Tony was left standing there like an idiot. He couldn't move at first. His body hadn't fully comprehenced what was happening. By the time he could move, and run after Steve, it was too late.
"STEVE!" He yelled as he ran down the driveway, but the guy was long gone. He'd probably taken a cab.
Stunned, he went back inside and downed the chognac. Had it been too much for him? But he had just told him he'd been in love with that Bucky guy.. He said he could trust him, damnit!
"GOD DAMNIT!" He threw the glass in the wall, shattering pieces everywhere. Then the other glass. Then the bottle. He sank to his knees, gripping his hair. The feeling were all too familliar and he hated it. This was so typical. Did he ever learn?
But no. He refused to cry. Instead, he sat in the big window in the diningroom and drank til he could barely feel anything. He watched other the twinkling lights in the city and wondered if Steve Rogers regretted all of this.

The next couple of days, he was just really angry and wanted nothing but to yell at the guy. He tried to contact him, but to no use. He went to all the places he'd seen him around before, but couldn't find him. He even went to his work place and found out where he lives. Went to his home adress, but with no luck. When he couldn't find him anywhere and it seemed like he had disappeared from the surface of the world, Tony started to get worried. Had he fled the city? Did he hate Tony so much that he had to leave his life behind? Or had he done... something worse? No. Steve was a strong man, detirmined too. He would never do that. But then where was he?

Tony were getting despreate, but since he couldn't talk to the man, he decided to try to forget about him instead. He drowned himself in work, spending as much time in the lab as he could and tried not to think about him or everything that had happened. But it was like it was glued to his mind. He couldn't forget. That kiss was unlike anything he had ever felt in the world and the worst part was that he didn't even regret it. He knew he should be ashamed of himself. It was wrong. Inhumane. A sin. But Tony thought to himself that he'd rather experience one kiss like that and go to hell, than live a dreadfully boring life he hated and go to heaven. It just... it made him forget about everything and he felt.. lighter. Like he didn't weigh anything and could just float away with the wind. Except he was held in place, by Steve Rogers strong, firm arms who were holding him, like they wanted him to stay. His strong arms who tightened their grip, like he wanted him closer.
He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He was probably just overthinking everything, like he always did.

Time went by and Tony was not forgetting anything. He tried out other methods to forget. He went to bars. Seduced women and took them home. And though they were beautiful women who apreciated and admired him, he could not find any interest. As he got into bed and this beautiful woman climbed on top of him, he couldn't feel anything. He gripped her hips, ignoring her womanly curves and closed his eyes. And the only thing he could picture as he closed eyes was... Steve. He imagined Steve's breath on his neck. Steve's hands running their fingers through his hair. Steve moving on top of him and... now he felt something. It was so strange.. that everytime he reached climax, he imagined having sex with another man. But it worked and this way, he could be close to him, even if he weren't. When he opened his eyes the next morning, he was always disgusted with himself. He was well awere he was a terrible person who used innocent girls and used other men as his sex fantasies, but he just didn't care. Damn it all, he could be a bad person if that meant he could get through life easier.

The weather was getting colder and the nights were getting darker. It was the end of October now, closing in on Halloween and about three weeks had gone since he last saw Steve Rogers. Tony was out, buying some liqor, since he'd run out. Usually, he would just send a maid, but for once, he wanted to go himself and get some fresh air. He walked down the quiet street in the evening, some leaves were falling slowly and the cold wind bit at his cheeks. He stopped, for no particular reason and watched a man get out of a cab. The man had a long green military officer coat and a bag thrown over his shoulders. He was tall with broad shoulders.. Tony froze suddenly. He was standing with his back turned, so Tony couldn't really make out who he was, but then he tunred around and stepped under a streetlamp. Tony dropped the bag and the bottles shattered on the ground.
"steve..?" He whispered and his legs started moving towards the man automatically. The smooth, blonde hair. The strong body. The broad shoulders and innocent blue eyes... it was definately him.
"Steve!" He called louder and rushed towards him.
"Tony?" Steve whipped around to the direction of where his name had been called.
"You asshole!" Tony yelled as he reached the man. "You can't just take off like that, what the hell?! Do you have any idea how worried I've been?!" He was so angry he wanted to punch him, but couldn't make himself to do it. Steve furrowed his eyebrows.
"Tony.." He murmured saddened.
"NO! You know what, I don't care how you feel, you can't just take off like that without a word! You can't just do that!" He broke off as he felt a lump in his throat was growing. How dare you be perfect. How dare you ruin my life like that.
"Tony.. I'm sorry." Steve said again. "I got scared, so I asked for the first mission avaliable they had and took it." He tried to explain, but realised it was to no use.
"Sorry my ass." Tony muttered.
"I am!"
"If you were sorry, you wouldn't.." He trailed off and looked down in the ground to fight back the lump. "You left me there like an idiot. You can't just leave after dancing... after kissing me like that. I've never had a kiss like that, ok? You felt it too, didn't you?" He looked up, meeting his eyes. "Am I wrong?"
There was a pause, and then Steve carefully shook his head. His sad, blue eyes were blank and it broke Tony's heart.
"No, you're right." He muttered. "Truth is.. I'd never kissed anyone before. And the way it made me feel.. it was such a good feeling. And so I got confused and scared and I ran away. I realise that was wrong of me and I'm sorry."
Tony stared at him. Tears started welling in his eyes and then a single tear sailed down his cheek.
"Damnit.." He muttered. "Shit. I didn't know... Damnit all to hell."
Suddenly, Steve wrapped his big arms around him in a hug.
"It's ok to cry, Tony." He whispered next to his ear. "I'm sorry. I didn't realise how you felt."
Hesitating alittle at first, Tony gripped his coat the back and burried his face in his shoulder. Finally, he let his tears go. Steve just held him and stroke the back of his head as he cried silently on his shoulder. When his shoulder were starting to get wet, Tony pulled back.
"Shit.." He muttered. "I don't normally do this."
Steve laughed lightly and wiped away his tears with a handkerchief he pulled from the inside of his coat.
"It's alright, Tony." He assured. "Come on. Let me walk you home." He held out his elbow as an offer for Tony to take his arm and Tony obliged.

They walked in silence back to Tony's house and since it was late and noone was out in the streets, Tony allowed himself to press alittle closer and enjoyed the warm comfort of the other man. As they arrived, Steve walked him up the driveway, all the way to his door.
"Well.. I better get going then."
"Are you serious?" Tony stopped him. "Come inside!" Steve smiled and joined Tony inside the house.

When they got inside, Tony was alittle rounded up. He rarely had guests (at least guests he cared about) so he didn't really know what to do.
"I don't have anything to drink, sorry. I kind of.. broke the bottles I was supposed to get."
"Relax, Tony." Steve said and took his hand, just as Tony was rummaging around in the kitchen to find something to eat or drink. Tony stopped and looked up at him, meeting his eyes. That was a mistake. Once he looked into those sweet, blue eyes, he couldn't look away. And now that they were inside in proper lighting, he could see his gorgeous face even more clearly. Which was something Steve also seemed to notice, for he frowned his brows in a lost puppy kind of look.
"You look awful.. are you alright?" It was probably written all over his face how he hadn't slept in five days and had been drinking three weeks in a row, but he the last thing he wanted to talk about was how terrible he'd been the last couple of weeks.
"I'm fine." He muttered plainly and pulled his hand away. Steve jerked back, startled by the sudden agression and Tony sighed.
"Sorry.. It's just happened so many times before, you know, that people leave me. So I don't handle rejection very well." Steve didn't say anything and just watched him quietly.
"I don't even know why I'm telling you this.."
"I'm sorry." He looked back to Steve again.
"Really, I.. I had no idea, Tony. I thought this didn't mean anything to you." It was first now, Tony realised Steve felt the exact same way as he did. He smiled and placed his hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at him.
"Are you joking? I'm nuts about you! I can't even sleep for five minutes without dreaming about you! I'm mean you're just so perfect it's not even fair.." Steve stared at him and blushed, which Tony found adorable. Feeling confident that this time, the moment was definately right, he reached up and kissed the taller man firmly.