So this chapter took awhile to get started… It was a bit tough to get back into Quinn's angst so that is one more contributing factor to this delay.
It's going to get further from canon from here on out but there is a lot of dialogue from The Purple Piano Project.
This chapter is part one of two. I already have most of that chapter planned out so hopefully that will come out soon. Also if you guys have read my other fic "This Was Supposed to Be Our Year," you'll notice the exact same confrontation with Santana from chapter four of that story. As I mentioned before these two are in the same universe.
Not my best chapter thus far but I hope you enjoy nevertheless.
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but the spelling and grammar mistakes. (For which I apologize sincerely)
Quinnconclusive and Confusing Conversations
Part 1 (of 2)
She can't see the landscape anymore
It's all painted in her grief
All of her history etched out at her feet
Now all of the landscape, it's just an empty place
Acres of longing, mountains of tenderness
Cause she's just like the weather, can't hold her together
Born from dark water, daughter of the rain and snow
Cause it's burning through the bloodline
It's cutting down the family tree
Growing in the landscape, darling, in between you and me
- "Landscape" by Florence + the Machine
"Quinn look this is our senior year, and frankly Cheerios isn't the same without you."
She knew it was only going to be a matter of time before Santana and Brittany would try to get her back into the fold. The Unholy Trinity, the Three Amigos, the Three Hot Bitches (Santana's suggestion obviously); they were best friends since their first cheer camp together, but that relationship changed over the course of their time at McKinley. Like any high school friendship, theirs was a story of back-stabbing, cheating and drama but by the beginning of the summer, it seemed that they had made it through. Quinn couldn't help but wonder she would have been different, had the two girls stayed in Lima with her for the last half of the summer.
"Come on Quinn we used to be like the Three Musketeers. Now me and Santana are like Almond Joy and you're like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray."
Then she thought back to what she did to Santana, just so that she could get be the Head Cheerio again. They just didn't understand the pressure she used to feel when she actually cared. Facing the cheerleaders in front of her, Quinn shook her head trying to get the thoughts of 'what if' out of her mind. She couldn't change who she was or who she would become. It was inevitable.
"Come on Quinn you can't break up the Unholy Trinity."
It was better this way. They were better off this way, without Quinn. So even if Quinn became one of them again, Brittany was eventually going to change the dancing world outside of Lima and Santana would never let her do it alone. Where would that leave the last third of the Unholy Trinity?
"People grow apart. Deal with it. I've got new friends now and they accept me for who I am."
The future wife of a deadbeat Lima Loser stuck in this town with no friends, no dreams and no way out.
She ignored the part of her that was affected by Brittany's damnable pout. Her wide-eyed innocence was almost as unbearably bright as Rachel's forgiving heart and endless hope. They would be fine without her, Quinn was sure of it. Brittany had Santana to protect her and vice versa. All they really needed was each other.
Nobody needed Quinn.
Quinn had just left her two former friends to join her fellow Skanks, fully intent on drowning out the conversation she just had. Leaning her unlit cigarette to Ronnie's proffered lighter; Quinn was interrupted by an unwelcome intruder.
"Hey Quinn," Rachel noticed the other girls and greeted them as well, "Hello... Skanks"
No sunglasses to protect herself from Berry's 'psychic powers' now.
She half expected Finn or Mr. Schue to try and get her back on glee. Quinn should have known better, especially after their meeting before the end of summer. Rachel never knew when to give up. Why did she have to pull that on Quinn?
Ronnie put her lighter away and faced the intruder with an intimidating glare. "Your friend stinks of soap Quinn."
"We were friends once, okay. And maybe when you cut off all your hair last year I thought it would have solved all your problems, I should have spoken up…"
Why did Rachel think that she could've done something about Quinn's transformation? It wasn't her fault.
"…Maybe when you dropped out of society this summer and started dating that forty year old skateboarder I should have said..."
"I'm not coming back to glee club."Quinn interrupted forcefully, repeating what she had told her weeks ago. She didn't want to hear anymore of Rachel's should have's and have not's. It was too late to help.
"We need you! O-okay, have you seen those purple pianos round school? We're planning this big recruiting number a-and it's gonna be a tribute to the Go-Go's, I-I mean who doesn't love the Go-Go's?" Rachel continued which irked Quinn and added the pangs of pain to her own traitorous heart.
"I prefer the Bangles." Quinn was grateful for Sheila's quiet yet slightly terrifying interruption, hoping it was enough to scare the annoyingly determined brunette away.
"Okay," Rachel nodded with a mix of hesitance and fear, but to Quinn's displeasure, she had no intent in stopping, "We need your tremulous alto and Belinda Carlisle glamour." The brunette gave a genuinely bright smile that pulled at her and this time Quinn was defenceless against its shine. Quinn felt an involuntary smile grace her face at Rachel's praise. Did she even know how much that smile affected her?
"I'll give you ten bucks if you let me beat her up for you, Quinn," Mack offered, effectively breaking the spell over the entranced Skank.
"I'm sorry you're so sad Quinn. Maybe you're not going to believe me because we were never really that close but I'm sad not seeing you in the choir room…"
Quinn had to look away, Rachel's confession held a weight on the former blonde that made it impossible for her to look the shorter girl in the eyes and not give in.
"…And we've all been through so much together, we're a family! And this is our year to get it right. We would love to have you back in the glee club whenever you're ready. Okay?"
And then she was gone before Quinn could get in a word. What would she even say? Why did Quinn even want to say something to Berry?
And more importantly… why did a part of her want Rachel to stay?
The Skanks had spent the remainder of the day defacing bathroom stalls. It was then that Quinn realized that her activities were still quite similar to her HBIC days from before glee club. She still made fun of losers and she was still feared by the McKinley school population. She also still made lewd drawings on bathroom stalls. Before it was all about power now… Now it was just something to pass the void of time.
"So Quinn, How long have ya had that lady boner for Berry?"
Mack's abrupt question sent Quinn reeling in the depths of her mind. What the fuck?
She didn-
…She could NEV-
It was Rachel! How was it even possible?
"Wh-what the hell are you talking about Mack?" Quinn growled out threateningly.
Mack leaned against the stall casually, unfazed by the other girl's menacing tone, "Okay first off? How many times do I gotta tell you? It's 'THE Mack,' with a capital THE. And come ON! I didn't have to see your eyes to see that you guys were fucking each other with the looks."
Sheila and Ronnie snickered from the other stall and Quinn was stunned. Why was this affecting her so much?
"I thought there was a rule against talking about feelings, THE Mack."
The Mack's eyebrows shot up and she whistled, "Oh this is just precious. Feelings? Quinn I just thought you wanted to fuck her sideways…"
Laughter rang out and Quinn bristled. "FUCK YOU! I don't want ANYTHING to do with Berry okay? And you don't know fucking shit about what I'm feeling."
Ronnie broke up the escalating fight, "Hey! Chill guys. Q's right we don't ask questions about emotional shit, so leave it Mack. Let's just go out for a smoke and steal some shit from the school shed."
The short-tempered brunette backed off, grumbling something about 'the' but Quinn paid no attention. She didn't care about Rachel Berry. She couldn't. She wasn't even…
As much as she tried to rid her mind of feelings and feelings for Rachel, they wouldn't go away; plaguing her just like Rachel Berry did in real life.
The problem was exactly like real life too because Quinn wasn't exactly sure that she minded the thoughts that were plaguing her.
The next day Quinn could hear the music in the cafeteria from the halls and almost ran to see her former club members perform… to see her sing. Thankfully the presence of her fellow Skanks forced her to keep her calm and rooted to their spot.
Sheila noticed the music too and grumbled, "Pfft, the Bangles are still better."
Nobody else said anything after that and Quinn was secretly grateful for the chance to listen in, even from a distance. Rachel was of course singing lead but Quinn was surprised when she heard Santana take the second verse followed by Brittany's solo in the third. They sounded amazing but it left Quinn feeling even more alone as her two former best friends sang in harmony with Rachel.
The song ended and the Skanks listened as the performance turned into shrieks. They saw the students run out covered in food and drew their own conclusion. "Ugh so much food wasted thanks to those gleeks."
The halls began to crowd with food-covered kids, forcing the Skanks to retreat to another place to skip classes. Quinn looked back to see a distraught Rachel head over to the rest room with Kurt, Mercedes and Tina. It was as if something was pulling at the pink-haired girl to go over to Rachel but she squashed the feeling down. Rachel had friends, she had Brittany and Santana now and most importantly she had Finn to make everything better. What could Quinn possibly have to offer?
Shortly after Santana stormed out of the cafeteria and was followed by a slipping and sliding Brittany. Quinn could guess why the feisty cheerleader was so fired up. Santana was hoping that the Cheerio's uniform would bring back the invulnerability they all took comfort in before. She could see it on the Co-Captain's face something was going to break soon and just knew it had something to do with Santana's better half. Brittany left the bathroom first passing a couple of Cheerio's who headed to the restroom where Santana was cleaning up. Before Quinn fully realized what she was doing, she was on her way to the bathroom with the Skanks; with the intent to stop whatever was going to go down.
Quinn was greeted with the sight of Santana viciously attacking another Cheerio on the floor. They stopped in fear when the Skanks walked in.
Sheila glanced at Quinn before yelling at the Cheerios. "This here bathroom belongs to the Skanks now. You CheeriHoes need to leave… NOW."
The bark was enough to get the four Cheerios who had cornered Santana, running out as fast as their matching white sneakers could take them. Quinn saw Santana's ire and knew it was because she knew that her ass had just been saved. She signaled the Skanks to leave her and guard the entrance, leaving the two former friends alone.
They stood in complete silence until Quinn pulled out a drag and lit it up. Taking a puff for a couple of seconds, she exhaled and then fixed her gaze back at the other girl. "You know the Coach hates blood on her uniforms."
"Yeah? Like you give a fuck about me or those stupid bitches," she snapped back.
Quinn raised an eyebrow, fully knowing that it would just piss the brunette off even more. That was what she was hoping for.
"What the hell do you want from me Q?"
The only response that Quinn gave her was another puff of smoke.
Quinn finally addressed the girl again before she could storm out in exasperation. "How do you expect to be Head Bitch in Charge with that pathetic excuse for leadership S?" She knew she was acting a hell of a lot like Sue Sylvester, but Quinn also knew that was the only way to get the stubborn bitch to listen. "You're going to have to do better than that to prove to everyone that you can still lead like the Satan I know you can be."
"Why do you all of a sudden care about how I rule the school?" Santana yelled, "Didn't we 'grow apart?' If you don't want to hang out why are you still bothering me?"
"Why do you want to rule the school S?" Quinn questioned apathetically, knowing full well that answering the girl's questions with another question would infuriate her even more, getting her one step closer to breaking.
"So everybody will FEAR me again. My rep has suffered and since I quit the Cheerios, I got dirt in my locker, a slushee in the face AND I lost a fight against Zizes."
Not good enough.
"Why do you want to rule the school Santana?"
Santana tensed even more before breathing out. Then she looked Quinn right in the eyes and smirked. "I just want to prevent myself from falling in your swollen footsteps. I mean if you were more worried about ruling the school and less about your unfaithful ass of a boytoy you wouldn't have gotten preggers with Puck's lizard spawn."
Quinn felt all the air rush out of her at the insensitive reminder of Beth, but she wouldn't let herself think about her now. Seeing the look on Santana's face told her that the brunette instantly regretted opening her mouth and Quinn used that to her advantage. Advancing much like a predator stalking its prey, she backed the Cheerio against the wall.
"Why do you need to be the HBIC again Lopez?"
And just like that, Santana cracked like Humpty Dumpty.
"BRITTANY!" she sobbed out, "I have to do this for Brittany, I have to have everybody scared shit of me. I have to make sure that shit at lunch doesn't happen again. I have to protect her, I have to make sure she stays on the Cheerios and glee for scholarships and dumb shit like that; I have to be the strong one. IT'S ALL FOR HER."
It wasn't too long ago that the shoe was on the other foot, and the former blonde was the one having the breakdown. Quinn remembered how S and B were there for her back then. Back when she thought her biggest problem was Finn ruining everything for her and she only thought of revenge. She thought that was the end of the world but they brought her back. She grabbed a roll of toilet paper from one of the stalls and hurled it at Santana's head. The girl looked up and cracked a small but genuine smile.
"I heard Berry talking to Mercedes earlier," Quinn started, realizing that she couldn't just leave S without some backup. She owed her that much. And as much as Quinn tried to deny it, she still cared deeply for her two best friends.
"What do the Dwarf and Wheezy have to do with anything Q?" The bite in Santana's bark not as convincing as she was using toilet paper to clean up the teary mess that was her face.
"Kurt's Warbler boy is transferring to McKinley and is bringing his usual sing and dance routine. They're planning to surprise Kurt and to get in an extra recruiting number."
"What's the point Emo-Barbie?" Santana was standing now, looking in the mirror but occasionally looked back at Quinn, curious as to where the conversation was heading.
"The point is there is going to be a Purple Piano and a chance to destroy it while proving you still got the juice to be HBIC of the Cheerios." She saw the brunette perk up and smirked. It wasn't like Quinn to make it easy for Santana after all. "That is if you want my help."
Santana's eyes widened then narrowed into slits, she knew exactly what it was that Quinn was expecting. Surprisingly, the Cheerio co-captain looked her in the eyes and dropped her walls.
"Please Q, I need your help."
Getting Santana to ask for help was like prying a Tony award away from Rachel but it was for Brittany and San would do anything for her.
Quinn shrugged and put out her cigarette. "Okay, here's what I had in mind…"
They had spent the afternoon after Santana went to glee, going over the plan. Neither girl would ever admit it but both of them had missed the other's company.
Quinn had just gotten home from Santana's place and was looking forward to a night in. Before she could head upstairs however, somebody knocked on the door.
Opening it to tell off the late intruder, Quinn was surprised when she saw a brightly smiling Rachel Berry on the other side of the door. Did she not know when to give up?
"Hi Quinn!"
"What the fuck Hobbit? Don't you have some Jolly Dim Giant to bone or some ring to destroy?"
Rachel blinked at Quinn's insulting greeting but was all together unfazed, "Wow Quinn, you've never sounded more like Santana then you just did. I take it you're enjoying your time in Lima Heights Adjacent?"
"Shut up!" Quinn reddened when she realized that she did in fact say something very Santana-like. "Seriously Ra-Berry. What will it take for you to leave me the fuck alone?"
"Nothing will make me give up on you Quinn." The brunette replied seriously.
No matter how much she wanted to deny it, Quinn's heart skipped a beat. She'd seen and heard variations of that line in films, television shows and books. Yet no one in her life had ever said those words to her with such determined sincerity. Her heart skipping a beat didn't stop her brain from reacting defensively. It hurt Quinn to listen every time Rachel tried to cheer her up with inspirational words and it hurt just as much to keep pushing the bright-eyed girl away. What Quinn thought of as the logical of her brain, reminded Quinn that the pain she had felt now would be nothing compared to actually letting the girl's words lift her up only to be dropped moments later.
"Why not Berry? Huh? We're not friends, we never were. I'm not on glee anymore and I'm not going back. Why do you keep doing this?" Quinn was on the verge of being hysterical.
"Because even though you don't believe in you I still do. You're not hopeless." Rachel stepped closer to Quinn, the girl's silence encouraging her to continue, "I meant what I said last year. You're the prettiest girl I've ever met but you're just as, if not more beautiful on the inside. You've got so much more to offer than this and this miserable future you put out for yourself. I just need you to see that."
Quinn was struck by Rachel's words. They held such care and genuineness that had she heard them months ago, Skank! Quinn wouldn't have existed. Feeling her face heat up with a blush she dropped the shorter girls gaze.
"I'm going to give you a hug now okay?"
She had no chance to protest before Quinn found herself engulfed in Rachel's arms. She sighed at the comfort they offered and suddenly it was as if a light flickered on and Quinn just noticed that she was up to her neck in quicksand.
Quinn had feelings for Rachel Berry.