Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together.

Author's Note: First of all, I know FF was having some issues last week, and given the low response to the last chapter, I'm guessing some of you may not have gotten the alert for it. If that's the case, you probably want to go back and read Chapter 7 first. And secondly, apparently I was in a really weird mood when I wrote this chapter. That's really the only explanation I have for the way it turned out. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of.

Chapter 8

"Hey."

"Hey." He stepped back to allow her in. "How was lunch?"

"It was good."

"How's your dad?"

"He's good."

She shed her coat, tossed it over the back of the couch.

Castle tried again. "You doing okay?"

"I guess," Kate answered with a noncommittal shrug.

As if her one-word answers were not enough, her halfhearted gesture made it plain to see...she was either still upset or about to do something he was not going to like. Or both.

In an attempt to avert whatever events were about to conspire, Castle spoke up. "What can I do?"

Without answering, she made her way to his office, located the storyboard remote on his desk.

"Kate." His voice rang out behind her as he appeared in the doorway just in time to watch her press the button, bringing the board to life.

She ignored him, tapped the screen, and found herself staring at...herself...and though she knew the board was covered with information about her case, it still caught her off guard to see her picture front and center.

From there, her vision widened, taking in the rest of the array; pictures of her mom, Lockwood, Raglan, McAllister, and Montgomery. She felt a tear escape at the thought of her fallen captain, mentor, and leader.

"Kate." Castle's voice was nearer this time, his breath on her neck, and she could hear the tension in his voice.

Her eyes remained focused on the board, scanning familiar facts and integrating the new ones.

"Mayor Weldon?" she murmured questioningly.

Oh, crap. He had forgotten all about that.

"Yeah," he answered softly, "that case was related, in a way."

"How?"

"Long story."

Kate was not to be deflected. "I'm not going anywhere."

"No, Kate. Please. It's better if you don't know."

She turned, fixed him with a glare. "Well, it would be best if you didn't know either, but since you do, you're going to tell me everything you've found."

He shook his head, took a step back. "No. You can't keep looking into this."

"But that doesn't mean I can't know what's going on."

"What if they find out that you know?"

"They won't."

"But what if they do?"

Kate looked around pointedly. "We're in your loft. Are there hidden cameras or mysterious people hiding here?"

"Not that I know of."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Now you're being paranoid."

"Am I?" he asked angrily, advancing on her again. "They shot you, Kate. Right in front of me. At a funeral. So don't you dare tell me I'm being paranoid. If anything, you're being too lax about all of this."

"Yes, because I really want to go through a repeat of last summer again. God, Castle, you've known me for how long now? You really think I'd willingly get shot again?"

His silence was all the answer she needed, really.

Castle opened his mouth, closed it again, unsure of what to say next. He had no doubt that she had no desire to get shot again. But he had also worked with her long enough to know that her working this case was like an alcoholic just having one drink; she could not stop herself. She could not just get part of the way in. She had to give it all she had, and in this case, that was going to get her killed.

"They won't miss next time," he said eventually, ominously, hating the bitter taste of the words as they left his mouth, but knowing that it had to be said. She had to understand how serious this was, and until she did, he was not going to trust her with this information.

"There's not going to be a next time," Kate replied firmly, her eyes hard, defiant, daring him to disagree with her again.

"There will be if you dig. At all."

"Castle, for God's sake, how many times do I have to tell you this. I'm not going to. You asked me to back off, and I did. You're the one who kept going. Not me. So if anyone has the right to be untrusting about this, it's me."

"Kate, you don't understand..."

"No, you don't understand. I get it, okay?" she snapped, her voice gaining volume with every word. "And the only person who's going to be in danger of getting shot is you if you don't tell me what you've found."

Castle's eyes widened, he took a step back, holding his hands up in surrender. There was no way she was truly serious, no chance that she would ever point a gun at him. But with as riled up as she was, he was not taking any chances.

He sighed heavily, running his fingers through his already disheveled hair. He did not like this, did not like the thought of her being involved. Did not want to risk them finding out that she knew more than she had before. Even in the safety of his office, he was wary of telling her this. Hell, this guy had connections everywhere. Who is to say that he could not be following one or both of them at all times, tracing their every move, eavesdropping on their conversations?

But he knew Kate was right; she deserved to know. This was not something he could continue to keep secret, not if he wanted their partnership to survive. And she was stubborn enough that she would not back down until he had told her everything.

He took a deep breath, released it slowly. "Fine. But this information cannot leave this room. Nobody can know that you know any of this."

"I know," she replied, annoyed. "I'm aware of the dangers, remember?

"I just..."

"Just tell me what's new."

Castle was struck with the incredibly childish desires to either stick his tongue out or salute her with a snobby 'yes, maam.' However, behaving like a three year old at this juncture was probably not in his best interest. So instead, he forced back any reaction and began to talk.

He filled her in on everything; the mystery man, the mayor, the mystery phone calls, the files. All of it. Kate took it all in stride, face remaining stoic, but Castle could see through the shield, could see the cracks starting to form. The annoyance at this guy for one-upping them yet again. The inability to safely attain those files. The identity of the mysterious, supposedly trustworthy, man. Montgomery's sacrifice, for which Kate had never properly been able to grieve.

None of it made sense. None of it added up to anything they did not already know...powerful guy with enough connections and resources to always stay one step ahead of them. It was infuriating and discouraging.

At long last, Kate shut off the board, remote clenched tightly in her fist. "This is mine now," she said, voice soft but firm, her emotions hidden enough to almost make him believe that she was truly okay with all of this.

That did not mean she was going to get her way, though. "No."

"Yes. It's mine. That way you can't keep looking alone, and when I'm ready, we can try again."

"I won't work on this, okay," he gestured to the now blank board, "I swear to you. But this is my storyboard too."

"Castle," she said in a tone that left no room for debate.

He gaped at her, the realization suddenly washing over him. The hurt and surprise was evident on his face, in his eyes. Kate could see exactly when the feelings hit him, watched as he deflated, slouched, his entire face looking defeated.

"You don't trust me," he said softly.

"Not with this."

He sighed, shook his head. "God, this is a mess."

"Yeah, it is."

Silence fell, tense and uncomfortable, as each debated the best course of action.

"I don't know if I can do this, Kate," Castle said at last, hating that it had come to this, but unsure of how else to handle things.

"Do what?"

He gestured between them. "This. Us. Not when you don't trust me."

"Well, you don't trust me either."

"Which is why this is a problem. How can we be in a relationship when we don't trust each other?"

Kate staggered backwards, bracing a hand on his desk to hold herself upright, the words hitting her like a knife to the chest. A pain so much worse that the bullet wound, deeper and all-encompassing, flooded her body. He was breaking up with her...if you could even call it that, given that they had hardly been together.

"Castle, please. Don't do this."

"Beckett, no."

Another stab of pain at the use of her last name, the emotional detachment in his voice.

"No. Please. We can work this out. I'll do anything, Rick." She was begging now, voice laced with desperation and fear. But this was no time to worry about how pathetic she must have looked and sounded. Not when Castle was slipping away from her.

He shook his head, stepping back as she moved towards him, his evasion halting her approach. "As soon as I stopped trusting Meredith, our marriage was basically over. I never really trusted Gina with Alexis, and as a result, we never stood a chance. And I'm not about to start something with you on a complete lack of trust. It won't work, Beckett."

"Look, I made a mistake, okay? I screwed up and I shouldn't have lied to you. But please don't let that destroy what we have," she practically sobbed.

Lied? What was she talking about? Caste replayed recent events in his head, working backwards over the last few days.

Oh, that lie. Castle had not even been thinking about that. That was water under the bridge compared to this.

"That's not what worries me. That's over, okay? It's been dealt with."

"Then what?"

"The case."

Kate set the remote aside, on top of a pile of papers stacked haphazardly on his desk. She sighed audibly, ran an agitated hand through her hair.

"I don't know what else I can say to make you believe me."

He shrugged.

"What do you need to hear?"

He shrugged again.

"You've got to give me something here, Castle," she said angrily. "I'm trying to fix this, but I can't do it on my own."

He shook his head. "I don't know. I need to be able to sleep at night without the fear that you'll start digging again."

"Which I've already told you I won't."

"Telling me a thousand times doesn't fix broken trust, Kate."

At least he was calling her Kate again.

"I know that, and I know it's not going to happen overnight. I'm just asking you to give us a chance to make things better."

"You're honestly willing to try to fix this mess?"

"Yes," she practically sobbed, so beyond caring about the desperate sounds that were coming out of her mouth. "God, Castle, I love you so much. Of course I'm willing to fix this."

"And what happens when you're ready to take another stab at the case and I don't want you to?"

Kate shrugged. "We deal with that when it happens."

"No," he said adamantly. "No. Because then we'll have this fight all over again, and I'm not doing that."

She sighed, turning ideas over in her head, trying to come up with some semblance of a plausible solution. If they at least had a blueprint of a plan, maybe they could iron out the details later.

"I'll be discrete about it. And we'll do it together."

"What happened to not wanting me to be a part of the case?" he questioned.

"Like I'd really be able to stop you. And if I can't keep you from it, then I'm going with you."

"Fine, we do it together. Discretely. But that will only get us so far. Then what? Because this guy has a guy everywhere, and we'll probably arouse suspicion no matter how under-the-radar we try to fly."

"Then we..." she trailed off, "God, I don't know, Castle, because I have no idea where we'll be in the case by then."

"Hypothetically, then, what happens when discrete poking around isn't enough to find the answers? What happens when you have to dive back in head first to find the leads?"

"I'm not just going to blindly jump in, if that's what you're implying," she stated.

"Not on purpose."

Kate scoffed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know you won't do that on purpose, Kate. But I don't think you realize how quickly you fall into it. You have all this new information now, and what happens when you have some extra time at the precinct some day and you get curious? You decide that you're just going to look up one little thing that you have a question about, and then that turns into something else, and before you know it, you're right back in the thick of things. You know this case has a tendency to suck you in without you even realizing it, Kate, and I can't watch that happen again."

"Then be here to make sure it doesn't."

Silence fell. Kate lifted her chin, found his eyes with her own. There were so many emotions swirling in their cobalt depths; confusion, anger, betrayal, sadness, fear, love. And it was heartbreaking to watch his struggle, to know that she was the one who had caused all of his pain.

Castle held her gaze, holding nothing back, laying it all bare for her to see. He wanted her to see just how hard she was going to have to work to fix this, the full extent of the mess that they had created for themselves. Everything they were going to have to overcome. If she was willing to fight for it, then so was he. But he wanted her to be one hundred percent sure, because if she was going to give up halfway through, run from the pain as was her habit, he would rather just end things now.

The sooner she broke his heart, the sooner he could start attempting to piece it back together. That would never happen, not fully, not if he and Kate were not together. But he could at least try.

He had promised himself long ago that he would never give up on Kate Beckett. He had told her, in not so many words, that he would wait for her. And he never had any intention of backing down on his promises.

Until today.

Until his heart had been torn to shreds by their fight, by their mutual lack of trust. Until he had realized that what they had now was not enough to make it to the forever that he dreamed about. And if they were bound to crash and burn, then they might as well get it over with.

He would probably never forgive himself if he walked away. But sometimes painful choices had to be made. Sometimes, the rise had to be stopped before they had a chance to fall, if the fall was something from which he would never recover.

"It's up to you, Castle," she said at last, breaking the silence. He could see in her eyes how much it cost her to say those words. How difficult it was for her to essentially hand him the control of their future, of her heart.

And maybe it was the fact that she did so that solidified his decision. Kate Beckett was incredibly careful with her heart. She kept it to herself as much as possible, sheltered it from the potential of pain and loss.

But now, she was giving it to him. And that meant that somewhere behind all of this mess, she still trusted him.

And if she still trusted him, then they had somewhere to start.

"Think about it," she said softly, cutting through his ruminations. "You know where to find me."

And with that, she slipped out of his office, snagging her coat on her way out of his loft.

The door shut behind her, gently, but in the silence of the loft, the noise was deafening.

Castle sighed, sunk into his desk chair and buried his head into his hands. He had known his secret was explosive. He had expected her to be furious. But never in his wildest dreams had he considered that it would tear them apart this badly, ripping straight down to the very core of their relationship.

He lifted his head, contemplated his next move. He had no appetite and, despite his heartache, had no desire to drink it all away. It was far too soon to go after her. And it was much too early to go to bed.

In the end, he decided that writing would be the best remedy. That way, he could sort through his emotions, get it all out, and decide on the next step.

Castle stood, retrieved his laptop, and headed into his bedroom with it, knowing from experience that he would be exhausted after purging all of his emotions onto the page.

He paused in the doorway, glanced back into the room as he reached for the light switch.

Out of the corner of his vision, something caught his eye, and his hand froze half way to its destination.

She had left the remote on his desk.

Thoughts?