The Mention of Your Name
(Chris Rea)
For Jack and Angelo, set after Miracle Day!
Time moves by so fast, as it always does and tears roll continuously, bearing down my cheeks. The tears are dry now and there is no longer my own sobbing sound in the back of my mind but a lonely silence that is crushing in on me. The nights are long and filled with blankness, an empty void, no one near me, but this has become the norm. Loneliness is my constant companion and there is no one else I can turn to. Years of this cold isolation pass, a constant reminder that I have no one. But the pain passes with time as it always does; the bad memories loose themselves in the back of my mind. Angelo's face fades to a ghostly image but when anyone mentions his name a chill fills by bones and the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I feel his presence in the room and I see his panicked face as I jumped off the building the last time I saw him young. That was when I realised; falling in love just kills me.
The tears roll again with memories of our nights in the room in the middle of little Italy in New York back in 1927. Laughs and love we shared brightens the horizon but a cold ominous cloud pulls over and I see his frail old body and hear the still beep of the heart monitor as he comes to his rest in my arms. I see pictures of Ianto and myself by his bedside and wished he could have been there with us. But I also remember his anger and fear as he pierced the side of my body with a blade. Blood stained and tears rolling leaving a salt taste in my mouth, I touch his face and look into his hazelnut eyes, his smooth skin under my hands and the soft clicking of rosary beads in the dark of the night. But it is his name that echoes in the back of my mind, forever.
But what can I do, pain and heartbreak are part of the punishment of immortality and there is nothing more I can do except shrug my shoulders and as a sight rattles out of my tired body I give in to immortality. I realise I am slowly dying and feel age is wearing me down. Heartbreak has gnawed at my soul until there is no more love to share, it is only memories of Angelo that float around me and my soul has become colder with time. Over time I have learnt to keep my feelings to myself so that I don't hurt people around me by expressing my feelings it's better that way. But it is still the same; the feelings hidden deep down within myself are forever the same whenever I hear the mention of your name.