If it wasn't so sad, it would've been a fantastic moment..to see them all sitting there in rows as Karkat looked out at them all. He stood next to the casket, it was closed of course...so he'd never again glimpse the face of his lover. Today was not about him though, it was about Sollux Captor. The stubborn asshole who refused to bring up his own condition in conversation, Karkat had known to some degree that the other male wouldn't last long..but he didn't realize how little precious time that he had to spend with the almost anorexic boy. He still remembered the last night they spent together..he wouldn't trade those last moments with him for anything in the world. If only..if only that he had more time with the stubborn-headed prick, tears welled up at the thought of never being able to see that cocky grin of his again.. Why..why did the fates have to be so cruel and steal away the only one he ever learned to love? Sure, he had the others..but they could never take the place of Sollux. He'd come to appreciate all of the late male's quirks and tics, having learned them over the span of their friendship and he wanted to know more..but it'd never happen now.

Sollux Captor was dead, he'd passed on in his sleep and now Karkat Vantas would never be able to live out that desperate wish. The desperate desire that had blossomed over the span of years, how could he have ever known that his dream would be ripped out from under him so viciously, so quickly without a second thought. Fate was cruel..to him, at least. It had been far too cruel to Sollux during his life...but it had been kind in the end. He wouldn't have to suffer the world's fate when it all was over, they all would die eventually...death was kind to those who suffered the span of their lifetime but it was cruel to the living. Especially in Karkat's mind.

He knew that the other would always be in his heart, but it was too terrible to really think about.. To consider more than he needed to on this day, as the other male had promised...everything was left to him. All of his possessions, his pets, even all of his gadgets and electronics that he watched Sollux tinker with day in and day out. He was always in awe at how Sollux could manage such things..to be so talented..and intelligent enough to understand what made them tick. To know how to make them function even if they seemed useless.

Sollux always had that kind of gift..and Karkat always envied how well he understood it. Yes, he had been jealous and no he had never admitted it. But he was amazed at his skill..or what had been his skill before he passed away. Gritting his teeth, Karkat muttered under his breath and dug his nails into the ebony coffin. "You stupid idiot...why did you go and get sick...when you knew...that I needed you... That I always needed you.." his tears finally slid down his face, staining it along with his shirt before they hit the coffin as well. He didn't want to cry in front of the others, but they were probably holding back tears just as he was. Even through the drone of the speaker, they probably saw him breaking apart. He refused to make a sound, choking back sobs and wails that he would later let loose once he was in the private safety of his own apartment.

Yes..later would be the time for that, but not now, not in front of everyone. Even though they probably were just as heartbroken, just as at a loss for what to do as he was. Though he knew better..they all knew and cared for Sollux Captor..but they probably weren't grasping at straws to make themselves feel better. To make themselves carry through the funeral service, not like he was. Karkat was absolutely torn up about having to attend the service at all..but he'd feel as though he was turning his back on Sollux if he didn't show up. If he didn't stand here by his side as he was finally laid to rest in the cold, hard, and cracked ground. Sollux had been his everything, and now Sollux was his pain..his vice, the loss of such an important person would destroy him in the long run. Make him become a recluse and break off most if not all ties with their friends, even though they'd all probably try to keep in contact with him, to make sure that he wouldn't do anything stupid because of this...

But he probably would...after so long of breaking down, of tearing himself apart...after years of self abuse and torture would he act.. Stupid and stubborn as he was, Karkat was a scrapper to the end and he would torture himself until it was time that he acted..until he felt as though it was time he put an end to all of his suffering, though that would not be for several or many years to come.. He, himself, didn't know how long he could manage to carry on. But when he cracked...his end would probably be gruesome and bloody. Or maybe it would just be simple...and make it as though he didn't have to suffer at all. One clean stroke of a blade or the snap of a rope as he found a way to hang himself in the privacy of his own home. Even if Sollux would disapprove..

Dying of old age would probably never occur to Karkat, he never wanted to reach old age in all honesty..not alone. Even though he knew that the wait would probably have been worth it, he wanted to see Sollux's cheeky smile and hear his obnoxious laughter again. Sooner rather than later...