January 21, 2014

The holidays flew by in a blur of pain killers, doctor's appointments, and Dean doting far more then was truly necessary. Cas had ended up sending Sam to the auto store to pick out something Dean needed for the Imapala for his Christmas gift (Lord knew he was hopeless when it came to cars), and he'd gotten Sam a new e-reader so that he'd stop toting around those books in his backpack that Cas kept telling him was terrible for his shoulders. He had ended up in some semblance of a sitting position on the couch, an amused smile on his face as they both tore through the wrapping paper like little kids.

If he had to think back to it, the first week after the shooting was the worst, Cas found that he couldn't even sniffle or shift without Dean barreling in from whatever room he'd been in and demanding to know if he was alright, his eyes wild and fearful.

Things got a little better after that, though, when Castiel had reluctantly dragged himself back in to work (with the promise that he was going to remain behind a desk in the office all shift), so Dean couldn't be stuck to him like used gum. That didn't mean, however, that his phone didn't go off every twenty minutes to make sure that he was alright.

It was cute, really, Cas thought as he stood in front of the mirror and dried his bare chest off, careful of the yellowing bruises. He loved that Dean cared enough to mother-hen him, but it was honestly refreshing to be able to shower without intense green eyes burning holes through the bathroom door. He pulled the fluffy, grey towel across his chest slowly, pleased to find that the sharp pain from when the injury started had faded into a dull throb that was more of an annoyance then anything.

He gave himself a last sparing glance in the mirror before moving through the quiet house to his bedroom. A cool breeze blew through the open expanse of the living room, drawing a bone deep shudder from him.

"Well, if that ain't a sight to rival every porno I ever saw, I don't know what is." Dean drawled. Cas' head snapped up to find him leaning on the door frame between the kitchen and the living room. He chuckled and carded his long, slender fingers through his wet hair, sending a few droplets of water flying.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's dangerous to sneak up on a cop?"

"Yeah, but I ain't very good at taking advice." He gave Cas a shark smile and pushed off the door frame, crossing the living room in a few measured strides. His eyes flickered a bit as he looked at the ever fading stretch of bruising. "How's it doing?" Cas lifted his hand and pressed it against Dean's cheek, the rough scratch of a day's stubble tingling through his arm.

"Dean," He rasped, his voice more rough then usual. "I've told you, I'm fine. Bruises heal." The words were lost on his tongue when Dean's nose brushed across his cheek and he mouthed along the curve of Cas' jaw, his teeth slipping along the skin. His hands were shaky as they came up to curl against Dean's shoulders through his thin t-shirt.

"Sammy left for school." He pressed a kiss to the skin just below Cas' Adam's apple. Cas swallowed thickly and nodded, not trusting his voice to come out if he tried to speak. "You don't have to work today." He shook his head, causing Dean's hair to brush over the bottom of his chin. "I don't have a run. You're feeling better." His hands brushed over Cas' hips where they poked out from under the towel.

"Dean," He growled, leaning forward and capturing Dean's ear between his teeth. A groan rumbled through Dean's chest as he dragged their hips together, his thumbs digging into Cas' hip bones. "Are you sure?"

"We've waited long enough for this, Cas. I've never been more sure." He breathed, leaning down and pressing his lips to Cas'. Cas groaned low in the back of his throat, his hands tightening as Dean's tongue slipped its way past his teeth, skating over the roof of his mouth. When Dean's teeth nipped at his lower lip, the change in the air between them was almost palpable. Cas' back was connecting with the wall and Dean's teeth were descending on his collar bone before he had a chance to think.

He groaned, a low and throaty sound, and squirmed when Dean's thumb nail clipped one of his nipples. He felt the other man's lips curling into a smile against his skin when the whimper of pleasure fell from his lips. His fingers threaded through Dean's hair, holding him in place as he sucked bruises across his skin.

"God, you're so beautiful, Cas." Dean hissed, his tongue dragging over the bite stung skin. "So damned beautiful."

"Dean, please." He moaned, pressing his hips forward to grind his growing erection against Dean, the terry cloth of the towel brushing over his sensitized skin and sending a shudder through him. Dean's deft, calloused fingers slid under the top of the towel, loosening it enough that it fell into a pool around Cas' feet.

He reached for the hem of Dean's shirt and pulled it over his head, finally getting a chance to look at the bare skin without the barrier of so much as a sweat drenched tank top. Thick ridges of scars trailed across the expanse of his chest, and there was a thick black tattoo etched just above his heart.

Cas' hand was shaking as he reached forward, brushing his thumb over the tattoo before leaning in to press his lips to it. He felt Dean's hand in his hair, and felt his hot breath against his ear. He hesitated reverantly, running his tongue over the black ink, if for no other reason then to see if it tasted different than the rest of Dean. It was blissfully the same.

"Babe?" Dean breathed against his ear, his tongue curling over the shell of it. Cas groaned and let his hands skitter over Dean's ribs, and down his stomach until he reached the worn and tattered jeans. He was pretty proud of the way that he flicked the button open on the first attempt. His hands slipped into the warmth of Dean's boxers, closing around his length. He was almost positive that the sound that Dean released was illegal somewhere, because it sent an electric shock right to his cock, making him even harder.

"God, I've imagined this, you know?" Castiel growled, releasing Dean to hook his thumbs in Dean's boxers and jeans, pushing them to the floor. Dean stepped out of them carefully before dragging Cas flush against him, their erections brushing against each other deliciously. They groaned in beautiful, surround-sound at the feeling. Cas gasped something that sounded suspiciously like Dean's name and began walking them backwards toward Dean's room.

Way too many seconds later, the bed was connecting with the back of Dean's knees as they kissed sloppily. Cas placed his hand in the center of Dean's chest and pushed him onto the bed, smirking at the surprised look on Dean's face. He crawled across the bed until he was hovering over Dean, holding himself up on his knees and forearms, not quite allowing himself to lower down. Dean snarled and closed his hands over Cas' hips, attempting to pull him down. Cas just smirked in response, leaned down enough to brush his chest across Dean's, then pulled himself back up.

"You're a God damned tease." Dean groaned, squirming on the bed beneath him. Cas let out a throaty chuckle and leaned in to kiss his way down Dean's throat. His teeth scraped over the stubble under his jaw before he spoke.

"Oh, I'm the tease, huh? I seem to recall someone else making a point to lean over the back of the couch to find the remote while I was laid up." Dean scoffed as convincingly as possible while his chest was heaving and his blunt finger nails were digging into Cas' back.

"I was, ungh," Dean's eyes fluttered shut and his back arched off of the mattress when Cas' teeth closed roughly over his nipple in a smirk. Cas flicked his tongue over the bud before pulling off and looking up expectantly at Dean.

"You were what, babe?" He practically purred. Dean scowled down at him through half-lidded eyes.

"I was trying to get the remote for you, because you were so keen on watching 'Jeopardy'." Cas smirked and leaned up, sealing his mouth to Dean's, his teeth nipping at the other man's roughly enough that the metallic tang of blood fell on his tongue. He lowered himself until all of his weight rested on Dean, their skin searing into one another from shoulder to thighs.

The air between them was thick and heavy with the smell of sweat and sex and it combined to make Cas' head swim. He hadn't experienced something like Dean before. He couldn't quite grasp how someone could make him feel reckless, and crazy while still making him feel like nothing in the world could ever hurt him. This was a completely foreign sensation.

The cross around his neck suddenly felt like it was a thousand times heavier, even though it rested over Dean's heart. Maybe that was what it had always been, this magnetic pull of polar opposites being dragged together. He'd never be able to fight Dean Winchester, not that he had ever wanted to.

Dean's hand closed over both of their cocks, pulling all the breath out of Cas' lungs in one swift stroke. He dropped his head to the crook of Dean's neck, his breath coming in soft, heated pants against the pulse point. The low chuckle that rumbled through Dean's chest and wove itself into Cas' hair made him shudder.

"You okay, baby?" He growled. Cas nodded rapidly, his nose bumping against Dean's collarbone while his hips pressed forward into the warmth of Dean's grasp.

"I'm g-good." He whimpered, not even bothering to curse his voice for betraying the statement. Dean's grasp tightened and sped up, pulling another groan from him. He wasn't going to last long. Months of living in such close quarters with Dean without doing this every second of every day was weighing on his resolve, but he mentally began going through field stripping his Sig to keep his mind off of the tingling low in his spine.

"No," Dean whispered against his ear, brushing a kiss over the shell of it softly. "Stay with me, Cas. Don't go somewhere else, I'm here. Right here." He whispered, pulling Cas' hand up and placing a wet, open-mouthed kiss to the palm. "Let it go, just let it happen, I'm r-right there with you."

"Dean." Cas hissed, his hips moving mindlessly of their own accord as he listened to Dean's voice rasping in his ear. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd brought himself to the edge, imagining that voice, but the reality was sweeter tehn he could have imagined. "I c-can't...I don't want..." Cas whimpered, his fingers tangling with Dean's free hand and pulling the one on their cocks away. Dean looked up at him through curious eyes when Cas pinned their hands above his head.

"What're you-?" Cas cut him off with a deep kiss before he shifted both of Dean's wrists to one hand, and pulled back to sweep the flat of his tongue over his own hand. He replaced Dean's earlier position and set a rapid pace, moving over their lengths with more ease then he would have imagined. Dean felt like Heaven against him. He was steel wrapped in velvet, hard and soft all at once, and it was combined to drive Cas mad.

The little mewls and deep, rumbling groans coming from Dean did nothing to ease his slow descent into insanity, but it was a ride that he was glad to endure. When he kissed Dean again, he tasted the dull flavor of the tobbacco that Dean always had tucked into his lip, and the minty chewing gum that he tried to use to fool Sammy into thinking he quit. But, below all of that, he tasted like something dark and dangerous. He tasted like Dean.

"Cas," Dean rasped, his hands flexing in Cas' grasp. "Cas, you gotta..." He swallowed thickly and bucked up into Cas' fingers. "Come for me, Cas. Please." Cas gave him a devilish grin and leaned into to bite at his ear lobe.

"You first, Dean." He snarled. Cas was sure that the choked sound that scratched its way from the back of Dean's throat seconds before he came over Cas' fingers would be etched into his brain for the rest of his life. A few stuttered thrusts later and he was following him over the edge, sparks of white exploding behind his eye lids as he came across their stomachs with a groan.

Cas rolled off of Dean's chest, his limbs spreading across the bed and his chest heaving in tandem with Dean's. They sat in silence for a long moment, sweat and come drying on their skin, the raspy sound of their claming breaths the only sound in the blissfully quiet house.

"Why in the hell did we wait that long to do that?" Cas finally gasped, rolling his head on the pillow to look at Dean with a lazy smile. Dean huffed a laugh and rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow and carding his fingers through Cas' tousled hair.

"I don't know, something about one of us getting shot, and one of us being enough of a gentleman to wait until he was healed to ravish him." He placed a chaste kiss to Cas' cheek.

"Hmm," Cas hummed happily, his eyes fluttering closed at the feeling of Dean's nails scratching over his scalp. "I appreciate the sentiment, oh, chivalrous knight." He yelped when Dean's finger nail dug into the soft skin behind his ear a bit roughly, scowling at him playfully.

"Smartass. It wasn't like I was going to throw you down and fuck you through the mattress when breathing was your biggest achievement of the day."

"Uh, excuse me, but if I remember correctly, I was the one throwing you onto the mattress." Dean scoffed and propped himself up a bit higher so that he could scowl down at Cas.

"Only because I didn't want to hurt you! I'm totally the topper in this relationship." He replied, his mouth twisting into a petulant frown. Cas laughed loudly, his nose crinkling in the way that Dean always found so endearing, and reached up to smooth the wrinkles in Dean's forehead with his thumb.

"Oh, did I hurt your fragile ego?" Dean growled low in his throat and glared at Cas. "I'm kidding, you big baby." He prodded Dean in the ribs and dropped a kiss to his collarbone over the purpling outline of his own teeth marks. Dean watched him carefully before leaning forward and swiping his fingers through the small pool of come on Cas' stomach before bringing them to his mouth, his eyes locking on Cas' as he did so. "Dean." Cas growled, his eyes darkening. Dean smiled down at him, kissing him softly, the salty tang of both of them hovering on Dean's tongue. Cas chuckled, looping his arm around Dean's neck.

"This isn't quite how I imagined this going." He murmured into another kiss. Dean pulled back and looked down at him curiously.

"Oh?"

"Uh-uh. I wanted to wine," He paused and placed another kiss to the end of Dean's nose. "And dine you. Make it special. I figured, if you could go through romancing me to make your mother proud, I could romance you as well."

"So, you were going to get me drunk and take advantage of me? Why, Sheriff Novak, how down right despicable of you." Dean rumbled.

"Hmm, I believe I said 'wine and dine', Mister Winchester. It's much more romantic." Dean rumbled and laughed and pulled Cas closer to him, kissing him deeply.

"No chick-flick moments, babe. And you didn't need to wine-and-dine me. All you had to do was ask." Dean smirked. Castiel chuckled, his fingers twining in the curls of hair at the nape of Dean's neck. He was silent for a long moment, his eyes roaming over Dean's chest.

"You have so many scars, Dean." He whispered, brushing his fingers over a particularly long, ridged scar that ran from the spur of his right shoulder to just before his sternum.

"I've been around the block a time, or two, Cas." Dean chuckled, watching Cas through lidded eyes. Cas frowned, but continued to map out the trails of the scars. He found a purple, jagged scar just under Dean's arm, just below the jut of his last rib on the left side, and ran his thumb over it slowly. "Bar fight. Guy got handsy with some girl who didn't want him touchin' her, I stepped in, he sliced me open with a busted beer bottle."

"Oh, Dean." Cas gasped, leaning in to place a kiss to the scar.

"S'alright, the guy didn't get to hurt her, that's what was important." Cas nodded and moved on to the next scar; It was short, but looked as though it had been deep, and was situated just above his belly button.

"This one?"

"Got cut open trying to climb over a fence to make it home before Dad got back when I was in high school. Freshman year. I was supposed to have taken the bus home after school, but I ended up spending the school day under the bleachers with the punter on the football team." Dean waggled his eyebrows at him, drawing an eyeroll from Castiel as he kissed that one as well. They went through the routine for each one of Dean's scars that Castiel found, until he reached the last one.

The scar was thin, and Castiel briefly questioned how he'd never noticed it before. It ran from just below Dean's left ear, along the underside of the curve of his jaw, and ended just under his chin.

"Jesus," He breathed, tracing the scar lightly with his index finger. "What's this one from, Dean?" Dean's eyes flickered with pain, and Cas almost withdrew the question, but he wanted to know. He wanted to know every scar and scrap of Dean's past, because it was Dean.

"That, uh," He cleared his throat and shifted on the mattress. "Dad. One night, he came home, shit-faced, slobbering drunk. He was worse then I'd ever seen him. I remember, I'd passed out on the couch waiting for him after Sammy went to bed. I was...I don't know, maybe thirteen, Sammy was still pretty little. He had got out of bed to get a drink in the middle of the night, and Dad caught him in the kitchen." Dean paused, swallowing thickly as he looked down at Cas, his eyes misty. "He started beatin' on Sammy for being outta bed, so I ran into the kitchen and started hittin' him, ya know? I mean, he was gonna hurt Sam real bad, I had to stop him, Cas." Cas smoothed the flat of his palm over the side of Dean's face, nodding slowly.

"Dean, you don't have to-." His words were cut off when Dean's hand closed over his wrist and brought Cas' knuckles to his lips, his thumb stroking over the pulse point.

"I know, I want to." He let out a shuddered breath before continuing. "So, I started hittin' him, and I told Sammy to run, to go to his room and lock the door. Dad turned around, and he starts yellin' at me. He told me I was no good, and that I was a piece of shit, told me that I couldn't even keep Sammy in bed like he was supposed to be. He grabbed a knife off the counter and," He gestured vaguely to his jaw with his free hand. "Couple blind swipes later, and I had a shiny new knife wound. I pulled Sammy into the bathroom with me from his bedroom, and we locked the door. Sammy bandaged me up, and I just...I remember him crying himself to sleep while Dad was knocking shit over in the living room. Next morning, we all wake up, go about our business like nothing ever happened."

Cas gaped at him, his jaw hanging open, and his eyes burning with tears that threatened to overtake him. Dean's eyes flitted between him and the wall beside the bed, a deep blush climbing up his neck. Cas shifted until his head was tucked under Dean's chin and his arm was slung over the other man's ribs.

"Dean, that's...you should never have had to go through that."

"But, I did, and it...well, I'm fucked up, Cas. I'm not an angel, and I'm not easy to stand. I'm just..." He chuckled and huffed out a breath against the top of Cas' head, kissing it softly. "I'm just me. Half the time, I curse myself out, 'cause I know that I should tell you to turn tail and run, or tell you that I'm no good for you." Cas' heart clenched painfully in his chest at the thought.

"But you don't." He whispered.

"No, I don't. 'Cause I'm too damned selfish, and I can't imagine what it would be like to have you leave, even if I am poison." Cas shifted so that his hands were over Dean's sternum, and rested his chin on top of his hands so that he could look Dean in the eye. His brow was furrowed as he looked up at him.

"You're not poison, Dean." He whispered. Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Cas shook his head and shushed him quietly. "You're not. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I'm not going to let you beat yourself up and think that you're worthless, because you're not. Your value is beyond measure. Sammy loves you, and I know that he remembers everything that you did for him. He knows that you did everything that you could to keep him safe, hell, you're still doing it. You're a good man, Dean Winchester. I wish that you could see yourself the way that Sammy sees you." Cas hesitated, sucking a ragged breath through his nose. "The way that I see you. Or that you could love yourself the way I do." Dean's eyes brightened.

"You love me, Cas?" Cas' brow furrowed.

"Of course I love you." He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "What kind of person would put up with all of your quirks, and general crap attitude if they didn't?" Dean barked out a laugh and nodded his agreement.

"A very vaild point." They sat in silence for a few more moments before Dean spoke. "I've never told anyone about all my scars, Cas." He whispered, his voice barely louder then the whir of the ceiling fan that was spinning around the stale air that still smelled of sex and sweat.

"I'm glad that you were comfortable with telling me."

"That's because I want to tell you everything, Cas. I want you to know my story. Beginning to end." Dean ran his fingers over Cas' shoulder blade softly as he spoke. "The pages of it before the day that you showed up are a little torn, but they're still part of the story, so I want to tell them, even if it hurts." Cas smiled up at him and kissed the bottom of Dean's jaw.

"Well, I'll always be here to listen."

"Promise?" The longing and hope in Dean's voice made him sound like a child, and it made Cas smile.

"I promise." He responded. Dean gave him a bashful smile and nodded to himself. He got a sinful glint in his eye before speaking.

"So, we've got a few hours before Sammy comes home..." He trailed off, his eyebrows nearly nudging his hairline when he raised them.

"You're incorrigable." Cas laughed, leaning up and pressing his mouth to Dean's softly.

"Maybe, but you love it. I'm just sayin', we've got time for another go'round, and a joint-shower before Moose comes trotting back to the barn." Cas laughed loudly against Dean's lips.

"Oh my God, your country side is showing." Dean gave him a toothy grin and shifted so that Cas was beneath him.

"What? Y'all never heard none of that there drawl up in yer fancy New York penthouses?" The way that he exaggerated the drawl reduced Cas to a giggling mess in seconds. He shook his head vigorously when he was able to form a coherent thought again.

"No, I can't say that we did, partner." Dean smirked and snagged his Stetson off of the bed post, settling it onto his head devilishly.

"Well, then you best settle in, 'cause I'm gonna show you how we do it country style." The last thought that went through Cas' mind before the rush of blinding arousal, was that he was the luckiest man alive because someone had blessed him with the gift of Dean Winchester, and he was never going to let that slip through his fingers.

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