Chapter 4
Here's what you missed: Theresa told Angela that Jane and Maura are a couple. Jane and Maura pretended to be a couple. Angela caught them and got mad at Jane for keeping the relationship secret. Results from the paternity test showed Lilly wasn't Frankie's child, but to keep the heat off them over having a child Maura and Jane decided not to tell – until Jane blurted it out to avoid using the L word. And this is it truly the end – there is no where left to go in this universe!
"What, Jane? Jane, what's wrong?"
Maura put her arms around the dark haired woman and pulled her close into a hug.
"Jane?" Theresa stepped forward, as if she too might put her arms around the detective, and Angela began calling,
"Janie, Janie, my baby." Maura attempted to shoo the two of them away with the wave of her hand. Angela protested until Maura more pointedly told her that she wasn't helping. Theresa smiled sympathetically at Maura and closed the door on her way out.
As Maura held Jane her sobs subsided.
"I'm sorry, Maur," she hiccoughed, as she tried to dry her eyes on her sleeves. "I don't know what came over me. Something to do with dead kids, or something."
"No Jane, it was to do with you failing to tell your mother you're not gay - and Theresa."
Jane pulled away from Maura, and sat down in the arm chair. Maura followed her, and sat on the nearby sofa, reaching out to take Jane's hands again.
"Don't! Don't hold onto me like that. You don't understand. It might only be a game for you, Maur, but I can't do it anymore, okay?" She shook her hands free and stood, walking across the room to where she'd left her coat.
"What? Jane! Don't go. Jane, I never... Don't go."
Jane stopped zipping her coat and turned back to look at Maura who was still sitting, but looking up expectantly.
"I'm sorry, Jane. I wasn't meaning to make you uncomfortable with all this pretending to be gay business. Look, I'll go and find Angela now, and explain that the whole PFLAG thing is a mistake."
"No! No, Maura, don't do that."
"Jane. I want to. I'm your friend and I've obviously talked you into a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. I made a mistake. I'm sorry."
"No. I mean you can't do that because... because it's not a mistake."
"What? You mean Frankie or Tommy – or, oh, Jane. Jane." Jane unzipped her coat and placed it back on the hook by the front door. She walked back to the sofa and sat next to Maura while Maura spoke. The ME took Jane's hands in her own again, and this time Jane didn't pull away. "Tell me."
"There's nothing to tell. Or I want to tell it so that it seems like nothing."
"Well, I'd like to hear, no matter how you tell it. But, here, before you say anything, let me get you a beer."
At last they were settled, side by side on the sofa, with a drink each. Maura had turned off the bright lights and lit room lit by just a few lamps. "Jane. You know I'm your best friend, right. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."
"It's too late for that, Maura. Seeing Theresa again has made it hard to ignore."
"She was something different, Maur. I'd never felt anything like that before. I mean before that I'd thought that being gay would be as emotionless as I found being straight to be. You know, I'd meet some girl, we'd kiss - and whatever - while I thought about who the Red Sox should field next round. But, Theresa... just being with her, Maura. I found that we could talk for hours and hours and everything that I liked, she liked, and if there were things that she was interested in that I wasn't then I suddenly became fascinated by them. I started hassling Frankie to bring her home more often! When she had dinner with us I could sit and watch her eat; there was a way that the muscles in her forearm moved as she moved her arms that captivated me.
"I tried mentioning those muscles in Theresa's arm to my cousin, Rosa. I was just a rookie cop, too busy with work and proving myself – don't laugh, Maura! – and Rosa was my best friend that year. I thought that she would understand, or be excited with me. You know, like seeing some movie that your friends haven't seen yet and all you want to do is tell them about it, and when you do they get excited and they go and see it too and then you all talk about. But, Theresa turned out not to be like that. It was Rosa who pointed out to me that my obsession with Theresa was pretty 'gay', and the way she said it that was a really bad thing.
"All I could think was that what I felt for Theresa couldn't possibly be 'gay', because it felt too damn good. If only Rosa would hang out with Theresa for a bit then she'd realise that was I was feeling was totally understandable, and therefore not gay.
"Then, one evening my whole family was watching tv after dinner. Theresa was there. She and Frankie were sitting close. They had their arms around each other, and Theresa had her head on Frankie's should. Suddenly it hit me that, yes, I would, if I had the chance, want to be where Frankie was, with Theresa leaning on my shoulder and my arm around her. The feeling was undoubtedly sexual and, as such, definitely 'gay'.
"So, you see, on one level, I kinda understood why Frankie would buy that girl a car. On the other I thought I might never forgive him for getting a chance that I didn't and then fucking it up so badly.
"What's worse. What really hurt was that Rosa told Frankie about my crush. And Frankie laughed, and called me... something I'm not gunna repeat - and pointed out - urgh, Maura, this bit is gross – remembering that this teenage, little-brother, Frankie I'm talking about – he told me that I didn't have the parts to do what Theresa really liked.
"You know, I used to think that I could go through my whole life just not really being straight or gay. I could be all about my career and interested in stuff that wasn't lovey-dovey and kids and urgh. I know this is Boston and that it's the 21st Century and all that, but I'm not Ellen or someone like that. I didn't want to have puppy episode and risk everything. All I could think was, what if things changed at BPD? That place is my life. And what would I be risking it for? For someone and something that might easily wander off with my brother and go creating families."
"Oh, Jane," Maura reached over and put her arms around her best friend. "I never even guessed about Theresa."
The next morning Jane was still asleep on Maura's couch as the ME made herself ready for work. Jane had woken briefly and uttered something about how she couldn't afford to miss work, but had then rolled over and gone back to sleep.
At BPD Maura went straight to the bullpen to let Korsak know that Jane wouldn't be, and if required she would provide a medical certificate. Korsak nodded and grinned in a way that caused Maura to step backwards,
"Are you okay, Sergeant? What's making you look at me like that? Don't you trust me, when it comes to Jane's health, because if you enquire I can organise for another physician to - "
"No, no, Dr Isles. I'm sure you have Jane's best interests at heart." And a that his smile dissolved into a coughing fit and Maura left for the morgue.
It was after 10am when Frankie came into the morgue. He was running and looking at his watch.
"Thanks for coming down, Frankie."
"Maura. I've only got minute, but what's wrong with Jane?"
"I was just about to make a pot of tea. Would you like to join me?" Maura began to peel back her latex gloves.
"I don't really have time, Maura. I was just wanting to check that Janie was okay."
"Physically fine, but mentally... she's got a lot to think about right now."
Frankie, who had turned, already half back out the door after the first part of the diagnosis stopped and came back inside.
"What's going on, Maura," he asked, more quietly and with less fervour than his initial questioning.
"Nothing. Like I said, Jane is physically well, and I imagine will be back at work tomorrow, if not later today."
"You also said that she had a lot going on. What is it?" By now Maura had her back to Frankie and was adding water to a teapot on her desk. "Turn around and talk to me, Maura. She's my sister."
"I didn't call you down here to talk about Jane."
"Come on, Maura."
"Okay. But first, look at this." Maura handed Frankie the envelope with the paternity test result in it. He did little more than glance over it before he was back to hounding Maura about his sister.
"I said I'd tell you about Jane. But you have to sit down, and you have to promise to keep things a secret until she tells you herself."
"She's not sick is she? Like something big like cancer?" Frankie's voice was getting faster again. "No, no you said she wasn't sick. Is it to do with work; she's transferred – or fired!"
"No. No. Calm down. Sit there," Maura handed the police officer a cup and directed him to a chair. She sat on a chair opposite him and for minute they both sipped their tea and said nothing.
"You sister came out to me last night, Frankie."
Frankie put his drink down on the glass table between them with a crisp knock.
"What? Did she kiss you or something?"
"No! What makes you think that? She simply told me."
"I feel like I should say something about being shocked, but I don't think that I really am. What about Ma? Does she know?"
"Sort of." Maura told Frankie about the 'plan.' Now Jane needs her chance to come out to her mother on her own terms, Angela needs to understand that she isn't a grandmother. I know that the Lilly thing is hard on you to, but – "
"No it's not."
"What do you mean? Theresa lied to you. It's perfectly normal to feel anger in a situation like that. You thought you were father; that's a big thing."
"No I didn't, and no she didn't. We both lied. We never slept together, so there was never any chance that Lilly was biologically my child."
"Uh. Why did you do that?"
"Why do you think? I was a horny Police Cadet, I was hardly going to go around telling everyone that my drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend appeared to be more interested in my sister. Which begs the questions, Maura; what are you hoping to get out of all this?"
"What do you mean, Frankie?"
"If this comedy of errors ended the way you wanted, what would you be getting out of it?"
"Exactly this: my best friend would be happy."
"That's what makes you happiest then? Jane being happy?"
"I guess it does."
"Maura, I don't want to be out of line here, but, are you attracted to Jane?"
"Frankie! That's irrelevant. Totally irrelevant. Jane is attracted to Theresa."
"Really? Theresa? I always thought that was just a joke."
"I'm not always good at social cues, but I believe that she did tell me that."
"Okay then," Frankie poured himself and Maura another cup from the tea pot and leaned forward conspiratorially, "I'm sure I can come up with an excuse for Korsak for why I'm needing to spend half my day in the morgue, so how do we get Theresa and Jane together then?"
"This is kind of weird," said Theresa at last.
"You don't say," laughed Jane.
"It's like we've been set up on a date," continued Theresa. "But that can't be right, as neither of us is single."
"What do you mean?" Jane, dressed in the nicer of her two Thursday shirts, looked out the window again, as if she still thought that someone else might be going to show up for this dinner at her apartment, then took another swig of her beer.
"Surely you're single, Theresa, or your plan to use Frankie as a way to weasel yourself back into my family isn't going to work very well."
"Jane Rizzoli! You are the one obsessed with your brother's sex life, not me! I'm a happily married woman. I'm just looking for a good, stable male role model for Lilly. Her biological father is not someone I want her being with, and I can't think of a better family for her to experience if we are going to be living here in Boston, far away from my own, than yours."
"You really like my family that much?"
"Of course I do, Jane. I always have. Why do you think I spent so much time over here in my teens? It wasn't for pimply Frankie, but for that feeling of family that cared about me, and having fun as a family and all that clichéd stuff."
"If you like them all that much, you're welcome to swap with me."
"You really don't know when you're onto a good thing do you, Jane Rizzoli?"
"And you really know how to make a girl feel like shit, Theresa O'Brien. I'll have you know that I have a boyfriend. Remember Casey Jones from school? Remember how much everyone thought he was really hot? Well it turns out that he likes me. He's in the army."
"Really, Jane? You have a boyfriend?"
"Are you jealous?"
"Are you twelve? No, like I said, I'm married now...and I thought that you were headed that way too. I'm not stupid, Jane. My wife reads Dorothy Snarker; I know tgtgt when I see it. A few times this week I've thought that you and Maura were about to leap on each other."
Jane opened her mouth and then shut it again. Then repeated the manoeuvre.
"Huh?" she said at last.
"This is the conversation that I had dreamed of having as a teenager," said Jane.
She and Theresa sat side by side on the couch, in a room lit only by candles. And, although it wasn't sexual, they held hands as they spoke. There moments when they laughed as they admitted that teenage attraction with Theresa trapped under the arm of Frankie and Jane trapped under the gaze of her family, and then there was the bittersweet recognition of chances lost. Jane asked questions about coming out that she would have been afraid to ask a stranger or to ask in bright daylight.
"You honestly, truly believe that Maura likes me?" Jane asked once she was close to having had one-too-many.
"I do, Jane. I was confident enough that you were together that I told your mother. I wouldn't do that lightly."
"So what do I do now?"
"Ask her out, you idiot."
"I can't do that!"
"Why not? Just because you haven't asked a girl out before doesn't mean that you can't do it now. Look, I'll ring her, and invite her over, and then I'll leave and leave you two alone and you can tell her."
"I think we've proven this week that people should keep their butts out of other people's love lives."
"So you'll ring her and invite her over yourself?" Theresa handed Jane her phone.
There was a feeling like she might not be able to breather properly, that she might faint. Or vomit. Her hands were shaking. She had to sit down. The words she would say were running through her mind. Oh, Maura had been over here thousands of times. It wasn't even unusual for her to drop everything and come late at night like this. But, oh, what if Theresa had read the situation wrong. Okay, she'd been right about everything else, but what if she was wrong about this and Maura wasn't interested, and Jane fucked up the one thing that was really good about her life and, and, and! The doorbell rang. It was Maura.
"Maura, I thought it was going to be you! It was so weird to have just me and Theresa. I haven't spoken to her nicely, since I joined BPD. We had exactly zero to talk about. Until she mentioned you."
Jane told Maura that she didn't want to practise kissing anymore.
And she didn't want to pretend to be in a relationship with her.
The reason being, that she wanted to do both those things for real.
The look in Maura's eyes as Jane said that was something she knew that he would never forget. She had always thought of Maura as incredibly beautiful, but now there was a light (dear god, was she turning into some awful romantic poet?) shining from inside Maura that made everything about her glow and all that Jane could see in the room was Maura's face. Her shallow breathing turned to a deep rhythmic thumping in her stomach as she leant forward and kissed Maura Isles on the lips for real.
Maura kissed back and here at last was a way to get out of the past week's mess without any lying, and with lots more kissing.
"Just for the record, Maura. This is nothing to do with my mother. You and Theresa and your meddling, maybe, not Ma."
"And also for the record, this isn't practice or a cover?"
"This Maura, is the real thing."
Sunday dinner again. The end of one week, and the start of another. The extended Rizzoli family, complete with Maura, Theresa and Lilly, once again gathered in Maura's kitchen to enjoy Angela's cooking. There were a number of comments along the lines of, "what a week that was."
"I don't understand what everyone's problem is," said Angela, as she busied herself handing out plates and food to the crowd around her who were, it seemed, more interested in gossiping and drinking than in helping to get food to the table while it was still hot. "What happened this week?"
"Ma!" Jane put down her beer. "You don't remember? I came out to you, Frankie turned out not to be Lilly's biological Dad and – "
"Okay, okay. So Janie. You are gay?"
"Yes, Ma."
"And Frankie, you didn't really get Theresa pregnant?"
"No, Ma."
"And Maura, you and Jane, really are... you know?"
"In a relationship? Yes, Angela, we are."
"And Theresa and Lilly, you want to be part of my family?"
"As long as we're welcome, Angela."
"Then what's the big deal been then? Frankie, I've always known that Theresa didn't get pregnant to you; a mother can tell when her baby loses his virginity and you and Theresa, you were all talk, baby. And, Janie, Theresa tells me that you and Maura have been together for a long time. Really, you kids have been making a drama mountain out of a mole-hill this week. Sometimes I don't know what gets into you. If you want to be part of this family, stop talking, sit down, and eat."
THE END