A/N: K guys, I just wrote this and I'm so tired but I had to get it out of my head, I hope you guys like it! It's a short one, obviously lol I took a bit of your guys' advice too. :) As always, leave me reviews and let me know what you thinkkk!
P.S. These characters do not belong to me, I own nothing but the words I've just written about them!
It was just about 3:00 in the afternoon but with a case gone cold and a detective with little sleep, Montgomery had sent Kate home and so she sat on her couch unable to sleep, facing the wall of books she'd lined up beginning with her favorites. She saw spine after spine that read, "Richard Castle" and it only made her feel worse. She turned her body and let her head fall to left, staring at the painting on the wall, always captivated by the woman's bravery as it seemed she was following her heart and running from those that tried to bring her down. But she studied it from a different light this time and a frown began to form between her eyes.
She'd never thought of the painting as a portrait of sorrow but of happiness, of new beginnings. And as she stared at it now she realized that it could be interpreted completely different and she began to wonder if the woman was actually running from her problems, weighed down with all that clothing to symbolize the baggage she held emotionally; the black hole in the sky symbolizing the hole in her chest. In that moment she felt just like her. She'd lost a good thing today and it was all because of her feelings toward Castle, feelings she didn't even think were returned. She could remember Josh's face when she'd told him, a crumbled look of devastation but of understanding, as if he'd known this was where things were heading. And then he'd admitted to it.
She wanted to bury her head and run but she stayed seated and looked him in the eyes before she said the words, knowing she couldn't take the cowards way out, owing him more than that. Her breath hitched and her mouth hung open for a moment before she spoke.
"Josh...I want you to know that I've really appreciated everything that you've done for me this past year, you've been so great to me and," she noticed the way he'd closed his eyes and hung his head, a tight lipped smile playing on his lips as he sniffed out a laugh the quiet moment after she'd said his name. "I also want you to know that...that you've been nothing but sweet to me, you don't deserve to be treated the way I've been treating you these past few months, held at arms length for no reason-"
He interrupted her then, his eyes full of knowledge as he spoke quietly about their relationship. "No reason? Kate, do you think I don't know about Rick?" She winced at the use of Castle's first name. His head tilted and his face softened and he looked sad when he spoke again. But it was a sadness that she felt was meant for her, like he felt sorry for her and what she was going through. Somehow that hurt worse. "Kate...I know how you feel about the guy, I can see it in the way you look at him when he's around, I can hear it in your voice when you talk about him, see it in your eyes. And I'm not mad. I'm not mad that you don't look at me that way because I know you don't have a choice. And I know that you have feelings for me. But I know your feelings for him are stronger. So I'm not gonna try and save..us, it's been clear for a while that this is where things were heading."
Her eyes welled up with tears and she felt a tug on her heart for a man that she loved, just not nearly enough. "Castle kissed me," she felt the words fall out of her mouth, exhausted that she'd been holding it in and feeling so awful about it, but wanting him to know, wanting him to show her something more than kindness when she was, quite literally, dumping him.
She met his eyes and saw something there, but wasn't sure what and she held her breath as she waited for him to ask what she already knew he would. "D'you kiss him back?" he questioned her after he'd taken a sip of his sweet tea. Her eyes drifted involuntarily down to his mouth, to the wet lips she'd never kiss again and she couldn't help the blanket of sadness that surrounded her at that realization.
"Yes," she admitted. "I didn't mean to, I just...I wasn't thinking and he just..I don't know," she stared at her lap, suddenly flustered and not for the first time that day, she didn't know what to say to him.
"Don't. It's okay. You don't have to..explain it," he smiled then, and she saw true happiness in his eyes. She wondered if he'd been feeling as held down as she had by the relationship, and wanted to lean forward to cup his cheek in her palm, but instead she clutched at her nervously sweaty fingers. "Hey, we can still be friends, right?" He asked, and reached across to grab for her hand, which she met on the top of the table. She smiled back at him with her lips pressed together, tears rimming her eyelids and she shook her head. She hadn't seen him in almost two weeks and he looked handsome, the crinkles by his eyes defining his face that had burned golden in the sun as he'd worked for a great cause.
She remembered it so clearly, like she was still sitting at that table. They continued to have lunch together and spoke about the things he'd done while he was away, and she told him about the case she was working on now and for a short while things felt normal for her. But they were just having lunch, they weren't flirting, they weren't locked in each others eyes, they weren't yearning for each others touch the way her and Castle did and she felt like she'd made the right choice.
But then she remembered that it was just that. Her choice. What if Castle didn't want her the way she wanted him? Well, there was the kiss in the alley.. And then the kiss in her kitchen. There was no denying the attraction between them but what if that's all it was? What if he just wanted to have sex with her? She'd ended a good thing and broken up with Josh but she felt good about that choice, and it's not like she would run back to him if Castle rejected her. Oh, God. What if Castle rejected her?
She sighed and closed her eyes, drifting off and feeling guilty but thinking of Castle, of what he was doing right that very moment and of course, of that last kiss...
His fingers tangled in her hair and he kissed her hard, his other hand floating down over the slope of her breast before resting on her waist and pulling her up onto the table in the interrogation room. She kissed him back hungrily, drinking him in and pulling him as close to her as possible. When his lips left hers to occupy the curve of her neck, she fisted a hand in his hair roughly, tilting her head to allow him better access and letting out a loud, throaty moan. Her other hand splayed out at her side, holding her up as her back arched into him, and her fingers bent to grip the table. She pulled his mouth back to hers with a grin and a tug of her hand and nipped his bottom lip with her teeth. Suddenly her back was pressed into the cool metal of the table and he climbed on top of her, fitting neatly into the apex of her thighs which slid up to wrap around him with a mind of their own. He was fully pressed into her now and she could barely take it. She reached between them and ripped his shirt down the middle, the buttons flying all around them, bouncing on the hard floor. Her mouth slipped down to his clavicle which she placed open mouth kisses across, making him groan until he'd wrapped his fingers in her hair and pulled down, bringing her mouth back to his. This brought a lazy, breathy moan from her throat which echoed around her loft and brought her to a start.
Her eyes shot open and Kate sat up quickly on the couch, looking around confused until it dawned on her that she'd been dreaming, that the sound had come from her mouth. The sudden realization of the dream she'd been having fell onto her face like a curtain, clouding her eyes until she bit down on her bottom lip. She looked up at the picture beside her and remembered the thoughts that had run through her head just- how long had she been sleeping? There wasn't much light coming in the windows and judging by the little amount it left she guessed it was about 7pm. She ran a hand through her hair and then stood up and padded her way to the bathroom, brushing her teeth and thinking about food. And Castle.
She slipped her feet into her slippers and then went straight to the kitchen, her hand going right for the left over Chinese she'd shared with Castle two nights before. She tossed it onto the counter and then grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass from the cabinet. She'd just poured herself a healthy amount and taken a few sips, all the while thinking about that delicious kiss she'd had right in that very spot, when she heard the knock on her front door. The glass still at her lips, her eyes opened wider and darted towards the noise. Kate took another drink and set the glass down, licking her lips and pressing them together as she walked to greet whoever it was at her door.
The door swung open and she met his eyes, smiling involuntarily at the curved lips before her. "Castle," she breathed and her heart sped up as she pulled the door open wider, offering him to step inside.
Whatcha think? :)