Next chapter guys.
How upsetting was last nights Holby episode, I was in tears watching it but the Janny scenes helped ease the pain. I think the BBC are hiding something from us; Jac was reading a wedding magazine.
Anyway enjoy reading.
A warm clammy hand is the first thing I notice when my subconscious drifts away from the darkness. Disoriented, I look around and begin to take in the many shapes of objects in my line of view. I'm in a hospital bed but why? I don't remember. I turn my head and look up to catch sight of Jonny. His hair all messy and in his normal clothes, his face a picture of worry.
"Jac are you okay?" His voice full of pain. I try and speak but all that can come out is scratchy noise. I watch transfixed as Jonny pours me some water to drink. The cool liquid soothes my scratchy throat, it feels like heaven. I had drunk about half a glass when Jonny pulls it away.
"Is that better?" He asks. I nod then try to speak again.
"What happened?" I whisper. He smooths his hand over my hair before he tucks some behind my right ear.
"You fainted and scared the hell out of me", I fainted. All of a sudden my hands shoot to my stomach, the baby. Was it okay? What have I done? I look over a Jonny and he sighs. He sits down next to me on the bed and wraps his arm around me.
"Why do you have to keep everything from me? What's wrong with talking and telling the truth? Elliot came in and checked you over and took bloods. You fainted from malnutrition Jac, I know you are passionate about your work but you need to sit down and eat something once in a while. A proper meal not just an apple when you have the time." Little does he know about all the thinking I do, I have reserved that place as my spot.
"Elliot told me that you are pregnant. 6 weeks in fact. Why didn't you tell me?
"Why did he tell you?"
"Well, apparently I am your next of kin and so legally he could tell me. You keep a lot of secrets eh"
I sigh and look down, I forgot about that. Now is the right time to tell him everything about the endometrioses, the baby and my regrets. I push myself up on the bed and lean into Jonny, his arm tightens around me and I begin.
"I didn't want to keep the pregnancy from you, I wanted to tell you but I was scared. I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me not after what happened outside theatre. I've been keeping something from you, endometrioses, and if I told you then it would be reality. You wanted everything and I couldn't give it to you. I thought I couldn't give you children and I didn't want to tell you because everyone that I have ever loved has left me. I thought that if it was on my terms it wouldn't hurt as much but it did. In fact it hurt even more knowing that I caused you so much pain from by actions and words. Then when I found out, I was shocked and terrified, I didn't want to tell you and then have you walk away and leave me alone. I don't think I can do this alone Jonny, I have never needed anyone as more than I need you. I love you and want to a part of a family, a proper family, something that I have never had." I look at him to find him smiling; I frown and begin to talk some more when he shushes me.
"When are you going to get it into your head that I am going nowhere? You are stuck with me Jac Naylor and I don't plan on leaving you now or ever. I've been waiting for you to get off that stupid high horse of yours and look at what you have staring at you in the face. I am determined to make us work, not just for us but for this baby. When you discharge yourself, I am taking you home making you comfortable then going to my place for clothes. I am not letting you out of my sight for anything and officially moving myself into your flat"
"You cannot just move yourself in".
"Oh Jac, I am done being a whipping boy. I am taking control of this relationship and we are doing things on my terms.". I look at him and smile. I should throw myself into the deep end and forget about my past and look to the future because Jonny and this baby is all that I want. He may be a hapless idiot but he's mine and I love him.
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Until next time...