With Haruka gone the apartment feels empty. I wander from room to room looking at everything hoping something sparks everything I have forgotten. I make my way into the art room and lift my violin wondering if I can still play. I place the bow against the strings and pull a sweet melody fills the air as I work the bow across the strings. Clearly my gift is natural and nothing something learned. I replace my violin in its case and pick up a paintbrush. I look at the painting I had been working on and wonder where I should attempt to add something. I stand for minutes before deciding I have no idea what to paint and put the brush down. Sighing I cross the hall to the master bedroom. I open my closet again and step inside I pull open all of the drawers looking for anything that might speed up my recovery. I pull boxes off of the top shelf and pear inside there isn't anything helpful. Drawing Hotaru has done, pictures of Haruka and I performing, receipts from my art sales. I toss the box and pull down another, and another. Feeling frustrated I storm into the main part of the bedroom, I pull open the drawers at the bedside table and dump them. Haruka's glasses fall on the floor but I ignore them. I sift through the papers and find nothing helpful. Car magazines and contracts she's reviewing nothing from our past. I dump my drawer only to find a book and a box of chocolate. I throw the book against the wall in anger and a small card falls from it. The writing is small and boxed, it reads 'remember how I love you' and is signed by Haruka. The card is dated December.

"I can't remember." I scream. I toss the blankets from the bed onto the floor, I rip papers and in a rage have a tantrum. I black out as feathers float from the ceiling.

"Michiru?" Haruka's voice is gentle but full of concern. "Honey?"

"I can't remember?" I say.

"What can't you remember baby?"

"I can't remember how you love me." She takes the card from my hand, that I had been clenching.

"I gave this two you just after Christmas." She says. "We'd had a huge fight about something and I felt awful." She held me as I cried. "I was an idiot about something and during the fight you said something about my loving you. How I loved you conveniently." she sighed. "I made it up to you with flowers, dinner and the house to ourselves." She stroked my hair calming me. "Once we were inside our apartment I couldn't keep my hands off of you. I made love to you over and over that night and in the morning, I placed this card on your body. Remember how I love you."

"Remind me." I said pulling her closer to me.

"Michiru." She said trying to pull away from me.

"Please Haruka, please."

"Not now, you're so emotionally frail. I can't."

"I need you too." I pouted.

"Please don't do that." Haruka protested. "It's hard enough saying no to you Michiru, don't add my ego to it."

"Haruka." I said after seconds of silence. "Is it because I don't remember you?"

"No. It's because you're pushing yourself to remember."

"What if that's the one thing we haven't tried?" I looked at her with hope.

"Michiru." She groaned. I moved my body closer to her and she wrapped her arm around me her head cradled on my shoulder. I lifted my chin exposing my neck to her. She groaned again, this time less with anger and more with want. Her lips touched my neck sending shivers down my spine.

"Please." I whispered. She didn't need any more coaxing, her lips were finally against mine her kiss less forgiving than it had been, less about helping me remember and more about her need, our need. Her hand rests on my back as she holds me against her. Her lips open slightly willing me to follow her, she brushes her tongue against my bottom lip before slipping it into my mouth, teasing my tongue into a dance. I slip my hand behind her head needing her mouth to know my want. My breasts are tingling and my pelvis is warm as we kiss, my nipples are getting hard and I need her to touch me. She pulls me closer to her, our breasts grazing each other, sending shivers all over my body and I have to break the kiss to gasp.

"Youre sure?" she asks letting her hand caress my cheek.

"Yes." I say. She moves expertly around me so that she is now leaning over me and I am laying on my back, her arm is still around me, holding me close to her I reach for her shirt fumbling with the buttons but she shakes her head.

"Not so fast baby, this is your first time after all." She smiles a sly grin before pressing her lips against mine again. My mind is blank as she manages to lift my dress off and unclasp my bra, I'm nearly naked when she moves her lips from mine to my neck softly nibbling the sensitive skin under my ear I moan softly, her hand cups my breast and she knowingly massages it. I remember as she is touching me that she knows every place I enjoy her, she knows exactly how to pleasure me. Her lips leave my ear and envelope my nipple, I gasp in surprise at the pleasure this brings. She stops and looks at me. "Alright?"

"Yes." I say but it comes out as more of a hurried moan. The evil grin I've come to enjoy crosses her face as she buries her lips against my skin. She kisses my stomach, lingering at the edge of the panties I still wear although they are now uncomfortably damp. She kisses down my legs and nibbles at my ankles and I moaned and giggle at the same time. Finally she slips off my panties breathing in my want she gently kisses my pelvis I feel warm and desperate as she finally finds the spot and sends me over the edge. I orgasm hard against her as a smile touches her lips. "I missed that." She sighs pulling me against her. I'm panting as I cuddle into her arms.

"My turn?"

"Tomorrow." She manages and out of exhaustion I fall asleep sheltered in her arms.

When I wake up I'm still cradled in her arms, my body is still damp from sweat and sex. Her breath is cooling on my shoulder I stare at her wondering how many nights she made love to me and didn't let me return the gesture. I decide probably not many.

"Whatever you're thinking, stop." She mumbles and I blush. "Just focus on being naked with me."

"You're not naked." I point out.

"Ah, easy solved problem." She smiles gently slipping me out of her arms and pulling her clothes off. I take her in for the first time, she's muscular but not overly built. She's thin but I can see where she's been well fed. The curve of her hip and the curve of her breast make me smile as I trace my eyes over her. "still like what you see?" she asks pulling me against her.

"Very much." I say resting my head on her shoulder.

"Good." She smiles taking a deep breath. I frown. "Whats that for?"

"What if I'm unable to." I pause gathering my courage. "please you." I ask biting the side of my cheek in fear.

"Then I shall sell you to the black market and never speak your name again." Haruka says, I know she's trying to be funny but I'm not feeling it. "You're worried about this?" she asks.

"Dead scared more like."

"You've never had a problem before, and I'm pretty sure this isn't something controlled by the part of your brain that isn't working."

"I played my violin yesterday." I offer.

"Then play me just the same." She says and I smile a bit. She's trying to make light of the situation. I decide to take the offer and trail my fingers over her naked body. She's beautiful, beyond being in great shape she's actually beautiful. I take que's from her love making and kiss her neck, letting my lips find her breast and circling my tongue around her nipple. She's moaning in pleasure as I kiss my way to her centre. Mentally I say a prayer before diving into the warmth, I lick suck and kiss enjoying the taste of her and the panting sounds of her enjoyment. Finally she beings to shake and I feel redeemed that I have actually pleased her. Once her body calms I slip into her arms. "Wonderful." She says holding me.

"Yes." I agree. And it really was.