Chapter: 5B - Shinji Fights Dirty

Choice Path: Start – 1A - 2A – 5B

Author: Fresh C

Shinji took three days off from school. Initially Naomi advised against it, saying that he was only delaying the inevitable. But she didn't try to convince him any further when he insisted. It was hard for him to look at himself in the mirror with his swollen eye and bruised face. He wasn't ready for the harsh stares of others as well. So he spent his days off lying in bed, only thinking of what he knew he must do and desperately seeking the courage to do it.

The next day he was ready, but uncertain. His conviction was strong, but his fear was still great. He dragged himself to class on shaking legs, going as slowly as time would permit. He made it to his homeroom with only a few minutes to spare. This was fortunate as he was forced to spend that time looking for a place to sit.

There was a gaping hole in the classroom where his desk used to be. In fact, all the empty desks that had been there when he'd arrived on his first day were missing from the room. For a moment Shinji wondered if he had entered the wrong room, but a quick check of the faceplate on the doorway proved that theory wrong. As he continued to search the room for a seat, he drew the attention of many of his classmates. Upon seeing his face, one of the less polite boys asked loudly, "What the hell happened to you?" Shinji ignored him. He involuntarily found his eyes locked on Toji Suzuhara. The other boy staring at him with a bazar mixture of a glare and a smile that made Shinji shake in fear and fury. The message was clear: "I want you gone."

Shinji was afraid for himself and afraid for Suzuhara as well. He now understood the meaning of the word enemy.

An enemy is a thief. His goal is not to give you strife and misery, but to take. He steals away your health with his blows. He robs you of your freedom with fear. He pilfers your esteem with every defeat. Your enemy will always have his reasons for taking from you, but that is not your concern. Knowing his cause can never make him right. His rational, whether justified or skewed, cannot return what you have lost, for your enemy has taken a part of you. Your job is not to understand your enemy. Your goal is not revenge, nor is it rehabilitation (Such lofty goals always end in dissatisfied failure). You must only secure what is left of yourself, and take back from your enemy what little can be reclaimed.

-The Art of Engagement by Naomi Yamanaka

It took the class rep much longer than Shinji would have liked to notice his predicament, but when she did she was quick to remedy the problem. She led him to an unused classroom where they could borrow a desk and chair. They talked briefly on the way there.

"We didn't expect you to be here today." Hikari spoke in a way that seemed both casual and apologetic. If Shinji had bothered to look at her as she talked, he would have noticed the effort she put towards not gawking at his injuries. "When you didn't show up this week everyone thought that you had transferred schools."

That caught Shinji off guard. "Why would you think that?"

"Suzuhara said he heard you say something like that."

"Of course," Shinji mumbled. At least now he knew what to expect.

"What?"

"Just a misunderstanding."

"Oh…"

Hikari grabbed a desk from the classroom before Shinji had a chance to do so. He felt odd letting a girl carry the heavier item, but he didn't feel like saying anything about it. He wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. He followed behind the girl silently carrying a chair in one hand. Shinji avoided everyone's eyes as he entered the room. The fact that no one questioned his machoness was only mildly comforting.

The messages he received when he set up his laptop were decidedly less comforting:

"Did you get injured in your robot?"

"I thought you transferred?"

"What's with your face, man?"

"Were you fighting someone, Ikari?"

Etcetera.

All save for one person insisted on asking him questions he was not ready to answer.

says: Talk and you'll regret it.

Shinji's hands tightened into fists. He closed his laptop shut and stared steadily at the board, not saying a single word during the whole class time, save for when the teacher called his name for attendance.

"Here," he said quietly. He wasn't going anywhere.

That lunch period felt as long and excruciating as his first dinner at NERV. It was a nice day and the majority of the students had decided to eat outside. The classroom was mostly empty. Suzuhara and his friend Aida were among those outside, which was part of the reason Shinji was not. His other motivation was avoiding unwanted attention. Most of the school was outside. It was bad enough to have his classmates gawking at his injuries. The entire student body didn't need to know how badly he'd been beaten up.

But staying indoors did not make him anonymous. Those who were eating near Shinji saw him as a regular point of interest. Some of them openly stared when they thought he wasn't looking. The two girls nearest Shinji seemed not to know the definition of a whisper.

Shinji finished eating quickly. Afterwards, he pulled out his SDAT and drowned himself in music. It was the most peaceful he felt all day.

When Shinji walked into class the next morning, he found his desk missing again. This wasn't a surprising development, but he was still disappointed. His hope that the conflict between Toji and himself would die down of its own accord was shattered. For a brief moment, his face showed the despair he felt inside, but he shut those feelings away as quickly as possible.

The class representative had not yet arrived that day, but even if she had, Shinji doubted he would have gone to her for help. He wordlessly turned around and headed for the abandoned classroom that Hikari had led him to the day before. It was a struggle carrying both the desk and a chair through the hallways, but Shinji managed. Many students gave him strange looks as they passed him. Shinji ignored everyone until he'd successfully made it back to the classroom. He aligned his desk with the one in front of him and sat in his chair, still avoiding all eye contact. Then he looked at Toji and found he was smiling. Shinji gave Toji a brief nod before turning his gaze toward the front of the class.

Toji's smile faltered.

Naomi said that knowing one's enemy was perhaps the most important part of any battle. Understanding them was not necessary, nor was it particularly helpful. Understanding often lead to sympathy and sympathy was almost never rewarded. But truly knowing your enemy was the only way to hurt them. Hurting your enemy was the only way to stop them.

Shinji made it his business to know all there was to know about Toji Suzuhara. Given their seating arrangement it was difficult to keep an eye on Toji during class. So Shinji ate his lunch up on the rooftop and observed Toji's interactions with the students bellow.

Shinji was glad that he was not required to understand Toji. The contradictions he found were troubling. Toji was a jerk… to everyone. Constantly telling jokes at other people's expense. Attempting to peak up girl's skirts on the stairway. Not even pretending to pay attention in classes. And every single person in the whole entire school loved him.

When he insulted Aida, the boy would hit him on the arm and laugh. When the teacher called on him to answer a question he didn't know, his ignorant responses were only met with amusement. Girls who called him creepy, smiled at him when he turned away. Being a complete jackass granted Toji Suzuhara access to every social group, while saving the world had confined Shinji to his own social island.

By the time Shinji fought down the hot angry tears in his eyes, he was late for the second half of classes.

It felt foolish following behind Suzuhara and Aida, but it was the only way Shinji could know where they were going. He knew that most days the two friends parted ways at the schools entrance, so they probably lived in opposite directions. But today they were both heading west toward Kensuke's house. Shinji wasn't far behind them.

NERV headquarters were located in the same direction, so he had a plausible excuse for following. Even so, he made a point to keep a healthy distance. He wanted to have a nice head start, if someone suddenly decided to chase him. Every time he stopped to conveniently tie his shoe, or hesitated behind the cover of a tree, he knew that he must look as stupid as he felt. But he was too determined to be ashamed.

He followed them for about half a mile before Kensuke turned off at the road he usually took home. The boy's absence made Shinji even more nervous. If he were found out now, he wouldn't have Aida there to talk Toji down from a confrontation. He would have to defend himself, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that yet. His hand found its way to his injured eye subconsciously.

Shinji ignored his discomfort and continued to follow Toji into the business district of town. On the way to their destination Toji only stopped once, at a flower cart of all places. To Shinji's confusion, he stopped to buy a single carnation before continuing on his way. The purpose of the flower became obvious as they neared their destination. With the stem of the flower held protectively in one hand, Toji entered the double doors of the Tokyo-3 Municipal Hospital.

When Shinji entered his room that evening he found that it was hard to sit still. He tried to sit on his bed for a while, but he was too antsy. He tried playing his cello, but quickly lost interest. He thought that maybe cooking something to eat might calm him down a bit, but he hadn't gone to the store for supplies since he'd gotten there, and there was still another week before he could receive his first stipend from NERV.

He found himself walking the halls of NERV aimlessly hoping for something to distract himself. As usual the halls were mostly empty. There were people in the cafeteria eating, people cooking in the kitchen, people working out in the gym, and people training at the firing range, but almost no one was in the halls. Shinji didn't stay long in any of these places. Everyone was where they needed to be and he was only watching.

He found himself travelling deeper into the complex, out of impulse more than curiosity. He was travelling the stairwells instead of taking the elevator. Every time he swiped his card to open a door, he wondered just how far his security access would take him. Soon enough, he found himself standing in front of the hospital wing. It seemed like an eternity since he had been confined there. It made him think about Suzuhara and his sister. Shinji's injuries had been superficial, yet painful. He'd been released in a matter of days. It was almost a week and a half since he first piloted the EVA and Suzuhara's sister was still in the hospital. And Toji visited her regularly. Buying her flowers.

Suddenly Shinji didn't want to be there. His feet took him further along the winding corridors until he found himself in front of the EVA cages. He stared up at the monstrosity that was EVA Unit One and for the first time felt anger alongside his natural fear.

If it weren't for the EVA Toji's sister wouldn't be hurt. Shinji wouldn't have to fight and risk his life. He wouldn't have any enemies. He might even have friends. The idea of hating the EVA was attractive in a way that hating Toji never was. Because everyone loved Toji Suzuhara, and it wasn't fair that Shinji was the only one left out. If he didn't have to pilot the EVA he could talk happily with his classmates and smile embarrassedly as Toji made some joke about how much a geek he was. He could go to school and not be an outsider.

His thoughts had distracted him so much that he hadn't even noticed the girl standing next to him. Shinji was startled when he saw her and let out a small gasp of surprise. This earned him a calculating look from Rei, but she quickly returned her attention to the EVAs making Shinji wonder how long she'd been standing there in the first place. He felt embarrassed for being so jumpy, so he pointedly looked away. But he noticed her arm was no longer in a sling: it was covered by a bright green cast that clashed perfectly with her school uniform.

"I didn't see you," said Shinji in an attempt to ease his embarrassment. "At school today, I mean."

Ritsuko had mentioned that they were in the same class. Shinji assumed she hadn't been there lately since she was recovering from her injuries.

"I was not there," said Rei. She turned to look at him again, as if she expected this conversation to go somewhere.

Shinji said, "Oh." A brief silence followed in which Rei continually stared at him and Shinji mentally kicked himself. Rei was about to return her attention to the EVAs when he blurted out a question.

"Do you like school?"

Rei's brow furrowed as she tilted her head slightly to the side.

"I mean… the kids at school. Do they know you're a pilot? Do you get along with them?"

Even as he asked the question, he had a hard time picturing Rei gossiping with a group of girls at lunchtime.

"Some of them suspect my piloting status," she said.

"Oh," said Shinji. Before the awkward silence could settle in he asked, "And do they still like you?"

"I do not know," said Rei. "I have not asked them."

"You don't care?" asked Shinji in disbelief. He immediately regretted it. If Rei was experiencing problems anything like what he had to deal with at school, of course she would be a little hesitant to talk about it. The bluntness of her answer surprised him though.

"I don't."

Shinji couldn't help but stare at the girl. The idea that someone could simply not care about what others thought seemed impossible. He didn't want to believe her, but the firmness of her voice left no room for contradiction.

"How?" he asked. How could she be so strong where he could not be? How could she take the utter rejection by their peers with less passing interest than most people gave the weather?

"I belong here," said Rei. She raised her arm to gesture toward the very monsters which had filled Shinji with chagrin. "My duty is toward the Evangelions and NERV. What others feel about me and my duty is their prerogative, just as the measures we take to protect their lives are ours. If they appreciate our efforts, so be it. If they despise us, so be it. My place in this world is within these halls. As long as they do not deprive me of my place, I don't care what they do in their own."

It took Shinji a long time to process that information. When Rei realized he had nothing more to say to her, she returned her attention to the EVA Units. Without her intense gaze compelling him to speak, Shinji felt more confused about the conversation than embarrassed. The prospect of staring up at Unit 01 with hatred as Rei looked on with reverence, felt foolish. So he left the EVA cages behind, and headed back to his room.

His wanderlust had been killed by the encounter, so he decided to take the elevator. During the long ride to the upper levels the meaning behind Rei's words began to click into place.

Rei didn't have concerns for things outside of NERV, because to her NERV was her home. It was where she felt she belonged. If people disliked her, it didn't matter so long as she had this one safe haven where she could be what she wanted to be.

Shinji had never felt like that about anything. His uncle's house was not his home and his relationship with the kids at his previous school had been distant at best. It wasn't until he'd come to NERV that he'd ever had anything of his own. He'd earned his place at NERV, with his battle against the angel and the subsequent series of training exercises and synchronization tests. He deserved his small little windowless room, and his impersonal sterile bathroom. He'd worked hard for them and he would continue to do so.

Maybe Rei was content with that. Content with only NERV and nothing else. But Shinji was not. He'd earned far more than that. Because he had fought for this city as well. He'd nearly died for Tokyo-3 and that had to mean something. He wasn't expecting eternal gratitude or anything of the sort. All he wanted was a place here.

Maybe Rei's opinion wasn't so strange. He found that he didn't care if his classmates whispered behind his back and gossiped about his injuries. He didn't even care if people disliked him. He was used to not being wanted. But he'd earned his place there among them despite the opposition. It didn't matter if his father didn't care enough to visit him. It didn't matter if Misato Katsuragi barely bothered to look at him after he'd turned down her offer. It didn't matter if Naomi and Ritsuko only valued him for his ability to pilot. He had every right to exist in this place and live among these people, because he belonged there.

If Toji Suzuhara wanted to take that away from him, Shinji would simply have to return the favor.

It took Shinji three days before he was ready to make his first move. The timing was due to preparation, not any hesitation on his part. He had found Toji's vulnerability, but it was not as easy to find the means to exploit it. Many tangled plots of defamation grew and died in his head, almost none of which were feasible. In the end, he found that simplicity was the answer. Toji valued his place in the school as a loveable jerk. Shinji would simply remove the "loveable" part.

He arrived at school that morning as the janitors were opening the gate. What he planned to do would be no secret, but it would be much easier to accomplish without a lot of students wandering around. As soon as Shinji made it into the hallway, he opened his book bag and pulled out the stack of flyers he'd printed at a copy shop the night before. He walked down the hallway where room 2-A was located. At each locker he would fold a piece of paper along the edge and stuff it through the cracks in the side. He repeated this process in the adjacent hallway, and the one adjacent to that one as well. When one of the teachers who'd arrived early gave him a questioning look, Shinji thought the whole plan might be in jeopardy, but the woman let him continue his task undisturbed.

After placing half the flyers into lockers, he returned to 2-A to finish his task. Shinji pulled out a roll of scotch tape from his book bag and began placing the flyers everywhere he could reach. He taped them all along the chalk board, on every single desk in the room, and any exposed portion of the wall that he could see. The work was menial, to be sure, but Shinji felt a certain sense of satisfaction with each new flyer he placed. He felt like a prophet, spreading truth to a land of disbelievers. Shining light on the dark tragedies of the world left unseen. When he'd finally run out of paper, his hands were sore but his mind was free. He smiled at his work in triumph and his smile did not fade in the slightest when Toji entered the room.

Shinji knew exactly why the other boy was here so early as he'd been careful to observe when Toji normally arrived to school. Toji was usually the first to enter the classroom, since this was the only safe time for him to remove Shinji's desk from the room. However, there was no way Toji could have expected to find Shinji sitting alone in the room, surrounded by numerous black and white photos of himself. The flyers were titled, "Toji Suzuhara" and the photo was clearly copied from the school's basketball club website. There was a single caption under the picture witch read, "BULLY" in large capital letters.

For ten seconds Toji looked upon Shinji's work in stunned silence. When he recovered enough to speak, it was only a whisper.

"You're dead, Ikari," he said as he closed the door behind him.

The smile finally fell from Shinji's face. Toji crossed the room to Shinji's desk in three large steps. Shinji didn't think to rise from his seat. By the time his survival instincts kicked in, it was already too late. Toji grabbed him by his collar and literally hauled him to his feet. Shinji struggled to gain his footing as his chair fell over beneath him. For a moment he struggled to free himself, but Toji's hold was tight. He was about to throw up his arms to protect his face when the sound of the door opening stopped both of them in their tracks. Toji's fist was poised to strike, just as the girl who sat next to Shinji entered the room.

Shinji's eyes met the taller boy's. "Go ahead," he said. "Prove me right."

His cockiness was stolen by surprise as Toji let go of him and he fell to the floor.

"What's going on?" asked the girl. Neither one of them answered.

Toji began to rip the flyers off the desks and the chalkboard. The classroom slowly filled up with curious students. Many of them questioned Toji directly, but they were only met with hostility. Some of them questioned Shinji, but he was as tight lipped as ever. It wasn't like he owed them any answers.

They could look at a flyer if they wanted the truth.

There was much buzz around the school about the flyers. All throughout homeroom people where talking about the incident through their instant messengers and sneaking furtive glances at Toji when they thought he wasn't looking. Toji met most of these unspoken inquiries with heated glares, but that did little to stop their curiosity. Some of the attention was naturally drawn to Shinji as well, but it was mostly Toji's show. Shinji took more pleasure than he thought he would in watching the other boy fume.

The only thing standing in the way of his perfect victory was the obvious threat of retribution. Toji had been ready to fight him earlier, in the middle of class no less. If anything, the attention from their classmates had made Toji even angrier. The boy was staring at Shinji almost as much as everyone else was staring at him. It was unnerving in a way that the gossip never was.

Shinji was thankful for lunch period that afternoon. Looking at his classmates from the rooftop offered him the opportunity to survey the outcome of his work without interruption. He saw that even now the students were still talking about the flyers. He even saw some of the upperclassmen waving around the flyers and talking loudly amongst themselves. The basketball players seemed to be getting particularly worked up: there were just as many people laughing about the stunt as there were seriously scowling. In the end, Shinji wasn't really sure if he was making things better or making them worse. But he did know one thing: he had gotten Toji where it hurt.

If Shinji had been a little less satisfied with himself at the moment, he might have noticed that his enemy was not among those eating in the courtyard. Even if he had noticed this, Toji had ample reason to want to be by himself at the moment. What Shinji hadn't accounted for was the fact that Toji had ample reason to track him down as well.

The opening of the door to the rooftop, did not escape Shinji's notice. When he turned around and saw Toji standing there, he was filled with equal parts dread and determination. He chastised himself for being corned (Naomi had stressed the importance of engaging the enemy on your own terms) but the damage was already done. There was no way this could end well.

"I didn't think ya had the nerve," said Toji. He seemed much more composed than earlier, but his anger was clearly there. He advanced on Shinji slowly. There was no need to rush things. "I wanted to be nice, Ikari. I was gonna let ya transfer and be done with it."

Shinji stood his ground. There wasn't anywhere to run anyways.

"I belong here just as much as you do," he said, just as he'd rehearsed. "If you just forget about everything, I'll do the same. But if you keep on attacking me when I've done nothing wrong," Shinji shakily raised his fists. "I'll attack you back."

"Done nothing wrong!" Toji snapped. "My sister almost died because of you!"

Toji was on him before Shinji had a chance to blink. Shinji threw a surprised swing to try and intercept him but it was merely batted away. Before he could move again Toji's hands were around his neck. Shinji clawed at his hands, trying to break free from his hold, but it was useless. He began to panic as it became harder and harder to breathe.

"I should kill you," said Toji. His tone was bitter and cold. But even as he said so, he lessened his grip slightly. Shinji gasped loudly. He didn't have time to be relieved as Toji pushed him by his neck toward the edge of the rooftop. He tried to scream as he lost his balance, but it came out as dry croak. Toji's hold on his neck was the only thing keeping him from plummeting off the edge.

"Go ahead and scream," said Toji. "Do you think anyone will care? Do you think they'll miss your scrawny ass?"

"Please," said Shinji. "Stop! Please!"

"No. Your little stunt gave them something to talk about, but in a couple of days no one'll give a damn. And if I let you go right now, nobody would give a damn about that either. I'll say it was an accident. I tried to grab you as you fell. Hell, I could tell'em you jumped. No one'd put it past scum like you."

"I'm sorry," said Shinji incoherently. He was very sure he was going to die. "I didn't mean it… I-"

"Shuddap!" said Toji. He pulled Shinji back from the edge and threw him on the ground. When Shinji tried to scramble to his feet, he kicked him in the stomach hard. Then there was another kick. And another. Shinji did his best to block his vitals and protect himself, but all he could do was cry out in pain. After what seemed like an eternity the onslaught ended. Toji didn't spare him a second glance as he exited the rooftop.

"Don't come back to class," said Toji. "If I see your face again, I'll kill you."

Shinji believed him.

There comes a point in many engagements where the full force of an enemy clashes with the full force of one's retaliation. At this point, the time for subtly and restraint has long passed. The resulting collision erodes both sides and there is no safe means for either to escape. Compromising with your enemy is no longer an option and a critical choice must be made: Press hard against your enemy, eroding each other until one of you is no more, or give in to his pressure and suffer defeat.

If you continue to fight, your losses will be heavy and your future will be uncertain. In the real world, it is always possible to give your all and not succeed. But if you concede to your enemy your defeat is clear. Perhaps you will lose less than if you had fought, but do not mistake this for victory. Your goals and objectives are the price of your surrender and the casualties of your defeat.

Risk yourself to save your dreams, or surrender your dreams to save yourself: the choice is yours.

Shinji spent as little time as possible lying on the ground crying. He cradled his stomach and chest in agony until he felt calm enough to rise to his feet. The pain did not diminish, but his will had grown stronger. He knew he could not lie there forever, so the sooner he recovered the better.

Shinji was both glad and discomforted to find that Naomi was not present to help him to his feet. It spared him the shame of having her see his defeat, but it also meant that he really was alone. Naomi had promised to stay out of his life, save to protect him. After coming so close to losing that life, he realized he could not trust her to live up to that duty.

Something had to be done.

No one stopped Shinji as he dragged himself through the hallways of the middle school. Several people took note of his wincing, but they all let him pass by without protest. Even a teacher who saw him limping toward her, only frowned to herself before moving out of his way. It was obvious that something had happened to him, yet no one bothered to lend a hand or even a word of concern. Shinji would never forget that fact.

He slowly made his way back to NERV, holding his bruised side the whole way. He only stopped a few times to catch his breath and hated himself for needing to put so much effort into convincing himself to continue again. When he finally reached the front gates of NERV the security guard scarcely gave him a look before opening the gate. The walk to the residential area of NERV was short, painful, and uneventful.

Shinji entered his room laid on his bed and closed his eyes. Behind each eyelid he saw Toji's hostility burning on his face. He felt the echoes of his hands around his neck and the pain of the blows in his abdominals. He laid there for hours and the sensation did not decrease.

There was only one thought in his mind: Something had to be done.

For one full week Shinji secluded himself in his room. Naomi briefly tried to talk him out of it, but gave up when he would not let her into the room. When she asked him why he wouldn't let her in, his answer was simple. "You weren't there." Ritsuko made a stopped by as well, but only to ensure that he continued with his training schedule and was willing to perform his weekly synchronization test. She had knocked on the door as a formality before barging in using her keycard. As soon as she was assured of his commitment to his job, she left. Misato's had been the most difficult visit. Shinji hadn't had the heart to turn her away the way he had Naomi. He wished he had, by the time she left. She sat on his bed next to him and placed a hand on his knee as they talked. It made him feel more awkward than comforted. He did not tell her why he was skipping school and spending most of his time by himself and he could see her growing more frustrated as the conversation went on. In the end, she ordered him to go back to school at the start of the week. Shinji had to remind himself why he shouldn't hate her for it.

But that weekend was still his time and he did not waste it. He spent those last days quietly.

Sitting. Seething. Thinking.

He realized that Misato and Naomi were right. Hiding away from his problems was the same thing as giving up his life. And his life was all he had. If he was going to waste his life that way, then Toji might as well have killed him on the rooftop. He told himself he was waiting for his wounds to heel, but the kicks Toji had given him were much less severe than the first beating he had received. The light bruising along his neck was barely visible. He was only making excuses. Wasting his time.

Sitting. Seething. Thinking.

He should have been Doing.

And so that Monday he left his room with his backpack strapped around his shoulders. It was only weighed down by the thick history book that his teacher had assigned to him. Shinji took his normal route to school that morning and entered the building as if nothing had happened. He doubted Naomi (wherever she was) had spotted him leaving the school through the back entrance, ten minutes after he entered. He didn't care much either way.

He made himself scarce after that, ditching school in favor of hanging out at the local arcade. Shinji tried to play a few games, but his heart wasn't in it. It wasn't nearly as fun as he'd remembered as a child. So he sat at a booth and listened to his SDAT player. One of the workers at the arcade asked him why he wasn't in school. Shinji said it was cancelled and could tell that the man didn't believe him. The man wouldn't leave him alone until Shinji ordered a beverage and a basket of fries. He barely touched either of them.

Shinji spent hours in the arcade, listening to music and watching other 'delinquent' students play games. He was constantly looking at his SDAT player for the time and checking his book bag to make sure he had his history book. Several times the man who worked there came over to ask if he needed anything else, despite the fact that Shinji had not finished what he'd already ordered. Shinji barely paid him any mind as he drummed his fingers nervously against his pants to the beat of the music playing in his ears.

At two o'clock, Shinji left the arcade. He almost forgot to pay for his meal in his hurry. He quickly walked down the street towards the business district that led to NERV headquarters. But Shinji did not head to NERV. Instead he took a right at an intersection several blocks before the building. He continued to walk for a little ways before he passed an old lady working at a flower cart. She smiled at him as he passed by and Shinji had the sudden urge to hide his face. After passing out of sight of the flower cart, Shinji stopped to withdraw his history book from his book bag and took in his surroundings with a careful eye. Before long he found what he was looking for: an alleyway between two large buildings which opened up to the sidewalk. Now all he had to do was wait.

The time passed by in agony for Shinji. He wasn't sure if he had waited for minutes or hours, but he was too afraid to check his SDAT player for the time. He kept his gaze glued to the strip of sidewalk directly in front of him and tightened his hold on the history book. When he saw the boy pass by in front of him, his heart nearly stopped. But he did not hesitate. Never again.

He ran out from the alleyway with the book held high, and swung downward violently, making sharp contact between the edge of the book and Toji's head. A muffled cry escaped the boy at the unexpected attack, but he didn't have time to process what was happening before Shinji swung again.

Toji was on the ground before he knew what was happening. He made no effort to block the next attack which fell hard on his wrist. Or the one after that which plunged into his back. Or the strikes to his head and the back of his neck and the side of his face and the back of his head again. After a certain point, even Shinji barely registered what was happening. His arms went up and down in a rhythmic motion like pistons, pumping back and forth with a single-mindedness that went beyond anger and rage. It was life and survival.

Toji stopped crying out in pain, but Shinji did not stop his mechanical blows. The book rose and fell as quickly as he could manage. When he finally brought himself to stop, the cover was stained red.

Shinji breathed in and out raggedly. He dropped his book to the ground in exhaustion. He stood up from where Toji lay quickly and suddenly had the urge to look at the time on his SDAT player. But he stopped reaching into his pocket when he saw the blood on his hands. He looked down at Toji Suzuhara. The boy was not moving. Not moving at all.

Shinji's breathing quickened from long gasps to rapid bursts.

"What did I do?" Something had to be done. "What did I do?"

His mind went in loops for several seconds replaying this question and answer. Then suddenly his head snapped up and he surveyed the surrounding area looking for anyone who had witnessed the event.

The streets were surprisingly empty save for a man walking on the other side of the sidewalk. He had his head down and was pointedly looking the other way. Shinji wanted to say something to the man, to explain, but he managed to stop himself before words left his mouth. He wondered how long it would take before the man called the police station and had him sent to jail where he belonged. He wasn't about to wait and find out.

Shinji ran blindly down the alley for several blocks before an awful realization occurred to him.

He'd left his history book by Toji's side. The book had his name in it. Broadcasting his crime. Advertising his sin. He had to go back, but there wasn't any time!

7A – Shinji calms the fuck down (Go to ch 9)

7B –Shinji calls Naomi for help (Go to ch 9)

7C – Shinji panics! OH MY GOD!1111!1111!

7D – Shinji takes full responsibility for his actions

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