A/N: Thanks so much for your reviews last chapter! I was so worried I'd get flamed for posting the most boring chapter in history but the reviews were really positive, thanks! So, on with the chapter you've all been waiting for!

P.S. I've tried really hard to keep them in character. Sorry if I slipped up.

Warning - bad language and mentions of sex...and Sheldon PWNING!

Six o clock came. One past six came. Two past six came, as did three past six, and four past, and five... "She's late!" Sheldon exclaimed.

"Oh sweetie, when people say six they always turn up a little later," Penny said comfortingly.

"Not Amy!" Sheldon said. Penny sighed.

At quarter past six a set of fast, harsh knocks sounded. "Coming!" Penny yelled. She walked to the door and opened it, doing her best to smile at Amy and - ugh - Leonard. "Hey, guys!" she said flatly.

"Good evening. Is Sheldon here?" Amy asked.

"Yes, he is, let me just call him." Penny almost yelled, "Amy's here, sweetie!" but she held herself back due to the topic of discussion. "Sheldon! Amy's here!"

Leonard, Amy and Penny sat awkwardly on the sofa. Sheldon was perched comfortably on the armchair. "So," Penny said pleasantly.

"So indeed," Amy said, sending Penny a death glare. Penny was instantly on alert. Amy was practically obsessed with her, what could Penny have possibly done to illicit such a glare?

"I wished to meet you two to discuss a pressing matter," Amy began.

"Why's he here then?" Penny interrupted, jerking her thumb at Leonard.

"I have a name you know," Leonard muttered indignantly. Amy chose to ignore both comments.

"Penny, you have behaved unforgiveably towards me. I never expected such a huge betrayal from my bestie!" Amy exclaimed, sounding on the verge of tears.

"I haven't done anything!" Penny said, feeling a little betrayed herself.

Amy pointed a perfectly manicured finger at Penny accusingly. "I don't mean to be crass, but in times like these it's justified. You had sex with Sheldon!"

Penny, who had taken a big gulp of Pepsi, was quite sure it sprayed out of her nose as she choked. "What the - I never - "

"Don't lie to me," Amy said, the manicured finger trembling. "Leonard heard you. Moaning."

"Penny and I never did such a thing!" Sheldon said, shock evident in his voice as he took over. "Amy - you know I would never - "

"Do I, Sheldon?" Amy said sadly. "You won't kiss me. You won't even elicit physical contact unless prompted."

"Relationships aren't all about physical contact, Amy!" Sheldon interrupted. "When ours was a relationship of the mind, we were perfectly stable as a couple!"

Penny and Leonard were staring in shock. Their eyes met once and instantly their eyebrows went up.

"You are not adverse to living with Penny!" Amy complained. "You don't complain when she hugs you freely, like it means nothing, but when we hug there's always a reason why we shouldn't!"

"I am led to believe, and have sufficient data to prove, that in a normal hug, the female does not take to squeezing the male's buttocks inappropriately and without his permission!"

Geez Louise, Amy was more desperate than Penny had originally thought.

Amy pressed her lips together. "I am open to introducing a carnal aspect into our relationship yet you are reluctant to do anything!" Amy all but yelled.

"You are so desperate for coitus I wonder if it is even me you desire!"

Penny and Leonard's mouths simultaneously dropped open.

"What are you saying?" Amy's eyes adopted a sad puppy look.

"I do not believe you wish to continue our relationship, Amy," Sheldon said, pursing his lips. "I think any man with functioning genitals would do. To put it crudely, I wonder if the only thing you wish to do is to get into my pants."

Leonard and Penny gazed at him with shock, and swivelled quickly to judge Amy's reaction.

"There are lots of things to be desired about you, Sheldon! Your intelligence, your looks - " She faltered after that, and Sheldon shook his head.

"If I had those things taken from me you would drop me faster than a bored child dropping a uninteresting toy," he stated simply. Amy was gaping like a fish. "Penny, what do you like best about me?"

She was surprised he'd asked. "Your personality, your funny little quirks, your schedules and planning, the way you talk with all your fancy words, your Sheldon-ness, and your muchness," answered Penny. She immediately became aware that she should have listed far less. Also, in a small corner of her mind, Penny was proud of her Alice in Wonderland reference. 'Bad time, Penny,' she told herself.

"Thank you Penny."

"No problem sweetie." Penny couldn't hold back her grin.

"Of course she would say that, she's your - your fuck buddy!"

Penny was up from the sofa in less than a second, ready to take matters into her own hands. "How dare you," she hissed.

"Penny, you don't need to - "

"Yes, I do! She insults you, I'd defend you, but you're fully capable. She insults me..." Penny was snarling at Amy, who had leant back in her seat. "...and I'll decide what's what."

"At least sit down, Penny," Sheldon said nervously.

"Leonard heard you," Amy said, sounding as defiant as she could with a shaking voice.

"Oh, Leonard heard us? It must be true then!" Penny spat. "You'd trust a whiny little rat over your 'bestie' and your boyfriend? Without getting the full story?"

"What happened then? I heard moaning." Penny rounded on Leonard, full of good old adrenaline.

"Have you ever heard of this thing that's called a MASSAGE? It feels good and it loosens your muscles so you moan because it feels good!" Realisation and guilt ran across Leonard's face and he shrank back. "And YOU!" Penny exclaimed, turning back to Amy. "I just - I have no words! You can bin that friendship bracelet because you don't DESERVE it! You're not a proper friend! You're just desperate for sex and affection!" Penny scowled. Tears brimmed in Amy's eyes. 'Good. She deserves them,' Penny thought.

"Now get out! Both of you! Have FUN with Gerard!"

"You can consider the Relationship Agreement terminated on the terms of trust issues," Sheldon added in a small voice. Amy ran from the apartment in tears. Penny smirked at her retreating back.

A/N: That was such fun to write, hehe. Okay. Now that the bitch is gone we can progress to Shenny! I hope you didn't hate Penny too much! Remember she feels backstabbed and betrayed, and raging is her way to deal with it! Do you think she should regret her actions? Please review! Happy New Year guys!