Chapter Two

A/n:I love Alfred.

There was something wrong. Bruce knew that the second he woke up, about twenty minutes before he was planning on it. The universe was out of order, and he, Batman, could feel it. Right as he lifted his head from the soft pillows of his bed, the door to his bedroom busted open and Tim came rushing in, like a bat out of hell. "BRUCE! Make him leave me alone!" The younger man dived into his bed, and Bruce was suddenly glad he didn't sleep naked. Tim tried to push Bruce in the line of fire and pressed himself behind Bruce's back, like he was going to protect him. Dick appeared in the door way, as stupid grin on his face.

"WHAT IS GOING ON!" Bruce was irritated. He was protective of his small amounts of sleep. They made him pleasant. Or as pleasant as he got. He dragged himself out of bed, with Tim trying to use him as a shield. Dick remained in the doorway, trying not to laugh.

"Tell Dick, to leave me alone." Tim was clearly shaken up, and acting as if he was a small child. Bruce decide what ever Dick had done, must have been to much for Tim to handle. There were only a few things that would make that happen. Bruce didn't want to think about what those were. Bruce took a deep breath, and tried to make sure he wasn't going to beat the two of them for waking him.

"Okay. I am now trying to figure out why the two of you are in my bedroom. And it better be good." He glanced around the room for a second, his eyes hitting the bathroom door, before returning to the trouble at hand.

"Dick is trying to make me..." Tim couldn't say it.

"Have sex." Dick offered. Tim let out a groan like someone was trying to kill him.

"I don't want to and you can't make me."

"What?" Bruce was confused. And also trying to figure out why he would care what Tim did on his free time. Or who he would do in his free time. "This matters to you?"

"Yes, I mean, do you want Tim to die a virgin?"

"I don't want to think about Tim doing anything like that, Dick." Bruce got a half smile, "And besides Dick, if he doesn't want to have sex with you, you have to respect that." Tim made a small squeak noise from his back. He could feel the younger man holding on to his shoulders, still using him to keep him between the two of them.

"What? NO! I mean, have sex with women. I am not gay."

"Sure..." Bruce rolled his eyes. "Is this all that this is about?"

"Tell him to leave me alone." Tim said, shaking is finger at Dick. "That I am completely normal."

"I would never say any of us are normal. I know I'm not." Bruce looked at Tim, then back at Dick. "Why do you care so much?"

Dick looked down at the floor, kicking some specks of air with his foot. "I don't have to explain myself."

"He has been following me for days. Offering to throw women my way, women who will do things..." Tim shook his head, "I am not interested! Make him stop!"

"Tim. You are an adult now. Which means it is your problem, not mine. I am not going to be around to solve all your problems..." Bruce turned around to look at the young man, when the shower in the master bath came on.

No one moved. Bruce glanced between the two, as if he had been caught in a big secret. "Who is in the shower Bruce?" Dick asked, looking like a cat who got a large plate of cream.

"No one." Bruce recovered quickly, "I programmed the house computer to start my shower when I get up. This is when I was planning on getting up." He put Tim in front of him, pushing the young man toward the door and Dick. "Now, I don't care what happens, but keep me out of this. I don't have the time for it." He shoved the two of them out the door before slamming it shut.

"NO!" Tim cried when he realized Bruce had locked the door, "Please, Bruce, you have to help me."

"You are being so dramatic." Dick said, waving him off. "It is not that big of a deal."

"Then why do you care?"

"You don't want to die a virgin do you?"

"What if I do?"

"No man wants to die a virgin."

"I do." Tim crossed his arms.

"Really?"

"Yea, and I decide it right now."

"That is an odd declaration Master Tim." A voice said behind him, and the two turn see Alfred there, "I take it there will be more for breakfast then."

Dick started laughing, as all the color drained from Tim's face. Clearly he had not expect to see Alfred at all, let alone after he had just declared about how he was planning on dying. "Sure Alfred, we will stay for breakfast..."