"It is not adversity that kills, but the impatience with which we bear adversity." - Unknown prisoner in the Tower of London
(~*~*~*~)
Right now, Grace's house feels unbearably empty.
It's not the lack of furniture that makes it feel that way, although we're still in the middle of replacing everything lost in the fire, and it's not the sheer size of the house, either. It's the absence of Grace that makes the emptiness so stifling.
Maybe it's silly of me to think we can rebuild Grace's house without Grace, but we can come close. Besides, this new house isn't without its merits. Yes, the library lacks books, but I really can't wait to choose my favorites to fill the shelves, like Jane Eyre and Oliver Twist and The Hobbit and all of the Harry Potter books and The Lightening Thief, just to name a few. I'd love to add anything written by Rick Riordan or Peter Lerangis or Margaret Peterson Haddix. They write some of the most exciting stories. And, of course, Jules Verne writes amazing adventures. His novels and short stories are absolutely brilliant. The problem with short stories, though, is that they don't last long. There's this wonderful story by Mona Gardner called "The Dinner Party" -
... I'm sorry. I always talk too much when I think about books. But I'm back on track now. That reminded me of how much I'm looking forward to someday holding a family dinner in the dining room without anyone fighting. Hamilton did promise that he wouldn't try to play football with the turkey next time, and I think Sinead's learned not to lecture Ian on "learning to deal with his problems like an adult, not some immature stuck-up teenager." I'm not sure what problems she was talking about, but that's one of the few things that's not on my to-do list. Actually, now that I think about it, there's a lot of stuff that I've found myself looking forward to doing in the new house.
It's difficult to pick my favorite thing about Grace's house, but if I had to narrow it down, the photograph hanging by the front stairway would be near the top of the list. Its colors are a bit faded and it's a little crooked, but these features have never bothered me in the slightest. In fact, I never even noticed them until Ian criticized the photograph, along with nearly everything and everyone else in the house.
But that's just Ian. Despite what he says, I like the picture. Mostly, I like what it shows. Dan and I are smiling, and the sun is shining brightly in the background.
The funny thing is that we're smiling, but our smiles are so strained that it looks like there's just been some devastating death in the family.
That picture was taken at our parents' funeral.
I look awful; it's obvious that I've been crying. Dan's always been better than me at burying his emotions, and, at first glance, the grin on his four-year-old face appears to be a genuine one. But if you know him well, it doesn't take much to see the pain and confusion he's covering up with smiles and laughter.
What's amazing is that he was able to do that. I'm still learning to just roll my sleeves up and deal with my problems, but he's been cracking jokes since the beginning. Even though the clue hunt's taken a hard toll on him, he's still able to goof around, especially when he's with Atticus.
Yet for that photograph, even I was able to smile. It didn't matter how miserable I was feeling and how grim the future looked, something inside of me was able to pull out that smile for the camera. My happy little world was destroyed, but I was okay. I must have been okay, if I was able to pull out a smile. Life was still worth living. I still had my books and my friends, and, more importantly, I still had Dan and Grace.
Even with all that's going on with the Vespers, I sometimes find myself enjoying small moments of happiness. Researching with Jake. Talking with Atticus. Even watching Dan act like an immature dweeb who says completely inappropriate things about curses on diamonds and Thai culture. Not to mention - uh, never mind.
No matter how awful things are, we can still find in ourselves the ability to smile for the camera.
A/N: Questions? Comments? Concerns about Amy's love life? I'll be happy if you take time to leave any review (even a negative one, because then I can learn from it, so don't feel bad if you want to leave some constructive criticism!), but I'm particularly concerned about the use of first-person. I know it's considered difficult to find good fics that are written in first-person, so I'd really like to know if I was able to pull it off.