50 Reasons to Have Sex BBC Sherlock

by mystic7194

In How I Met Your Mother they create a list of 50 Reasons to Have Sex. I've written a fic for every reason. The fics are mostly slash from different fandoms including Sherlock, Supernatural, Grimm, and Glee. Most fics stand alone. This story contains the BBC Sherlock fics. Visit my profile for fics in other fandoms. see each chapter for specific warnings, pairings, ext.

9. Reason 22: Stress Relief

Spoilers: None Pairing: moriatry/moran Length: 331 words Rating: PG-13

Warning: sex references, violence, insanity, general moriarty-ness

Summary: Moriarty needs Moran to relieve his boredom… with his penis.

Moran is tracking his target (some portly businessman who had requested Moriarty's help and then fled the country to avoid paying up) using the scope on his favorite rifle when 'I Can't Decide' by the Scissor Sisters suddenly begins blaring from his jacket pocket. His bloody psychopath of a boss has been messing with his ringtone again.

"What?" Moran answers the call.

"How rude, Sebbie." Speak of the devil. "Who taught you to answer a telephone? The correct way of answering is 'hello' or, if you believe Alexander Graham Bell, 'ahoy'."

"Hello, Boss," Moran says without looking away from his target. "I'm almost done here. Do you have another job for me?"

"Shoot the fat bastard and come back," Moriarty commands. "I am surrounded by IDIOTS. I need your cock pounding into me to make the stupid stop. Otherwise I'm going to slaughter all of them. That would be unfortunate because you know how hard it is to find an even remotely tolerable henchman. And if I kill them all there won't be anyone to clean up the blood."

"I'm in Budapest, Boss," Moran reminds him. "It'll take me a couple hours to get home."

"That's why I came to you, Sebbie," Moriarty sing-songs. "I'm lying naked on the bed in your hotel room right now."

"I'll be right there."

"Don't keep me waiting," Moriarty commands. "I packed a suitcase full of C4 in case you fail at relaxing me." Moriarty hangs up before Moran can answer.

Moran quickly dispatches his target and heads back to his hotel room. Moran estimates he's got about 20 minutes before his boss starts blowing things up (probably without bothering to put his clothes back on).

AN: I chose Moran's ring tone because that is one of The Master's favorite songs (from Dr. Who) and BBC Moriarty reminds me of The Master. It just seems to fit.

I love writing in Moriarty's voice. It's very fun. This is possibly my favorite chapter of this fic.

FYI: I answer my phone 'ahoy' sometimes.