Wow. So this has been a long time coming. Life issues and mental blocks have sort of been wrecking my writing. I'm trying to get back into it with enthusiasm, but sometimes it isn't always there. Thank you for being patient with me!

So, what we have here is the story so far being told from Dick's perspective. Why? I have no idea, I just felt like trying it. For the last chapters it was slightly hard to figure out what might have been going on in his head. A much more reserved and sexually deviated mind.

So, again. This and next chapters will be in Dick's POV.

Since season 2 started, we are going a little AU with this, guys. Many things remain the same, I reference things in the show, but some of it is obviously my personal opinion or side-stepping a couple things.

**Warning for any slash fans: Dick is a bisexual in this fiction, without too much elaboration. So is Wally, for the most part. I will not describe things in detail, but Dick sleeps around regardless of gender. They are not full-on homosexual. Just needed to say that.

Anyway, please review and enjoy!

I know this thing is quite long, really, especially for me doing something all in one sitting. Smut is at the end, if you really need to skip ahead lol.

For anyone interested, the song used for inspiration of this chapter is 'Beautiful Lie' by 30 seconds to Mars. [link]

It was a year ago this day that I had left the team for good.

It was a night like any other before it.

It was going to snow, and it was going to be a busy night, packed with drinking, loud people enjoying the sins of the flesh.

I was getting ready in the back room, and found myself dwelling on everything before this point.

Things had gotten complicated, and of course, like I was taught, I distanced myself.

The relationship with my best friend seemed to be fading away like some apparition that haunted me at night.

All this time, he had been in my thoughts and dreams and nightmares.

It felt almost as if I couldn't breathe anymore without mouthing his name.

Just as I was when I met him at thirteen, I was still enthralled with him after six years...

It was hard to really trust anyone after my parents' death, even Bruce. I had somehow learned to trust my friend just enough that it was satisfactory, but just enough to make me feel guilty.

Batman was stern with that trust. He monitored me really anywhere that he had the right to. The house was bugged in certain areas, less others. I had learned my way around and figured out just how many there were in that large, empty, lonely house full of strange trophies and hidden doors.

Bruce had caught me at a strange time when he adopted me, between absolute wonder and melancholy. He had literally picked me off my feet and smiled at me, giving me my balance back after I felt I had fallen.

Of course, I missed them.

When you're a kid, you sometimes lose sight of anything around you, crying endlessly with no consolation.

The beds were large and cold, now.

I didn't want to bother him.

My savior.

My new father.

He was a strange man.

So enthralled with the city's scum and bringing them to upmost justice. I learned well under his careful teaching.

We were practically unstoppable.

But something had been missing.

He was cold, distant, and tortured with his guilt. As much as he was a father, I was his ward. I was never to push my limits or be in imminent danger. Many days, he would only need to give me a look, and I knew that I was to stop changing into my costume and plan to spend the night at home. I felt much more like he locked his emotions up tightly, afraid to let any imperfections in.

Everything was clean, cut and pressed.

Compartmentalized.

I was at the top of my class, but did not outdo the rest of my grade too much to arouse any suspicion. Normally, I would occupy myself with things much more intellectually challenging as the teachers would speak.

Not that they were easy on anyone.

It was Gotham University.

It was where you went to rise above the common populace.

I was the luckiest kid in the world, right?

Son of Bruce Wayne, the billionaire. Lived in the largest mansion in the entire city. An amazingly precise and loving butler constantly at any beck and call.

What more could a kid want?

Apparently, it was blatant, unconditional love.

The instant I set my eyes on that rather dopey, grinning, ginger-haired boy, I began to question the glass box that Batman had kept me in for my own safety.

He was damn talkative.

He told horrible jokes.

He ate like some sort of animal, many times his own body weight.

He was sometimes extremely dense and completely set on his own set of science-based beliefs.

He was always late, even though he was blessed with the gift of speed.

I never understood that.

He whined about his Uncle.

He whined about his parents.

He was horribly impatient.

He was sometimes absolutely unbearable.

And yet...

I was so head over heels for this boy that I could hardly get my finely-tuned mind to think straight.

I had to increase my exercise regiment to keep up with the lag in my senses.

That boy was fucking adorable.

That damn skin-hugging costume left hardly anything up to my imagination. I felt lucky that he was constantly a blur of color, otherwise I would be set on staring at his ass during entire missions. The color was so distracting, so bright like some sort of tropical bird set on attention.

Yes, I was young, but as I had watched Bruce seduce women, I soon learned that sex was a tool to be used. One could see that Catwoman meant to distract her opponents with large amounts of cleavage, sweat and body-tight pleather. I kept the thought in my back pocket until the moment arose, but still managed my charismatic smiles that seemed to make girls eat out of the palm of my hand.

I don't think he ever seemed to notice.

I dropped thousands of tiny little hints that I thought he would notice.

Even a moron could notice such things.

I suppose I wasn't lowering my bar, enough.

He was possibly the most dense human that I had ever met, yet had the scientific mind to blow mine way out of the water. I constantly found myself pondering this strange boy for hours on end. I also found myself thinking about him in obscene ways for hours on end. I was always glad for the tightness of my costume and the cape to hide anything in 'hard' times.

Also, I really had to stop these strange one-line jokes.

Holy Kid Flash in my bed, Batman.

See?

Horrible.

He talked to as many people as possible, yet seemed to slow down only for me. He would sit back and tell me that it was actually rather tiring, that he didn't have endless amounts of energy like everyone thought. I watched him fall asleep in odd places, apparently out of fuel. I sometimes would set him down on the couch if he fell asleep standing up against the wall in the kitchen.

Of course, I had to resist keeping my hands off of him any further. I toyed with the idea of peeling his goggles and mask off, stealing a kiss while he slept. But I kept my cool, knowing that if it was unwanted, the bond that we had would be broken.

He followed M'gann around like she was the most intriguing thing on the planet. I could not deny that she was very cute in both manner and physique, but I found myself frustrated with his persistent flirting. He refused to budge even when Superboy claimed her.

Like I said, pretty dense for a smart guy.

Then of course, there was Artemis. We got along quite well, but Kid Flash and her seemed to needlessly fight.

It was at that moment that I realized that they were actually very into each other.

He would ramble on about her all the time and how infuriating she was. I would call him out on it, but he waved it away, insisting that I was being ridiculous. They constantly butted heads up until the little simulation that really hit the idea home.

In the collective exercise, he had screamed and called out for her. I decided to accept that she was so obviously on his mind, knowing we had nothing to lose as the world fell apart around us. Even so, as I fell to my knees in our finale of life, his hand reached out to me as our bodies disintegrated. For a second, we knew what it was like to be burned alive.

Being the protege of Batman, emotions in the shadows, I kept the feelings to myself on the matter. I woke up in nightmares for the next couple months.

Finally, I was sick of them denying their feelings for each other and told him just to ask her on a date. His breath had caught a bit as he tried to argue, but ultimately, I finally dragged the truth out of him. I grinned and nodded like the good wingman and best friend. I tried to make sure they had missions together. I decided to distract myself with the lovely Zatanna. We grew closer and closer, and before I really knew it, I had grown to like her a bit more than a friend. It was a nice dull to the pain of the longing I felt for him.

Eventually, I saw the barriers loosen quite a bit as we neared the pinnacle of strangeness. I had never thought that someone could control Batman, but they had. Now, I was questioning everything about him, wondering if he was himself or not. But as we pushed ourselves to the limit, we saved many lives that night.

New Year's Day.

That was also the night I felt my heart break. He had finally taken my damned advice and swept her onto her feet and their lips had locked quicker than anyone could protest. I smiled as I saw them happy together, at least that was something. Zatanna, being the rather forward girl that she was, decided that it was a good time to step over the line of friendship, as well. I suppose the attention was welcome. She was physically pleasing and very good to talk to, and it didn't hurt that she was a good kisser.

I've always really loved older women.

They always seemed to match my enthusiasm.

Missions felt like double dates after a while, Zatanna always seeming to pull me into some sort of enclosed place to lock her lips, and hips, with mine. We were young and nothing was really stopping us. I let myself relax around her, not wanting to give her the grief of a half-hearted attempt. Even Batman didn't seem to mind too much, since it wasn't interfering with anything.

One day, seemingly out of the blue, she had sat me down to talk. Now, we weren't really much for talking. It was usually more physical with some added romance. She had reassured me that she did not mind, but that she seemed to feel I was a bit distracted. She didn't know with who, or why.

I apologized, not wanting to hurt her any more than I had. I felt horrible that I could not give myself completely over to her, but he was always in the back of my mind. She didn't even ask.

The girl was practically perfect.

We still remained friends, despite it all.

Kid Flash was a bit confused at the sudden breakup, as he had thought things had been going so smoothly. I had to calmly tell him that we were getting older and that it was better to focus on the future of the team and graduating school.

He had called me 'Batman', due to my coldness.

I had waved it off and joked to hide the usual feelings that came back to call at me.

Once again, my sleep and mind was plagued.

I was back to envying Artemis, once again.

It had come back with a vengeance, so much that Batman was taking notice.

He confronted me on the night of my graduation.

He stated that he had not minded the relationship with Zatanna, as it was not bothersome to my training and mind. He could tell that something was off.

I should have guessed that the greatest detective in the world could figure out what was going on.

I suppose that I should have been happy that he was paying so much attention.

Instead, it was met with a logical statement that I would need to let the feelings for 'that boy' go, because it was affecting my focus and my performance.

I had refused.

He had stood as strong as stone, and just as cold as he asked me to choose.

My love, or my place as the new leader of the team.

I could understand his concern, but it had thrown me into a rage that I had felt boiling ever since I learned to keep the unwanted feelings in a little locked box.

Harsh words and harsh actions followed.

I was clumsy and was quickly beaten by his much more focused punches and holds. The way I knew that he cared was when it only hurt as much as he knew I could take. He insisted that I was forgetting myself, and that time away from the team would be good for my mental stability.

Perhaps I was, but if I couldn't have him, then it didn't matter.

I spat on the ground and told him that I was leaving. The team was doing fine without me and he would most likely know where to find me, knowing his skills and connections. I told him that he should remember what drove him to become who he was in the first place. That got me a good glower as he walked away from me. Alfred helped me unpack without the unneeded conversation. But he told me that I would always be welcome back. I thanked him and headed out into Gotham's snowy landscape, towards the train station.

I had merely got onto the thing and just sat there. I was warmer than the outside, and the sounds and jostles of the train seemed to help one think. I wasn't really sure where I would go, drifting into sleep after a little while at the bumps and sounds of the brakes. I had woken up to the sound of raising voices, threats being issued to someone down the car next to me. Two men were giving a young woman a hard time, and she seemed to be spitting it right back in their faces. She had continued to talk sarcastically to them even as they had her in a choke hold.

She laughed at them.

She laughed at fear.

I sighed and got up from my seat.

" Would you kindly unhand the lady, boys?"

" This is none of your business, pretty boy. She owes us protection money fair and square. You have a problem that needs to be addressed? Wait a second. Well, if it isn't the second luckiest man in Gotham. I think your pocket change could get us a nice new car."

" I'm in a really bad mood, tonight. I wouldn't push it."

One had pulled a gun, which was easily knocked to the ground with a fist as I tackled the man onto the floor. He was stunned at how easily I had disarmed him, face full of shock. The other was equally shocked, but panicked, pulling his own gun towards the struggling girl's head. Before it could come up any higher, his hand was broken and the gun was flying onto one of the seats. With a rather brutal efficiency, they were soon out cold on the ground. The girl dusted herself off and stepped on them as she got out of the way.

" Save the lines about how a girl like me shouldn't be on the train by herself this late, I am done with that."

" They were going to kill you."

" Yes. What of it? Daylight is rather bloody in Bludhaven, as well. That aside, I am impressed. You did that in about one minute tops. Where does the son of a billionaire learn to fight like that, anyway? Aren't you busy being lazy and having other people dress you?"

" You don't really want to know. I admire your...bravery. Or maybe it was stupidity. Either way, I am still having a bad night and I am not in the mood to argue."

" Even for an old friend, Dick?"

I blinked at her, confused. I looked over her and instantly felt embarrassed. I chuckled. The dyed cherry-red hair, slight accent and attitude were unmistakable once I thought about it.

" Lana, where are my manners? I should have recognized such beauty and bravery when I saw it. It's been a long time."

" Oh, you flatterer. I suppose Bruce taught you a thing or two. You haven't aged too badly yourself. But may I ask, why are you here? Did you perhaps come to grieve? Pick up the damn circus from the ashes? Not enough time in your busy schedule of being rich to pay respects to Haly? "

" What...happened?"

" Gang's been after him for a lifetime. Finally got him a couple months ago. He was the backbone, you know. After he was killed, things went from bad to worse. One always wonders who's in the shadows ready to cut the tightrope."

" I know this sounds really silly, but would you mind if I took you to dinner? Or breakfast, at this hour. Despite your pigheaded courage, it really is a bad time and place for a lady without combative skills, Lana."

" Fine, but only because I'm hungry, not because you're ultra cute and charming or anything."

" If you say so."

One thing led to another, and a night at the nicest hotel in Bludhaven was met with enthusiasm. I was lonely, and she needed somewhere to go for the night. We had been close as children, and it wasn't hard to see that we still had a connection with some added chemistry. Seamlessly, despite her normal stubbornness, she had fallen into my arms and given a very nice welcome back.

As we lay in bed, she smoked and had told me all the things that had gone on since I had left.

They had all remained together as a family, despite my parents.

Also, despite me being taken away to a new life.

They had stopped moving as much since Haly had died. They were stuck here, in an even more violent corruption than Gotham had to offer. I had remained quiet and answered only if she asked. I occupied her interest with talk about school.

She didn't seem as convinced as I wanted her to be, but she told me that she would let it go because it had been a long time.

Then the topic came up that the girls had been working off debt in a small, grimy strip joint.

My eyes narrowed and my mind had began working before I slipped off to sleep with her.

The next day, I had stormed into the place and offered the buy it directly from the owner, promising to let all the workers keep their jobs. I wrote the check on the spot. I think he was a bit shocked into it, the deal being closed within a week due to my own connections.

Before I really knew it, I had my own strip club, my old circus family under my employment. There was a party to celebrate the new ownership, and much drinking to welcome me back. The look on their faces when Lana told them was quite priceless.

Nobody can really put a price on someone's happiness.

There was fear and regret and doubt that had drained out of their faces.

We were a family again.

After cleaning the place up considerably and putting in reinforced doors, I decided that we needed a certain niche. Jokes of scantily clad super-heroes had become a full-blown idea that everyone seemed to relate to. Each of them had either admired a hero or been helped by one.

It was the easiest fit that I had ever found.

Pretty soon, I was reliving my life, only with more leather, corsets, stiletto heels and sequins.

I was free to flaunt my sexuality and enjoy the energy of the crowd around me.

I was beginning to get the feeling that Bludhaven needed someone. Someone to give the citizens some hope and justice.

I chuckled as I finally understood him.

I understood Bruce in that instant, and I suppose I could respect him for that.

He had more emotion devoted into Gotham than I gave him credit for.

Eventually I picked up the phone and called everyone who I had left behind. Kid Flash was extremely worried and wanted to see me immediately, like his usual impatient self.

I had found my mind a bit calmer since I had not seen his smiling face each day.

I decided to keep him at arm's length and meet twice a week for a patrol together where we could talk, or attract attention as we bought coffee late at night.

He told me things were straining with Artemis.

I should not have been as happy as I was about it, but I couldn't help it.

My little illogical mind fantasy told me that I had more of a chance, now.

I ignored it and proceeded to push him away even further to the point that he constantly went on about how he thought I needed help from someone. He wanted me back on the team, but I was finally finding a place that I was needed.

More and more, I found my emotions hectic as we saw each other.

I would furiously masturbate when I got home after seeing him, calling his name and wishing that I could just open up about everything.

My love and obsession for him.

My actual identity.

I wanted to see his face and him to see mine.

I wanted to share that moment, but it did not seem meant to be.

Even as I was away from Batman, I decided to keep the small distance I needed with the small strip of leather.

Behind it, I was safe.

I was the Boy Wonder.

I didn't have to be me.

I could be whoever I wanted to be.

I could keep my love behind the mask...

These days, we were getting attention and visitors from many cities out of state. I made sure to keep the gangs and thugs out, whether by my own hand or slipping money to the right people, letting my friends feel safe as they worked. They were making good money from tips, especially because of their various talents. They would balance on chairs and contort into impossible positions, and the crowd was loving it.

Tonight, there was a group of boys that seemed to have traveled from perhaps the city over. They were loud and a bit obnoxious, but not enough to warrant me throwing them out. Then one approached me as I was going back to get ready after checking the crowd, asking for a private lap dance for a friend. He pointed out his red-haired friend and I agreed that later that night I would let him come back into the private rooms. It seemed to be some sort of joke, because he couldn't help but chuckle as he talked to me. There was a glimmer of hope there, though, perhaps finding a bedmate for the night. The red hair did help, as well.

As I had gone on stage, I watched as his body language confirmed my hope. He watched me a bit like a deer in headlights, but the desire was plain on his face as I let my body move and I pandered to the crowd in the musky, sweaty heat. I decided to put a show on for him, not quite looking him in the eye, but knowing his eyes were on me every second. The beat pulsed, and I practically let my body make love to the pole and the stage as I danced. Hands reached up for me and stroked me when I kneeled on the edge of the stage. He nervously had fist up to his mouth, like he was scared that he might make some sort of unwanted noise. I saw the same boy whisper to him, and I could see some sort of shock on his face, even in the dark, blinking lights. He must have just told him about the dance. Where before he had been enthralled, he now looked a bit confused.

I finished dancing and had one of the waitresses tell the boy that I was ready for his friend. I didn't get to see them push and drag him into the private room, but I figured I knew how it would go.

I took a deep breath before I entered, a bit embarrassed that I mainly agreed to the dance because he looked just familiar enough.

The red hair and open demeanor reminded me enough of Kid Flash that it was practically my own fantasy.

As I entered the room, it was even more apparent.

Chills went down my back as I saw him, flushing furiously on the plush chair, eyes not daring to meet mine.

I could tell that he seemed to want something from me, but was conflicted, not letting himself relax.

" Good evening. Would you like anything to drink?" I asked.

As he nodded, I poured him some expensive scotch that gets one settled down quite quickly, if not too much. I watched him take the glass from me, eyes a bit glazed over, fingers shaking. He tossed it back like it was the solution to all his problems. I didn't know how much I should talk to him, in the state he was in. Many times before, men did well with a little bit of coaxing.

" So. You seemed to be enjoying the performance outside, now you look..quite nervous, if you don't mind me saying," I said, sitting down on the armrest of his chair to get a bit closer.

His nervous reaction was to drink some more, smiling maybe for politeness' sake.

" M-my friends..." he uttered, not seeming to be able to finish the sentence.

" Ah, I see. Bachelor party, or maybe lost a bet? I get it. Unusual place to come for that. I would think a regular place would be less pricey. We do super heroes and such. Why would they bring you here?" I asked, wondering about the personal taste of the boys, who seemed to fit into typical clubs and activities for their age.

" I..um.. I like comics, so they figured it would be more funny this way," he said, pressing a hand to his forehead.

Even in the low lighting, I could see just how much he was blushing on the fair skin of his face.

" You do know, they paid me already, so if you aren't comfortable, we could just sit here and drink for the remainder," I reassured, getting off of the armrest to lean against the wall.

He seemed to ponder the suggestion, anxious and conflicted. Debating his options, I supposed.

" Are you alright?" I asked, body starting to turn toward him.

" Y-yeah. Well, kinda. No, not really. You see. Oh fuck, this is embarrassing. Geez. You look like...a friend of mine. One who...I..um..shit," he stammered, eyes still downcast from mine, his fists balled tight.

I nodded in understanding.

More than he knew, really.

I leaned over him, hands on either armrest. His eyes were wide and his body trembling. Just a bit more, and I think we could get somewhere.

" Tell you what, I think I understand what you mean. How about we see where it goes. Take your time to relax. Nobody will know about it but us, and people don't know how to make me talk," I said, taking his chin in my fingers and turning his face up to look at me.

He let out a loud breath and nodded at me. I peeled my mask off, and my body shuddered like how I would if I had shown my best friend my face.

Oh god, it would be just like this, wouldn't it?

Such freedom.

Such exhilaration.

" Now, there's a no touching policy for some, but feel free to touch all you want, " I uttered, straddling him on the plush chair.

He made a high pitch sound like a rabbit and clamped a hand over his mouth. I let the heat of our thighs rub together as I moved my hips over him. He went from looking wide-eyed at my face to my crotch, which I found as a bit of triumph. I arched my back and almost let my shirt touch his face, watching as his nails dug into the fabric of the chair. His breathing became a bit labored as I slipped my shirt off, skin now even closer to his own heat. The feeling was rather overwhelming as I felt such liberation and desire all at the same time. I moved in earnest as if it were the speedster right under me. I leaned down, pressing my bare chest to his clothed one as I let my face get in close to him so that he could watch my eyes. I then braced my knees up against him and slid my hips up to let my groin move around his face. As I brushed over his body, the erection was now very apparent as he practically whimpered under me.

Suddenly, just as I thought he might wrap his arms around me, he jumped in his seat. I went backwards, but caught myself on a decent balance. He ran to the door and tried to unlock it. He seemed to be frantic enough that he didn't realize how to open it. I walked over, clamping a gentle hand on his shoulder to pry him away from the door. As he faced me, his hand came up to cover his face in embarrassment, most likely knowing how red his face was. I chuckled at his antics, letting him know what I had in mind through the huskiness in my voice.

As he was indecisive, I let my fingers begin to open up his jeans and push them down to his knees. He trembled under me, but made no move to push me off. I let out a pleased sigh at the erection that had been brushing my leg under the cloth. Then I pulled the briefs off, too, as he leaned against the door, breath quickening. I wasted no time in letting my mouth find his cock and let him lips cover it wetly. He grunted and I saw the slight movement of his hand away from his face in the top of my vision. Then it went back to his mouth, trying to muffle a groan.

I let my fingers find his ass and squeeze, finding more muscle than I thought I might have, the other hand rested on his hipbone to keep me steady. After that, I was able to increase my pace, feeling the vibrations of his moaning that he was trying so hard to cover. He began to thrust into my awaiting lips and throat in earnest. His fingers dug through my hair as he moaned loudly into his fingers. I choked for a second, then readjusted my throat to accommodate his increased rhythm. I began to taste precum in my mouth and his cock began to twitch slightly in my mouth, so I sucked as hard as I could and shoved him all the way in to press against the back of my throat before I felt him come. His back pressed against the door behind him as his hips jerked forward.

" I'm sorry, I'm gonna-" he gasped out incoherently.

His orgasm lasted a bit longer than I thought it would, but I mused that he must be so excited about finally fulfilling a that secret little fantasy. I heard him call a name into his hands, but it was muffled, and I shouldn't have paid attention, anyway. If it weren't for the pants and the fact that I loved pleasuring others, I would have my own erection out and played with.

I was still in my own little personal fantasy, as well. Kid Flash's noises when he came and the way he might rock his hips hard against me, like he couldn't come fast enough.

I cleaned his length off with my tongue before finally popping it out, licking my lips and looking up at him with a smirk. I pulled his briefs up as I went, then bent back down to pull his jeans up as I watched him panting against the door. His legs shook violently, but I was used to it happening after a particular intense oral sex session.

I stood back up, looking him up and down, still imagining him as someone else, just as I assumed he was doing the same. I caught him eyeing my erection with a guilty look on his face, aside from the flush.

" I'm used to that. Don't worry about it. I'll get it later. I'll leave you to get straightened up, okay?" I said, knowing that he would probably want to straighten his shirt and pants and hair up before coming back out again.

He seemed very satisfied, but I knew that it was something he did not really want to come to terms with. I had already gotten over the fact that I wanted to bend over my best friend and fuck him within an inch of his life.

I had sucked off another guy, once again imagining my best friend in his place.

It had been even easier this time, as well.

I smoothed down my hair and took a deep breath before finding my dressing room to deal with my own aching problem straining against the tight leather.