Darn all the morons!. Couldn't distinguish the different between a steel candy and the REAL candy!. Give them some candy and they'll punch you in the face!. Ruining your expensive glass that even the whole of the poor salary as whatever Shield could never pay back. Not to mention that they spend their entire money into guns (the skeleton) and donuts (the dinosaur ass). Here, the next question!.
Question number three: What do you think about his inside?. And I mean his thoughts, his personality, his soul,… stuff like that!. Not the other inside!. And what would you prefer to hear him say to encourage you?.
a). Happy, cute, delightful, full of energy that you think he's always on high or drunk,…. And might I tell you I'm not sure if he's using some drugs or not but sometimes he looks like an emo. Well beside his sometimes "the world is on it's end" attitude, I don't think there's anything wrong with his head.
Oh oh… did I mention that he's wimp?. You can making fun of him every time. His girlish voice, his short height, his coconut hair, his hairless legs, his baby milking cheeks, his crying baby heart which cries on every little thing,... Did I tell you that he held a funeral upon the death of his beloved friend (and only friend)?. His… LD the Third, wet to dead!. Here is the story about the great friendship between a boy named Wimpy and his friend:
Once upon a time there was a boy and his name was Wimpy. The boy had no friend, no… no human friend for he was such a crying baby. He cried for his favorite treasure (aka his friend) "Lap Dance, stood high tall and proud III", the one and only left version had got wet. Poor boy, he cried for weeks…. His father tried to save it (for he really really love it, too). And the man saved it by… sticking it with rice and said "Nankurunaisa", but to no good. The boy's friend had dead for his sister mistook it as a meat,…
"Hey, I was like a baby at that time. And can you believe it?. They watched it in front of a baby!. *points at herself*. ME!".
… so she put in on a fire, (now now be patient) and then the boy had to pour the entire of bucket on it. That why I said it was wet to dead.
So you can making fun of him with ease if you can take on his way too high "Wahhhhh…." Mhz. Just do not ever mention anything about cooking or anything is related to it. He… may not so wimp when you "talk" about his cooking. Look at my right eye, m/m. I talked maybe he must know Doraemon to carry all of his kitchen appliances, and this is the result. No no no!. My right eye!. My left is swollen because the darn Bluefish poked it!. And it got swollen because the effect of his chubby.
*Cough* Well, he'll say: "Can I go to the Zoo and to borrow an axe to slay a cow?. My knifes are kind a small", or "Can we go play base ball?. I am bored!", or "If I beg?",…. Maybe in some strange way, you'll get motive by his words and grasp a bat, then whack it on his head. Ah, so full of life!.
b). Uhm,… What else can I say, but a man with such filial!. He loves his mommy so much that he carries her everywhere he goes!. He carries her when he's out side. He carries her when he's biting people's neck. He carries her when he's in the toilet and doing some things that inconvenient to talk about. He carries her into his bed, even though he never sleeps but just wants to know the feel of being on the same bed with his mother. So if you're the incest type, this would be the perfect chevalier for you.
He may appears tough, but just stick your lower lip out and pout then he'll pierce the sun since you hate it for making your skin looks like his. Well just don't say anything about his skin though, for he really love it when it's burned like that and make him like a walking coal and sadly he doesn't look like Will Smith at all. Hey!. If you tell him to bleach his skin, then you're racist and way too evil for breaking his eternal dream. (Note: He'll go mad and go on berserk). How the hell could he ever be on "Men in Black IV" when having a Dutch dairy cow skin?. And yes, he mistook the word "in black".
Warning: He is very jealous!. Do not ever ever never say that you like any man or any woman just because of whatever you like in them!. There definitely no more Jonas brothers or J Lo once you did that!. And if that happens, good luck and wish you know Mr. Obama.
When you're sad, he'll say: "Tonight, we have to eat human food for we're attending a party so don't you even think of anything…. OH NO!. NOT THE PUPPY EYES!", "You can do anything you want, just don't jump like that for your beautiful body will be crushed and I can't bang you with it", or "What do you think of my skin?. Should I burn it a little darker?",….
c). This is the type of creeping stalker and Nerd transformer Super… mad!. He loves you so much and when he gets nothing but lust from you, he'll change his target into your sister. No not loving her, killing her. Therefore, get your sister away from him as far as possible. Or, as near him as possible?. Your decide!.
He's the type of violent bodyguard, so you need to know the whole world CSI, NCIS, FBI, CIA… when having him as your chevalier. Yet he very eager to protect you: He'll rip off your attacker head, make a huge crack on the floor for stomping the poor ant or digging hole on the wall for shooting a spider…. just to protect you!... Or that is what he declare it is.
He is… fine (if you don't count his wacky head). Just do not shake his hand when you guy meet, do not play wresting thumb with him, do not tell him write a letter, do not tell him that you need a hand, do not ask him if he has a free hand… You know what?. Don't say any words about his hand or told him to do some things that requires them. I know that you must be curious to know "how the hell he's going to protect me" when being "handless", right?. It's…. Well, he has his way, OK?. It's not like he is not human and having arms with spiky dart thingsand he'll shoot them like a machine gun, right?. *sweat drops*.
His words to you: "Now… dance with me, tonight!", "I want to be your dance partner", or "You don't love me so I'm going to kill your sister and then bang her again again and again. When her corpse rots, I'll drink her blood and die with her",….
Please don't ask about his logical. Drink someone's blood after their body has rotten?. *sigh* No wonder he must cosplay.
d). Ah sweet, caring and loving prince face so his personality must be the same!. XXX… Wrong answer m/m. He may looks sweet and cute, but he is nut and insane. I mean he wants to know what is going to happen when he rips a chevaliers limbs and head off. He wants to know if the chevalier will regenerate or not. Again, we SUCK are not doing anything illegal. Chevaliers are (were) humans!.
He may looks smart, but he forgets things easily. He talks with you the 1st minute, then 2 minutes later he'll say "I am sorry. But who are you, young miss?". Heck he can't even remember the face of the person that "give" life to him despite HIM being with HER for over freaking decades.
And this type is so NOT loyal. He may dumps you so that he could tail the other girl who he believes that she is his soul mate, even though she kicks his butt several times. Man, he even dare to kill his own "mother" for "the love of his life". Not to mention "the love of his life" is the one he met just a couple of seconds ago. Let's just say when he sees a pretty girl, he immediately declares that he loves her.
Note: He a womanizer.
His words: "Who are you, young miss?","Have we met before?. Because I believe I have never seen anyone so beautiful as you are", "If you can follow my lead, then we must be in great harmony", "Do you remember that I wear white the first time we met, then I keep wearing the same suit for over century?", "What do you think when I'm in black?. Do I look like someone you know?"….
e). If you a are person that fully agree with the phrase "Silent is Gold" then you should pick this one. Even though sometimes (usually) his silent make you wanna open his mouth with a nail removed hammer then put a metal bar to keep it from shutting. Well, maybe you're thinking his breath must smelt awful when he keeps his mouth shut every time. But hey think about Cool Air, Colgate Plax, Listerine, Douplemint…. And it's not like that I have bad breath. I just don't want to meet dentist every day, OK? (For all the candies).
Hey hand off my Douplemint, Darn the big softy coal.
"Humph. Stingy".
"Saya, is my breath really bad?"
"No… Not at all".
How did she know?. Did she… sniff it?. o_O
One big note: If you need a chevalier who could give you advice on some things, then I suggest you NEVER pick this one. All he could say are: "If that is what you wish", "You must fight", blah blah blah…. If you don't care and just need some one to listen, then once again do NOT pick him. Just talk to the wall and that would save you millions!. You want to hear his deep velvet voice?. Then hunt down Crispin Freeman or Katsuyuki Konishi, trick him or them to say "If that is what you wish" or "それはあなたが望むものである場合" (Sore wa anata ga nozomu monodearu baai: If that is what you wish), record it!. See, you can play it a hundred times a day and the voice would never (would) break.
His words to you: "Wake up and please stop drooling", "You must fight", "If that is what you wish, but I am so sorry. I can't sleep with you", "Anything you wish, except this one for she will kill me", "Please keep fighting your dark side", "I will never leave you even though we're separate by time, in any circumstance…"
"Haji!".
"…. Coming!".
Forgot to tell you, but he is VERY loyal and a coward. If he loves someone, the punch on the face is the only could open his mouth and confess his feeling to her. And since he really loves her, he'll do whatever she say, and dress the "Bagel" boxers if she is the one who bought it. So don't expect he'll do anything for you, unless she says "yes".
f). He is evil, creepy, and scary… and creepy. What?. Don't mock me!. The guy is creeping me out!. He seems to be a gentleman but he is like the big vizier, who always loves to pull other's string and burns the whole empire down. The master of puppet, Mr. Lash!. He can hypnotize people by making them looking at his lashes and they go crazy after all the fail attempts trying to pluck one out. See, the prove is right beside me!. *Point at some diva*.
"You taste… like him!. Eww… I just got all the gay germ on me!. *giggles*".
Hey!.
"Diva, germ is bad. What did I say about it, humph?".
"I am sorry, Mr. Lash *bashes her eye… lash… innocently?*".
"Ugh!. You're dead, Chariot! What did I say about it?. I said no mean word before a baby!".
Wait wait wait before you kill me, remember that I am the CEO and work for you right now, not that Mr. Temporary memory.
"Fine. *mumbles* I'll kill you after you make profits for me".
What?.
… O-K.
His words for you: "Diva, put that down right this instant!", "No don't eat it. I don't want to take you to dentist", "Hey, put your toys away when you're done with it. I don't want any blood stain on this Asian skin carpet",…. Yeah, that what he says to you.
Important: He may be viewed as incest old man, for he treats you like a baby and at the same time he wants to bleep you.
g). Need a stylish grandmother?. Pick him, pick him!. He'll show you how to dress like a fashionable homo, and scowls you when you forgot to put on a scarlet cowboy boots .
"Scarlet cowboy boots totally blow you up!. See what they did to Ted in "How I met your mother"?".
He may appears effeminate, but he is strongest chevaliers we have. Well, if he's not such a lazy ass, and just goofing around the battle of life, keep stating how your dress looks marvelous on you, or boy how your err… guy looks delicious.
"How do you my ass is lazy?. *wink wink*".
Oh god!. *groan* Not again!.
His words: "Oh my, you looks absolutely perfect in this obsolete dark blue dress. I know the dress is nothing special, but the crown!. The bat wings crown is so blow you up, darling! It's like: "Oh look at me!. I am a vampire queen!. So cute!", "Where did you buy that coat?. Was it from Saya's chevalier?. Poor girl. It's so out of time!. But know what I'll give you a favor and buy it with…. Humm, how about a thousand dollars?", "Hey, where did coalblack-kun go?",….
"Oh my!. You so know about me".
Arghhh. Done!. I'm off.
"Wait!. Chariot-kun. You forgot your candy!".