Chapter: 9C – NERV Learns Why Tigers Should Stay Caged
Choice Path: Start – 1A – 5B – 7A/7B – 9C
Author: Fresh C
A dream.
The tiger chases him through the field. He runs as fast as possible, but it is not fast enough. The animal bites at his feet, tearing his heels to shreds even as he runs. It slashes into his back with razor sharp claws. He bleeds rolling streams of agony onto the ground. He doesn't feel himself dying, but he knows it in his heart, and so does the tiger. He continues to run, yes, but he moves slower. He's weaker. He will die.
So he stops. The tiger does as well. He stares the beast in its eye and can only see the thrill of the fight. It looks at him hungrily, contemplating his demise. "Come at me," it says, but its lips do not move. "Of all the world, there is you and I. Of you and I, one must die."
He searches the ground in desperation, finds a rock and brings it to bear. The tiger laughs with its taunting eyes and charges forward. He has no choice but to rise up to the challenge of his rival. Two swift motions. A slash of claws, a hard struck blow. He is bleeding, he is hurt, but he still stands. The tiger falls to the ground.
A man comes and finds him standing over the tiger. He takes one look at the scene and runs away in horror. "Beast!" cries the man as he flees. "Beast!" The man is not gone long, before he returns again with several other men. On their shoulders the men bear a cage. He is grabbed, then shoved by all of them. Pushed into the cage by strong uncaring hands. They yell at him "Beast!" and poke him with sticks. Prodding and taunting. He sees the hatred and fear in their eyes but does not understand. The animal was dead. He'd killed it himself. Yet the men were all the more afraid.
He looks out of the cage, between the impenetrable bars, behind the men and their imposing sticks and faltering rage. He looks and he looks, but he cannot find the tiger. Instead, he sees a little boy, bleeding on the ground. Blood streaming from the cuts on his back, his chest and his heels. He knows why the little boy is dead. He knows that he was the one to kill him.
He cries out in anguish and regret. The men recoil from his roar in fear. For he was the beast. He was the tiger.
Shinji kept close watch on the door. Leaving it open was the one kindness NERV had granted him. Because as long as it was open he knew that he could leave, that he would leave as soon as his two day trial was over. However, this was the only kindness offered to him in his imprisonment. For even with the door open he was just as much a prisoner as when it had been locked shut.
Naomi had made that much clear. The choice she had given him was nothing more than an illusion. There was no way to leave NERV now. Not with the sins they held over his head waiting to crash down. She had said he could leave anytime he wanted, but there was no guarantee that there weren't guards somewhere, waiting to grab him should he choose to do so. Even if she were true to her word, the moment he left NERV he would be considered an enemy to humanity. They would spread word of his involvement in Toji's death. He'd be a fugitive with no place to go.
No, the only option was to stay still and wait. To sit there in his cell, staring out into the hallway outside. Fearing that they would change their mind and suddenly close the door, never to open it again. He busied himself as best he could, reading the few school books he'd brought home (including his history book) and practicing the cello. The other residents of the hallway occasionally looked in on him as they walked by the door. Some of them even stopped to listen to him play. Few of them stayed very long, and no one said a word in greeting. The only other interruption was the man who hastily brought him his food. He allowed Shinji to see his face now, but he was no more friendly than when the door had been locked.
The lights still went out at the unreasonable hour of seven PM. Shinji wasn't inclined to read his textbooks by the faint hallway lights. Instead he lay on his bed in darkness, thinking about his life. He felt that he was almost completely able to plot out where things would go from there.
They didn't need him, Naomi had said, but they wanted him. The only reason he was still here was because they had a use for him, just as his father had said. Looking back on it, he could see how every interaction he'd had so far had only been an effort to use him. Exploiting his connection to his father to draw him here, using Toji's cruelty to toughen him, and even now, using his own retaliation against him as blackmail. Everything he'd done was guided, calculated. They were preening him to be the perfect tool. And still they called it freedom.
Pilot or die. Kill or be killed. Comply to their demands or become a pariah. They had given him such weighted choices that there was no way he could have chosen anything other than the path he was given. If that was freedom then he didn't want it.
In those moments, lying there in this unnatural darkness, he seriously considered leaving his cell. But every time he got up to leave, he hovered near the doorway and stopped himself. He wasn't afraid of Naomi's threats. As long as he was under NERV's influence it would be no different than being in jail. He would be controlled and abused without mercy. Even if he followed their rules, they had already made him their enemy. No, it wasn't fear that stopped him from leaving, but the lesson Naomi had taught him through her speech: discretion. If he was going to be the enemy of NERV, he would treat them like a true opponent.
He would wait out his sentence and confront the enemy on his own terms.
At six AM the next morning, Shinji awoke to the gentle shaking of his shoulder. It took him a moment to fully awaken. When his eyes did open he recoiled in surprise. Naomi stood over him with a slight frown on her face. Shinji did his best to hide his initial shock. He did not want her to know that she'd scared him.
"Get ready," she said. "I'm walking you to school."
Shinji thought briefly of protesting. After all he'd gone through to maintain his place there; he didn't want to go back to the school. There was no one there that he considered a friend and some of his worse memories were tied to the place. No one had stopped to offer him a hand. And even after he had clearly exposed Toji as the bully that he was, none of them had bothered to take his side. Sure there had been some people who were interested in the scandal of it all, but they only cared for gossip. Not for Shinji.
Even so, he knew better than to argue with Naomi. It was much too early to go against anything she said. If she didn't trust him, or at least believe in his ability to comply to her authority, there was nothing to stop her from locking him up again. If that ever happened he doubted they would give him a second chance to prove himself useful.
Shinji had to stop himself from screaming when Naomi exited the room and closed the door behind her. He realized she was just giving him privacy, but the fear of being confined again nearly overcame him. He hastily pulled on a pair of slacks and a shirt and sighed in relief when he was able to open the door again.
"Ready?" asked Namoi.
Shinji merely nodded and let her lead the way. They made it to the elevator in a nearby hallway when she began to talk again.
"You made the right choice," she said. Shinji nodded. "I hope you understand now how things will proceed. We'll give you as much leeway as possible with your life. Nothing's changed in that respect. We'll treat you well so long as you continue to be useful."
What would happen when he wasn't useful, she did not say. There was no point in asking either, since he already knew. It was only a matter of time really. He could injure himself as Rei had… perhaps worse and they'd discard him like trash. They'd wash their hands of him. Throw him jail, or abandon him to the streets. Shinji's only hope now was to make the most of this leeway while he had it.
When the elevator reached the surface level, the two of them walked out to the front gate. Shinji waited until they passed the guarded turn-style to inform Naomi of a decision he'd made days ago.
"I'd like to move into an apartment," he said. The thought of living in that jail cell another night was nearly unbearable.
His heart sunk as Naomi slowly shook her head.
"You let Ayanami live on her own," he persisted. But he already knew it was futile.
"Ayanami can be trusted," said Naomi flatly. "Until you can prove that you deserve the same trust, you'll have to stay at headquarters."
It was exactly what Shinji feared. His past actions were considered unredeemable. There was nothing left to say.
When he reached classroom 2-A, the room quieted down some. The kids who had been happily talking to one another, all turned to look at him. Shinji tried his best to ignore their obvious stares. He found that the seat he normally sat in was already filled by a short haired girl he had never seen before. All the other seats in the class were filled as well, including Toji's old seat. It was as if by leaving both of them had ceased to exist.
He was somewhat surprised when the class representative approached him.
"Ikari," she said in greeting. "Did you transfer back?"
Shinji almost laughed at the absurdity. It seemed that every time he was absent, everyone assumed he was never coming back. Did they hate him so much to have such wishful thinking?
"No," he said. "I didn't go anywhere."
"Sorry," Hikari seemed aptly confused. "When the teacher stopped calling your name at roll call, we just assumed that you transferred. Like Suzahara did."
"No," said Shinji with more force than he meant to. Hikari drew back slightly in surprise. Shinji managed to control himself and say, "Not like Suzahara. I'm here."
"Okay," said Hikari. She wasn't looking at his face anymore. "Let's get you a desk."
Class was awkward for Shinji. He was behind in everything and had little idea what was being discussed at any particular moment. Ironically, this only caused his attention to wander more. His eyes roamed the classroom, taking in the familiar yet disconcerting sight. The students sat there with varying degrees of interest. Some were legitimately listening to the teacher but they were few and far between. Most were chatting on the instant messenger or staring off into space. Ayanami seemed to be the most blatant offender. She was obviously staring out the window, turning her body completely as if to telegraph her disinterest. The teacher occasionally looked at her and some of the other students with annoyance, but he kept his peace. Apparently it wasn't worth the effort to reprimand them.
Just a week before Shinji had been willing to fight for this simple place in society. It was strange to see others treating it in such a carefree manner. Like it didn't even matter.
They don't deserve it.
He thought this with clarity and knew it was true. None of them had ever had to work for this peaceful life. They all lived here without a care in the world. Devaluing what others have fought and died for. Shinji would give anything to feel so free. And he knew, though the truth of it scared him, that Suzahara would have done the same. That was why they were enemies. By simply existing together they had robbed each other of peace.
Those who had peace didn't appreciate it. Those who fought for peace could never enjoy it. It truly wasn't fair.
Rei Ayanami did not speak unless spoken to. But when she did speak it was always clear that she had been listening. She tended not to meet people's eyes for the most part. Instead she gave her attention to seemingly random things like a tree outside the window, or the tile pattern on the floor. The only people she deemed worthy of her full attention where her commanding officers and, to a lesser extent, Shinji himself. The rest of the world was passing scenery. Only NERV mattered to her and that's why she mattered to Shinji. To fight your enemy, you must know them. And no one knew NERV better than Rei.
He didn't approach her directly at first. He admitted to himself that he was somewhat intimidated. Where the class had no problem hounding him for information as if they were entitled, no one bothered to talk to Rei unless it was absolutely necessary. Shinji could see why. She was odd. Quiet, yet exacting. When her eyes did meet his he instantly felt unnerved. He couldn't tell what she was thinking and so he couldn't predict what she would say or do. To Shinji's mind that made her dangerous. So he reserved himself to observation at first.
Synchronization tests were a different experience since Shinji's incarceration. There was nothing of the encouraging atmosphere that Misato usually displayed. In fact, had Ritsuko not mentioned Misato offhandedly, Shinji wouldn't have even known she was there. Ritsuko, for her part, was as professional as ever. If she had any inkling of the things he'd done to earn her friend's displeasure, she showed no sign of it. She politely compelled him to relax and concentrate. Asking him to preform without the pleading tone of a question. He never had liked Ritsuko and he supposed it didn't matter. He wasn't there for her or for Misato. His only goals were to placate NERV and observe Rei.
Shinji was surprised when Rei accepted his invitation for a private communication channel. He held no illusions that a private channel actually indicated privacy, but he didn't really have much to say to Rei anyways. He'd contacted her on a whim, and perhaps, on a whim she had responded.
A small image appeared in the upper right hand corner of Unit O1's visual display. Shinji saw Rei's passive face, calmly facing forward. Her eyes were closed as if she were waging some internal debate. Shinji realized instantly that he really did have nothing to say to Rei. All the questions that came to mind were far from appropriate.
Why does my father love you? How did you earn NERV's trust? How can you stand this life?
No. Asking any of these questions out loud would be like putting his neck on the chopping block. It was better if no one knew what he was after. Let them think he was only concerned with survival. That he was content with their illusion of freedom. Ayanami's silence made it a pretense that was easy to maintain. She did not ask him what he wanted or even open her eyes to look at him. In return, Shinji watched her in silence. He found her lack of curiosity to be annoying. Though Ritsuko constantly reminded them to concentrate, Shinji had always found synchronization to be pretty easy. He could not imagine Rei was so distracted by the process that she couldn't be bothered to look at him. The longer he stared at her, the more annoyed he felt. He knew it was irrational to be upset when it was he who had contacted her without talking, but he couldn't stop himself. By the time the test was over he was seething.
Misato praised Rei for improving on her previous scores.
"Did my score increase?" asked Shinji.
"Your score has risen by 2.5 percent," said Ritsuko. All facts. No praise. "You're both free to go."
Only then did Rei open her eyes. She met Shinji's gaze and the intensity of her eyes caused him to look away. His annoyance was replaced with anger for himself. He now understood the reason why he hadn't spoken to her. Her dismissal of him was only a reflection of his own dismissal of himself. He could not bear to look her in the eye, knowing she was favored and privileged while he was just a slave.
Shinji exited the Eva slowly, wallowing in his self-pity. He watched the retreating back of Rei as she walked ahead of him. In his mind he saw it fitting. He had the higher synchronization score, he was the only one to successfully kill an angel in battle and still she was ahead. But when they reached the dressing rooms for the pilots Rei stopped and turned to him.
"You were watching me?" she asked, but the way she asked it was strange. Almost as if the question itself confused her.
Shinji was suddenly conscious of the sour look on his face. He tried to clear it while he thought of an answer. "I guess," he said. If he had denied it she would only ask him why he had opened the com channel at all.
"Why?" Rei asked.
Shinji shrugged. "Because I wanted to see you." I need to know you.
Rei nodded at this and stared at him for a moment longer. Color rose to her face. She entered the girl's locker-room without another word.
Shinji spent most of his free time outside now. His room had become more of a storage area than a home. He was only there to sleep. He ate his meals out in a picnic area on the surface of the geofront. It was normally quiet there as few people actually had access to the area. He didn't like how the geofront was confined by the ceiling of the world above them, but he also didn't want to walk around Tokyo-3. Naomi or some other agent would follow him around if he walked around on the surface level. At the geofront he had the one thing denied to him in any other place: privacy.
When he first started coming there, he would occasionally run into other NERV employees. But as he continued to visit this spot, fewer and fewer people came. Those that continued to come, paid him little mind. They were as content as he was to ignore each other and enjoy the simple quiet of the scenery.
Shinji liked the way that sunlight streamed down from grates above them. Only a scant few beams shone into the darkness, like the light of God peeking through the clouds. It made the clear lake sparkle and shine with an unearthly glow. He imagined that heaven looked something like this. The only thing that ruined the illusion was the towering black pyramid behind him, darkening the space with its irregularity. It was a natural thing for Shinji to turn his back on it.
He spent his time down there doing all that he would have done in his room. He ate there, read books, played his cello (which was an awkward thing to drag through the halls of NERV) and simply enjoyed the view. It was his only safe haven. That's why he was so perturbed when it was invaded by Rei.
She sat next to him as he sat on the bench. She kept a decent distance, but she was close enough to be casual. As if they were acquaintances or even friends. But Shinji did not turn to her as she sat down and neither one of them offered a greeting. They both stared off into the lake in silence. For a while Shinji tried his best to ignore her and in time he succeeded. When Rei spoke to him, he was almost startled. Given the previous intensity of all their meetings, he was surprised by how easy it was to ignore her.
"You're not looking at me," she said. There was no hurt in her voice, nor was this an accusation. She was merely stating a fact. Shinji didn't know what to say.
"Do you still want to see me?" she asked. The question caught him completely off guard. Despite himself he turned to look at her. He saw her eyes, remembered that this was the source of that intensity, and quickly turned away. He found that he was blushing now and cursed his awkwardness. This wasn't the type of intelligence gathering he had in mind.
"I like to see other things too."
Rei nodded. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked.
Shinji shrugged. She decided to stay.
"What do you like to see here?" asked Rei.
Shinji shrugged once more. "I just like it here."
"Why?"
"Because it's beautiful," said Shinji his blush appearing once again. He hoped that she would stop asking questions but she did not.
"Why is it beautiful?"
Shinji hesitated in his answer. "Because… it's free."
He looked over to Rei and into her intense eyes and saw understanding there. She knew that he did not mean free as in lacking cost. She knew he spoke of freedom. A thing that was itself, purely because it existed. She stared at him in contemplation before speaking once more.
"But it is not free," she said. Shinji frowned at the words. "This place was crafted for the sake of humanity. The lake water is used for cooling systems and waste disposal. It also serves as a barrier between others and this island. The surrounding hills make the area harder to navigate for potential enemies. This place was designed purely for our use and protection."
Shinji felt a sense of vertigo as Rei explained this.
"Such terrain could never have existed naturally," she said. "If there is beauty in this place, it lies in its containment, not its freedom."
Shinji opened his mouth several times to argue, but stopped himself each time. Rei's explanation had been thorough. There was no room to disagree. He turned away from her, hoping to drive her words from his mind as well as her presence. But as he looked out over the lake he no longer felt contentment.
Shinji didn't need to observe Rei in stealth anymore. She had begun to follow him around almost constantly. She wasn't stalking him or anything of the sort, but he found that more often than not she was in his presence. She ate lunch with him in the classroom and walked home with him from school. She waited for him after simulations and synchronization tests and on occasion even sought him out in his room (though only for NERV related issues).
Rei had become the single most constant presence in his life. Yet for all the time they spent in each other's company, he hardly knew any more about her than he'd already known before. The two of them didn't talk much, at least not about anything important. The only personal information he'd learned about her was the direction that her apartment building was in and that she did not like to eat meat. Yet it seemed as if she'd learned everything important there was to know about him in a matter of weeks.
Rei had a way of asking questions in a blunt manner that forced you to answer truthfully or not all. There was no way to be evasive. And when she looked at Shinji, always with rapt attention, it was as if she were compelling him to speak up and fill in the silence. Only then would she look away and allow him to do the same.
She knew of his displeasure at living on base. He'd told her in few words how he felt almost enslaved by NERV and their control over his life. Though he tried to conceal his bitterness at the difference between the way they were treated, it leaked out occasionally. Rei did not seem to hold this against him.
"We are all enslaved by the shackles of fate," she said, and left it at that.
Shinji didn't know of any other fourteen year olds who spoke like Rei. In some ways he resented her for it. It was as if she was flaunting her intelligence in his face. But he felt bad about these feelings. He knew she meant no harm when she talked to him that way. It was as natural to her as small talk was to other people. Rei meant no more disrespect by her high-minded words than she did by visiting him each day and forcing him to remember that she was the one who was free to come and go as she pleased.
The mystery of Rei's status at NERV remained a mystery. Rei was by all accounts, a second rate pilot when compared to him. From what he could tell she had no other duties to NERV that were any more vital than his own. There were times when she was absent from school for several days, but these absences were attributed to medical treatment. For what illness Shinji did not know. In any case, nothing that Rei had done warranted her freedom. People treated her kinder and allowed her to live by herself simply because of who she was. Just as they held his sins against him, her blamelessness ensured her right to privileges. There was no secret to her success. She held no virtue that he could subscribe to in order to raise his worth in NERV's eyes.
Shinji tried to enjoy her company, knowing that she was not responsible for the preferential treatment she received. Yet he envied her all the same.
It surprised Shinji when the class representative asked him to deliver the week's assignment to Rei's apartment. He'd heard other classmates complaining about Hikari's diligence, tracking them down on 'sick days' and making sure their work was in their hands. Given the girl's insistent hands on approach, it was strange that she would delegate the task to anyone else.
"If it's not too much trouble," Hikari added after seeing his hesitance. "Ayanami is almost never there when I go to visit her, and I'm not sure that she gets the assignments when I leave them in her mailbox. So I thought you could hand them to her the next time you see her… since you're friends."
Shinji agreed to help out and Hikari thanked him with relief. It was a strange idea to consider Rei as a friend, but when Shinji thought about it, he supposed there was no one else close enough to him to hold that title. And even though he had given up on viewing Rei as a source of Intel, he found that he was interested in her all the same. He tried to picture the apartment she lived in. He doubted it was anything big or fancy (the stipend NERV had offered them was too small to allow that). But he knew there wouldn't be locks on the door to keep her inside. Nor would there be microphones and cameras observing her every move. She could come and go as she chose, without worrying about how such an action would be perceived by those who watched her. The more Shinji thought on this, the more eager he was to see the place. But beneath that eagerness lay a subtle dread. He knew that seeing what he couldn't have would only make him want it more.
When he neared the address listed on the handout Hikari had given him, he was surprised by his surroundings. The building that Rei lived in was on the outskirts of the neighborhood surrounding NERV headquarters. It was an industrial district with a lot of ongoing construction. Even now, he could hear the workers toiling away with the sounds of heavy machinery running.
Upon entering the building he quickly located Rei's apartment. A stack of unopened mail was jammed unceremoniously into her mail slot. Shinji had to check the handout to make sure he had the right apartment number.
He knocked on the door. No one answered. He waited a few seconds and knocked again. After thirty seconds of waiting he decided that there would likely be no answer. He thought about leaving the assignments with the pile of mail, but realized that that was exactly why Hikari had asked him to do it instead.
The doorknob turned without resistance and Shinji hesitantly entered the apartment. It was the dirtiest place he had ever seen. Clothes and garbage lay in piles on the ground. A layer of dust clung to the floor like paint. There was no furniture anywhere. The kitchen was a mess. Several pots and pans littered the counter and it looked as if nothing had been washed. Ever.
"Ayanami," he called out quietly. He repeated himself in a louder voice, but no one answered. Figuring she wasn't home, Shinji looked around for a place to put the assignments where it wouldn't be lost among the mess. Finding no such place in the living room or kitchen he decided to enter her bedroom.
The door was already open, but the curtains were drawn closed. Shinji turned on the light to look around. When he saw Rei resting on the bed in her school uniform he nearly jumped out of his skin. She was staring at the ceiling with her eyes keenly open.
"Ayanami!" he yelled. Rei lifted her head to look at him briefly then quickly lowered it back onto her pillow again. Shinji gripped the papers in his hands and fought the urge to flee the room. He felt the need to defend his invasion of her privacy. "I knocked at the door."
"I heard," said Rei. She continued to stare up at nothing.
"I have your assignments from school. The class representative asked me to bring them."
There was no response this time.
"Would you like me to put them…" the bedroom was just as cluttered as the other rooms, only there were bloody bandages on the floor. "… somewhere?"
"Anywhere," said Rei.
Shinji gently nudged a pile of clothes to clear off a spot by the doorway. He placed the papers on the empty spot. Again he felt like he should leave, but could not. Rei had spoken to him but it was almost as if she hadn't acknowledged that he existed. It was strange compared to the almost unnerving attention she usually gave him.
"I'm sorry if I woke you.
"I was not asleep," said Rei.
"What are you doing?' he asked, not really caring how harsh it sounded. He was familiar enough with Rei to know that she wouldn't mind the straightforwardness.
"Resting."
For some reason it seemed odd to Shinji that she would deliberately spend time staring up at the ceiling.
"Are you still hurt?" he asked.
"No."
"Tired then?"
"No," said Rei.
Shinji could think of no response to this.
"Do you want me to leave?" he asked uncertainly. For some reason he was breathing harder than before. He felt out of sorts. Nervous.
"No," said Rei and nothing else. Shinji had asked the question but he wasn't sure how to interpret the answer. Did that mean that she wanted him to stay, or that she just didn't care.
Hesitantly he made his way to the bed and sat down beside her. He looked up into her face and found her red eyes looking back at him. It occurred to Shinji that Rei was pretty. Or more accurately that she could be pretty if she tried. She had soft facial features that displayed a certain femininity, yet her expression was always guarded. Shinji tried and failed to imagine her smile.
He could no longer look at her eyes and found his gaze wandering her body. He had a moment to notice her small breasts before looking back up into Rei's eyes with a sudden fear. She was staring at him, so she clearly noticed where he had been looking, yet her eyes were as impassive as ever. There was no judgment there.
With shaky movements Shinji brought his hand to rest on her leg. Rei merely blinked at the action. Shinji could feel his heart beating in his chest as he brought his hand up to caress her thigh. He let his hand rest on her leg beneath her skirt and stared into her eyes, demanding her to say something. To do something to stop him. He waited for what seemed like an eternity, but Rei was silent and still.
Suddenly, something clicked inside Shinji's head. He withdrew his hand quickly from her skirt and looked at it in confusion. He looked at her in confusion as well. It sickened him the way she stared at him. Curious, but not condemning or accepting. He stared back at her for a moment, but then realized he could look no more.
Without a word he exited the apartment and began to walk back to NERV. He imagined the feel of her warm flesh in his hands and the cold distance of her stare. And suddenly he understood how someone could spend hours upon hours staring up at a ceiling when they had the freedom to do anything they wanted with their life. The warmth of her body was a lie.
"She's dead," said Shinji quietly. "She's already dead."
The angel alarm sounded at 3:45 PM. Shinji was at the cages and ready to deploy in less than fifteen minutes. As usual he was a bundle of nerves. He didn't like the feel of the plugsuits, always clinging to him so tightly. He wiggled around in the entry plug, trying to find a comfortable position. Ritsuko quickly went through Unit 01's operational status checklist. He mumbled off affirmatives without really thinking about it.
"Are you ready to deploy, Shinji?" asked Misato. She was all business now. There was no time to hate him during operations.
"I'm ready," he said.
He endured the overwhelming G-force of the launch, and focused on the mission. They were launching him in firing range of the target. The pictures from surveillance cameras showed that the enemy was a large diamond prism with no easily detectable energy core. Scans had revealed almost nothing about the enemy, so they would handle this cautiously. His orders were to take immediate cover after reaching the surface and await further instructions.
The lift reached its destination faster than Shinji would have liked. He was on the surface for less than a second before his vision flooded with light and every nerve in his body erupted with pain. His ears were filled with the sound of his own unearthly screams.
Shinji woke up staring at the ceiling of NERV's hospital wing. The curtains were drawn around the window, but he could tell it was nighttime by the intensity of the darkness surrounding him. He closed his eyes briefly and tried to think of how he'd gotten there. The brief image of the floating diamond surfaced in his mind followed by the unbearably hot light. His eyes opened rapidly and he became acutely aware of the dull ache all over his body. He could feel every tiny movement chaff against his reddened skin.
"You're awake," said Rei. He looked over to see her sitting on a chair beside his bed. It looked like she had been reading over several sheets of paper earlier, but now he had her full attention.
"What time is it?"
"Oh-three-hundred," said Rei. "You have been asleep for just under a day and a half."
Shinji tried and failed to understand the significance of the time he'd missed. From what he'd been lead to understand about the angels, any contact with the geofront would result in a Third Impact. The angel had had more than a full day to reach its goal untouched, yet they were still here. Still alive.
Rei answered his unspoken question. "The angel is drilling down into the geofront as we speak. We estimate it will take another eight hours before it has completely penetrated all our barriers."
Shinji understood the implications. The angel was too powerful to approach directly or they would have launched Unit-00 to intercept it. Finally the angels had deployed an unbeatable tactic against them: overwhelming force. Humanity had lost before the battle even began.
Rei disturbed his thoughts by throwing a manila folder onto his bed.
"The mission parameters are outlined here. We deploy in three hours."
Shinji's mind tripped over the words.
"They want me to go back out there? After what that thing did to me?"
"Yes," said Rei. Her face held no emotion. Shinji's mind flashed back to a few days before when his hand was in her skirt. He turned away from her.
"It's never enough is it?" he asked. "It doesn't matter if I hurt or bleed. It won't be enough until I'm dead, will it?"
Rei was silent for a moment. But when she spoke again she surprised him.
"You won't die." There was something in her voice that made Shinji turn back to her. He had never seen Rei's face so animated before. "I will protect you."
He studied Rei carefully because he did not believe her. That she would be so emotional on his account was unthinkable. He stared at her in silence, with anger on his face. Waiting for her to back down from her statement and prove him right. But she did not back down. She spoke with even greater insistence.
"Don't pilot," she said rising from her seat. "If you are afraid, I will take care of this myself."
She left Shinji alone with his rapidly shifting thoughts.
Three hours later Shinji was sitting in the entry plug Unit-01. When he thought about it (and he thought about it long and hard) he was just as likely to suffer and die outside of the Evangelion as inside one. Because despite Rei's statements there was almost zero probability that she could defeat the Angel without his help. A part of him couldn't help but think that she had only said such things because she knew she would never have to back them up. But the words bothered him all the same.
In one way, Rei's words were certainly true. She would have to protect him to some degree if the desperate mission plan had any chance of ending in success. The angel's defensive and offensive capabilities were near perfect. The angel obliterated any moving target within a twenty kilometer radius. Its detection of threats was perfect as was its aim. If a weapon was fired at the angel from beyond twenty kilometers, the source of the attack would be pinpointed and destroyed just as surely as if it had been within the angel's threat zone. Initially the NERV strategists had thought to overwhelm the angel with multiple simultaneous strikes, but even this tactic was rendered useless by its AT field, which was estimated to be ten times stronger than the strongest field an Evangelion had ever produced.
Since no conventional weapon could harm it and there was no possible way to get close enough to neutralize the AT Field, their plan to defeat it was something wholly unconventional. Parts had been gathered from all over japan to assemble both the world's most energy resistant shield, and most penetrating sniper rifle. Though to call either a shield or gun was an understatement. The shield was assembled from layer after layer of the surface material used to help spacecraft re-enter the atmosphere. In the urgency to assemble it, some of the material had been stripped from ships that were already constructed. Shinji understood less about the positron rifle they were using, but he did understand the significance of the fact that all the electricity of Japan was being redirected in order to power the gun. Their tools held none of the elegance and cohesiveness of the massive angel assaulting them, but it was the best that mankind could do. It would be good enough, because it had to be.
Unit-01 and Unit-00 waited on the hillside just outside the Angel's attack range holding their weapon and shield respectively. Shinji was assigned the role of the sniper since his higher synchronization rate made him less likely to miss the shot. His Eva was lying prostrate on the ground so that he could use its elbows to stabilize the gun. Rei stood in front of him and slightly to side. She held her shield in front of her, ready to intercept an attack at any moment. The giant robots seemed frozen in their positions, tensely awaiting the order to action.
"Are you scared?" asked Shinji, after opening a voice-only communications link to Rei. He could feel himself perspiring into the LCL. His hands shook slightly as he kept the positron rifle trained on the angel.
"I am not," said Rei impossibly. And Shinji was reminded of the fact that she couldn't be scared. She was an empty person. He disconnected the link and concentrated on his breathing. In and out slowly, moving as little as possible. But never dead and unmoving.
"Calculating optimal trajectory for positron beam," said Ritsuko over the radio.
A red placement marker lit up on Shinji's optical display. He aligned the muzzle of the rifle with it and the marker turned green.
"Ready," said Shinji.
Ritsuko's voice was replaced by Misato. "We're powering the rifle as we speak. Be prepared to fire on my mark."
Shinji felt, more than heard, a whining hum as raw power leapt into the weapon in his hands. Twenty kilometers away the angel prepared to release its own destructive beam.
"Now," yelled Misato. Shinji pulled the trigger and watched in horror as the enemy's attack intertwined with and reflected their own. However its shot was right on target. It continued toward them faster than he could blink and he instinctively flinched away from the coming pain. A moment later he opened his eyes, utterly surprised to be still alive. Rei was standing in front of him, her shield grinding away under the enemies attack. He heard a flurry of words coming through the comm link. The rifle would be repowered in thirty seconds. Rei's shield would last for less than twenty-five.
Despite himself Shinji felt the need to speak. "Rei lets retreat. The shield won't hold out. We can regroup and take the shot from another position."
Misato was surprisingly silent about this, giving neither of them orders to obey or disobey this line of action.
"No," said Rei. "If I move the angel might target you."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "If you don't move, you'll die."
"Then I'll die," said Rei. The shield disintegrated in front of her. For a moment Unit-00's AT field held and then her last line of defense was penetrated. The Eva's armor melted away as Rei let out a high pitched scream.
"Shinji," yelled Misato. "Fire!"
Shinji stuck the rifle between Unit-00's legs. He lined up mankind's last desperate shot and fired.
Shinji wasted no time celebrating the victory or even acknowledging it. As soon as he saw the angel sinking from the sky, he reached for the back of Unit-00 and manually extracted the entry plug. Taking it into his hands, he brought it to the ground with care. He ejected his own entry plug and scrambled out of it quickly. The handle to Rei's entry plug was scalding hot, but Shinji did not care. His plug suit gave him little protection from the heat as he threw all his weight into opening the jammed door.
Most of the LCL had leaked from the plug but there was still some pooling at Rei's feet. Shinji sloshed into the liquid without thought desperately calling out to the girl siting in its center.
"Rei," he cried, tears streaming down his face. "Rei are you awake?"
To his surprise her opened slowly. She looked like she'd been through hell, but she was alive.
"You…" said Shinji stopping briefly to collect himself. "You would die for me?"
It was as much a question as it was a statement. For even though he had seen proof of this with his very eyes he couldn't believe it was true.
"Yes," said Rei quietly.
Shinji stifled a sob. He finally understood why she let him stroke her thighs without complaint. He understood what type of person would give her all to piloting and stare at ceilings for hours in her freetime. She was a girl who would follow someone around, simply because they said they liked to look at her. Rei Ayanami had nothing, yet she would give anything and everything.
Shinji stepped forward, shaking with emotion. He stood directly in front of her observing her with wonder and relief. He gently placed his hands around her neck.
"You would die for me?" he asked again. He was finally able to meet her eyes without needing or wanting to look away.
"Yes," said Rei. She was smiling.
Shinji loved her in that moment as he'd never loved another human being.
"Thank You."
The recovery team found him crying softly over Rei's body. He extracted himself from her body at the sound of intruders in the entry plug.
"You can't lock me up," said Shinji forcing the words through his tears. "I won't pilot if you do. You can't lock me up."
Someone saw the dark purple splotches on her neck and whispered the words, "My God."
It took several moments for someone to gain composure enough to call section 2.
When faced with an enemy that you cannot destroy, coercion is your only option. You must convince your enemy that it is not in their best interest to oppose your goals. Overwhelming force is the greatest tool of negotiation, but it is not the only one. It is often more practical to gain leverage over your enemy by seizing their most valuable assets. The mere promise of reward, or threat of sabotage can turn them toward your way of thinking. For an enemy deprived of reason to oppose you, is an enemy no longer.
-The Art of Engagement by Naomi Yamanaka
"Father! There's no one else! You need me!"
He'd been yelling in the dark for hours. Repeating the same things desperately. He couldn't understand why they didn't realize the truth of his words. They had to know he wasn't bluffing. If they left him locked up in his room, he would not pilot when the next angel came. Rei had offered herself as a sacrifice for his freedom. He would not waste it.
"You know you need me!" he yelled. "Do you think I'll crack? Do you think I'd be so happy to go outside that I'd do anything when you call for me? I'll let you die Father! All of you can die if you don't let me out of here! I won't even care!"
He listened to the words echo off the walls of the small room, not flinching back from them at all. He waited for a moment hoping for a response over the intercom. Instead was left muttering quietly to himself.
"You need me. You know you do."
As the silence drug on, Shinji cursed the stubbornness of NERV. They were willing to throw everyone's lives away in order to confine him. Abandon the world for a micron of control. He almost began to scream again when the door to the room opened.
Shinji rushed toward the opening, but stopped short when he saw the gun.
"Sit down," said Naomi softly. It was a command, but there was an edge of pleading to it as well. He instantly saw the gun as bluff. But he remembered the slaps she'd delivered to his face and decided to follow her directions. The fact that she was here meant that they were willing to negotiate. He held all the cards. He had already won.
Naomi stood in the doorway studying his face. He must not have seemed too threatening as she walked over to his bed and took a seat a foot away. She lowered her gun to her side, but did not let it go.
"I came to apologize," she said. Shinji could only stare at her in confusion. "I taught you to fight but not what's worth fighting for. I taught you to value yourself above everyone else. Even your closest friend."
Shinji shook his head. "She died for me. She wanted to."
Naomi assessed him quietly. "I believe you," she said with a nod. "What concerns me is that you would ask that of her. That you would knowingly put the whole of human existence at jeopardy for your own sake."
"Why should I care about anyone else? Rei didn't care about her own life. Everyone else used me and ignored me."
"Yes," said Naomi. "We used you. But we used you to save you. As long as you were saving humanity, you were also safe. You understand that when it comes to saving humanity, the happiness of any single person is secondary."
Shinji shook his head. "None of that matters now. Right now I'm the only pilot you have. And I won't pilot if I have to live here."
"You can't leave, Shinji."
"You're in no position to keep me here," he said. He wasn't gloating. It was fact. "You need me."
Naomi pointed the gun at his head. Shinji instinctively flinched away.
"No we don't."
"You won't shoot me," said Shinji, uncertainty creeping into his voice.
Naomi looked sad as she spoke. "You don't have all the facts. If you did, you would have known that there was nothing you could do to derail our plans."
"I'm the only pilot you have." Shinji mentally measured the distance between the bed and the door.
"Rei Ayanami is not dead."
He looked at her as if she were crazy. "Yes she is."
"Believe what you want," said Naomi. "It doesn't matter. The second child is coming here from Germany next week."
Shinji looked as if he'd been struck. He hadn't known there was a second child. But he hadn't bothered to ask. He knew Rei was the first and he was the third. It was a ridiculous oversight. His mind desperately tried to work around it.
"Okay," said Shinji. "Okay. Even if Rei is… even if she is… you still need me. It took both of us to kill the last angel. Who says the next battle won't require all three of us?"
"I'm sorry," said Naomi. Tears were streaming from her eyes. "You proved you're willing to do anything for your own sake. And you're now privy to top secret information that cannot be trusted in your hands."
Shinji edged slowly forward. Naomi could see him doing this and she had to know what his intentions were, but he didn't care.
"If Father wanted me dead, he could have come himself," he said bitterly. He tried to make it sound natural. Ignoring the rapid beating of his heart.
"I requested to do this," Naomi confessed. "I owe you this much."
Shinji edged closer.
"He wanted me to give you a message: he says that he's proud."
Shinji felt tears falling down his cheek as he slowly edged closer to Naomi. He was almost within arm's reach of the gun. So close to freedom he could taste it.
"It's okay," said Naomi. "It was never your fault."
A single gunshot sounded through the halls of NERV.
BAD END!
Omake
Gendo stood in the doorway addressing his son.
"Your mother wanted more for you than mere survival. She wanted you to have to world. It was a selfish and ambitious goal, but as you know, selfish ambition is the mark of all us Ikaris. She would have been sad to see how things ended for you, but she would have been proud. Proud as I am proud."
"You reached out with your hands for all that you could grasp. Willing to stand against any enemy. Able to sacrifice anything. But through no fault of your own the enemy you stood against was far too strong. Yet you still fought on."
Gendo threw the gun in his hand into the hallway behind him.
"Those of the Ikari blood fight to the last. We anchor ourselves to this life and never willingly let go. If you are any son of mine, you will die as you've lived."
The man slowly took off his sunglasses and placed them in the pocket of his jacket. He then removed the jacket and threw it on the floor.
"Come at me BRO!" said Gendo.
Shinji rose from the bed and charged with a scream, "I'm comin' at you bro!"
The battle that followed would go down in history as being extremely badass, yo.
AN: Well you guys voted yourself into a bad end. Although I will take some blame for it as I did kind of goad you all into it a little bit. I think I'm going to take a break from writing this story and focus some more on my original works. But I may come back in the future and start with one of the earlier un-chosen choices so that we could see what life would be like on the other side of the fence. In the meantime, you guys can still look forward to the continuation of The Mustachioed Cat and Midnight Cereal's branches whenever they come out. I know I'll be reading them with interest.
Hope you enjoyed this.
PS – I really hope someone got the 80's rock music reference in the first scene.