Oh my goodness I am so so happy with the feedback I got from the first chapter! It absolutely thrills me to know you all have taken interest in this story! (Especially you Becca, I love how you're taking the time to read this ;;w;;) Also I just want to say thank you so much to the four reviewers: yoursomeday, klolo8, TheWritingGames, and MandaxoxoLeigh! Your comments made my week and it means a lot you stepped out of your way to leave a couple words!
Anyways, new BTR episode this week! I know you all are probably as excited as me. I can't stop grooving to Superstar! Moving on, time for me to shut up and let you all enjoy the story, enjoy! (EDIT: sorry, I forgot to put in the line divide)
Check out the Fanmix that inspired this here: theprincessandrajah(dot)tumblr(dot)com(slash)tagged(slash)the_kogan_fanmixes
The Kogan Trilogy:: Falling is Like This
PART I- Falling is Like This
CHAPTER TWO:: Love You Much Better
Kendall did not understand.
Somewhere, somehow, out of the blue Logan started dating.
It started about a month or so ago. Sometime near the end of the month of September, Logan had admitted to the fact of getting his first girlfriend. It wasn't very exciting news for Kendall, considering he had growing feelings for the brunet himself, but he had forced a smile and congratulated the other boy for his emergence into the dating world. Logan had replied with a sheepish "thanks".
But then, about six days later, Logan disappointingly announced that his first girlfriend had left him. Kendall tried not to look as happy as he felt and reassured his friend that "maybe she wasn't the right one" and that there will "always be another". Logan smiled at this and Kendall's heart surged. He had hoped that Logan would stay single for a while after now so they could have more time to spend together. That and he also wanted a chance.
Unfortunately, almost as quick as his girlfriend had gone, another somehow came to take her place. Logan was immersed into a relationship again in no time. Then, a week later, she too was gone, but that wasn't until another showed up, and afterwards another. Now Logan was on his sixth girlfriend, all within the same month, and Kendall knew something was up because this was nothing at all like his friend. Sure he had only known the kid maybe 2 months since the fall semester started, but he had learned enough to know Logan wasn't anything like your stereotypical player - he had not been in high school - nor was he the type to date and dump like that because he had been single for weeks until now.
What could explain this sudden dating explosion?
It couldn't possibly be because everyone was doing it. Certainly there were a handful of freshmen students that were single, including him, so Logan couldn't have felt pressured. Could it be because Logan was feeling lonely? Impossible, Kendall was always there to talk or meet up whenever. Did Logan suddenly develop that sudden urge to want someone to love or to be loved?
'If he wanted a lover so badly I could've been it had he told me.' The blonde thought this, gritting his teeth as he clenched his pen tightly in his hand, staring down at the paper below him angrily. Currently, he was supposed to be paying attention to the lecture the professor at front was giving on Federalism in his American Government class, but his mind was far too preoccupied with Logan to care.
He let out a sigh as he realized the wrong in his previous thought. There was no way Logan would have told Kendall something so deep and then allowed him to be his boyfriend just like that. For all the blonde knew, Logan was completely straight, never once having his eyes all over another guy, or talking about one for that matter. And that was only slightly disappointing. Okay, really disappointing because Kendall had been dying to make a move. Only he really couldn't if Logan wasn't okay with it, which the blonde had never been sure he was.
Plus, if Logan had any want to reciprocate he would've done so now wouldn't he? Many back in high school had known that Kendall was bisexual, though he'd really only had two boyfriends, but it was a heavily rumored thing, so he was sure Logan already knew. Thus being, if the brunet had felt anything he would've given off signals, except he hadn't...
Then again Logan did not recognize Kendall's face upon meeting him, which only showed how much of a social failure the genius really was, not that he personally minded, but this also meant that Logan might not have heard the rumors about him… And that just pretty much cancelled out everything he had thought about for the past minute.
Kendall let out a soft groan, holding his head in his hands as he tried to ease the growing headache that was forming as a result of all this pondering. Why, just why, did he have to start falling head over heels for a former social outcast from his old high school that he never bothered to get to know about until now? Correction, why didn't he bother to know Logan until now? Geez, that was the biggest mistake of his high school life, and he couldn't very well describe it, but Logan had something no one else he ever met had.
"Alright we'll wrap up the rest of chapter 9 next class, see you on Monday, and make sure you do the online readings!"
Kendall was called back into reality by the sounds of students shuffling their textbooks and papers into their bags, all exiting down the rows through the door out front.
'Great, another lesson gone where I paid zero attention.' The former hockey captain thought bitterly as he got up from his seat, messily shoving his things into the messenger bag he had thrown onto the floor before slinging it over his shoulder. He made his way out, flipping his phone open almost instantly to check on the time.
'Hmm, 12:05...' Normally he'd text Logan to ask if they could meet up for lunch but...'he's got a girlfriend now.'
The second he flipped his cell phone shut a rather loud groan echoed throughout the lobby of the building, prompting him to look up. His eyes met the sight of Logan and his newest girlfriend Cindy. Oh gosh, it had totally slipped his mind that his girl had a class here in the same hall he did.
"Logan, why did you have to show up after my class today?" Kendall couldn't help overhearing the petite redhead whine, emphasizing her distress with a wave of her arms. "I just - this is not okay with me you know?"
"What is it something that I did?" The brunet looked confused. "I mean, you were fine just this morning."
"That was this morning." She gave a roll of her eyes. "This is now."
"Well, are you going to explain things to me?"
She shook her hair out of her face before setting her hands on her hips, "No, you're smart. Figure it out."
Kendall huffed, blood already boiling at the sight he held before him. That was another thing about Logan's dates that bothered him. All of them, in some way, in some form, were completely ungrateful and did not appreciate the brunet at all. It was almost as if they had just chosen to go out with Logan for the hell of it. None of the girls were really interested in Logan as a person and just dating him so they could say "I have a boyfriend". And if right now was not an example, then what was?
Seriously, what girl would not be happy if her guy came to see her right after class? Kendall knew he would be jumping in freaking glee if Logan had come to do that for him. Ungrateful, disrespectful little—
"Oh, hey Kendall," Logan greeted, his eyes catching the sight of the blonde standing a few feet behind his girl. He immediately cursed at himself for not moving out of the way earlier because now he seemed as if he was eavesdropping. Although, Logan didn't seem to notice as he waved for him to come over, which Kendall really couldn't deny.
"Hey," he waved to his brunet friend with a sincere grin, and he would've totally ignored Cindy if a little thing called manners had not been invented. "Good afternoon Cindy."
"Hi Kendall," she said rather dryly, digging into the pocket of her lace skirt and whipping out her cell phone, as if there weren't two other people before her that she should pay attention to.
"So how'd American Government class go?" Logan inquired.
"Ah, the usual, you know, boring." Kendall offered a shrug.
"Really, what exactly were you covering?"
'You.' The blonde wanted to answer, but quickly shook the answer out from his mind as he racked his brain to recollect at least something about the lecture he had actually picked up on. Thankfully, one word shot through, "Federalism."
"Federalism, seriously, Kendall that is far from boring, you see there's this fascinating reason as to why federalism allows the government to -"
"Logan, anything to do with school is exciting for you." Kendall held up a hand to stop the genius from talking any further, the brunet seeming almost bashful as he was caught amidst another geek rant. Kendall offered a small smile though as he quickly added, "Although, I'm not sure I understood most of the topics we covered during today's lesson so it would be helpful if you would..."
Logan caught on quickly, attitude perking up at Kendall needing his aid, "I'm sure I could squeeze us in a study date."
The blonde's heart pounded upon hearing the words "date", but he cleared the haze from his brain with a sharp reminder that "date" was not a term solely used for romantic meetings — though he really wished it was right about now.
Right then Cindy seemed to break out from the trance, her cell phone held in her hand as she looked up and announced to her boyfriend, "Well Logan, a couple of me and my girls are meeting up for lunch so I'm going to leave."
"Okay," the brunet didn't seem to look too bummed out about that. Cindy must do this a lot, Kendall thought.
The two stood awkwardly in front of each other for a moment before the redhead girl crossed her arms over her chest and demanded, "Give me a kiss?"
"What," Logan was taken aback by her request, "I thought you were upset at me?"
"Yeah, still am, but kissing makes us look official."
"Who's looking?"
"Everyone, now do it."
Logan let out a sigh before closing the distance between him and his girl, grabbing a hold of Cindy's chin and tilting it upwards before pressing his lips right against hers. It wouldn't have bothered Kendall so much if it didn't look like he was putting in so much damn effort into it, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he nipped gently against her plump skin. What sucked even more was that Kendall could do nothing but stand there and watch. Stand and watch just as he did for the past several weeks whilst Logan kissed every one of his girls in that, oh so loving, manner.
But one thing was for certain, every time he watched his friend kiss his date like that, with so much passion, soft and tender, Kendall knew that one day he'd be on the other end of that kiss. One day he had to be.
And then just like that it was broken, Cindy stepping back and brushing her bangs out of her face looking as if everything that had just happened had been absolutely nothing.
"See you later?" Logan said this more like a question than a statement.
"Sure, whatever." She gave a lazy wave as she clicked away on her heels, shouting over her shoulder, "And you better have figured out why I don't want you to come see me after class anymore!"
Seeing her response, witnessing her attitude, it more than enraged Kendall, and he literally had to hold himself back from going after her with a good smack by holding a tight grip onto the wall behind him. That girl was so freaking lucky. She got to kiss Logan while he couldn't and she was treating that privilege as if it was just a regular thing like breathing air.
"Well Kendall, this means I've got some free space for lunch." The brunet turned to meet eyes with his friend besides him, "Wanna come with?"
My gosh and just one look at the shorter boy, bright chocolate irises gleaming at him with such an innocence, his pink lips moist and teasing, Kendall wanted to slam this idiot up against a wall and kiss the life out of him just to show him what real love and real want felt like. It was not that crummy relationship he had with his girlfriend! But, by some godly miracle, the blonde was able to hold back.
However, he was sure talking about Cindy, or any sort of relationship incident over lunch, would certainly dissolve that. So Kendall forced a shake of his head and managed to speak out, "Can't. Sorry, I have things to do."
He wasn't even able to cover up the anger he held in his tone, but made sure to march out of the buildings doors before the brunet could even question him what was wrong. Normally, he'd feel bad, but right now he really couldn't take it. Any of it.
Logan did not deserve those girls.
The genius was bothered.
Kendall was avoiding him.
That was bad, especially because, that was the last thing he had wanted to do. Yet somehow, though he had thought he had figured out a good way to prevent it, things were going way opposite from what he had planned. It didn't make any sense and he did not understand.
He had promised himself to "fix" the problem of his obsession with Kendall back on the day when Kendall had walked him back from the library, more like hiding it before the blonde took note, and he had thought that getting a girlfriend would be the perfect way to do it. Although he was absolutely terrified of approaching girls, even more the world of dating, he was more terrified of the blonde jock discovering his unhealthy compulsion with him so he chanced the jump. Fortunately, the ladies didn't find him unattractive and Logan found he actually wielded the power to lure them in if he really worked at it.
So yes, he got his first girlfriend, which Kendall congratulated him for, the blonde not seeming upset about it at all, only making the brunet a bit sad. Unfortunately, he found, being in relationships were hard, especially when your mind was always on someone else, and Logan found his first date gone in the blink of an eye. Lucky for him he picked up another just as fast to replace his cover, but then she left. It all went in short cycles from then on.
Although he was on his sixth girl now, he didn't see it so much as a problem. Just as long as he had a girl to make it seem like he wasn't spending all his time with Kendall, like he had someone else to think about, like he wasn't obsessed, and he thought it was going pretty well. Then, out of the blue, Kendall got mad.
Yeah, sure, at first he had shrugged it off as possibly Kendall having a bad day. He did say politics and government was not one of his likeable subjects, and they did meet up for a study date at the library later that day, but nearly right after Kendall started avoiding him. He kept saying he slept in late, missing their usual coffee meetings at the café in the mornings, when Logan would text him he would reply one word responses, and he'd make up a studying excuse for every time he asked to meet up with him. When they hadn't seen each other for 11 days, and Kendall hadn't bothered to text him over a span of five, Logan knew something was up. They never broke contact for more than two.
They had to have a talk.
Logan tried texting Kendall about it that very Monday, and he waited patiently all throughout his Algebra class for a response, but the result was fruitless. Kendall never texted him back and Logan had one of two theories: either the blonde did not receive the text or he chose not to reply. Logan highly believed the second one to be true right about now though, and it was confirmed when Logan tried calling the jock that evening, three times actually. Not one was answered.
Fine, if Kendall was going to be unreachable through his phone this way, then Logan will take the initiative to find him and talk to the boy in person. Fortunately for him, this mission did not prove to be too hard, because the universe seem to have aligned them to meet up coincidentally as Logan was walking through the crowd in the outdoor walkways after his morning class. Among the mass of people, the brunet had appeared unrecognizable, and he was able to sneak his approach as he pulled up from behind him.
"Hey Kendall," he greeted, almost nonchalantly.
The other was practically shocked, eyes widening momentarily before he turned his eyes away, jaw clenched in a tight line as he picked up his walking pace and replied, "Sorry Logan, but I really don't have time to talk right now."
"Seriously," Logan kept up with his fast walk, frowning at the man besides him. "You don't have class until 2pm. How could you not have time?"
"I have to study okay."
At this the brunet took the chance to pull up in front of the taller boy, stopping him right at the turn of the walkway, students bustling around their paused forms. Logan glared up at his friend before him, "You've been saying that every chance that I text you during your free time and though, I don't exactly know you like the back of my palm, I know Kendall Knight isn't that fanatic about studying."
Kendall heaved a loud sigh, bringing his right hand up to massage his temple, "Okay, fine, I'll admit it, you caught me. I'm not going to study."
"Knew it," Logan chewed out bitterly, "So, are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding me for the past week? I don't know about you, but I'm not one to sit back on these things without there being a reason to as to why I can't fix it."
'Oh yeah, wanna fix it? Then dump your girlfriend and go out with me.'
"It's complicated." Kendall forced out instead, the grip on his bag's strap tightening just slightly from the result of him having to hold back his true words. Boy it was hard hiding your feelings for a straight guy, and shame on him for just finding this out now.
"Oh," Logan could only wonder at the many meanings of what "it's complicated" could possibly mean. "Well… I'd rather you give me something more than that because I've heard "complicated" is a pretty hard thing to solve on its own. Even Valedictorian's like me can't get to the bottom of that you know."
The response brought a light smile to his lips, admiring the way Logan could brighten things up with a light joke even in the most serious of times. He liked that about him; along with the many other quirks he had that Kendall had listed and written out within his brain.
Logan noticed the ease in the other's mood and dared to move closer to him, delivering a light punch to the other's upper right arm, knuckles brushing softly against the soft fabric of Kendall's green hoodie. The blonde fought the urge to shiver against the feel of the other's contact and intently focused on Logan's words, "So… are we cool?"
"Yeah, we're cool. We were always cool." Kendall said this as he adjusted the strap that was starting to weigh down on his left shoulder. "I was just coping with my own, eh, personal problems."
"Well if they're personal I guess I won't ask. You probably need your space."
Kendall was never so glad for the respect Logan had for his friend's privacy until now. "Thanks man, I'm glad you understand."
"No problem."
Then, just when Kendall was settling into a calm state of mind, telling himself that avoiding Logan had been a bad idea because it had only served to make him look more suspicious, telling himself that as long as he was alone with Logan he'd be fine, the problem of his matter seemed to just waltz in just to personally destroy his day.
"Logan," a shout came from down the hall. Cindy marched right up to the brunet, injecting herself in the empty space that stood between him and Kendall, which did not please the blonde at all. "I thought I told you not to reorganize the stuff in my bag! Do you know how much trouble I had just trying to find my paper for my Comp class right now?"
"I had thought it would help, you know, you just had papers for your classes scattered all over the place and some weren't even in folders, I thought it'd be easier for you to find your things if they were organized and -"
"Are you insinuating that I'm messy, Logan, because right now I can't take an insult."
"No, no, that's not what this is about -"
"I can't say that I believe you, but sure. Though I don't understand why you didn't listen to me when I told you not to touch my stuff!"
"Sorry -"
"No, sorry does not cut this enough!" And then, seemingly out of the blue, the redhead girl leaned up and kissed the brunet hard on the lips.
'What the heck?' Kendall could not believe what he was witnessing. 'You can't just yell at him and then kiss him like that!'
Cindy ended the exchange quickly though this time, her eyes narrowed in a glare as she stated, "I love you and all, but none of this was okay."
'Love, is she out of her mind? What part of this yell-fest was Love?'
"We are talking later, got it?" Just like that, she stormed off, whipping her hair over her shoulder as she left, the people she walked by looking and wondering exactly what had been done to upset her.
Kendall heard a sigh come from beside him, "Man, this love thing is complicated..."
That was it.
"Dude," Kendall practically snapped as he turned to face the other, "Why do you let her walk all over you like that?"
"W-what," Logan was taken aback by this, first his girlfriend and now Kendall? "S-she wasn't. Kendall she was just telling me why she was upset."
"She was yelling at you, Logan! And she didn't let you talk! She even kissed you without your compromise!" The blonde didn't even bother to hide the displeasure in his voice, arms gesturing to the empty space where Cindy just stood. "All she had to do was slap you and that would've completed the violent aspect of this abusive relationship!"
"Abusive relationship," Logan could hardly believe that those terms had been directed towards him. This was the first time he was hearing it.
"Yes, abusive relationship, that's what you've got going on." Kendall recited. "She's stepping all over you and you aren't doing anything about it -"
"Kendall, I think I would notice when I'm in such a relationship, alright. Cindy and I are completely fine as we are." The brunet cut him off, right hand raised in a poise that said for the other to stop. Kendall was not stopping, however.
"Why are you bothering to stick with her? Logan, there are so many others at this university that can treat you better -"
"Are you telling me you have a problem with my girlfriend?"
'Oh my god. Could he be any more clueless?'
"YES!" Kendall couldn't have shouted it any louder. "I have a problem with your girlfriend! In fact I've had a problem with every single one of your girlfriends, okay?"
"Wait, is that why you were avoiding me last week?" Logan was starting to piece the picture of the puzzles together.
"Yes, no, I mean —it's complicated." Kendall ran his fingers through his hair in an exasperated manner. He couldn't say too much, but he also couldn't say too little, but right now his mind was all jumbled up in a muggy mist of heated anger and he really couldn't figure out what was what.
Logan stood before him patiently though, the pale boy waiting to hear some kind of explanation from the accusing blonde. However, instead of elaborating on the problems as he would've liked, Kendall just gave a sigh and looked down at him with pleading green eyes.
"Logan can we… can we talk later? I can't think right now."
The brunet didn't like the idea of having to wait, but he would do it if it would ease Kendall. He gave a nod, "Okay, we'll talk later. But, before you go, can you at least give me a reason, other than abuse, as to why I should break up with Cindy? Or really, why you didn't like any one of my other girlfriends?"
Kendall gave a shake of his head in response before stepping back into the walking mass of students flowing behind them, and following their trail down the rest of the hall. Logan was left behind with an unanswered question, the blonde knowing that he'd be left wondering about it for the rest of the day.
It wasn't like Kendall didn't have an answer though. He did. If he could have, if he wasn't so set on not revealing anything, he would have answered with seven simple words.
'Because I could love you much better.'