AN: Once again, thanks for all the reviews, they really mean a lot. Sadly, only one chapter for today thanks to Thanksgiving but I hope you enjoy all the same.
Bond walked into the hospital room and was surprised to see Q asleep. It was ten o'clock and the man was always up by now. The agent walked over to him, looking down at his face. Q didn't look peaceful though, his eyes crunched up and his body seeming stiff.
Sighing, Bond made to move away, deciding it best not to awake him when suddenly a hand grabbed his. It seemed that Q wasn't asleep after all.
"Please . . . stay Bond," Q said softly, his eyes still shut. His voice made it obvious that something wasn't right.
Slowly Bond got a chair, sitting down beside Q. "What's wrong?" he asked softly. "What happened?"
Finally, Q opened his eyes. They were red from all the crying he had done. "I . . . I remember, everything that happened. Down to each . . . finite detail I remember and . . . and . . . why did I have to remember James? Why?"
Bond stayed silent. As Q's hand was still clasped in his, 007 squeezed it slightly, meaning it as a comforting gesture. After several deep breaths, Q began to talk again.
"You would think that gaining back lost memories would make a person feel whole wouldn't you? If I had guessed, I would say the person would most likely feel completed once they knew everything about themselves again.
"That's not how I feel though," Q continued, his voice trembling every few words. "I feel pain, and emptiness. I regret everything that I've done and . . . I feel broken now. Not whole but cracked, maimed if you will."
"Q," Bond said softly, "nothing was ever your fault—"
"You don't have to tell me that. I understand now but I am only human. I still can't help but place the guilt on myself."
"And what about . . . your other self? Is he still . . . there?"
"Yes and no," Q replied. "He's not a separate mind anymore. He's part of me again but, a distant part of me. Like when you have built up anger, it's similar to that."
"But it's you?"
"It's me. I'm myself in all this pain and destruction."
"It's going to be alright now though," Bond argued.
"How? I have no career now. I wouldn't be surprised if I spent my time in a prison or mental institution for the rest of my life. I still have my mind but where would I be able to work and put it to good use? Then there's of course the fact that I still really can't move most of my—"
Q suddenly stopped, though it would've been impossible to keep going anyway as Bond's lips softly met his. It was soft and sweet and over way to soon as Bond was quickly already pulling back.
The former quartermaster couldn't help the look of confusion that passed over his face. "What was that for? Did you not just hear what I just said? Have you not seen all the things I've done?"
"Yes, I have and if you're going to ask if I forgive you, that's a yes. Besides, you've beat yourself up over this enough."
"You can't just give me a kiss and say it's all better!"
"I never said it's all better," Bond replied softly. "If I could, I would try and heal you of your physical and emotional pain but that takes time and even then you can't eradicate other people's memories of what someone has done. I kissed you and said I forgive you, so that way you might not burden yourself with as much guilt as you already do."
"Then you will be the only person because only a miracle could convince anyone else to forgive me."
"What of M then? Of Tanner? Tanner is your friend and M, though not a friend, most certainly is a very close colleague. How could they not forgive you? Have you never thought that they would prefer you putting yourself down because of what you did? If you put yourself down, that means you have a heart again. That means there's a reason to forgive you, to help you."
"No one cares about me that much," Q replied.
"I most certainly do so why is it so hard to believe that no one else would?" Bond asked. When Q didn't respond he continued, "You're my Q now. Yes you're hurt and broken, yes not everything is alright but you're my Q again and if you can fix all those new inventions I broke then I can most certainly fix you."
He actually laughed at that little remark. It reminded Q of a simpler time, when all he had to worry about was how badly damaged one of his gadgets would be after a mission. "You never did know when to enough was enough when it came to my inventions. You seemed to destroy each one just as quickly as I built another," Q remarked quietly, a small smile on his lips.
"As much of a lie as it may seem, I do try to be careful," replied Bond, now smiling as well. "Would you like to see M?"
Q was silent for a while. He did want to see him, talk to him about what was to happen now, but at the same time he was afraid of what would be said. Still, he eventually said, "Yes, I'd like to see him . . . right now actually."
"Alright, I'll go call him then," Bond said. "I'm sure he'll get out of any boring meeting after what I tell him."
Bond began to leave when suddenly Q stopped him by saying, "Bond, when I'm well enough . . . I'd like to visit 006's gravesite. If that's alright."
"That's perfectly fine Q."