"Do you do this on purpose?" He whispered, asking her with lidded eyes.
The blond pushed her body closer to his and cocked her head to the side. "Do what?" The question slid out easily enough though she knew exactly what he meant, and she knew that she indeed did do it on purpose.
Their lips fused together, his hand gripping her waist while her hands were tangled in his dark hair. They parted and with a breath to her lips he answered. "Love me." Instead of responding to his fully realized question, though she had already known what exactly it was, she met her mouth to his and the question was soon forgotten about – for at least the rest of the night.
As usual Ino was the first to wake up and she was just tying her long hair up when Sasuke finally opened his eyes. She turned once she was finished and smiled before leaning down and giving him a firm kiss.
"You were the worst person to fall for."
Not letting her face betray her, Ino gave him another smile. "I know." And then she was gone, just like all the other days.
Quick to get home as per usual, she opened the door and headed immediately down the hall. Sasuke was getting increasingly chatty with her. Guilt bubbled in her stomach and Ino tried to purge it into the porcelain toilet. It didn't work. So she did what she did every morning and got showered, dressed, and left for training. She remembered it was mind games today and immediately regretted not pausing long enough to at least eat something. She always got queasy if she didn't eat anything. But she doubted anything would have settled anyway.
Along the way she ran into Choji and found it pleasant to have a small chat with someone who didn't judge her like everyone else. Her day was already starting to turn around. He even gave her a bite of what he was munching on, which she knew would be better than nothing. They said goodbye and she walked away with a small smile, though she knew it must have looked like a smirk to other people she passed.
Whispers and staring eyes were normal for her. She was intimidating, she knew that. But it wasn't always what was being whispered. She knew how she dressed, and she knew what kinds of missions she went on when she wasn't busy in minds. They weren't uncommon, and it's not like you literally had to fuck every target. But that's how everyone else saw them. And words still managed to cut her flesh.
Not very deep any more, but still.
Ignoring the judgmental faces and gossips weren't as hard as it used to be, but still she walked quickly to work. Ino entered the building, making sure go give a few flirtatious winks to a few of the guys she saw nearly every day, and got herself situated. It was a challenge and left her feeling a little weak, but she didn't throw up stomach bile and that bite of food, so she was happy. Just a little late in the afternoon and she was already done. Sweat clung to her forehead and she was still regaining her breath when she exited.
It wasn't easy being who she was, who they were, but she knew she was strong enough to do it. She was proving herself right every day; just being able to plaster on a smile was proof enough. Ino just wished she didn't feel like she was constantly drowning, waiting to just stop breathing and pass on. Living was getting more and more like a hassle and even sleeping with Sasuke hardly made her feel alive any more.
If only he wouldn't talk so much.
Ino chatted with a handful of people and by the time she made it to her cool, cramped apartment; she figured she wouldn't go by his place. She was too tired and just wanted to sleep. Stepping into the dark and immediately feeling another presence, Ino sighed. Obviously he had other plans.
"Sasuke, I'm too tired tonight." She freed her hair and stepped out of her shoes after she shut the door and locked it behind her. Her bare feet padded through the small space and she was in her bedroom, stepping out of the uniform and into shorts and a loose shirt – probably Sasuke's. He had a few pieces of clothing hiding here and there.
He was silent, even as she got into her bed, even when she didn't bother shooing him away or motioning for him to join her. Sasuke turned off her light and Ino heard the bedroom door shut. She sighed and curled herself into the fetal position, trying to welcome the strange loneliness that she had kept away with Sasuke. She inhaled deeply, trying to keep herself from crying. She wouldn't do it in front of others and she wouldn't do it away from them, either.
Close to failing, Ino felt the bed dip and her eyes shot open. Arms slowly wrapped around her and instantly she was comforted, though the guilt she felt around him was already stretching in her stomach. Her eyes shut tightly and she resisted the urge to lean into him. She didn't want the guilt.
"Sasuke, please…" Her voice was soft and barely audible. His grip just tightened and Ino could feel him press his lips against the base of her neck.
"It's okay," he told her, his gruff voice firm but understanding.
Ino felt her chest tightening and she curled even tighter around herself, already her eyes were stinging more. She just couldn't do it anymore. She could handle hurt, hurt was typical; expected. Guilt… She didn't want guilt. She couldn't handle guilt.
"I do," she whispered, finally answering the question from the night before, "I do love you on purpose. I just can't now."
When their lips met each night and she gave herself to him, she did it to cope. She loved him every night so the days would be easier. But then he started talking to her and guilt suddenly sprang up. She tried all different ways of getting rid of it, but it was impossible.
"This time," Sasuke told her, using his hand to turn her on her back, getting her out of her curled position. His hand found hers and slowly, gently they intertwined. He shuffled himself over her and made her look at him. "This time," He said again staring intently, "Do it right." His head dipped down and caught her lips. Ino made a quiet sob before fervently kissing him back, pulling Sasuke down as if trying to bond the two bodies together. This time it wasn't her trying to feel alive, it wasn't even her just having sex. She was allowing this person – this man she had only been using – to become someone who could hurt her. And who could love her.
They were loving again, only this time it was better. This time it was right.