Howdy, guys! This chapter is significantly longer and funnier, so that's a plus. This is also the important part, so don't hold back on the laughs or anticipation noises, even if you're in the middle of the street, being all unsafe, reading in the street.

Well, I at least think it's funny, and if you don't agree, then FU.

I'm kidding.

Seriously, don't hate me pleaseIloveyou!

Fenris: Too late...

NO! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH HIM, MY BEAUTIFUL READERS!

Fenris: Oi!

Onto the chapter...*goes and grows mushrooms in a corner*

Telum: What about the diclaimer?

You can do it...

Telum: Uh...Libby doesn't own Dragon Age, that guy-

Fenris: The way it should be.

Telum: -but I am hers. Lucky swine.

*pokes a mushroom*

Chapter 3

Fenris POV

I shot awake to see Isabela and Hawke jumping away from the bed, grins large and alarming to me.
"What have you done this time?" I sighed and put a hand to my face in an attempt to block out the light. I pulled my fingers back when I felt something cold and slimy on my lips.

"Aw, he ruined it!" Isabela cried.

Hawke just giggled and skipped out of the room.

I stood up slowly, my bones feeling like lead. I walked over to the broken mirror that hung on the wall and groaned, "Really? Make up?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you could pass off as a woman?" Isabela teased.

"I'm pretty sure that was the first," I muttered, trying to scrub the gaudy blue eye shadow and blusher off of my face.

"Let me help you with that, dove," Isabela chuckled, grabbing a relatively clean rag from a table and splashing water onto it. She reached up and roughly scrubbed the water onto my face, smudging all of the make up on my face into what looked like a painter's palette.

"Oh, he looks darling!" Hawke exclaimed when she waltzed into the room.

I groaned and dunked my head into the basin. Too much yelling going on. I could hear muffled chatter through the water and I knew they were talking about the mission. I pulled my head out and breathed in deeply.

"Were you drinking all night?" Hawke asked.

I grunted in response.

"So much that he's reduced to simple sounds and guttural noises," Isabela observed, looking around at the empty bottles haphazardly thrown into the corner, "Broody needs to learn how to hold his liquor."

"The mission," I mumbled, trying not to make my head throb even more than it was.

"Right!" Hawke said, causing me to wince, "We have to get to Sundermount as soon as possible. Apparently, the girl has been gone for weeks."

"Let's get moving," I murmured.

Isabela tossed me a vial saying, "Drink this."

I looked at the slime green contents suspiciously.

"Anders had it made for me. Lessens the pain," she explained at my look.

I shrugged and drank it, gagging at the weird grass taste to it.

"You get used to it," she smirked.

I shook my head and grabbed the greatsword against the wall, wrapped neatly in some cloth. After strapping it to my back, we gathered Sebastian from the chantry and started for Sundermount.

*Oh don't mind me, just a time skip*

By the time we reached the Dalish camp, it was almost midday and the sun was beating hard onto our backs. Hawke ignored the stares and whispers that followed her and her companions, going straight to where Marithari was sitting with her new first. Her eyes latched onto Hawke and she stood up and walked in front of her.

"Serah Hawke. I'm glad you came as fast as you could. Telum is somewhere deep in the caverns, but we haven't pinpointed her location exactly. We've sent search parties after her, but there has been hide nor hair of her. We suspect she is in one of the abandoned caves."

"Why so much for just one clanmate?" Hawke inquired.

Marithari's eyes darkened, "She is an extremely exceptional archer. We need her skills and tact, or else we won't survive."

I narrowed my eyes and was about to call her bluff, but then Hawke asked another question.

"Isn't Telum an Orlesian name?"

Marithari smiled grimly, "That's her story to tell, I'm afraid."

Hawke nodded, "That's all the information I need."

"Dareth shiral, lethallin," Marithari said, somewhat sorrowful.

We hurried into the direction of the caverns and almost immediately came face-to-face with an ogre and a few darkspawn. Battle cries rang through the clearing, Hawke's sigh, Isabela's sarcastic calls, and Sebastian's blessings to the Maker. I let out a roar and charged at the ogre, narrowly avoiding its sweeping arm. Fire swept across my field of vision and I heard Hawke's muttered spells. Arrows rained from the sky and Isabela yelled, "Watch it, Choir Boy!"

My sword sung as it sank into the ogre's meaty leg, causing it to fall heavily, poisoned blood falling out of the wound onto me. I took the opportunity to ghost over to the ogre's chest, aiming for the heart, but he stood quickly, making me fall backwards onto a jagged rock, stunned. I recovered quickly and charged back in. Hawke raised a tempest and lighting began to dive into the remaining darkspawn. All that was left was the ogre, who was getting slower and weaker by the moment. Isabela rushed the creature, knocking him flat on his back again and jumping onto its chest to ram her blades into his heart. A swift turn and the brute was dead.

"How will I get all of these bloodstains out?" Isabela muttered, looking down at her formerly white tunic.

"Shouldn't the Dalish be worried about darkspawn so close to their camp?" I thought out loud.

Hawke shrugged and laughed, "They are a bit naïve if you ask me."

We continued walking in silence until I paused, crouching down to look at the ground. Nearly invisible tracks dotted the underbrush, leading to the left.

"This way," I called to the others.

We nearly passed the small entrance to the cave until we were right next to it. I shimmied in and was surprised to see how large it was. I was further surprised when I saw the redheaded elf sitting in the small chair in the corner, her back turned to the opening. I froze and motioned to the others to do the same.

Silence.

Then she spoke, "You're the first of Marithari's troops to find this place," she had a faint Orlesian accent mixed with Elvhen. It sounded like honey to my ears.

Wait. Where did that come from?

"You are Telum?" Hawke asked politely.

"Emmah, yes," she stood, her hair waist length and tied into a plait. She turned and my eyes wided.

The tattoos on her face weren't normal vallaslin, they were a blood red substance that made her large blue eyes shine like the crystals on the cealing. They swirled over her cheekbones and jawline, traveling up her temples to meet in a semicircle on her forehead, then sloped down her thin, straight nose. They carried on into the neck of her dark grey tunic and reappeared on the skin showing on her thighs. A large, black belt hung low on her waist and she wore thigh-high black, lace up boots made of worn leather. Raven feathers adorned her shoulders and met with a thin belt the same color as the feathers across her chest. Dark gloves of different lengths swathed her hands and leather bands wrapped around her upper arms. A quiver was nestled between her shoulder blades and a glossy bow lay up against the wall.

She glanced at Hawke's compaions, but her critical gaze landed on my eyes, which startled me. People usually skip to the brands on my chin, neck, arms, and hands.

A look of distaste crossed her beautiful face, "You show your scars too easy, U."

I recoiled and was about to speak when she said, "I will return to the camp, under one circumstance. You convince Marithari to let me go with you to Kirkwall. I will fight alongside you in exchange, unless you wish of something else."

Hawke smirked, entranced by the woman, "I think I can take in one more elf."

Telum smiled and said, "It's a deal."

She grabbed her bow and walked out of the cave to the camp. My eyes seemed to follow her when she wasn't looking. What does it mean, however?

There are some Elvhen words up in this biznatch, so here's some translations for ya:

Dareth shiral: safe journeys or travels.

Lethallin: Elvhen way to address a familiar female.

Emmah or Emma: I am.

U: alone or "loner"

Sooooo, do you guys still love me? Telum gave me pep talk while you were reading, so I'm feeling better.

Telum: You're welcome.

SO. R&R for the funnies? The not funnies? Fenris's happines?

Fenris: *grumbles bad words in Arcanum*