A/N: So, there had been number of fics where Jim gets chewed for dating Spock, or Spock gets chewed for dating Jim… I thought it needs to be changed – so when I found this prompt asking for Gaila being BAMF and delivering 'the talk' to Spock, I thought a dream is about to come true!
Disclaimer: I own nothing; I just like playing pranks at my character. I know, I'm terrible – but it's not my fault, the Dark Side offered cookies!
Team Kirk Versus Rest of the World
Gaila had been seriously pissed off.
No, she wasn't just pissed off. She was fucking furious at, basically, everyone. So, the First Officer and Captain hooked up. That was great, no? Means much less scowls on the Bridge, which in turn means higher morale of the whole crew. What's not to like about it?!
Obviously, there had been quite a lot, according to opinions of some people.
Not that anyone could blame Uhura for not being completely over the moon that her ex-boyfriend (who was now supposed to be 'only' her friend – as if Gaila was stupid enough to believe that so soon after the fateful break up) hooked up with someone she was infamous for disliking.
Not that it was in any way surprising that Chapel, woman almost infamous for her crush on their First Officer, was not very favourable towards the relationship, and kept of giving Jim sour looks whenever she saw him – which, given how accident-prone he was, was quite often.
It also wasn't very surprising that this Janice Lester woman they met some time ago, and who had her eye on Jim, was spreading not very nice gossips about Jim – who wouldn't be bitter when a handsome man declines your advances?
But saying that Jim was player, when in truth he was everything BUT, that was somehow over the top.
When she heard Uhura threatening Jim with various bodily harm at various occasions – usually the whole monologue carried on "you hurt Spock, I'll rip certain part of your body off" note, with Jim only silently nodding, leaving Uhura shining with success. Gaia didn't quite understand that. What use would it serve to threaten someone with hurting them? She thought Spock was an adult man; after all, shouldn't it be him speaking with Jim like that?
She asked Doctor McCoy about that. Leonard knew her long before they tried to – unsuccessfully – hit it off with Jim, as he had been the doctor who gave her her pheromones suppressants, and right now he was the only human she could possibly ask about Uhura's strange behaviour, who wouldn't laugh in her face for not knowing that.
"That was something what is usually referred as 'the talk', sweetheart," he told her. "Usually delivered by older brothers or close friends, meant to warn the suitors to be damn careful lest there will be punitive expedition sent after them, if they fuck up."
"And is it always so… vicious, Leo?" she asked. That made Leonard to look at her fully. "How vicious you mean, darlin'?"
She quoted some of Uhura's best line. The ones with balls ripped off. The one about people being skinned alive, salt poured over them and then their skin sewed back again. The one about tongues being ripped off. The ones about broken legs. The ones about insulting messages being sent to various, and mostly very important, people.
To say that Leonard had been boiling in anger when she finished would be an understatement, Gaila thought.
"No, Gaila," he said after a short moment when he calmed down enough to be able to answer, "the talk is not always like that, and I would have thought that someone of Uhura's intelligence knows that."
"Uhm, and Leo?" she asked one last question before she left. "Since I'm Jim's friend, does that mean I get to deliver the talk, too?"
"That it does, Gaila, that it does," he answered with amused smile. Oh, marvellous. Now just Gaila needed to think of the perfect approach to deliver her message.
No one gets to mess with her friend on her watch. No one.
She spent several shifts by thinking it over. She needs to be perfectly clear, that with Spock's (supposed) lack of understanding of Terran idioms, and the weapons at her disposal. And then she decided to strike.
"Commander, a moment of your time, if I may. In private," she stressed the last word, successfully taking Spock's attention from whatever he was talking to Uhura about, making him give her curious eyebrow move and a slight nod that yes, he does have a moment he's willing to give her, and she was fully determined to take advantage of that as she led him to one deserted observation room. Once there, she turned to face Spock and glared at him for some time, filled with glee when she noticed him to shift minutely under her glare.
"So, Commander," she drawled, proud at herself for how serious she sounded (for once). "I noticed several times that your ex-girlfriend took to threaten your current boyfriend and that you did nothing about that. So let me tell you one thing."
She paused for a short moment, noticing how his ears perked at the word 'threaten'.
"If Uhura is allowed to threaten Jim with bodily harm, I, sure as hell, am allowed to return the favour – in Jim's favour." She stepped in Spock's personal space, allowing her pheromones to drift around for a little, just enough for him to notice them. "You hurt Jim, in the breaking his heart sense, I'll break not only your face, but that computer-like brain of yours. Can you sense my pheromones?" she asked, waiting only for a quick nod. "I can start produce them so quickly that all I need is a really short time to make your brain melt and drip outta those pointy ears of yours. I can do that, and I will, if you hurt Jim," she repeated. "Is that clear?"
If Spock was alarmed by what she told him, he didn't show it all that much, but she had good feeling that she spoke up for Jim. He deserved someone backing him up.
Uhura had taken to give her glares for some time afterwards (she obviously got chewed by Spock and Leonard, Gaila thought), but who would care for glares, when she got her point across and her dear friend was happy.
And if Jim gave her extra big and long hug next day while whispering 'thanks, Gaila', she sure wasn't one to complain.