Mission Two: Mirana's Long Lost Sister

Francine Fawn Faraday Felicity The Fifth, Royal Princess of Diamonds and the long lost elder sister of Queens Mirana and Iracebeth, brushed back her long red hair and smoothed out her gorgeous diamond covered red dress before slipping into her diamond encrusted six inch high stilletos and gliding out of her diamond shaped and encrusted palace to gracefully step into her diamond shaped and encrusted carriage.

She had a lot of diamond stuff, in case it's not clear.

Francine sighed happily. In just a few short hours, she would finally be reunited with the only family she had left. Her mind wandered back to that horrible day when she had been cruelly snatched from her sisters.

They had been romping in the Gardens(normally Francine would not demean herself to so much as touch dirt, but Mirana had begged her until she gave in), and she had been attempting to climb a tree while wearing high heels. Naturally, it wasn't going well, but Francine had a streak of stupid...err...stubbornness a mile wide. "Dumb old tree! I'm gonna climb you!" The idea of taking her shoes off never once entered her mind.

Suddenly, a fierce one eyed giant emerged out of nowhere and snatched her away before Mirana or Iracebeth could react. The giant carried her to his home where she was forced to work as a slave for many years.

But then the giant died of cholesterol poisoning from eating too many eggs, and Francine took over his home, turning it into the Palace of Diamonds in a mere two weeks. But even with massive wealth, people that worshiped her, and a body that would make anyone-man, woman, or animal, fall madly in love with her, she felt lost and alone. She tried to fill the emptiness in her heart with material objects, but no matter how many beautiful dresses she had made or how many pieces of priceless jewelry she owned, nothing worked. Finally, she realized that she missed her family and the love they shared.

She knew of the terrible War that had been fought between Red and White, and the exile and subsequent death of Iracebeth. She had cried diamond tears when she viewed this all through her Magic Mirror. Her Army had wanted to march out, but the idea of having to choose sides was devastating to her. How could she be forced to make a decision like that? Or any decision, for that matter?

Francine was bought out of her stupor when the carriage came to a halt. She stuck her head out of the window, speaking in a voice that was used to obedience. "Why have we stopped? Get this carriage moving right away! I must make it to Marmoreal so I may be reunited with my long lost sister, Queen Mirana, and we will have a touching and weepy reunion."

The driver turned to her, a malicious grin on her face. "I'm so sorry, Princess. Do please let me fawn and grovel to you." She hopped down and walked over to the carriage, wrenching the door open and yanking Francine out by the hair and deposited her in a heap on the ground. Francine shrieked in rage and tried to stand, but the driver kicked her legs out from under her. "Oh, I'm so very sorry, Princess! I meant to do this!" Francine howled as the horrid woman bought her foot up in a vicious arc and kicked her in the face, breaking her nose.

"By dose! O boke by dose!" She began bawling loudly. "By bootiful dose! By perfeck face! I's ruined! You MEAN BERSON!"

"Yes, and...WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Francine fell silent, shocked that this lowly peon had dared to yell at her. "Thank you. As I was saying, you're damn lucky I didn't do worse, you dumb bitch. Now, we are going to have a nice, long talk."

The woman sat cross legged on the ground and pulled out a long sheet of paper. "Francine Fawn Faraday Felicity the...Fifth? Wish I had a fifth...anyway, really? That's your name? It's so...pointlessly long."

"It's a noble name passed down from...OW!" She rubbed her cheek. "You hit me!"

"Yes, and every time you interrupt me when I'm talking you will get a smack in the face. So be quiet, okay? Okay. Now, according to this, you are the long lost elder sister of Queen Mirana as well as the Princess of Diamonds. You also command an army. No mention of how big, but I'm going to guess it's bigger than the White and Red Armies combined. And yet you did nothing to help Mirana in the Battle, not that she needed you anyway. You also have a ridiculous reason for being 'lost'. Giants don't exist here, dumkoff. You are also dressed in a rather ostentatious manner, but you get slight points for not having tits bigger than your waist. You are also a whiny Mary Sue and for that you are sentenced to death." The woman pulled a pistol and fired, and Francine Fawn Faraday Felicity the Fifth fell with a bullet in her brain.

Teresa stood, re-holstered her pistol and pulled out a small hand mirror. "Mission accomplished, Alannah. Thanks for the early warning."

Alannah grinned at her. "You're quite welcome. Mirana's busy being wooed by Gavin, the last thing she needs is to worry about another Sue."

Teresa laughed. "True. Now I just have to deal with Lydia."