"I need to break up with him." Santana announces as she walks into her apartment.
"From what Blaine tells me, yes you do." Sebastian chimes in. Santana turns to the couch and is surprised to find both Blaine and Sebastian on the couch.
"Oh hey, you're here." She says sheepishly, a little embarrassed about the comment she made earlier.
"I told him about the situation with Puck." Blaine explains.
"You really should just kick him to the curb." Sebastian says. Santana nods in agreement and makes her way over to the couch and sits down.
"Wait, Blaine. What exactly did you tell him?" Santana sits up and looks over at Blaine on the other side of the couch. Sebastian giggles and puts his hand on Santana's knee.
"It's not a secret Santana, don't be afraid." He says softly. Santana's mouth goes dry and her stomach drops as she looks into Sebastian's eyes, she looks at Blaine who has a worried look on his face. Santana gets up and runs to her bedroom and slams the door.
"Did I say someth-" Sebastian asks but before he can finish Blaine goes to Santana's room where she's sitting on the floor beside her bed, hugging her knees. Blaine sits next to her and puts an arm around her.
"Hey, it's okay. Don't worry."
"I'm not worried." She says icily.
"You're afraid."
"Fucking 22 year old closeted freak." She mutters into her knees.
"It's okay, you're not a freak. It's completely understandable why you act this way and why you're not out, yet. It's fine."
"No it's not, it's pathetic."
"It is not pathetic, it's just how you are. You're not very open to begin with, this is just another facet of your personality."
"I am so fucking weak."
"Santana, they sent you to that stupid religious camp when you first told them."
"I am grown up, now. I shouldn't care about what they think."
"You're still depending on them though."
"I just need to pass the bar and I won't need their stupid money anymore."
"When's your exam?"
"January 12th."
"You have time." He says to her, he squeezes her shoulder.
"I know." She finally says and smiles at him.
"I'm sorry about Sebastian, it's not his business."
"It's okay. I just still panic, sometimes." She wipes away a lone tear that managed to slide down her face before and stands up, Blaine joins her and they walk back to the living room where Sebastian's ready to apologize, before he can, Blaine shakes his head and raises his hand so that he knows it's not necessary and that it's best to just forget it. Santana takes the seat next to Sebastian and grabs the remote. They sit in silence for a few seconds watching Rambo until Santana gets up.
"Let's go out."
"Breadstix?" Blaine suggests, as if there's any other restaurant to eat at.
"Yes sir." She walks to her room and grabs a jacket and they all make their way out of the apartment and into Santana's old mini cooper that her dad gave her when she graduated with Sebastian and Blaine in the backseat.
"Don't get any of your boy fluids on my seats, okay? I'll kick your asses out in the middle of the Lima Heights for all I care." She yells, they both giggle and nod silently. It's a nice drive to the restaurant, they all make small idle talk and enjoy the accepting atmosphere that they're in.
"So is this just a pasta place?" Sebastian asks as he skims the menu.
"Yea, pretty much." Blaine says to him.
"I remember this great little past place in Florence, it's completely out of the way and it's also near some of the more 'red light' sectors of Florence, but damn their Bucatini all'Amatriciana is to die for." Blaine tried to nod as genuinely as possible, even though he didn't even know what Bucatini all'Amatriciana even was, Santana ignored it since she didn't really care.
"Oh Santana, how's Brittany?" Sebastian asks, Santana's neck nearly snaps in half as she looks up at him. She glares at Blaine whose trying to avoid any and all eye contact with Santana.
"Santana, trust me. I hooked up with my English professor at NYU tons of times. I totally understand." Blaine turned to Sebastian completely confused since he's never heard that story before.
"It's not about sex." Santana mumbles without look at Blaine or Sebastian.
"Oh, feelings. That must suck." Sebastian says, Blaine hits him in the arm and Santana tries to look for a waitress. Sebastian always had a way to make things a little awkward, but Blaine loved him and Santana had to accept that and Sebastian. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Blaine whispered to Sebastian.
"I was just trying to comfort her, I'm sorry." Sebastian says back.
"I'm sorry Santana."
"It's okay."
~unf~
Tonight, Santana had a date with Puck. Santana was going to break up with Puck because it wasn't fair to Puck for her to use him, he wasn't that bad of a guy and he didn't deserve it. It wasn't fair to Brittany because it's not like she was dating anyone on the side, she was completely invested and Santana needed to show her that she was too. And lastly, it wasn't fair to Santana, it was time for her to stop living in so many lies.
"Baby, you look-" Puck hoots before actually taking a look at Santana but once he acknowledges her jeans and the tshirt she was wearing, he let the sentence falter.
"I know, I'm not dressed up but I didn't think it would be necessary." Puck sighs, he knows what's coming. He's known for a while.
"I just can't do this anymore, Noah. This is all just one big lie and I'm sorry that I used you and you're a great guy and you need someone who will like you as much as you like them. Okay? I can't give that to you, Puck, but I want you to know that I do care about you and even if you're not interested in us being friends right now, you will always have me as a friend." Santana waits for a verbal response but instead, she gets a hug, Puck understands now. The swift glances at girls walking by, the uninterested look during sex, he really understands now.
"San, it's fine. Trust me, it's totally fine. If all you needed was a lezbro, all you had to do was ask." He says during the hug, Santana warms up to the hug and squeezes back as she nods into his shoulder. They pull apart and smile at each other.
"So do you want to come in?" Puck asks. Santana nods and they go inside and crash on his raggedy old couch.
"I totally knew that the only reason a girl wouldn't like the Puckasaurus was because she wasn't into Puckasauruses to begin with." Santana laughs at his comment and Puck realizes that that's the first time he's ever heard Santana genuinely laugh at something he's said.
"So do you like anyone?" Puck asks with a raised eyebrow, Santana playfully slaps his knee.
"Not in a perverted way, I just wanna know what's going on with you." Santana thinks for a few seconds.
"Her name's Brittany."
"Oh? Sounds fun."
"She is very fun."
"So are you gonna get on that, Lopez?"
"It's not that easy."
"Why not?"
"It's kind of frowned upon."
"Gay relationships aren't that big of a deal anymo-"
"No, not because of that. It's something else."
"What is it?" Santana examines the possibilities of her telling Puck about Brittany. Puck searches her face to find some answers but decides to just wait for her answer.
"Well. She's my." A long pause.
"Out with it, San."
"She's my student." Puck looks straight at Santana with a silent 'oh'. Santana looks away shamefully.
"Hey, it's okay. Just surprising."
"Oh, I know exactly how surprising it is."
"Is she the blonde cheerleader in your glee club thing?" Puck asks.
"Which blonde are you referring to?"
"The one that was sitting in the front."
"Yea, that's her." "She totally feels the same way, Lopez. When I sang that song to you, it looked like she wanted to rip my jaw off." Santana chuckles and nods at Puck's observation.
"Yea, I know she does."
"You should go for it."
"I want to."
"Then why are you sitting here?"
"You asked me to come in."
"Now, I'm asking you to leave." Puck says standing up and walking towards the door, Santana follows him and he doesn't let her leave without another hug.
"If you ever need a beard, for like your parents or anything. I'm here." Santana gave him a smile and walked outside. When she finally gets home, Santana runs past Blaine and Sebastian making out on the couch, she figures that she can yell at them about that later, she opens the drawer on her night table and runs her fingers through everything until she feels a thin piece of paper. She pulls it out and looks at it. 'Brittany S. Pierce' is written neatly along the top of slip of paper and just reading the name is enough for Santana to bite her lip. Yes, she brought it from school a few weeks ago. In her mind, having Brittany's number in her night table was a little like sleeping next to Brittany or waking up to Brittany by her side and even if it was just a fraction of what it would feel like if Brittany was actually there, it would be enough for Santana. She whipped her phone out and dialed quickly. She pressed the phone up against her ear and waited, her heart increasing in speed every time she would hear the ring.
"Hello?" Santana sits down; since she doesn't really think her knees will hold her up any longer.
"Hi Brittany."
"Santana?" Brittany's ecstatic that she could finally use Santana's first name, she's wanted to ever since she heard Blaine say it at Breadstix.
"Yea. It's me." Santana says, with a short intake of breath.
"Do you want me to come over?" Brittany asks, remembering why she gave Santana her number in the first place.
"No, actually. I just wanted to let you know that I broke up with him. It's just you and me now, okay?" Brittany doesn't think she's ever smiled wider, not even when she got her math grade to a B or when her GPA was higher than a 2. Not even leprechauns riding unicorns could get Brittany to smile this big.
"Oh wow. That's so awesome." Brittany replies, Santana giggles and relaxes a little.
"Yea, Brittany. It is awesome."
"So are we?"
"If you want us to be."
"I want us to be."
"Yes, then."
"Can I see you, Santana?"
"As in come over?" Santana gets up and looks into the living room where Blaine and Sebastian are watching Say Yes To The Dress and Sebastian's talking about some dress shop in France that was just to 'die for.' Santana thinks about bringing Brittany in, introducing her to Blaine and Sebastian as her girlfriend. A simple 'this is Brittany, and she's my girlfriend.' They could just sit with Blaine and Sebastian and watch a movie and just talk calmly. Or was that jus a pipe dream? Is Santana just setting herself up to fail? Is she just tricking herself into believing that her and Brittany would be the exception? Is she just ignoring the fact that Brittany will graduate and go off to college and live a life with new experiences with new people and new boyfriends or girlfriends? So many questions at once start to make Santana feel as if she's breathing through a thin straw, basically just drowning in every vicious thought that her mind wants to put her through.
"Santana?"
"Yea, I don't know. Brittany, I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
"But I thought that maybe we could-"
"Tomorrow, okay? Bye." Santana hung up and threw the phone across her bedroom and let it fall to the floor with a loud thud.
"You are so stupid, Santana Lopez."
Shit, I am sorry for the wait. This was supposed to be like a Christmas present but I got all hesitant because the original version of this chapter was in first person point of view but I didn't know if it would work too well so I had to change it, last minute. But if you guys as readers would enjoy a first person point of view please tell me in the reviews. Yea, okay. I hope this was okay and you enjoyed it. Love, Bella.
P.S. Sorry about some of the formatting in this chapter it got all screwed up when I uploaded it. Sorry.