soft smile and loving eyes. This was quickly becoming overwhelming, and all they were doing was cuddling and talking. She just wanted him so badly and if the look in his eyes was any indication, he was fighting to restrain himself as well.

And it would be so easy to give in, to close the distance between them and not bother to hold back when things started heating up. But Kate respected him, respected them far too much to start off with secrets.

Maybe she should just tell him. It was going to suck no matter what, and he was probably going to be mad, but the longer she waited, the worse it was going to get. She really did not want to ruin the atmosphere that had settled over them, but it was getting harder and harder to keep pretending not to know, especially when the love was shining in his eyes and his final words the previous evening were still echoing in her head.

Seemingly unaware of her tumultuous thoughts, Castle leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose before making his way down to her lips. She melted into him, morning breath and all, and eagerly returned his affections.

He pulled away all too soon, though, and she was drawn back to reality as they separated. Kate sighed audibly and felt Castle's reaction immediately.

He loosened his hold on her. "Kate?"

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she lied. Castle's expression quite plainly stated that he did not believe her.

Kate sighed again, knowing she was not going to be able to talk her way out of this one. "Just...I...we have some things we need to talk about before we keep doing this."

Rick's eyes immediately flicked in the direction of his office and the murder board he had not told her about, and his heart sank at the reality of their situation.

Yeah, they definitely needed to talk. Her mother's case was still unsolved and she had said she needed that done first. So obviously she was not ready for this, and even though Rick should have expected that, the thought that she might just ignore this like she had with everything else broke his heart.

Kate ran a hand over her eyes, as though wiping away the pain this conversation was sure to cause. She had gone over this scenario in her head a billion times and in none of them did it end well. For either of them. She knew he was going to be upset, and she also knew that the only way to explain why she had ignored him involved the phrase I love you too.

Just last week, she had actually told Doctor Burke how she felt, but saying it to her therapist and saying it to the man in question were two very different things, and she was not sure she was ready. Yes, Doctor Burke had been helping her, and yes, things were getting better, but she was not fully there yet.

Then again, she had kissed him yesterday and again just now, so ready or not, it was time to face the fact that this was something she needed to tell him sooner rather than later. It was only fair.

And considering that the alternative was not telling him and starting...whatever this was...only to have her secret come to light and tear them apart sometime in the future, this was the best option. It was a lesser of two evils scenario, but, as Doctor Burke had pointed out, she had brought it upon herself. Now, it was time to face the consequences.

"Kate, we don't have to do this now," Castle offered, sensing her hesitance.

He was right, really. They could put this off until she was a little more ready and they were both more awake, but by then they would probably be called out on a case or unable to have the conversation for various reasons, and then they would be right back where they are now. And though she was dreading this conversation, Kate was tired of being stuck in this awkward not-quite-there-yet situation.

She pressed herself up onto one elbow, dislodging his arms from around her.

"No, no, we should."

The romantic voice in her head was screaming at her that she was stupid, that she was about to ruin the best date she had ever had. But the rational side of her brain was not to be deterred now that she had worked up the courage to come clean.

He sat up slowly, leaned his side against the couch and curled his legs beneath him. "Okay, um, okay." Eloquent, Rick.

"I..." Kate hesitated, sat up as well, facing him. "I lied to you, Rick."

He swallowed hard, wracking his brains for what she could be talking about. Nothing about last night or this morning had seemed anything but genuine. "When?"

Kate took a deep breath, preparing to drop the bomb that was going to change everything. "Last summer."

"Last summer?" Castle repeated, confused. "I didn't see you then." The hurt in his eyes was unmistakable.

"Before," she swallowed, tried again, "before that. In the...hospital."

Castle's entire body stiffened. "Oh."

"I told you I didn't remember the shooting. But the truth is...I remember all of it. The gunshot, you tackling me." She met his eyes, almost lost her courage at the pain that was already present in them. But she pressed on, because she owed him this. "What you said."

"All of it?"

"Yes."

Castle dropped his head into his hands,

"I'm sorry," Kate said softly, unsure of how to react, what else to say. She had never really dealt with broken-hearted Castle before, and certainly not when she was the cause of his pain. "I'm so sorry."

"I...I knew this was coming, but it still hurts, Kate."

Her entire body jerked. "You knew?"

He lifted his head, his eyes boring into hers. "You flinched at loud noises, Kate. If you didn't remember the shooting, that wouldn't have happened. Not to mention the fact that you could never look at me when we talked about that day. I may not be a detective, but I can put two and two together."

"I..."

"Why, Kate?" he demanded.

She sighed. "I didn't know what else to do."

"So you decided to take the one person who had been there with you through everything and push him away from you?"

"I told you I needed space, Castle."

"Yeah, well, I had just laid my heart out for you and then watched you die, and I needed to be with you, to know you were okay. So clearly we can't always have what we need."

"I already explained all of this," Kate fought back. "I was trying to get away from the case, from the shooting, but you were front and center in both of those things. Having you there would have kept all of it right there with me."

"That doesn't mean you had to lie."

"I was lying to myself still, Castle," she practically shouted. "I couldn't even admit to myself what you had said, let alone try to sort out my own feelings. I didn't want to get into this conversation with you when I was still with Josh and when I wasn't ready to face what's between us."

"Look, I know you were hurting. I know you were going through a lot. But did you ever think about what it was like for me, Kate? Did you ever wonder what those three months were like for me, after you promised to call? For all I knew, you were still in the hospital or engaged to Josh or something."

Kate snorted, but Castle would have none of it. "Did you ever think about that, Kate? Or did you just think about yourself?"

"Of course I did. You think those months weren't at least as hard on me as they were on you? Of course I missed you."

"Yeah, so much that you didn't call and didn't come find me until you needed those files."

Kate sighed, dropped her head into her hands. God, she had really made a mess of this.

"Look, I screwed up, Rick. I know I did, and now I can see how selfish I was. But at the time, really, I didn't think about that. All I wanted to do was hide from the world and make this nightmare go away." She looked up, forcing herself to meet his eyes now. "I'm so sorry, Rick, I know I hurt you, and I wouldn't be surprised if you got up and walked away right now, but you deserved to know the truth. And that I'm really sorry."

"I..." he would not meet her eyes, "I'm not going to walk away. But I'm also not just going to let this go. Last summer hurt, Kate, and it hurts even more now that I know that you heard what I said and still pushed me away."

"I thought it was for the best," she admitted. "I thought it would be easier for you if you thought I didn't hear you than if you knew I did but I couldn't give anything back. I was wrong, obviously," she laughed self-deprecatingly, "but I was trying to do what was best."

"How is that any different from telling me now?" Castle asked, slightly more calm now, though the pain and anger were still there. "Your mother's case still isn't solved, which means that wall is still there, which means that you're still in the same position, right?"

Kate shook her head. "That wall isn't from the case, Castle. It's from before that. It's been there since my mom died, but it's not still there because of her case. It's there because I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of the pain. Of having my life torn apart like it was that night. I thought that if I just kept people out, I'd be safe from going through that ever again. But that sniper case made me realize that I don't want that wall there anymore. He let his past define his life, and it ended up destroying him, and..." she swiped at a tear she did not realize had fallen, "I don't want to end up like him."

"You wouldn't," Castle placated. "You would never do what he did."

She shook her head. "No, but I was letting my past define me, just like he did." Kate paused, took a deep breath. "I've been going to a therapist, Castle. He's been helping me work through all of this, helping me let go of my past and get rid of that wall. It's been...really hard," she choked out, fighting more tears.

He held up a hand but still refused to look at her. "Kate, you don't have to tell me this."

She stopped him. "No, I do. Because I want you to know why I'm doing this." Kate reached out, rested a hand on his thigh. "I've realized that I'll always be at risk for getting hurt again, because that's life. But I've also realized that some things are worth the risk. I...I went back to therapy after my psych eval because I wanted to be better. I wanted to be healed and...more. For you." At those words, he finally lifted his eyes to hers. "You're so worth the risk, Rick, and I wanted to be able to be with you without being broken and without there being a wall in the way. I wanted us to have the chance we deserve."

"Kate..."

She raised her other hand, pressed her fingers to his lips to silence him. She had to finish before she lost her nerve.

He had done his part. Now, it was her turn to lay her heart on the line.

"Because I love you."

Thoughts?