You're the Only One Who Means Anything to Me
Nobody sleeps that night.
Cooper doesn't watch, but he hears Derek's cries when he loses Shane, and he hears Emily telling him that they're going to have to "take care" of him. He hears when Derek shakily tells his brother's lifeless body that he loves him before the sound of one final gunshot rings out in the back yard.
Shortly after, Cooper and Blaine help Emily barricade their front door with a couch (just in case) and make sure that all of the windows are safely secured. They agree that they'll leave first thing in the morning – that their gunshots have probably attracted more and that it's not safe to stay long.
Cooper and Blaine lay side by side in bed that night, not touching and not speaking. It's as if nothing happened between them, and it almost drives both boys insane. Blaine wants to ask Cooper about it – wants to ask him what exactly happened and what it is he wants out of things – but he knows it isn't the right time. The problem is, he doesn't know when will be the right time. Things don't really seem like they're going to be dying down soon, and he wonders if he'll ever get a chance to properly talk to him.
And Cooper wants to talk to Blaine about it – wants to spill his guts to his brother – but he knows he shouldn't. Blaine already has enough to worry about and he doesn't want to add his feelings on top of everything. Cooper decides that it can wait. As if he didn't already feel as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders…
So instead of sleeping and instead of talking, the boys listen to the hushed conversation between Emily and Derek in the next room, as she assures him quietly that Shane's death isn't his fault. When both boys feel bad for eavesdropping (when Derek starts crying again) they both try to cover their ears and fall asleep. Instead, they both successfully end up just thinking about one another, their backs turned to eachother.
Everything seems surreal the next morning.
Cooper and Blaine change and leave the bedroom wordlessly, taking their bags out to their car before anyone else and end up sitting on the couch downstairs in silence. And the silence is heavy. They've both spent hours wanting to talk – wanting to say anything – but they don't. And now, they're sitting side by side, still holding their tongues.
It isn't until Blaine opens his mouth to speak – after a good twenty minutes of silence – that Emily walks down the stairs, looking somber. "Morning," She says quietly, breaking the silence.
"Morning," Cooper and Blaine both echo back.
It's quiet for a moment as she stands in the living room with them before she clears her throat. "Would uh- Would you two mind helping me dig a uh… a grave?"
Cooper can tell that the words are not only foreign to her, but they also hurt to say. He nods his head quickly. "Yeah. Of course."
"Thank you," She replies quietly, trying to smile at the two of them.
"What about Cody?" Blaine asks, looking between the two of them.
"We uh… We never found him," Cooper fills him in. During the aftermath the night before, he and Emily went searching for Cody in the direction that he wandered off into, but they never found a body, or any traces of an escape.
Derek still isn't up when they dig the shallow hole, and he doesn't come out when Emily asks him to, so they bury his brother without him late that morning, making the grave with a pile of stones and some flowers that Ivory picks. "Should we…?" Emily asks afterward, taking in the backyard, which is littered with corpses, and obviously wondering if they should dispose of them.
Cooper follows her gaze before shrugging, "Fuck em."
"Are you sure?" Emily looks worried, as if they're going to get up and attack again at any moment.
"Yeah. Besides, we're leaving soon, anyway," He assures.
"The sooner the better," She agrees, before leading Ivory inside to collect their things.
Cooper and Blaine, however, remain outside, standing together awkwardly after the two girls go inside. After a couple of silent minutes, Blaine can't keep his mouth shut any longer.
"Should we talk about last night?" He asks, avoiding the small talk and getting right to the point. He doesn't want to scare Cooper off, but at the same time, he needs to know what is going on between them. After a sleepless night of laying in bed, replaying the events of their night over and over, Blaine still can't get it out of his head. He can't stop thinking of his brother, naked and panting over him, kissing his neck, his chest, his lips. He feels wrong thinking about it, but every time he does, it makes his heart flutter, and he aches to know if it makes Cooper feel the same way.
"What's there to talk about?" Cooper asks, avoiding the question and looking out over the scattered bodies all over the lawn again, instead of meeting Blaine's eyes. He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to have to explain his feelings for his brother. He decides that yesterday was a moment of weakness, and it won't happen again.
"You know…" Blaine says, looking down at his feet and feeling stupid, "What happened between us…"
It breaks Cooper's heart, knowing that Blaine is confused and wants answers, but he figures it's best if they don't discuss it. Not now, anyway. "There's nothing to talk about…" Cooper says coldly, though it kills him to do so, and at that he stands and walks inside to help the others pack. He knows it's dysfunctional, and he knows it's not fair – especially to Blaine – but he can't bring himself to talk about it. Not yet.
The group leaves for Kansas early that afternoon, after Derek's teary goodbye to his brother. "We're thinking it's about a seven or eight hour drive from here. Is that okay with you two?" Emily asks, leaning on the window of Cooper's car as they're about to leave.
"Fine with us," Cooper replies, though he is pretty tired from his sleepless night.
"I can drive in a bit, if you want," Blaine assures after Emily walks away, trying to make the conversation light, or at least bearable. When Cooper just grunts in response, though, it sort of sets him off. He knows that Cooper isn't one to want to talk about his feelings, but the least he could do is have an innocent conversation. He wants to yell at him – to tell his brother to just talk to him – but he keeps his mouth shut.
That is, until they're about to pull away from the house. Cooper starts the car, and as he does, he reaches down near Blaine's feet to grab his iPhone to play some music. When he does, though, Blaine immediately grabs the messenger bag and holds it out of his brother's reach. Cooper glances up at him, eyes narrowed. "Can I get my phone?" He asks as nicely as he can, with everything that's going on in his mind.
"Yeah," Blaine retorts, trying to sound tough, "After we talk."
Cooper just sighs loudly, "Blaine, there's nothing to talk about."
"Bullshit," Blaine replies, staring intently at Cooper. Their gaze is only interrupted by Emily starting the truck and pulling forward. Cooper puts the car in drive and pulls out behind her, hoping that the conversation is over. "Cooper…" Blaine starts again, as soon as they're going a consistent speed behind the truck a few minutes later, though, proving him wrong.
"Blaine…" Cooper warns, begging him not to get into it.
"No," Blaine counters, "I know that you don't want to talk about it. And hell, I don't want to either, but we need to. And that's that."
"No we don't," Cooper argues, his eyes fixed on the road, "Not now."
"Why not?" Blaine asks, and he can feel his chest constricting. He can't help but note the new feeling – especially for his brother.
"Because," Cooper replies, exasperated, "We already have enough on our plates. We don't need something else to worry about. Not now."
Blaine is just silent in response, which surprises Cooper, because he was expecting a comeback. Instead, he stares ahead for a moment before pulling the phone out of his messenger bag and handing it to him. Cooper turns on his favorite Thrice album and turns the music up, hoping that the noise will drown out his thoughts.
Blaine doesn't give him much time, though, and is turning down the music after a couple of songs. "When?" He asks, continuing their conversation.
"What are you talking about?" Cooper questions, glancing at him again.
"When are we going to talk about it?" He clarifies for his brother, who sighs in response.
"Not now, Blaine."
And that's the end of their discussion.
Halfway through the drive, Cooper and Blaine switch spots so Cooper can sleep a little bit, and after that, it isn't long before they're nearing Emily's aunt's house in Kansas. If they thought that Ohio or Indiana looked bad, Kansas was a whole different story. The already barren land is littered in cars, trash, clothes and blood. As they drive down the main street in town, they come across a few corpses, wandering around the lifeless street mindlessly. They turn their heads as they hear the cars, but are nowhere near fast enough to catch them, and seem to give up. The streets are dead and Blaine can't help but note how they look like something out of a western movie. A western movie with zombies.
He wakes Cooper about halfway through town, letting him know that they're almost there, and then the silence between them is unbearable again.
"What do you think the chances are that her family is even alive?" Cooper asks, breaking the silence and looking out the window.
"Probably not that good," Blaine replies, still staring straight ahead, "But do you want to be the one to tell her that after what happened to Shane last night?" Cooper doesn't say anything in response. Instead, he just keeps staring out the window at the post-apocalyptic scene outside the car.
Despite what both of the boys think, though, when they pull up, there are two cars parked outside of the house that is supposedly Emily's aunt's place. Cooper and Blaine are just getting out of their own car when the blonde girl jumps out of the truck and practically sprints for the door. She knocks a few times – which has become foreign to everyone else – and when the door swings open after a few moments, she basically flings herself onto the nice looking woman in front of her.
After Emily's aunt and uncle inspect everyone for cuts or bites, they allow the rest of the group into their house with open arms. Her aunt, Michelle, explains to them how her, her husband, and their two children survived everything. Despite the fact that it's an interesting story, though, Cooper and Blaine's minds are both elsewhere, worrying about what their next move is going to be.
Thankfully, they're on the same page when they go to bed that night.
"Coop?" Blaine asks, voice small again, and Cooper hopes that he's not trying to bring the kiss – or the sex – up again.
"Yeah?" Cooper asks, looking up at the ceiling. They're both laying together on the pull out bed in the living room, an awkward space between them.
"What are we going to do?" He asks quietly, "I mean… are we staying here?"
Though Cooper knows it would be a good idea if they did stay, he's also dying to get to Colorado – probably as much as Blaine is. He also knows it's a lost cause, looking for their parents, but that doesn't make him want to give up. "Tonight, yeah," He replies, trying to figure out the right thing to say.
"Well obviously," Blaine retorts, and though Cooper can't see him, he knows there's a small smile playing across his lips. "But I mean after tonight."
"Well what do you want?" Cooper asks. It's a fair question. He doesn't want to make all of the decisions, especially if Blaine wants to stay in Kansas.
I want you, Blaine's head screams at him, but he pushes the thought down. Not now. He clears his throat, "I want to go to Colorado." He knows very well the dangers of the two of them venturing into a new state alone, but he decides that the risk is worth it. Besides, he can't stand Kansas.
"Then we're going to Colorado," Cooper confirms, rolling over onto his side, "Goodnight, B."
They wake up the next morning, tangled in eachother, and immediately separate when they realize it. They both quickly sit up to find Emily's aunt making breakfast by candle light in the kitchen and she smiles warmly at both of them. Both boys are nervous to tell their group that they're going to be leaving, but they know it has to be done. So when everyone else wakes up and is sitting around the table later that morning, Cooper speaks up.
"Blaine and I are going to be leaving today."
"What?" Emily's head spins around to look at him, "But why?"
"You know you're more than welcome here," Michelle adds, smiling, "You're not intruding at all."
"I know," Cooper says, somber, "And we really appreciate the hospitality… But Blaine and I sort of have somewhere to be…" At that, he reaches under the table to grip Blaine's hand, causing him to jump slightly at the unexpected contact.
"Colorado…" Emily breaths, "I don't want to sound harsh, Cooper, but you know there's not a very good chance that they made it…"
"I know," Cooper replies again, "But seeing you find your family gave us a little bit of hope. We have to try, at least." And at that, the conversation is over. By the looks that his friends give eachother from across the table, Cooper knows that they understand, even if they think he's being foolish.
That afternoon, Cooper and Blaine pack their things – along with some food and supplies that Michelle could spare – into their car, ready to leave. "Good luck," Emily breaths as she hugs Cooper goodbye, "If you decide to come back, you know where we are."
Cooper nods, "I do."
"If we leave, I promise I'll leave a note for you, just in case, okay?" She continues, pulling away to study his face.
He nods again, "Thank you."
After a few more teary goodbyes, the brothers climb in their car and pull away from the house, leaving it and their friends in the distance. And as they drive away, Cooper reaches over the center console to grab Blaine's hand reassuringly, like he had when they left their own home almost a week ago.
The scenery changes as they drive, from the barren flatlands of Kansas to the slightly less barren flatlands of eastern Colorado. The only reason they know that they're in a new state is because there's a giant brown sign on the right hand side of the road, reading "WELCOME TO COLORFUL COLORADO" in big letters.
"Not very Colorful, is it?" Cooper jokes as they drive by, earning a small chuckle from Blaine.
They pull off the highway at a rest stop, not long after entering Colorado, where Blaine teaches Cooper how to siphon gas, "for future reference" as he puts it. Thankfully, the rest stop is deserted. If there were any zombies there, they're long gone by now, making it easy for the boys to get in and get out, after stealing some snacks from the gas station.
"You realize we're going to have to go through some reasonably big cities to get to the mountains, right?" Blaine asks, glancing down at his map as they speed down the highway.
"I do," Cooper replies calmly, "We'll just have to be quick, won't we?"
Blaine sighs, "Yeah I guess."
"Besides," Cooper assures, "Emily gave me a gun for you, as well as plenty of ammo. We'll be okay."
"But I don't know how to shoot," Blaine counters, suddenly wishing that he had gone shooting with his brother and father when they had offered.
"I'll teach you," Cooper replies simply, smiling over at him before turning his gaze back onto the open road.
The boys near Denver after about five hours of driving, and thanks to Cooper's wonderful sense of direction, they manage to skirt around the capital and the larger cities surrounding it. Regardless, they still run into quite a few monsters along the way. Cooper manages to avoid hitting most of them as they swerve around the ones on the road and at one point, he reaches into the back seat and hands the baseball bat to Blaine, instructing him to hit them as they drive by.
"Think of it as a game," He insists, swerving sharply to the right to avoid hitting one.
"I'm not going to play a game that involves killing people," Blaine counters, shaking his head at his brother.
"You're not killing them if they're already dead," Cooper jokes back, rolling down his window. He knows he shouldn't joke about it – that he should try to maintain a little bit of sanity – but it makes him feel better. After twenty minutes or so of driving through the city, Blaine finally gives in and sticks the bat out the window, hitting one of them square in the face, causing Cooper to throw his head back, laughing loudly. Blaine wants to be serious – wants to be careful – but he can't help but smile back and laugh with his brother when he sees his face.
After another forty-five minutes of driving, the brothers reach the mountains. And because Cooper is well… Cooper, he stops the car dead in the middle of the highway before they begin their ascent into The Rockies, looking over at Blaine. "This is it," He says dramatically, "You ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," Blaine replies simply, and at that, Cooper hits the gas again, and the car begins to climb up the highway, leaving the cities and everything they know behind.
Fences is playing quietly in the car as they drive, windows down, up the winding mountain road, and Blaine can't help but think it's the perfect driving music. Under different circumstances, he'd remind himself to put the song on a driving playlist for the summer. And then he looks at Cooper, and his heart practically skips a beat. The wind is making his hair curl lightly around his face as they drive, and his mouth his curved up into a smile as he sings along with the words. Blaine can feel his heart swell at the sight of his brother, smiling and singing along as if nothing is wrong – as if the world hasn't ended – and he's pretty sure that is the point that he figures it out.
He loves his brother. And he can only hope that when they do talk, Cooper feels the same way, because if anything in this world is going to keep him hoping or give him a reason to fight and to live, it's going to be his brother.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Cooper comments, and Blaine knows that he's talking about the high rock walls and the pine trees and the river running along next to the highway, but he can't help but think about anything besides him.
"Yeah, it is," He replies, his voice far away as he stares at his brother. Cooper tears his eyes away from the road to smile at him, and Blaine feels the ache in his chest all over again.
The drive is gorgeous, and if Blaine had a camera – or if he had any use for pictures now – he'd be begging Cooper to pull over every ten minutes so he could snap a quick picture of the gorgeous scenery. Instead, he just stares out the window, amazed by the beauty.
Vail is difficult to get through. At one point, the brothers have to stop the car to get out and push abandoned vehicles out of the way, narrowly escaping a couple of zombies, which Blaine kills without a second thought, which is new. The town is eerie – cars stopped on the highway and side streets, from the people who tried to escape and didn't make it. There's blood on the road near some of the cars as they weave around them, and Blaine has to stop himself from looking down at it and feeling bad for the people who obviously didn't make it.
The sun is close to setting when they leave Vail and they decide to take a left onto a smaller road, deciding that if they don't find a house to stay in, they can set up a tent overnight. After only five minutes of driving, the atmosphere changes completely. There's no death or destruction on the quiet mountain road, like there had been in the city. Instead it's quiet. Peaceful. It's the first time that both boys feel like they can relax since everything began.
Another fifteen minutes of driving, and the boys start to approach a large bridge, which looks like it will them over a canyon and up another windy road. "Wow," Blaine breaths, taking in the view. As they round the corner, they can see everything. To their left and right are smaller roads that take them down the side of the mountain and underneath the bridge. In front of them and across the bridge, is the vast expanse of the Rocky Mountains. "It's gorgeous."
Cooper nods in agreement, wishing that it hadn't taken the end of the world for them to find something to beautiful and untouched. He drives slowly onto the bridge, enjoying the view with his brother, when suddenly he realizes this is it.
This is the moment you've been waiting for.
There's no threat of imminent danger ahead of them, nobody chasing them from behind. It's just Cooper and Blaine, driving across a bridge in the quiet mountains, the sun setting to their left. If it weren't for the bags full of their belongings in the backseat and the gun within his reach, it might even feel like an innocent road trip. He knows it's the moment that he's been waiting for – an opportunity to tell Blaine how he really feels without having to worry about protecting him. It'll be a moment of normalcy. Kind of.
Without warning, Cooper stops the car and kills the engine, earning an odd look from Blaine, though he doesn't protest.
His heart is pounding as he gets out of the car and walks over to the edge of the guardrail, taking in the scene before him and trying to clear his mind before they talk. He hears the car door shut behind him after a moment, and then Blaine is at his side, leaning against the metal as well. "You think they're out there somewhere?" Blaine asks softly, staring into the sunset.
Cooper knows he's talking about their parents and he swallows the lump in his throat before speaking. "I hope so."
"You know…" Blaine starts, careful not to say the wrong thing, "We still have eachother. If we don't find them, I mean."
"Blaine…" Cooper starts, causing his little brother to backtrack.
"I'm sorry," He starts, backing away, "I know I shouldn't have said anything, it's just… It's eating me up inside, Cooper. I know this should feel wrong, but it doesn't and-"
"Blaine," Cooper repeats, cutting him off, "Listen to me." At that, Blaine shuts his mouth and watches Cooper warily, waiting for him to go on. The older Anderson lets out a deep breath and pats the metal of the guardrail, signaling for Blaine to join him again. When they're side by side once again, Cooper finally speaks up. "I don't know any other way to say this," He starts, voice shaky because he's actually about to tell Blaine how he really feels, "So I guess I'll just get to the point… I love you, Blaine."
Blaine is silent, not because he's disgusted or because he's upset, but because he's at a loss for words. "I know this is really hard. And really confusing," Cooper continues, trying to explain himself, "And how I went about telling you – and showing you – the other day, was stupid of me. And that's why I didn't want to talk about it. We already had so much to worry about… I didn't want to make my problems come first. The most important thing to me is that you're safe-"
"And I am," Blaine interjects, speaking for the first time since Cooper's admission.
"And you are," Cooper repeats, "Which is why I'm telling you this now." He sighs, running his hand through his hair, "Look, Blaine, I don't know if we'll ever find mom and dad, but for some reason, that doesn't upset me that much, because I know I'll still have you. As long as I have you, as a brother or a lover or whatever, I'll be happy. You're the only one who means anything to me, Blaine."
Blaine stares at Cooper, long after he's done speaking, just watching, waiting, thinking. Finally, his hand comes to rest over Coopers on the guard rail, and he smiles. "I love you too, Coop," He says simply, "I think I always, have…"
Cooper smiles in return and he can feel the tears forming in his eyes as he half smiles and says, "Why doesn't this feel as fucked up as it is?"
At that Blaine chuckles, moving closer to his brother. "At this point, I really don't care if it's fucked up," He smiles, "The world has kind of gone to shit… But I have you, and that's all that matters."
"God, I love you," Cooper says again, his voice more sure the second time, now that he knows that Blaine feels the same.
"I love you too," Blaine replies, squeezing his hand, "So... can I kiss you now, or what?"
And at that, Cooper surges forward, catching Blaine's lips in a soft kiss. And in that moment, nothing else matters.
Chapter title is from the song "Daedalus" by Thrice. You should seriously go listen to it.
Also, thank you to EVERYONE who read this. It was seriously one of my favorite fics to write and I'm so glad you enjoy it! (There MIGHT be a sequel in the future, so keep your eyes open!)