So, I realize I promised that I would post this like over a week ago, but I totally procrastinated in doing so. Mainly because I'm really struggling with writers block right now and haven't got the next chapter written or even planned out, so I'm not sure when that will be posted. I even thought about this being the last chapter and just writing the epilogue, which I could easily do. So, we'll see.
Anyway, if people are still reading and continuing with the horribleness that is my updates, then I thank you.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the plot.
"I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe."
Logan walks into his apartment, to see Kendall sitting on his couch, playing the guitar. He smiles, noticing how Kendall doesn't even register him walking back in.
"There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me."
He continues to just listen, until the next verse, when he decides to join in, "So young and full of running."
Kendall's hands on the guitar stops and he turns to see Logan smiling, setting down the food on the table.
"John Mayer?"
"This song has been stuck in my head all day."
Nodding, Logan walks over to the couch and sits down, before resting his legs on top of Kendall's lap, making Kendall set his guitar on the coffee table. "It's a good song."
"So, what did you get to eat?"
"Just some chips."
"You went to the store just for chips?" Kendall raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah, so?"
"Nothing, it just seems like a pointless errand."
"You said you wanted chips!"
"I did, but if I had known you were only getting that, I wouldn't have suggested it. We could've been doing something a bit more...fun." Licking his lips, he smirks over at Logan.
Logan playfully pushes Kendall, "That's all you think about."
Shrugging, Kendall picks his guitar back up, playing a few random chords. "You know you were thinking it too."
Logan listens to Kendall for a few minutes, completely entranced by his fingers moving and he definitely was thinking the same thing as Kendall. "When are we gonna tell James and Carlos?"
Kendall stops playing as he turns to look over at Logan, "We haven't even told our families."
"I know, but I feel like those two need to know. We shouldn't keep something like this from them anymore."
"Yeah," Kendall sighs.
"They're not gonna care. I've known them for years. Us being together won't matter to them." Logan could see the uneasiness in Kendall's eyes.
"It's just, you've said yourself, this job is different. Coming out, even to them, could change everything."
"Jesus, what happened? I was all against us and now it's you?"
"Hey, I'm not against us. I will always want you. I'm just not saying for us to go run out and tell the world."
"We're not telling the world. We're telling our best friends who we work with."
Kendall lets out another sigh, "You're right." He knows Logan is and he loves James and Carlos like brothers, so he knows they need to tell them. It's just that he's enjoyed Logan and him having this thing that was just theirs. He got Logan and they still got to have everything Logan was worried about ruining. But telling the other two may change their whole dynamic.
Glancing over at Logan, he sees him lean back on the armrest, closing his eyes. So, he picks up the song he was singing when Logan walked in.
After one verse, Logan's voice cuts in and starts singing along with him. Grinning, Kendall sees Logan's eyes are still closed and he has a small smile as he sings.
And it's little things like that that remind Kendall why he is so in love with that brown eyed boy. They have yet to use the "L" word, even though they've been secretly dating for months. But that was the thing, it was a secret. A quick thing in a dressing room or sneaking touches and kisses when no one was looking. Also, with Kendall still living at home, meant he wasn't always with Logan. Plus, he's still afraid of pushing Logan too far. So, he's kept that word to himself.
Once they finish the song, Kendall sets his guitar back down and leans over Logan, kissing up his neck, making Logan chuckle, but it gets cut off as Kendall's lips are on his.
"We should sing that together," Kendall suggests against Logan's lips as he starts to unbutton his shirt.
"We did sing it together."
"No, like for my youtube or something. I need to do a new cover anyway."
Logan grabs Kendall's hands, to stop them moving over his chest. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
"Why?"
"Because you know what singing together like this does to us. I can't exactly stop myself from staring."
"Keep your eyes closed."
"I only did tonight, because I'm tired."
Kendall smirks at that, "Too tired for fun?"
Logan rolls his eyes, "Carry me to bed and I'll think about it."
Kendall's face lights up as he throws Logan over his shoulder, which just makes Logan protest.
"When I said 'carry me,' I didn't mean like this!"
"You never specified...And I still think we should sing it together." He goes back to their previous discussion.
"I'll think about it. But no more talking or I might just decide to go to sleep."
Smacking his ass, Kendall picks up his pace, before throwing Logan on the bed and grinning down at the boy below him.
He really is in love.
"Hey, what's up everybody. Kendall here. We got a couple hours break on the set of Big Time Rush and I have a friend who wants to sing a little ditty." Kendall says into the webcam on his laptop, making the video for his youtube.
And with that, Logan steps into shot. "What's going on guys, Logan here. We're going to sing John Mayer's 'Edge of Desire' for you guys, because I know that it's uh..." He looks to Kendall to find the right word, because they both know why they want to sing it, but it's not for reasons they should say.
"It's really..." and Kendall's stumped as well.
"...an inspirational song." Right as Logan answers, Carlos walks into the room.
"What's up, Carlos?" Both boys say. But neither of them are very thrilled that it's not just gonna be the two of them in here. Though, maybe that's for the best.
"What's up." Carlos turns to see the webcam on and proceeds to get his head in the shot.
"Anyways.." Logan tries to go back to their intro.
"What you got there? Is that mine?" Kendall asks, seeing two cups in Carlos' hand.
"Yeah, Kendall. I brought you a Jamba Juice."
And Logan looks a bit hurt by that. "You're gonna bring Kendall a Jamba Juice, and not bring me a Jamba Juice? Is that what's going on right here...Go sit down." But Logan doesn't really care, because Carlos had asked Logan earlier if he wanted anything from Jamba Juice, to which he politely declined.
"Sit down and listen."
"Anyways, this song has been stuck in our brains, so please enjoy."
Kendall starts to play the song, but tries to keep his eyes forward the whole time. Because the minute Logan opens his mouth, he's ready to attack him.
Maybe Logan was right about them singing this on camera. He's not sure how fans would react to him jumping Logan on youtube.
But in the middle of the song, a movement behind them catches both their eyes and they see Carlos with his cup swaying in the air.
It's a good distraction, so Kendall just tries to think of that and not the smile Logan just threw at him.
And by the way Logan's knuckles are going white, gripping the table he's leaning on, he's having just as much trouble as Kendall just trying to sing.
At one point, Kendall can see Logan turn his head slightly, not meeting his eyes. But close. Yeah, the second they finish singing and Carlos leaves this room, Logan's clothes are coming off.
Now, he has to keep closing his eyes every so often to regain any kind of composure he had, but that just brings up mental images of Logan backed up against that table. Which really doesn't help him much.
Thank goodness he has his guitar in front of him.
After what feels like the most unbearable few minutes ever, they finally finish the song. And he knows they should be good with the one take. Besides, he doesn't think he could handle singing it again.
Now, it's just a matter of getting Carlos out of the room. If they had told James and Carlos already, it would be easy. But since they are in the dark about their relationship, saying, "Hey, Carlos. Mind getting out so I can fuck Logan into tomorrow," wouldn't be the best idea. Though, Carlos would then know about them. Two birds with one stone.
"I love that song," Carlos says, still grinning on the couch, "Pretty awesome, guys."
"Thanks," Logan replies through gritted teeth, while messing on the laptop. He's not angry, just desperate to be alone with Kendall. "Did you wanna upload it now?" He asks Kendall, but doesn't look up.
"Nah, I'll wait until I get home or something."
Logan can only nod back, before closing the computer, afraid of what would happen if he was to turn around.
And Kendall can feel all the heat rolling off Logan's body and he desperately needs Carlos to get the hell out of this room. Or else he will see something that could scar him for life.
"I'm gonna use the restroom, I'll be back," Logan mumbles, ducking out of the room.
There goes his whole plan to fuck Logan, because he knows what he's going to do. But Logan knew just as well as he did that they couldn't do anything with Carlos in here.
He glares at Logan's retreating figure, not sure what to do about his situation, but is glad that he's still got his guitar on to block any evidence. So, he just paces around the room, playing random songs, trying to get his mind off his boyfriend.
"So, we're all going to James' place later, right? He said he would barbecue," Carlos pipes in with from his spot on the couch.
"Oh, yeah." Kendall had completely forgot about the plans they made last week. But this gives them the perfect opportunity to tell the other two boys. "We're heading over when we're done here, right?"
"Yep."
"Cool."
After a minute of awkward silence, Carlos jumps up, "Well, I'm gonna go play video games in my room."
Now Kendall is seriously thinking of murdering him. He leaves a minute after Logan.
But they'll definitely need to tell James and Carlos tonight. It has to happen, it's just, he's still scared. Though, he's about ninety-nine percent sure they won't care. But that one percent lingers in his brain, making him think everything will change and the other two will shun them. It's ridiculous, he knows this, but he just doesn't want anything to go wrong. He doesn't want to lose Logan. And if James and Carlos hate them, Logan may resent Kendall. And Kendall wouldn't be able to take that.
But with all his thoughts on what could happen tonight, he's ready to go back on set when they call him.
Just a few more hours, before everything could change.
"Logan, can you go grab the rest of the food and bring it out?" James calls from his spot behind the grill, checking to make sure the steaks are ready.
"Yeah." Logan runs back into James' house, grabbing the tray of food.
"Hey, guys! The food's ready!" he yells to Kendall and Carlos, who are playing soccer in the backyard.
Carlos' head whips around and he's sprinting to the table, "Sweet!"
Kendall chuckles, before following him. "Food smells great, James."
"Thanks."
After a cheers about how far they are coming, they all dig into the food.
It's relatively silent, mainly only questions if someone can pass an item or complimenting the food. Not much is said between during their dinner.
"Can you believe we're gonna perform soon? Like in a week practically?" Carlos beams, once they all sit back in their chairs, full from all the food.
James shakes his head, "It still feels so unreal."
"Our first real performance as a group." Logan can't even hide the huge grin on his face, which suddenly falters as he feels Kendall's hand on his thigh.
"In front of a crowd too. It's gonna be awesome." Kendall's hand squeezes Logan's leg, hoping the other two don't notice. But their attention is mainly on the upcoming Nick Upfront show they have soon anyway.
Logan moves his own hand to rest on top of Kendall's, lacing their fingers together, as he glances at him, asking him with a look if this is the time to tell their friends.
Giving a small nod, Kendall clears his throat, breaking the two across from them out of their conversation. "Um, we need to tell you guys something."
James raises an eyebrow, "Okay?"
"So...uh...Logan and I are..." He takes a deep breath and lets out a heavy sigh. He feels Logan give his hand a quick squeeze and he just needs to tell them already. No beating around the bush. "...we're together."
"I knew it!" Carlos jumps up, "James, you owe me twenty bucks."
"What? Carlos, saying 'I bet something is going on between Kendall and Logan,' doesn't mean we actually bet anything."
Carlos huffs, crossing his arms.
"Wait, you guys knew?" And Logan's fairly sure his eyes are wider than they've ever been.
"Well, you guys have been acting differently the past few months."
"Yeah, James and I were talking about how you two are more touchy-feely than the rest of us. We just assumed something along those lines was going on."
"Huh," Kendall leans back, dumbfounded. Well, the ninety-nine percent in his brain was right. "And you don't care?"
"Did you think we were homophobic or something?" James asks, almost offended.
"No, it's just, this job is hard enough for a relationship. So, having two of the members dating is even harder."
"As long as you guys are happy, we're cool with it." Carlos nods along to what James said.
And Logan finally lets out the breath he's been holding, having needed their acceptance.
"Well, that's a relief," Kendall says what Logan is thinking.
"I can't believe you thought we'd hate you."
"Carlos, it's not that we thought you'd hate us, just that you might not approve," Logan finally speaks, just glad they got the most important people out of the way. The ones left now are their parents.
"Well, we approve, just keep the PDA to a minimum."
Kendall chuckles, "Deal."
Soon they just sit there, taking it all in. Kendall and Logan completely filled with relief and happiness that their two best friends know and are okay with it.
Finally, James looks around at all the dirty dishes and sighs, "So, who's gonna help me clean up?"
"Not it!" Kendall and Carlos both yell, before running to the backyard.
Logan looks around, not even aware of what just happened, but realizes when he sees James' smirk. "Looks like it's me."
"I'm so glad we told them," Kendall finally says once they are driving back to Logan's place.
"Told you. Now, we just have our families. I'm not looking forward to that."
"It's gonna be fine." He reaches over, resting his hand on Logan's knee.
"Yeah, we'll see."
"Let's not worry about it now though. We should celebrate tonight," he steals a glance at Logan, smirking. "Especially since you left me hanging in my dressing room. " He realizes it's a mistake saying anything, because Logan's eyes instantly darken.
But Logan doesn't respond, just gives him a smirk back, his hand reaching over to Kendall's thigh. Sliding his hand up and down, he trails his fingers on the inner-seam of his jeans.
Kendall's eyes shut for a second, before he remembers that he's driving. "Dude, you gotta stop or I will crash."
Sighing, Logan starts to turn back in his seat, before cupping Kendall through his jeans, giving it a squeeze and pulls away. "You better hurry."
"I'm already going over the speed limit." His breathing is ragged, his body missing Logan's touch already.
Deep breaths. That's all he can think. And Logan is gripping the seat he's on, while focusing out the window.
Today must be a desperate day for the both of them. And both forced to contain themselves until they can be properly alone and not put themselves in danger of an accident.
The second the engine cuts off, they're both sprinting up the steps to Logan's apartment. They don't even worry about neighbors seeing them. Besides, they both figure they're not big enough to be spotted by fans.
Logan fumbles with the keys and it feels just as urgent as it did when they first met over a year ago.
As the door opens, Logan pushes Kendall in, kicking the door closed as he brings their lips together.
Before Kendall can even register what is happening, Logan has his own jeans and underwear around his ankles and is turning around so he's braced against the door.
"Jesus, Logan," Kendall breathes out, rushing to get his own clothes off.
Just as his clothing is pooled around him and he lifts his fingers to his mouth, Logan glances over his shoulder, "No, just do it."
"Fuck." Seeing the desperation in Logan's eyes, makes Kendall growl as he grips his hips, before pushing into him.
With a long groan, Logan's head falls forward, resting on the door. And Kendall doesn't even give him time to adjust, just pulls out before slamming right back in.
But Logan is thrusting back with equal fervor. Though, he'll probably regret not preparing in the morning. He'll worry about that later though.
"Logan, fuck." Kendall can't even think properly, just thoughts of the being inside the boy who is moaning his name. "I love you." And it slips out without him realizing it until it's too late.
He feels Logan tense up, but with Kendall still pushing into him, he relaxes right back into the movements.
God, he hops he didn't ruin everything just by those three words.
But then, one of Logan's hands finds Kendall's, as it rests against his chest and he laces their fingers together, as Kendall stills pushes forward into him. Kendall wants to take that as a good sign.
Just a few more perfectly aimed thrusts later and they're both over the edge.
Logan's head is still on the door, trying to catch his breath, before he glances back slightly, "I love you too."
And this night is just filled with relief for Kendall. Slowly, he pulls out of Logan, leaving kisses over his shoulder and neck. "I love you so much," he says in between kisses. He's already said it and gotten Logan's response, so he's going to say it as much as he can now.
Spinning around, Logan stares into Kendall's eyes, before closing the distance between them again. Once he pulls away, he notices the alleviation on Kendall's face, as if he didn't think Logan would feel the same. "You know that I mean it, right? Because I wouldn't be coming out to my parents for just anyone."
"I know...but does this mean I'm not just your gay lover anymore?"
"You've moved up to 'gay partner'." Logan grins.
Kendall clutches his heart, "You are so sweet."
"Pfft, of course I am. Now, take me to bed, Partner." Logan orders, clapping his hands together.
Raising an eyebrow, Kendall grins, eyes going dark again, "Are we role-playing now?"
Logan only rolls his eyes, but when Kendall throws him over his shoulder, he chuckles. This must be his favorite way to carry him to bed.
"How does that song go? 'Save a horse, ride a cowboy'?" He asks after throwing Logan on the bed, as he hovers over him.
"I certainly plan to."