-We have to bring love back to Azula's life. We have to give her a reason to believe that someone wants to be with her, to remind her she is worth something. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, but the main three are family, friendship, and romance. The one that is the hardest for her is family.
-How do we accomplish that?
-We start by finding your mother.
Finding their mother took a few months. In that time, Azula remained alone, her only companion being An. But Azula—even in her insanity—was proud and fierce. She refused to speak with An for too long, trusting the healer about as far as the princess could throw her.
When Zuko finally arrived with Lady Ursa, An had to try hard to conceal her relief. Now she could finally make some progress.
"Are you sure it's safe for my mother to go in there alone?" Zuko asks An.
Before An can answer, Ursa cuts her off, "I will go in their alone whether she is dangerous or not, Zuko."
"But mother—"
"She is here because of me," Ursa says, "Because of me and your father."
"None of this is your—"
"Yes it is," Ursa says calmly. "Now please. Open the door."
An and Zuko share a look. But if the Fire Lord knows anything, it is not to stand in the way of his mother once she makes a decision. So he steps out of the way, allowing An to open the steel door.
Ursa steps in with her chin held high. When the door closes behind her, she looks at her daughter who is curled up in the corner with her long, dark hair blocking her face. Ursa approaches her slowly, calmly, and she allows herself to soften as she always did when her daughter was still young and innocent. "Hello Azula," she says softly.
Azula looks up at her, her eyes rimmed with red. "Oh," she says calmly, "It's you again."
Zuko paces back and forth outside of the room for a good half-an-hour while An watches him nervously. So when there is finally a knock from the other side of the steel door, both of their hearts slow in relief. An opens the door and Ursa is standing in the doorway, her eyes facing the ground. She steps out from the room, her face downcast.
As An closes the door, Ursa stops next to her son and says, "She thinks I'm a hallucination."
Zuko stares at his mother, not sure what to say.
"You have to keep coming," An says to Ursa.
Both mother and son look at the healer.
"It doesn't matter what you have discovered or what she has said to you. Azula is a girl used to using snark and meanness to make her way through life," An says firmly, "You have to keep coming. I know this has been explained to you, but if you keep coming and she eventually realizes that you are real… she may just start to heal again."
"You don't sound certain," Ursa observes.
"Nothing is certain when it comes to the mind," An replies, "But you shouldn't give up on your daughter just yet."
Ursa stares at the healer for a long moment before turning away and walking down the hall. Zuko follows his mother, leaving An in their wake.
An's words must have hit Ursa somehow because she comes to visit Azula many times after the first visit. Sometimes she comes in the dead of night to see her daughter because she knows that it is hardest for Azula when the moon is out.
For two months, Azula goes on believing that her mother is a hallucination. Ursa does not try to break her fantasy, anticipating the consequences if her daughter were to ever realize the truth. She just keeps visiting her daughter (and she honestly enjoys the visits). In the time that she keeps the façade, she starts to learn things about her daughter she never knew. She didn't know if these things developed in the six years she was absent or if they existed when she was present (if it was the ladder, Ursa, regrets her actions even more).
Apparently, Azula appreciates theater. She has an extensive weapons collection like that of her brother. And she actually does enjoy tea.
There is so much more Ursa learned. So much more about this… woman that she never knew.
The day that the fantasy breaks, Zuko accompanies his mother on a visit to Azula. He is not pacing this time; he sits silently outside of the room, thinking on this new guilt he has. He has been overseeing his sister's treatment, accompanied his mother on plenty of her visits.
But not once has he tried to see Azula himself.
As this thought crosses his mind, a scream rips through the air. It is vicious and venomous and all too familiar. He catapults out of his seat and heads straight for the door. He pulls it open and enters the room, stepping in between his mother who is pressed up against the wall and his sister. He catches the fireballs the Azula hurled towards Ursa and extinguishes them in his hands. Then he guides his mother out of the room, catching one more of Azula's blue attacks before shutting the door firmly behind him.
An comes rushing down the hall. "Is everyone alright?" she asks swiftly.
Zuko looks at his mother, whose face is stained with tears. "She's so hurt," Ursa whimpers, "She's so angry." Ursa grits her teeth, her tears pouring down her face. Zuko takes his mother in his arms, holding her firmly as she sobs silently into his shoulder. "I am so sorry I left her," she whispers, "I am so sorry I left you."
"You were doing what you had to do," Zuko whispers.
"No," Ursa says, pulling her head away so she can see her son, "I should have stayed. I should have found a way—"
"You didn't make a mistake, mother," Zuko assures her firmly.
She looks at him. Despite the tears, her ember eyes are hard as stone, "Yes I did." She brings her hands to her son's face, tracing the edge of his scar, "I left you both with a monster." Then she tears herself from her son's embrace and storms down the hall.
Zuko stares after her for only a moment before looking at An. "What does this mean?" he demands.
"It means…" An starts. She sighs and says, "It means that we are in the hardest part of Azula's treatment."
"What does that mean?"
"This is the part where we see if treatment will work," she explains, "And whether you and your family are willing to stick around long enough to help her get better."
"Why should we when we aren't even sure this will work?" Zuko demands angrily.
An knows the tempers of the royal family. She is aware of their powerful firebending. She is aware of the power they have, that with one word they could have her imprisoned for the rest of her life. But she has worked all her life for this opportunity. She has worked too hard and… and… she can't watch Azula fall again. "If I can bring myself to care about a patient who constantly insults me day after day, then you and your family can help her heal."
"But the treatment is still experimental," Zuko replies.
The healer looks down for a second before looking back at her king, her eyes as fiery as any firebender, "That doesn't mean it would hurt to try." Then she turns away from Zuko, storming down the hall in anger.
He watches her until she turns the corner, out of sight. Then he turns to the door for a second. Then he turns to walk away, but something stops him. He can't explain it. He doesn't understand why he chooses to turn, to reach for the door, to talk to his sister when he is obviously upset with her.
But he does. He enters the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.
Azula turns instantly, expecting her mother. Zuko freezes in his tracks when he sees her face is stained with tears. She is shaking with an emotion he can't read and her tears are still pouring out of her eyes. He notices her hair is wild and ragged around her face as she takes a second to see it is not her mother, but her brother. "You," she hisses, "You brought her here." She walks straight up to Zuko until she is less than inch from his face. "How dare you?" she hisses, her eyes on fire with rage.
"I brought her here to help you," he replies, "To get you better."
"I don't WANT to get better if it means DEALING WITH THAT BITCH!" she screams, spitting in his face. He stands still, not even bothering to wipe her drool from his skin. She is pointing at the door, breathing rapidly, her face looking almost as crazy as it did at their Agni Kai. "I don't want her," she hisses, her infinite tears spilling over, "I don't want her. I don't want her!" She turns away from him, pumping her hands like a child. "I DON'T WANT HER! I DON'T WANT HER, I DON'T WANT HER, I DON'T WANT HER!" she starts throwing fire, aiming it in random place, blazing blue in the darkness. Then she starts breathing it through nose, "I DON'T—"
"FINE!" Zuko shouts, "JUST STOP BENDING!"
She does, shocked by his assertiveness. She looks at him, her face now red and puffy. Her eyes are just as fierce as ever. Unfortunately, her pillow is still on fire. He beats it out with his robe before looking at her. "Mother doesn't have to come anymore," he says to her. But he walks up to her now, "But she is the key to getting you better, Azula."
Azula doesn't answer, choosing to cross her arms over her chest and look away. Zuko says as calmly as he can, "You are sick and she is the only thing that can help you." That, of course, is not said in confidence. When it comes to the mind, Zuko knows next to nothing on how to heal it. But he sounds confident and that, surprisingly, is enough to convince Azula of Zuko's adamancy.
He then walks out of the room, leaving Azula alone. Long after the door is closed, Azula just stands in her spot, not sure what to do.
Her mother doesn't love her. She loves what Azula could be… her little prissy, girly princess. The daughter she always wanted. Not the strong warrior. Not the powerful firebender, not the divinely endowed prodigy. Not the…
Azula catches her reflection in the metal of her bed. It's not even a clear reflection; it's a bar of metal, making her look distorted and exaggerated. But she sees herself. She sees the bright red in her eyes and the tears staining her skin. She sees what she has become.
And she can't stop herself. It's like a kick in her stomach, taking all her breath away from her body, as the realizations hits her. She collapses to the ground, trying to catch her breath and she does instantly. But it's in a sob and it rips out of her without her say-so. She holds herself, letting the tears pour down her face, not bothering to wipe them away. She sobs and sobs and lets her hair block out the rest of the world so she doesn't have to look at anything else.
It doesn't mean anything anymore. She's not anywhere near perfect and even if she was, she can't bring herself to care anymore. Everything she has been hiding, everything she has kept bottled up just comes pouring in in one big wave of hurt and she can't care about perfection anymore. Not when everything she has avoided caring about for so many years has suddenly risen to the surface.
She closes her eyes as more tears squeeze out between her lids. She stubbornly tries to wipe them away, tries to wipe it all away. But her heart is in her throat and she is caught somewhere she can't explain, a place she's never been, a place she has worked so hard to stay away from.
A place void of love… void of the one thing she's always wanted
A loud sob breaks out from inside her just as the door bangs open. She looks up and even though her vision is blurry, she knows it is her mother standing before her. She's angry at the sight of her, enraged at her gall to come back. But those emotions stop when something comes to her mind. One clear thing, something she's always been sure of… always. "Do you think I'm a monster?" she croaks through her tears.
She can't see her mother's reaction. But the moment the question leaves her lips, her mother walks over to her, falls to her knees, and gathers Azula in her arms, holding her daughter in a tight embrace. "I did," Ursa whispers into her daughter's hair, "But that doesn't mean I loved you any less than Zuko."
"Do you think I'm a monster now?" Azula whispers, her heart stopping in anticipation of the answer.
There is a moment's pause. Then— "Absolutely not."
For the first time in years, Azula raps her arms around her mother. She leans into Ursa, letting her tears pour into her robes. And she lets her mother weave her hands through Azula's hair as the perfect princess relaxes for the first time in… in years.