The evening light flooded in through the half burnt roof of Derek's bedroom. His mattress was under the half of roof that was still solid and could still protect against rain, but at this time of day, light hit all the dark shaded corners and bathed him in autumn gold as he lay on his old beaten bed. There was a casual look to him as he lay there, legs crossed at the ankles and hands weaved together under his head. His form was not rigid, he was not moving any time soon. Looking at his eyes, though, it was there that you could see Derek Hale as he was today. His stare would burn holes into the roof if it could, it was the expression of a man who was barely holding onto his control.
He couldn't stop thinking of it, that name. That stupid, annoying, frustrating little nickname of his. It brought him back, the real Derek. The Derek who was just an unsure little boy, who had no clue on how he was supposed to be a leader – how he was supposed to be a man. It brought back the Derek who liked to have fun and the Derek who smiled. The Derek who believed he had until forever and the Derek who thought there was actually such a thing as true love. All of this was because of one little stupid name. The person who had used that name.
He still remembered clearly that night at the school, before Peter had squired him with his claws in Derek's back. He remembered how familiar it had all felt, how quick he was to hear Laura instead of Stiles. It hadn't even occurred to him what had just happened until he'd already let the words slip out of his mouth. 'Shut up'. Scott was too busy in his own little world to pick up on it, but Derek caught the escalation in Stiles heartbeat. The sudden quick inhale, and that look, that look in those bright ambers. Stiles realized what it was he had said, he and Derek both knew he had heard Laura say it that day, all those years ago. The memory of Laura hurt, it did, but even though it hurt to remember that name – it was that moment that stuck to him. When he had first returned to Beacon Hills, looking for Laura, the last thing he expected was to run into Stiles again. Of course he remembered the kid. Months before the day he had gone and saved him, he had listened to his cries of anger and pain every time he had gone into the forest. Stiles voice was an echo, a sound that haunted Derek down to his core. Peter had once jokingly called Stiles the sound of the forest, but for Derek, it wasn't much of a joke because. Even though he didn't understand why, those cries called to him.
"That boy sounds so sad." His mother had once commented when Derek had heard his call and had wandered to the nearest window.
"That boy sounds hurt." His father had said "Hurt a lot more than a boy his age should ever be."
Derek had taken those words to heart.
He had a good home, he loved his family and his family loved him very much. They were happy, every one of them and, though they were taught to know the dangers they would eventually face. At that time in his life, Derek felt protected and safe. So, listening to the call of this boy – definitely a younger one than his own self – he wondered how such a young kid could sound so sad so much of the time. It became a habit, to move to a window every time he heard the cry. Eventually that window became too much of a barrier and Derek found himself walking out to the porch. When that became not enough, he found himself walking into the woods and before he even knew it, he was pretty much stalking the kid. Stiles was definitely much much younger than him, maybe six or seven, he could even be just a really scrawny eight year old. He was short and thin and frail looking, he liked red it seemed, his hoody, his shorts and his shoes were either red or had some red on them in some place or pattern. He had short hair, buzzed down to just a fuzz around his head, and he was littered from head to toe with beauty marks, almost like he had just taken a marker to his skin. It was his scent that did it for Derek though. On the outside, Stiles had just looked really tired and really sad, but in his scent – Derek caught death. This boy, wherever he lived, was surrounded by the smell of death. Derek's guess was that someone close to him might have died, he soon found himself to be right when he heard him quietly crying for his mom, begging for her to come back to him and his dad, telling her that he was sorry he made her die. Derek had this overwhelming urge to just pick the kid up and bring him home, like some lost little stray that needed a good meal and a soft bed. He watched the boy that whole first day, following him deeper into the woods and then back out into the town. The stench of death hung heavily over the Stilinski house, Derek found it hard to watch Stiles walk into that dark, empty place, finally noticing that this small and frail little boy was just one wrong move from breaking - a glass on the edge of the table. When he came home that late evening, walked up to the front door in the shadow of his own home, he knew he reeked of death. When his family looked at him with alarm, he told them exactly what he had found "His mom is dead."
His family was fine with letting him indulge in his new found interest. In fact, sometimes one of them would even go out with him. Usually it was Laura, who never watched Stiles with him, but always from a distance, separately and on her own. Peter had once done the same, but had left after a short while, likely out of disinterest. Mostly it was the younger ones that were more curious. They all, at one point or another, tagged along with Derek to see this infamous sound of the forest. They quickly found that there was a 'no approaching' rule Derek kept firmly in place, and how unwelcome they became after the second visit. Laura understood Derek's feelings on this situation, as did Peter and even Derek's parents, when they eventually came out with him to see Stiles. The boy was his. His property, his prey, off limits – without ever having even approached him, Derek had staked claim on Stiles. He didn't need to talk to him or know his name to own him.
"Will you have him turned?"
The question alarmed Derek and he looked up to his father, not sure if he had even heard him right, considering how out of the blue that was. "What?"
"When you're the Alpha. Will you have him turned?" His father was calm as he pulled his gaze away from the boy to his son "Derek."
"Why would I turn him, he's just some random kid." Even as he said it, he could hear the flutter of his own heartbeat. This was not just some random kid. He didn't know why it was, but he felt attached to Stiles, like it had been specifically him that was being called for every one of those days, staring out the window. Still, he tried defiantly to believe what he had already said.
Derek and his father stared at each other for a long time, until Stiles had wandered off out of sight. Neither one willing to budge and inch in this unspoken argument. Eventually, Derek had to look away, simply out of respect. "Think about it, Derek."
Derek looked up in time to see his father give him a knowing smile, before he turned and left for home. Derek followed after his prey, confused as to what his father understood that he didn't.
Then came the day that they would officially meet.
Stiles was angry, that was the first thing Derek noted as he heard the call off in the distance. Some days Stiles would come into the forest sad, it was the more common call Derek would hear, the one of woe. Other days he would come to the forest angry, it was rare, but Derek had soon realized that those days sometimes brought an extra scent. It was always the same ones, sometimes two, sometimes three. Sometimes Stiles would have a bruise and Derek's blood would boil. It was no surprise the kid was bullied, one look at him showed he was an obvious target for harsh treatment. Derek had often contemplated following Stiles to school and finding those kids, teaching them not to touch what belonged to him, but he knew his father would be livid if he ever did such a thing. The biggest rule of the pack was 'keep the peace'.
Keeping the peace keeps the pack safe, so looking for a fight wasn't something he'd get awarded for.
Instead, he kept up his act of watching Stiles from a distance and silently fuming over the things he couldn't control. Today was one of those days for him, he'd known since the moment he heard Stiles that it was likely going to be one of those days. If his mom had been home, she would have reminded him to take care with his temper before he left, but no one was home except for him, Laura and a few of the younger kids. Peter had been there - there was always one adult present - but he had gone off in the other direction of the house to patrol their territory.
Derek had watched Stiles for four hours before his heart decided to jump into his throat.
He hadn't expected it. One moment Stiles was there, the next, he vanished into the ground. The kid hadn't even screamed. At first he kept his distance, filled with hesitation. He wasn't sure why, but he got this pit in his gut when he thought of reviling himself to Stiles – this sickening worry that he might do something wrong. The thought of talking to him, was suddenly terrifying. Hearing his calls for help though, it got him to pull himself together. He was able to approach the crevice and call to him.
"Hey, kid!" Well, that was a lame start "Kid, you okay?"
Derek didn't have time to wish for a rock to crawl under – because of course he's not okay, you idiot! – the moment Stiles turned to look at him, the moment their eyes met, he forgot how to breath. Bright amber eyes stared directly into his own, it was the first time they'd ever met each others gaze and Derek felt pinned to the spot. He felt shaken down to his bone and he couldn't think of absolutely any reason as to why he felt so.
"I-I'm stuck! There's no way out! I can't- Get out"
The panic in the boys voice pulled him back to his senses "Okay, calm down. I'll get you out. I don't live too far from here, so I'm going to go and get some help- Don't panic! Do you understand? I'll be right back." The flutter of panic that had started, faded away from Stiles eyes as Derek did his best to sound as reassuring as he could. When he got a nod of acknowledgement, he took off back to his place as quickly as his legs would take him.
Laura was out on the front porch before he'd even made it to the front yard, her face was etched with concern as Derek came up to her "What's wrong?"
"I need rope. The kid, he fell into a crevice." He replied quickly.
Laura was off to the shed before he'd even finished what he'd said. Some of the other kids were on the porch too now, looking curious and worried as well. Derek fixed them with a look "Tell Peter when he gets back, if we haven't returned yet." They nodded at the order without question and Laura and Derek were off the next instant.
Everything else was over so quick after that. They found Stiles, Derek near had a heart attack when he let go of the wall and went under. Laura brought him out of the crevice and they started back on their way to the Hale house. Having to carry Stiles over half the way there was a heyday on his nerves, but it also felt right, having the boy so close and within his protection, especially after everything. His parents where home when they got back, they seemed to be actually quite pleased that Stiles was going to be in their house. Derek supposed it gave them a better chance to get to understand the boy that their son had taken such an interest to, and it took a lot of effort on his part to not growl at every advancement one of his family members would make. It seemed though, that Stiles had no real interest in any of his family besides Laura and his parents. Stiles greatest interest, much to Derek's satisfaction and discomfort, was Derek himself.
Every moment Stiles had for himself, it was directed toward Derek. The young wolf wasn't sure whether he wanted to smile or run, he didn't know what to say and he found it so hard not to stare at the kid. Mind you, Stiles rarely stopped staring at him. Derek decided that those amber eyes made him feel completely bare, down to his soul. It was like Stiles was trying to unlock him, and what was worse, Derek was fairly sure he was succeeding. With every new smile or tiny gesture of affection, the wolf felt another lock break, it scared him, yet he couldn't stop Stiles from doing it. He knew his parents could tell, Peter and Laura, the other adults and even a few younger than him. The younger ones were confused, but all the others did was smile. Every one of them, like they knew something about what was happening that he didn't. It frustrated him.
Still, too soon it was time for Stiles to leave. He tried, but he couldn't say no to the kid when he was asked to go with him on the drive home. Maybe it was because there were less people, but, on the drive, Derek let himself be a little more vocal with the kid. He was rewarded for it, brighter smiles, sparkling eyes, laughter – he liked the sound of that laugh much more than those cries of sadness, so much more – he even smiled quite a bit at the boys antics, and laughed a little himself. The Stilinski house showed up much too soon. Stiles deflated like a balloon, Derek wanted to tell his mom to turn the car around and take them all back home. 'Let's keep him' comically popped into his mind. Stiles smile was back on his face now, though. Not nearly as bright as he thanked Derek's mother. Though he could smell the concern on her, she easily played along with the boy. When Stiles turned back to face him, he expected an exaggerated wave and a fond farewell, his mind had never even processed the idea of more physical contact. It should have, but it didn't. The hug was awkward and Derek fought with his possessive urge to just pull the kid into the back seat with him and not let him leave, he was reluctant to let go. Seeing the smile on Stiles face though, was well worth it.
"Thank you for saving me Derek! You're a really cool guy, I hope I get to talk to you again sometime!"
Derek just stared at him, only able to muster a weak "Y-Yeah…"
"Bye Mrs. Hale, Bye Derek!" Stiles said getting out of the car.
"Bye… Stiles."
He watched Stiles as he stood in the driveway, watched him just as he was watching Derek, until they both eventually disappeared out of each others sight.
The years that passed after that, they never had another encounter, Derek isn't sure to this day why he intentionally avoided him like he had in those first months. He had constantly yearned to be close to Stiles again, got a horrible pain in his chest every time Stiles cried for him in the woods. He would never go to him though, and Stiles had never been able to find the Hale house again on his own either. The boy grew, he came to the forest less and less. Derek watched, saw him grow and move on as much as he could from his past pains. Eventually, the wolf realized what it was that drew him to Stiles so strongly. Finally having an understanding of those feelings, a name for them, it horrified him to know what he'd actually wanted for them both. It was because of those feelings that he threw himself into the arms of Kate Argent, he needed to love her…
There was once a point, after he'd lost so much, that he wondered what it would have been like to love Stiles instead.
Laura never said anything, but she knew. Derek was sure she knew about it all. About Kate, about Stiles, about the mistake he had made that cost them their pack – their family. What hurt him, more than anything, was knowing that she forgave him for everything despite it.
Sometimes she would even mention Stiles in a passing topic. She remembered him well, after all, she had watched him almost as often as Derek. Maybe a kid would remind her, or the colour red, someone with their mom. Most often the phrase 'sourwolf' did it for her though. 'You know, Stiles would agree with me, I bet.' 'I wonder how he is these days..' 'I saw him a little before we left, he was growing up well!' 'I bet mom would have liked to see him now.'
Derek almost felt as if Laura had led him back to the teen, all those years later. As a last act of love and hope of happiness for her little brother, it sounded very like Laura to him. Derek didn't want to see Stiles though, that moment in the woods, when his heart ached and they locked gazes. For that one moment, he remembered bright eyes and smiling faces, an autumn day and hot chocolate in a warm house with loving voices. He couldn't bare it, any of it. So he walked away. He ignored the hurt he knew Stiles was feeling, he ignored the fact he was walking away from possibly his last chance at happiness. He didn't want it. He wanted the misery and the guilt, because he deserved it. He just wanted to kill whoever had taken Laura away from him.
Every moment after that, Stiles was at odds with him. The more that they interacted with each other, the more it seemed like Stiles didn't remember that day at all. Maybe the hurt he'd thought to be there that day in the woods was imagined, maybe it was is own and he'd made himself believe it belonged to Stiles to make things easier for himself. Stiles certainly didn't act like he had any fond feelings for Derek, at their best moments, he was just barely tolerating the wolf. Derek did his best to ignore it, bury it under all the other problems he had on a day to day basis, but somewhere deep in him, he hurt. Every time he and Stiles met gazes, something hurt. The teen always looked so weary with him, like he wasn't sure if he wanted him gone or dead or both. Everything always just seemed so much more worse when Stiles was around. Derek lost his focus, lost his temper, there were more injuries and more mistakes and chaos, everything. Stiles was his problem.
His weakness.
Derek closed his eyes against the sting in them and took a deep breath. The hours had ticked away and it was barely light in the sky now, in twilight with the sun just bordering off the west. Scott should be there soon. It was good to have the kid finally asking him for help and actually be willing to listen to what he has to say. Mind you, that might change when he gets to the house, seeing as they always butt heads once in the same place together. Sighing, Derek got up out of his bed, and walked to the porch. He'd already gotten everything ready for when Scott was to show up, so all he had left to do now is wait. Erica and Boyd were already chained up in the cellar with Isaac watching over them. The teen had adapted well to his full moon urges, he learnt fast and Derek was thankful for that, it meant less hassle and more help for him. Isaac would be a strong, confident and loyal beta once he's finished with all his training.
A sound caught Derek's attention in the distance, it didn't take long for the Alpha to recognize it and when he did, a frown came to his face and he let out a small groan of frustration. He'd know the sound of that beat up old hunk of junk anywhere, it was Stiles jeep. Of course Stiles was coming, when was he not surgically attached to Scott's bony hip. Even in those early years, Scott's sent had lingered on Stiles like the plague, it had always brought out the possessive side in him back then. He waited for them to drive up into his front yard, arms crossed and scowl set into his features. There was no chance he was letting his greatest distraction stay anywhere near him on a full moon.
Scott and Stiles stepped out of the jeep and made their way up to Derek. It was easy for both of them to tell he wasn't in a good mood, but they were so used to it by now that they didn't even stop to rethink approaching him.
"Okay, so where's this shindig happening?" Came Stiles enthusiastic voice.
"Here. Where you are not going to be." Came Derek's authoritative reply "There's no reason for you to be here, Stiles. Go home."
Looking offended, Stiles instantly went to the defensive "Like hell I'm going home, I'm with Scott every full moon!"
Derek went to growl at him, but Scott spoke up as well "He's staying, Derek."
The Alpha turned his glare on Scott "You're putting him in danger by letting him stay."
"I think it's official that I'll be in danger no matter where I go anymore."
"Well you're in immediate danger here."
"Why do you even care?"
"I don't." Derek snapped. He saw the flicker of hurt in Stiles eyes, but did his best to ignore it and the ping in his chest and instead turned to Scott, who looked pretty agitated with him now too. Great "You care, though, and if you want him safe, you won't let him stay here."
"He's staying." Was Scott's defiant response.
Derek felt a headache starting. With an angry growl, he stalked down the steps and stopped in front of Stiles, jabbing a finger into his chest and taking a mild satisfaction in the small 'ow' he got for it "I'm not here to protect you."
With that, he made his way to the cellar. He could feel it now that this was going to be a long night.