She always had a soft spot for fall. She remembered running through the piles leafs at the inn as a child, back when her and her mother lived in that little shed. Nothing was more fun than that then and she could get away with messing up the piles of neatly raked leafs. After all she was the princess of the Independence Inn. Mia would tell her that all the time. Mia. Wow, that was a name easily lost in the craziness of the last year. The woman who was more of a grandmother to her than her own grandmother moved to Maine two years ago with her new husband. Lorelai talks to her on the phone every now in then, but rarely does it go farther than how the inn is holding up. That's how everything seems to be now short, simple, and straight to business. She missed the fun of life. Fall used to mean candy corn and candy apples until they puked. It meant staying up all night for a scary movie marathon. It meant dressing up to hand out trick-or-treat candies until they ran out, then sitting by watching as Taylor's house got egged again. It meant watching Weird Science at midnight and then treating November first like a second New Year's. October used to be such a great time. Best time of the year if you asked her. But, now it was nothing more than foggy mornings sitting out on the front porch trying not to cry as the thoughts crept up on her.
In literature, she had found years ago that fall was a time of middle-agedness and wisdom. When she looked at herself in the mirror she could see a forty year old woman staring out of her sixteen year old body. As for the wisdom part, she finally understood something her mother tried to explain to her years ago. "In this crazy world, wise is just something that we call old fools. Because in our minds they should know more than we do, but they don't." She was a fool for acting like things were getting better. It was fall, she was aged now, and she was smart enough to know what was coming next. With the bare trees and snow, death will come. That's how it works in literature after all. The books that line her walls were the only thing that couldn't lie to her. So, her she sits looking out at the fog, thinking about all the unknowns in her life, but yet taking comfort in the fact that the end was coming soon.
"You realize that your mother would be freaking out if she walked by and saw your bed empty." She heard his voice say as he placed a blanket around her before sitting down next to her. Jess was her great white light. With him she was alive again, but it killed her to think that she was going to have leave him behind. However, all those serious thoughts disappeared as she cuddled to his side. She smiled as thought about how much she loved the way he smelled like cigarette smoke and cheap cologne.
"I won't take away any of your man points if you just said you don't like waking up without me there." She said softly as she closed her eyes trying to take them as far away from Stars Hallow as she could. He talked about New York like it was heaven. One day they will go there together or so he tells her. He wants to show her everything that makes up Jess, just like she showed him everything that made up Rory. At least the one that used to be here. The one who would read to the weeping willow out in the front yard trying to cheer it up. The one who made the neighbors old tree stomp a sandwich every afternoon trying to lure the fairies out.
"Of course I hate it when you're not there. It makes me wonder who else you wake up at two in the morning and drag out to that old bridge." He whispered as he started to ran his hand through her hair. She couldn't help, but laugh as she thought about the night before.
"I swear if you woke me up to push me in the lake again I might have to kill you." He mumbled as she pulled him to the bridge. Her bridge. Their bridge as she called it in her head.
"I promise I won't push you in again." She replied with a laugh as she sat down.
"So then what was the point of dragging me here in the middle of the night?" He asked as he sat down next to her.
"To look at the stars silly. The sky hasn't been this clear in weeks." She replied as she smiled at him.
"You are a nutcase." He said as he laid back on the bridge.
"Then how come you like me?" She asked as she smiled down at him.
"What makes you think I like you?" He asked as he flashed that smirk that she was falling in love with.
"I see right through you, Jess. It's okay though I like you too." She replied as she looked at him for a moment before turning to the sky full of bright stars above them. He just pulled her down so she was lying on top of him and they stayed there until the sun started to come up.
"After all I would like to believe that you like me more than Bible boy, but maybe I would just miss those goodnight kisses of yours." He added softly as he held her there staring at her as she started to fall back asleep.
She was so peaceful when she was asleep. He hated to admit it, but Luke was right she was getting worse. Her body showed all signs of that, but her spirit didn't seem to be affected. Unless it was these wee hours of the morning. She never seemed to be herself then. He couldn't help, but to push her hair out of her face as he placed her gently back on her bed. "Everything is going to be okay." She mumbled in her sleep. He just smiled as her pulled her blanket over her. Unsure of whom she was trying to reassure, but the way she talked in her sleep made him smile.
"I know it will." He whispered back as leaned down and kissed her forehead before walking back over to his cot. Unable to sleep he just stared out the window of the tiny window. He thought about New York. What would his old friends say about the way this girl had him wrapped around her fingers already? They would be rolling on the ground laughing. Tough guy Mariano turned into a sissy. He wouldn't want it any other way though. He knew that too well.
Three A.M. She should be asleep at the moment, but she can't bring herself to close her eyes. She had too much on her mind. As much as she would love to be lost in her own dream world right now. In her dream world, that little girl sleeping downstairs is five again. She glows like the candle in a Jack-o-lantern as she runs around. Her laugher filling the whole damn town as she runs through the piles of red and orange leafs. In her dreams she still runs down the hallway barefooted giggling the whole way into the room before jumping on her mother to wake her up. Nothing like this was supposed to happen to her Rory. Life was hard enough from them when they were younger.
She made a life for that little girl somehow out of the dreams that she carried with her off that bus, when she stumbled into town seventeen, scared, with no money, and a baby on her hip. She got that job at the inn and gave her daughter a home, no matter how unconventional it was. They worked together and somehow it all worked out. They met Luke, he was a miracle. He didn't have to love that little girl the way he did. He could have let them just slip away. He could have let her push him away, but he didn't. He fought for them … all three of them… to be a family. She loved him for that.
Three o' one A.M. She looks over at her sleeping husband. She thinks about the bills that were piling up on their kitchen table. She thinks about all the stress that he is under because of all of this. Does he think it was worth it? Maybe he should have just left them alone. Maybe things would be better then. She knows he has been thinking about his father a lot lately. The bad days from back then come back to him as he watches Rory get worse and just like with his father he can't do anything to fix it. Luke is a fixer. He needs to be able to be Prince Charming coming in and saving the day. But, this time he can't.
She knows a way to take some of the pressure off of him, but she wasn't sure if she could sallow her pride. Could she admit that maybe they were right all along? She couldn't take care of herself and that child even after she told them she could. That's why she ran all those years after all, not looking back. She had no other choice anymore though. They had no other way left. They couldn't make it work like they did with that fancy private school Rory managed to get into or fixing the house last year when termites were destroying it. Nope, superman sleeping next to her couldn't save the day again. It was her time to step up and she hated the only option she had.
Three o' two A.M. "I'm going to Hartford today." She said weakly hoping that he heard her. When she looked over at him, he was still sound asleep. Maybe that was for the best. He would try to talk her out of it anyway. He would tell her that they couldn't make it work somehow, but she knows better than that.
A month. It had been a month since the fight outside of the market and she was still ignoring him. It kills him to watch her walk down the halls of Chilton and turn around whenever she sees him. She stopped talking to Paris and really everyone else. Hell, some days she doesn't even show up. That's not Rory. She used to cry to come to school. He pulls up outside of Luke's. It is Saturday; she always has breakfast at Luke's on Saturdays. From the car he can see her sitting at the counter. She was smiling and laughing.
His heart sinks when he sees the person who brought happiness back to her. Jess. He was taunting her with coffee. She would have stabbed him for that, but with him she just smiles more. He debates on whether or not to go in, but then he reminds himself that she didn't want him there. He just started the car and drove away. At the light the man from the market waves at him before turning to talk to one of the town gossips. He knows they are probably wondering what the hell he was doing there.
What the hell was he doing there? He lost her. He knew that when she stopped calling him at night. He lost her, because he was an idiot. He lost her because he was too dumb to realize who he had to begin with.
"How is it working out with Jess there?" He looked over at his nephew and his step daughter sitting at the counter laughing about something or other as his sister's voice came through the phone. Having Jess around brought some life back into her, and Luke loved that.
"Great, I think him being here is helping everyone." He said into the phone as he smiled looking the two teenagers. He heard his sister talking, but wasn't listening as he watched the two get up.
"Luke, we are heading out. See you at home tonight!" Rory called to him as she held the door open for Jess.
"Yeah, see you at home kiddo." He replied. It felt normal. God, did he love normal. He never realized how much he would miss the normal days.
"Jess, told me about your girl. He mentioned that she had a birthday coming up. She seems to be helping him a lot, so I sent down a gift for her." He looked at the calendar on the wall in disbelief. When did October seek up on him as he looked at the date staring back at him? It was seven days till her birthday. She was going to be another year older. He couldn't help, but wonder if this was going to be her last birthday. Seventeen forever, she was better than that. She has dreams. She is going to go to Harvard. Really make something of herself. That's how it had to be. It just had to.
She looked at her parents in despair. She hated how they always made her feel two feet tall. "You need money." Her father's voice boomed as she watched him pour himself a scotch in the middle of the day. It wasn't Christmas, her mother already made that clear when she answered the door, so logically to them this was all there was.
"I knew that Diner man wouldn't be able to provide for you. You should have married Christopher." Her mother snapped at her. Christopher. That would have been a disaster. They were sixteen and stupid to even think they were meant to be together. But, she got Rory from that train wreck, so she tried not to complain.
"Rory's sick." She replied coldly as she looked her mother dead in the eyes. For the first time in a long time she saw what could pass as emotion in Emily Gilmore's eyes.
"What do you mean she is sick?" Her mother asked as her father sat down forgetting about his drink.
"She was diagnosed with Leukemia back in May. She needs treatments and medicine and I don't know what else to do." Lorelai said as she looked at the floor.
"I'll get the checkbook." Her father replied as he got up.
"Not so fast. If we are going to finically evolved in your life then I want to be socially apart of your life. I want you and Rory and Diner man himself here for dinner every Friday." Emily said as she looked at her daughter. She didn't have no choice she knew that. It was just like her mother to be that way and it made her sick to know that.