The talks you never had,
The Saturdays you never spent
All the grown-up places
You never went
I am a Stiefel, strong, proud and successful. I am a Stiefel, so I will not fail. I won't give up, and I'll keep marching forward. I am strong, I am proud; I will succeed, no matter what.
So, will the God I pray to every day please tell me why I, a Stiefel, cannot answer this Latin question?
"Moritz Stiefel, I asked you to recite the beginning of the Aeneid. Are you so daft that you can't even recite this simple phrase?" my teacher asked, his voice rising like my fathers.
"I…I don't know sir," I stuttered, trying to shrink myself as small as possible. Maybe if I really tried, I would disappear, and not have to worry about Latin or arithmetic or….
"You what?" My teacher's voice was dangerously soft, and I knew that no matter how much I tried, I wasn't going to disappear.
"I don't know, sir," I said louder, so that only he would hear me. Apparently I was too loud, because the silence in the room was deafening. I looked around to try and find some escape, but I only met the avoiding eyes of my fellow peers. The new kid looked at me with some sympathy, which was a nice change for once. You couldn't even count on your best friend – that's right, you Melchior Gabor, I'm looking at you – to bail you out.
I shouldn't say that actually, because he's helped me on more than one occasion. He's stood up for me when no one else would, and I really did take them to heart. Right then, I couldn't think of a single one. All I thought was, I'm in the fire pit, again, with no one to douse out the flame.
I looked around again, just in case I had missed my salvation. The new kid – Ernie? No, Ernst! – was still giving me a sympathetic gaze. Did he feel the same way sometimes too? Maybe, but that was enough right now. I was not alone, so I could face it.
I almost wish I didn't look back up at my teacher's face; the anger in his eyes was almost unbearable. In silence, he reached out and grabbed the long ruler. Bracing myself, I closed my eyes and lifted my hands.
The rest of the day passed almost pleasantly. I mean, after Latin, there was arithmetic. And literature. And physical education. And biology. And German history. But besides that, it wasn't too bad.
Who am I kidding? I'm an idiot. I'm a shame.
BRRRUM-BUM.
'Oh no, please no, not right now,' I thought.
Plip.
Well that's just great. I lifted my school-bag over my head, trying to block out the water.
Plop plip.
Bloody brilliant.
Plop pip plop.
I'm a disgrace, trapped in a rainstorm. Well that's just fantastic.
This sudden weather change somehow reminded me of the tragedy that was my report card.
What was I going to tell my father? He was going to be pissed, one way or another. I bet he would have been mad even if I got straight A's.
"They're not A-pluses, Moritz. Who do you think you are? What are you doing with your life? It would be better if you just ran away, didn't give me and your mother so much worry."
Yeah, dad, maybe it would be better if I just –
"Um, excuse me."
"What?" I snarled, wiping away some tears that were falling. Thank god for the rain. I turned, and saw Ernst – was it Ernst? Yes, yes it was – holding an umbrella and looking at me nervously.
"Um, I was wondering if you wanted to share my umbrella with me. We've been walking the same way for awhile now, I don't know if you've noticed. Of course you didn't, I'm practically invisible. But, um, if you wanted to get out of the rain…?" he asked, blushing from embarrassment, I guessed. It was a little funny.
"Yeah, thanks," I replied, my voice softer. I stepped under the umbrella, and we continued walking. Awkwardness seeped into the silence that grew between us.
"Um… I'm Ernst, by the way," he muttered, obviously trying to start a conversation that I so desperately needed.
"I know, you just moved here. I'm Moritz."
"I know. You um… were… noticed by the teachers a lot," he replied, hesitant on my reaction.
"That's putting it nicely," I laughed. The silence resumed pace, but the awkwardness slipped away in the rain. "How was your first day?"
"Ah, better than some I've had." Ernst shifted awkwardly in his coat.
"You've moved around a lot?"
"Yeah, my dad's job and everything. Oh! This is my house. I guess I'll…eh… see you tomorrow?" I could hear a hope in his voice. I don't think his first day was as good as he made it seem.
"Yeah, sure. Do you want to sit at my table at lunch?" I asked. After all, he did spare me most of a walk home in the rain.
"I'd like that," he smiled genuinely, and then walked inside. It was a nice smile, in my opinion.
Surprisingly enough, we didn't live too far from each other. Almost in the same street, in fact. I just lived in a court a few houses down. Finally! Someone I can walk home with! Melchior has Wendla and Ilse, and everyone else, but I think I've gotten a new friend.