Hey guys! Here is the fifth installment to the story.

However, before I begin, I just want to give an enormous thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, story alerted, author alerted, favorite story'd, and favorite author'd this story! You guys are great, and keep me writing.

I would also like to give a special shout out to bookworm1818 – you're review on chapter 4 was so amazingly kind, and really made my day.

This chapter is back in Andy's POV.

And without further ado, here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or its characters.

Chapter 5: Broad Daylight

"You back your partner up. No matter what."

Andy McNally was still laced with guilt.

She was a loyal person, in general. Never threw anyone under the bus, and thought she never would. She never betrayed anyone, but especially not her friends. Never her friends.

But today, she had turned her back on one of her best friends.

She hated herself for what she had done to Traci today.

Even if she had gone to Boyko afterwards to fix it, it didn't change the fact that she had already betrayed Traci.

Traci was one of her best friends, and one of the only people she really trusted. She didn't understand how she could have done that to her.

Except, when she really thought about it, she did understand.

It had been the fear talking. She had been absolutely terrified today.

After already almost dying the week before when she was acting as a prostitute, the last thing she really needed was to be alone with another gun situation. But that's exactly what had happened.

It was her fault, really. Not Traci's. She was the one who had forgotten to load her clip, and the one who had told Traci it was okay to leave.

Because after all, family is the most important thing.

But being alone today and being faced with that situation had terrified her. The fear had completely overtaken her.

It had brought back too many memories of her own childhood.

And Noah had thought she didn't understand.

But growing up without a mother and with a drunken father made you understand a lot of things.

You understood that the world wasn't fair. Not even close to it. You understood that you couldn't trust many people. Most just end up disappointing you. And you understood that loving someone meant you were vulnerable, and that you would just end up hurt.

Those were the realities for Andy McNally.

The reality was that she was constantly terrified. Every day she put on an act.

Fake it 'til you make it, her and Traci always joked. But for her, it was the truth.

She faked confidence every day on the job. Pretended she had it all figured out. When really, half the time she just relied on instinct and luck, and the other half on Sam.

She faked her family life. Really, it was just a mess. Just her, cleaning up all the problems her father created. Constantly taking care of him.

But most of all, she faked her relationships.

She forced herself to fit into these relationships where she wasn't really happy.

Sure, maybe in the beginning she was. Thought she had finally found the right guy.

But quickly, she realized once again how wrong the relationship was. She was never completely happy with it. There always felt like there was something missing.

It was the same way with Luke now.

It had started off great; all smooth moves, and romance, and picture perfect memories. But now it just felt tired and boring again.

Not that she would ever admit it. After dealing with so many screwed up situations and relationships in the past, she just wanted a stable one.

And that was exactly the kind of relationship Luke offered.

So she forced herself to keep smiling and laughing. Keep pretending. Because a future with him wouldn't be too bad.

She pulled off the deception perfectly. She got everyone to believe in it. To believe she was happy.

She even kidded herself into thinking she was happy.

But still, she couldn't help but dream sometimes.

She dreamt of a relationship filled with passion and romance. Of stubbornness and excitement. Of some wild adventures, and just comfortable nights with a beer in front of the TV. Of having a constant companion, someone she could always lean on. Of letting go of all limitations, and just loving someone wholly. Of taking risks, and letting herself be vulnerable. Of being completely in love.

She dreamt of that more than anything, and dreamt of finding the person who would make that her reality.

But sometimes, she wondered if she already had.

Sam was always there for her. Especially when it mattered. He was so nice and funny and loyal.

He made her feel a whirl of emotions, most she couldn't even name. He made her feel more than she ever had in her life.

But he also made her scared. Scared of many things, like heartbreak. But most of all, scared of depending on someone so fully.

She wasn't sure she was ready to take that risk yet.

So she stayed in her boring but stable relationship. Kept smiling and laughing and deceiving.

Kept pretending.

Wow, another chapter done! Time flies.

Unfortunately, there wasn't very much McSwarek interaction again this episode (I can't wait to get to season's 2 and 3 with the constant McSwarek angst!). However, even though I started on a different topic, I tried really hard to bring it back to their relationship, and how she felt about Sam… I hope I did an okay job!

Please leave me a quick review on your way out!

Jules