Cenobite Warrior: Holiday Specials
Disclaimer: I own nothing, but my OC characters. Any other characters, items or otherwise written in this fic belong to their creators. I would do a list, but that would take up the whole fic.
APRIL FOOL'S DAY!
BUSTER: Hey everybody, and welcome to this very special chapter of Cenobite Warrior...the Mother's Day special...
RURRLOCK: BUSTER!
BUSTER: What?
RURRLOCK: I've told you already, this is the April Fools Day special!
BUSTER: But then how come we're releasing it today?
RURRLOCK: There were...complications on the day itself. So I've released it now.
BUSTER: Oh, so what about the Mother's Day Special?
RURRLOCK: There is no Mother's Day Special! Now introduce the chapter otherwise I'll deduct your pay!
BUSTER: You don't even pay me at all, I'm not real, I'm a fan character remember.
RURRLOCK: Do you want Basil Brush to replace you...
BUSTER: We now present the Cenobite Warrior April Fool's Day special.
RURRLOCK: He, he, he...gets him everytime.
Why So Serious? Seriously Why?
''BUSTER!''
''Yeah Simon?''
''Why is my bed made of jelly? And don't try and blame it on any of your slasher villain enemies, I know you did it!''
''Okay Simon, it was me. But I had a very special reason for doing so!''
''Oh, and what reason would that be?''
''A very special one''.
''WHAT?''
…
…
…
''April fool's…HA, HA, HA!'' The Cenobite Warrior Buster laughed his head off, so loud he almost broke Simon's eye drums, who was only sitting right next to him on their school bus. Seated behind the two were Buster's two friends Carrie and Lindsey, and on the other side was his best friend Zeke taking his time with his ice cream cone that he snuck onto the bus.
Simon rubbed his ear trying to ease the pain and then turned back to his little brother ''I swear, one of these days, I'm going to murder you!''
''Then you're going to have to wait a while'' Lindsey cut in ''The list of people that want Buster's head is Great Wall of China long as it is''.
''Frankly I'm not surprised'' Simon muttered.
''Oh cheer up Simon, today isn't a day you should feel down'' Buster said.
''That's how you feel about every day'' Carrie pointed out.
''Maybe, but April fool's day is a day were people can joke about and get a good laugh from it'' He said. It was true, I know I've written this for every other holiday special there is, but this was the one day that Buster wished would last every day, spreading laughter throughout the world with pranks and jokes.
''You said it buddy'' Zeke shouted out, and then taking another lick of his ice cream…well he would, if his tongue didn't get stuck on it, frozen like sticking your tongue on an icicle ''Hpphhp…I stuk…I stuk…'' He mumbled trying to break his tongue free from the frozen treat. While the others looked a bit worried, they brought their attention back to Buster when they saw his sniggering…
''Buster!''
''What? Oh yeah…APRIL FOOLS ZEKE! Ha, ha, ha, ha!'' He chuckled again, and then fired one of his chains getting a direct hit of the ice cream, causing it to explode over Zeke's face. But Zeke didn't care if he was now covered in strawberry; it just meant more for him to lick. Buster LOL'd again, but the others weren't as amused.
''Buster, don't you think you're taking this a little too seriously?'' Lindsey asked.
''It was just a little joke. And besides, this is April fool's day; I doubt there's anyone that can take jokes too far today''
Famous last words anyone?
Then Lindsey realized something ''Hey, since when do we take a school bus?''
RURRLOCK: Okay, so that's the chapter over, see ya hope you enjoyed it…No, just kidding. April fools spirit.
''AHHHHH!'' The half-naked blond teen girl screamed her lungs off as she ran down the road, praying that someone would hear her and help her…but despite how loud she could scream, no one bothered to help her out. Despite nothing on the ground, she trips over, and despite having enough time to get back up and run again, she just stays on the ground and looks back to see her chaser now standing over her…Michael Myers himself.
''Please don't kill me, please, I'm still a virgin, you can be my first if you want…you're not over 35 are you though? Cause I hear that some guys over 35 have this really crabby…'' Michael just ignored the girl's pleas like he did with all the others, victims were victims it didn't matter. As she carried on with her speech now talking about how she went on dates with her teacher's parents; Michael raised his favorite choice of weapon, the deadly kitchen knife, higher until he knew it was at the perfect distance for the killer blow.
The two were so wrapped up in the cliché and boring kill, that neither of them noticed the man hole cover they were over; and because they didn't notice that, they also didn't notice the mysterious green mist rising from out of it. The mist picked up with the wind, and soon the fumes were breathed in by the girl first; and before Michael could finish her…the girl started laughing. As she tried to tell her story, she would break up into a fit of laughs; this was quite strange for Michael, never had his targets actually laughed when he was about to kill them. He then noticed the green mist that he had now just breathed in…for years, he had never uttered a word or sound, and in one quick breath…Michael Myers was laughing. The two of them just laughed till they'd wet their pants, as the green mist casually drifted into the houses nearby, and soon more hysterical laughter echoed so loud it would make a Family Guy episode sound like a speech at a funeral.
''AHHHHH!''
''Ha, ha, APRIL FOOLS!'' Buster laughed at his latest prank that resulted in Simon getting covered in chicken feathers. As Simon now gave chase in hopes of finally strangling his brother; Lindsey and Carrie watched from the side.
''Do you think Buster's letting the pranks get to his head a bit?'' Carrie asked her friend.
''He's just a kid having some fun, besides, he's not the type to do anything harmful''.
…
…
…
''Well not deliberately''.
''That's just boys for you, I don't really do pranks, well my mum would kill me if I ever thought of celebrating anything other than Christmas…and even then it feels like a normal day''.
''Your mother really gives Christians a bad name''.
''I don't know…but still like I said…'' Carrie stopped what she was saying as she opened her locker door and found something out of place inside, well more like something new in its place ''Hey somebody left me a gift'' She squealed, she wasn't the type to get presents from anybody.
''What is it?'' Lindsey asked now just as excited, she loved it when her or her friends got free stuff. And her eyes just lit up more when she saw what Carrie now had in her hands; a golden cube, it looked kinda like a puzzle box with all the weird black markings…this was so going to go on e-bay later. But she didn't want to disrespect her friend ''So who sent it?'' She asked.
''You know the cheerleader Chris Hargensen?''
''I thought she hated you?''
''She does…'' Carrie said but then the realization came to her, and her face was now one filled with disappointment ''Oh, I get it, April Fools. Making it look like someone's giving me a present when really they haven't. Should have known''.
Although Lindsey couldn't help but feel sorry for her friend, she wasn't really paying that much attention, something about the box seemed to be calling her. At first, she thought it was just the thought of the price tag this little box could have, but it was like there was a tiny little voice inside her head telling her to take it, well Carrie obviously looked like she didn't want to keep it anymore ''Hey Carrie, tell you what, why don't I take this thing off you and you can just act like this never happened. Forget Chris Hagrid Potter and her silly pranks''.
''Thanks Lindsey, you're always looking out for…''
''Yeah that's great can I have the box now'' She got out quickly, and even quicker she grabbed the box from her friend and let her fingers glide over the markings gently yet forcefully at the same time ''Hey I think I can get this box to open''.
''Buster! If you're not dead in five seconds, I'm going to maim you myself and then let your slasher buddies pick you off. This isn't fair come down from here!'' Simon yelled at Buster, who was now hanging on the ceiling thanks to the chains he summoned, using them as a hammock. He even had enough to make another one for Zeke who starting swinging on his.
''Hey Buster, I've just realized something'' Zeke said.
''Yeah?''
''Well, in the main fic you're stuck in the past. How come for this special you're back in present day''.
''That's a good question, see what happened is…''
Buster's speech was faded out by Simon's continued rant ''BUSTER YOU LITTLE (Beep)! YOU SON OF A (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) (Beep)! I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR (Beep) AND SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR…''
''Wow'' Zeke said amazed by Buster's story ''So then if that happened then why hasn't…''
Simon continued with his rant '' (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) AND THEN (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) ON YOUR (Beep)…''
''Well the reason for that is…'' Buster answered as Simon went on.
''(Beep) WITH (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) IN THE (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) AND (Beep) (Beep) YOUR (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) (Beep) AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO (Beep) SIDEWAYS...(Beep)!''
''See'' Buster finished.
''Oh I get it. Hey, what's with the light over there?'' Zeke asked pointing down the hallway to see a blue bright light source emitting, so bright they couldn't even see what was making it ''Is that another one of your pranks?''
''No, not mine. Hey, weren't Lindsey and Carrie standing over there? AHHHH!'' Buster screamed as two chains fired from out of the blue light aiming right for him. He and Zeke leaped off of the chain hammocks and crashed onto the ground below…actually they crashed on top of Simon.
From out of the blue light, five figures emerged, five very familiar looking Cenobites to our group, led by none other than the very authoritive, very powerful, very British Pinhead ''So we meet again boy'' He grinned. From behind him, Chatterer and Butterball both had a tight grip on Lindsey and Carrie.
Simon pulled himself from under Buster and Zeke, and sighed with annoyance seeing Pinhead and his crew ''Oh great, it's the 70's punk rejects again. As if one half-witted Cenobite wasn't bad enough''.
''Simon! You called me a half-wit!'' Buster gasped as he picked himself up ''That's so cool, the other day you only called me a quarter-wit'' Finally he noticed Pinhead and the other Cenobites standing in front of him; which he was about to give his normal happy greetings too, until he noticed them holding his two friends hostage ''Hey, let them go!''
''Not yet'' Pinhead spat back ''We still have some business to take care with you; you stole the very secrets from within centuries of Hell's secrets, and we demand you return them!''
''Hey, I'm not the one who decided to have superpowers, as cool as they are. But fine, you can have them back!''
Pinhead tilted his head to the side in confusion, and the other Cenobites were just as surprised ''What trickery is this? Why are you now so willing to give us your…I mean our powers back?''
''No real reason really…it's just that…come closer please'' He monitored for Pinhead to lean in closer. Reluctantly, the Prince of Pain did so, leaning his head down until his ear was right next to Buster's mouth, and finally after a few tense seconds of silence, Buster whispered ''April fools''.
…
…
…
BAM! In frustration, Pinhead slaps Buster hard, the boy going right through someone's locker. Pinhead grabs him by the collar and lifts him up, so his feet weren't even touching the ground anymore ''You dare mock me with your childish banters. I shall enjoy your suffering as if it were all the pain and pleasure that I have known. You shall…ha, ha…you shall pay for, ha, ha, ha, ha…what's hap, ha, ha, ha, what am I…ha, ha, HA, HA, HA, HA!'' Pinhead was now laughing uncontrollable, so much so that he let go of Buster and was on the ground rolling around chuckling like a maniac.
Everyone around just stared blank faced and unsure of what to do; the Cenobite's commander and chief was jumping about all over the place with ha, ha, ha's. Angelique stepped forward and grabbed Pinhead ''Xipe, what has gotten into you?''
''I don't…ha, ha, ha…I don't know, ha, ha, ha! But I…ha, ha, ha, ha, can't, ha, ha, ha, stop laughing, ha, ha, ha!''
''Well control yourself, we still have to…ha, ha, we still have the boy to…ha, ha, ha…oh no, now I can't stop, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!'' Angelique soon joined him in a fit of the giggles that had them both in stitches in seconds.
''See, they get the joke'' Buster said, recovering from Pinhead's hit.
Simon walked over to him ''Buster, they're not laughing at your…ha, ha…silly…ha, ha, ha…immature…HA, HA, HA, HA!''
''Simon? Guys?'' Buster looked around and saw that everyone was laughing their heads off like mad; the Cenobites, Pinhead, Angelique, even all of his friends couldn't stop laughing non-stop. Upon closer inspection, Buster could see something in the air, something misty and green, some kind of laughing gas? And upon even closer inspection, Buster followed the trail and saw where the gas was coming from…the puzzle box itself. But not directly from it, there was something attached to the box, it looked like a playing card with a joker on it…only this joker didn't look like a traditional one, but it had a purple suit, pale white face, green hair and a big red smile.
''Greeting Cenobite Warrior! HA! HA! HA! HA!'' The Joker on the card actually spoke and moved! This must be some hologram. And that's when Buster knew this was no ordinary joker…but THE Joker!
Buster took the card ''Joker? Hey listen I don't have time right now, some guy is releasing a laughing gas causing everyone to…well laugh''.
''Really?'' Joker replied sarcastically going along with Buster's obliviousness ''That's terrible, what kind of cruel heartless man would do such a thing…I WOULD! HA! HA! HA! April fool's Day Buster!''
''You're doing this? You fiend! But wait, how come I'm not affected?''
''Cause where would the fun in that be? I know about your powers coming from the box, a little accident it may have seemed, but still it was the box. So thanks to a little Batman wizardry that I borrowed…no heck I stole it, your blood is immune to the effects of my gas. You see, I'm a big fan of yours Buster!''
''Really?'' Buster said excitedly.
''Oh yes, I've read Cenobite Warrior since the start in fact. Not quite my type of humor, but nobody's perfect, he, he, he, he!''
''So why are you after me then? You like a fan stalker?''
''Well, it would be a shame if Cenobite Warrior was to end!'' Joker grinned in the most evil way possible, which is pretty much how he looks all the time.
''What? Now listen here, Cenobite Warrior will never be cancelled! Rurrlock will never stop writing it as long as he lives!'' Buster said defiantly standing in front of the union jack flag.
''That's the point!'' Joker smirked as he walked off the side of the card. Out of curiosity, Buster flips the card on the other side to see another picture; one with Rurrlock chained upside down over a vat of toxic waste.
''AH! Okay, now you've gone too far!'' Buster shouted.
''Not yet'' Joker said as he walked back on the side of the card ''There's still time to find him; but you have to be quick, don't know how long these chains will hold his weight''.
RURRLOCK: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
''Oh shut up, you know you've packed on some wait'' Joker shouted back at the hung up author ''Ladies and Gentleman, there's a new author of Cenobite Warrior…and that is JOKER! HA! HA! HA! HA!''
Buster stood rooted to the spot, this was serious stuff, not only was his life now on the line, but so was the life of everything that is Cenobite Warrior. He had to move quick, but first…
'This card will self-destruct in one second…'
''WTF…'' BOOM! The card exploded in a mass of cotton candy, covering the whole corridor in pink fluffy goodness, including Buster. As quickly as he was covered; Buster spun around at incredible speed, knocking off all the cotton candy on himself. Once free, he had to think where the Joker would be keeping Rurrlock; it had to be a room where no one would go, someplace he couldn't be disturbed...the maths room, no one would go to the Maths room in school, it's the perfect hiding place.
He cleared one corridor after another trying to avoid all of Joker's traps that were laid out before him; on one corridor, it was filled with chattering teeth that moved around and chomped through everything in their way, including the walls next to them. Even with his Cenobite durability Buster didn't stand a chance; getting an idea from one of his favorite movies, Buster fires chains from his sleeves into the ceiling one after the other and starts swinging across just above the teeth while singing a song from the same movie ''George, George, George of the Jungle, watch out for that…''
CRASH! Ironically enough, he did crash into something. He pulled himself back to see he had crashed into a large brick wall set on fire, with the words spray painted on it 'Firewall'.
''Ha, firewall, I get it…AHHH!'' Buster screamed as he started slipping all over the place; the ground was covered in ice, cold slippery ice. Using the same tactic, Buster decided to use the ceiling as his way around, but the same trick wasn't going to work twice. Before he could stop himself, he fired two chains at the ceiling…as ceiling that was also covered in ice. His chains slip on the surface, and the weight pulls him along until he crashes on the other side of the hallway. He was about to fall to the ground, only there wasn't any ground to fall on, below was a pit and right at the bottom was a lake of crocodiles. Using his strength, Buster punches through the wall and hangs onto the hole keeping him hanging onto it and not making himself Crocodile Dun-dinner. Thankfully, it looked like there was no more need for running about as he saw the maths class next to him.
''I think after this I'll take over Dream God next, yes. Then maybe Omega Kid, and your Heroes fic, I really like Heroes. You know I'm planning on killing the NBC producers for cancelling it!'' Joker grinned at his held captive.
''For the bloomin last time, I'm not the writer!'' Basil Brush shouts as he too was being held upside down over the vat of toxic waste alongside Rurrlock.
RURRLOCK: He wasn't talking to you!
''Of course he was, for I'm British!''
RURRLOCK: I'm British too! Plus I'm the writer.
''Oh, so that explains why you have only one constant reviewer. HA! HA! HA! BOOM! BO…AHHHH!'' The puppet fox screamed in terror as the chain that held him was released and he was the first to fall into the toxic waste below. The Joker was again in stitches with his fingering hovering over one of two button; one that just sent the fox to his acidic demise, and the other for the dashing and good looking author hung up.
RURRLOCK: Oh well, his show got repetitive after a while.
''Could say the same for your fics'' The Joker said.
RURRLOCK: Hey, my fics aren't that bad!
''Oh please, that weasel could write better than you…well not now of course cause he's dead…HA! HA! HA! HA!''
''And if you don't put him down, you'll be too!'' Another voice echoed. Joker immediately stopped laughing and turned to see Buster standing at the door way, chains wrapped around his arms, he was ready for a fight ''Now put him down!''
RURRLOCK: Buster! Thank God!
''Hey, if I save you do I get a pay rise?'' Buster asked.
RURRLOCK: NO!
''Oh well worth a try'' Buster shrugged off as he charged at Joker. The chaotic clown quickly pulled a leaver next to him, and once that was pulled, Buster's pace seemed to slow down more and more, until he was unable to run anymore. Then he felt weightless for some reason, but not like there was nothing keeping him down, more like there was something pulling him up. Buster went flying towards the ceiling, unable to see what was pulling him up until…SPLAT! He exploded into something that tasted like custard cream, with a hint of lemon. He then realized he was stuck inside a giant pie attached to the ceiling, and inside the sweet meal was a giant magnet that made it impossible to pull himself free with his chains.
''HA! HA! HA! HA! The style may always change, but it still tickles the nostalgic funny bone, HA! HA! HA! And now, I am the new Rurrlock!'' He screamed in delight as he pressed the second button, and Rurrlock was slowly lowered into the toxic waste, and Buster was unable to do anything to stop him.
''Hey Rurrlock, you're not going to be mad at me for letting you drown in toxic waste are you?'' Buster asked.
RURRLOCK: Well I doubt I'll be able to feel ANYTHING AFTER THIS!
''Guess that's true…you know Joker, despite this master plan of yours, there's still one thing you missed''.
''Oh really? And what would that be?'' Joker grinned as if there were no worries in the world…which is how he always felt.
''If you have Rurrlock chained up here, then whose writing the fic?''
…
…
…
Joker's grin was quickly turned upside down when he started to think hard about Buster's question and realized that he had a point, who was writing this if the writer was chained up. Then from behind them, on the other side of the classroom, the giant curtains were pulled across to reveal something that Joker could not have counted on. There was a little desk, with a laptop sitting there, and the writer behind it…
BATMAN: I'm Batman.
''APRIL FOOLS!'' Buster shouted out before firing two small chains, getting a perfect shot at both of Joker's legs; the chains snap off and wrap themselves around Joker's legs. At first this may have seemed pointless, but then he remembered…the magnet. Before he could turn it off, the Joker is hoisted up and launched right towards the magnet, but he doesn't get there until after Buster's waiting fist…BAM!
With the Joker out of the way, it was pretty clear sailing for Buster to fix the problem. Thanks to Batman's tech, he was able to cook up an antidote for Joker's laughing gas, and just as he had used the sewers to spread it, Buster did the same to cure everyone. And everyone just did what they could to go back to their business like nothing's happened, like it was that embarrassing, although from what the others said about the way Simon laughs…
BATMAN: I'm Batman.
…
…
…
''Yeah, anyway how did Batman get here?'' Lindsey asked.
''Oh, I meet up with him yesterday, he told me how the Joker escaped from prison and he needed my help'' Buster answered.
''Wait, so this whole thing was an April fools prank you wanted to pull on Joker?'' Simon asked beyond aggravated.
''Yep, give the clown a taste of his own spinach''.
BATMAN: I'm Batman.
RURRLOCK: So how did I not know about this? I'm the author so I should've…
BATMAN: I'm Batman.
RURRLOCK: Yeah you said that already. But how did I…
BATMAN: I'm Batman.
RURRLOCK: Yes we get that…
BATMAN: I'm Batman.
RURRLOCK: Can you say anything else!
BATMAN: (Growl) (Growl) (Growl)
RURRLOCK: What the heck does that mean?
BATMAN: I'm Batman.
Oh yeah, you're probably wondering what happened to Joker right? Well, let's just say that Pinhead wasn't too happy when he found out who caused him to get side tracked from his mission in the worst possible way. So while Buster and the others weren't looking, he sneaked the clown into the box and to the Labyrinth where he and his Cenobite minions would have a great deal of pain to befall on Joker.
''Oh Xipe, why the long face?'' Angelique purred.
''What?''
''Sorry, indulging in such a pathetic human emotion for so long has made my mind a blur''.
''Not to worry princess, his suffering will be legendary above all comprehension imaginable for a mind to process''.
''Oh, sounds exciting'' Angelique chirred with anticipation; she so enjoyed watching Pinhead shred flesh and blood on the guilty. The two Cenobites entered the prison chamber where the others were to be holding the Joker before the torture could begin; and when they did find the Joker and the others in the room, the two could not believe what they were seeing.
''Your mother's so stupid, she got run over by a parked car!'' Joker hissed.
''Yeah well your mother's so fat; Obi-Wan Kenobi said that's no moon…that's your mother, HA, HA, HA, BOOM! BOOM!'' The skeleton form of Basil Brush joked back as the two of them engaged in a your mother fight while the other Cenobites and prisoners all cheered on, laughing their socks off at the jokes and keeping track of the score between the two.
Angelique sniggered at the last joke, which caused Pinhead to turn to her in a furious manner ''DO NOT LAUGH AT SUCH CHILDISH ANTICS!''
''I'm sorry Xipe, that was wrong. But that last one was quite funny''.
''NO IT WAS NOT!'' Pinhead boomed in Angelique's…she does have ears right?
''Leviathan, don't be such a trekkie!''
''A what?
BUSTER: Oh man, that was a great chapter, I'm still laughing.
RURRLOCK: Yeah, and it's so sad that I have to inform our fellow readers this will be the end.
BUSTER: WHAT?
RURRLOCK: Yes, due to increasing college work, I am forced to cancel Cenobite Warrior, and I will be leaving Fanfiction...forever.
BUSTER:(IN TEARS) But what about everything we've been through, and just going through all that chapter to save you.
RURRLOCK: I'm sorry Buster but it has to end, but before I go, I just want to say one thing.
BUSTER: Yes.
RURRLOCK: APRIL FOOLS! HA, HA, HA, oh man I got you good! Like I'd ever cancel this great fic, it's too much fun.
BUSTER: Oh, well that's actually going to be complicated cause I'm quiting Cenobite Warrior.
RURRLOCK: You can't quit, you're my character, heck I'm writing you write now.
...
RURRLOCK: Buster?
...
RURRLOCK: Hey Buster this isn't funny.
...
RURRLOCK: BUSTER!
BUSTER: APRIL FOOLS!
RURRLOCK: You do anything like that again I'll enjoy writing your death scene.
So take care everyone. Hope that you enjoyed this special, sorry that it was late up, been busy. Anyway, I don't own Joker or Batman (Owned by DC Comics of course). Hope to hear from you soon!