Ive been here for a few weeks already almost a month and thngs are hard the weeks I had of the detox program was hell I had hallucinations and chills as the toxic drugs left my system and not being able to0 communicate with Demi and my family for those weeks was torture but my doctors finally said the drugs were our of my sytem as well as the alcohol consumption I have had and now the work begins. I have a personal Psychologist to help me find the underlying reasons why I have an addiction problem, a life purpose counselor to help me find myself again since I have lost myself, and a team of other therapists to help me out and right now Im on my way to se Dr. Shields my psychologist and I am afraid of what I will find out but I need to get better and this is the first step. "Hey Joe take a seat and we will get started ok. I am here to help Joe because addictions start up do to underlying issues like depression, low self esteem, anxiety, work and relationships so I am going to ask you a few questions to0 see what could be causing this dependency on drugs and alcohol ok."
He asked and I nodded my head waiting for the questions to start, "so Joe how was it growing up at home with your dad as a pastor?" He asked and I sighed, "it was great a little on the strict side cause he was a pastor but he is an amazing father and if it wasnt for him my brothers and I wouldnt be like we are now. He always belevied in us and encouraged us to follow our dreams and even if we were disciplined it was becasue he loved us and wanted to protect us. My mom was amazing and she still is and if it wasnt for her I wouldnt have grown into the man I am she is always there for us and is there to hold us when we are hurt I love her very much and she just wants was best for me and my brothers. She was the one who convinced my dad we needed a break when the fame was getting to us and she helped us stay grounded not letting the fame change us in a bad way." I told him and he wrote things down it was uncomfrotable talking to a shrink but I knew it was in my best interest. "Ok how about you and your brothers how was your realtionship with them growing up?" I looked at him and smiled a real smile when he mentioned my brothers, "it was like any siblings we were really close and yes we had our fights but every brother has a fight sometime in their life but Kevin was the protector growing up I was the jokester and risk taker and Nick was the serious one who loved music and getting attention. Our music bonded us and we had a blast and yes we had disagreements but we always talked it out and I loved them all. When I found out about Nick's diabetes I became very protective of my little brother and I guess I overprotected him many times but I just loved him so much I wanted to make sure he was ok. When he decided on the band the three of us were ecstatic and we had fun being in a band and even after we had out little break we were still tight with each other and we were there for each other when we needed hep or a shoulder to cry on. Nick is my best friend and I love him very much and Kevin is my bog brother who was always there when I would fall tp lift me back up." I told him and the doctor smiled writing things down.
"How was your first relationship like and the other ones after that?" He asked and I sighed the the question I really didnt want to answer my relationships werent the best and I alwyas ended up screwing them up horribly and I really didnt want to rehash all of them but I knew I had to so all I could do was take a breath and start my whole relationship countdown to see why they all ended so fast and why I sometimes picked the wrong girl. "My first girlfriend was Mandy Van Duyne in high school she was my best friend and we were happy and in love. Being with her was amazing she loved me for me not Joe Jonas from the Jonas Brothers she made me laugh and we got along great." I told him as a smile came to my face she was amazing and she is still a good friend of mine.
"Well that sounds great and why did you two break up if it was so good?" He asked and I sighed, "our band was just hitting off and I was touring a lot so Mandy and I decided that we were better off as friends it was a mutual agreement but we are still really good friends." I told him and he smiled as he wrote notes down. "Who was your next girlfriend after Mandy and how did that relationship shape you into the man you have become?" The one girl I didnt really want to talk about but I knew I had too, "her name was AJ Michalka and she was the first famous girlfriend I ever had and my first broken heart. We had a whirlwind romance she was beautiful and famous and we were happy she was spunky and caring and she made me laugh and we had a lot of fun I loved her but it seems she didnt love me enough." I said as I sighed my relationship with Aj was amazing and we loved each other or at least I loved her but it wasnt enough and I ended it. "Why do u say she didnt love you enough?" "Well I had a very important concert and I wanted her to go but she brushed me off and acted like she didnt care about it and thats what started the beginning of the end of our relationship the distance was another factor and we broke up which resulted in me writing a song about her to vent out my anger called Move On." He looked up and smiled before asking me if he could hear it and I turned on the computer and showed him the song as he listened intently to the lyrics. ( watch?v=uxPFCnM07Yk)
He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "that was kind of harsh she must of done a number on you for you to be so angry at her so want to elaborate on why you wrote this song?" I sighed I knew the song was harsh but I was so angry at the time I just wrote what I was feeling, "the distance was too much at times and she would constantly accuse me of cheating on her causing us to argue all the time she also was jealous of my fame she wanted to be just as famous as me and my brothers and arguements kept going thats why I broke up with her and when she wanted to get back together with me it was only becasue I was much more famous than her and she wanted the publicity so thats why I wrote that song it helped me express my anger and hurt towards the girl I thought loved me." I told him and he sighed as he looked at me showing e sympathy knowing how hard it was to be in a relationship in the spotlight. "Are you two ok now?" I smiled thinking back on when we met up in New York in 2012, "yea we talked it through and I forgave her and she is one of my friends now and we're ok." I said and the doctor smiled and looked at me so I could continue which I really didnt want to casue talking about Taylor Swift is quite a task and reliving the pain Camilla Belle put me thorugh is heartwrenching and uncomfortable.
"Taylor Swift was my next girl and my second famous girlfriend and our relationship was bittersweet. We were in love but she was extremely jealous and clingy which was the main reason why our relationship didnt function the way I wanted it too and she would always call me and we would fight over the phone of lies she read on a magazine about me and Demi or some other girl. We constantly fought and I met someone else and that is why we broke up and even though people say I broke up with her in a 27 second phone call it wasnt my fault I was trying to explain why we needed to break up and she hung up on me so if I did break up with her like that it was cause she hung up on me after 27 secods before I could finish my explanation." I explained and he looked pensive before writing down the notes, "she wrote a song about you am I correct and you wrote one back answering her right?" He asked and I sighed thinking back to the war of songs her and I had it was tiring. "Yea it was a point in my life I wasnt happy about she wrote a song called forever and always about me which really wasnt true cause I never once told her those words and I fought back with Much Better about mky current girl being better than her I am nor ptoud about how it ended with Taylor but her and I have talked it out now and we're past it and all I wish is for her to find happiness." I said and he looked at me before nodding his head, "what was your biggest heartbreak."
He asked and I froze I really did not want to talk about Camilla but I knew I had too casue even my mom says when I was with Camilla is when everything changed and she feels like she lost her little boy and I look up at the doctor biting my lip before taking a breath, "my next girlfriend was my first real love and my biggest heartbreak all wrapped in one and her name was Camilla Belle. I was 18 and I met her on the set of our music video lovebug and from the first time I saw her I was hooked and thats when things changed I had just broken up with Taylor and Camilla and I hit it off and we started dating. I was in love and according to my family and friends I was changing and not in a good way she introduced me to partying and I almost took off my purity ring for her but I never did however I loved her and thought we would be together forever but it was all just a joke and I got hurt in the end. We were about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary and I found out she was cheating on me she called me up while I was on tour and broke up with me claiming she was just using me for publicity and fame and my heart shattered so bad I fell into a depression after she ended it and when I found our she was cheating my heart broke more and /i ended up crying on stage one night as I sang. I also wrote a song called Turn Right about her to try heal my heart but it didnt really work and I had just lost my grandma so that pain I had doubled and in Detroit during our concert I ended up crying on stge for my broken heart and my grandma's death." ( watch?v=sX1cWy0dodc)
I told him as I felt a tear fall down my face it was a hard tour in 2009 the one I thught would love me forever played me for a fool and I got hurt in the end and thanx to my family as well as Demi I was able to get throught that hard time in my life and I think that was the moment I had fallen in love with Demi but I was still too heartbroken and angry to let it sink into my mind and heart. I took a beath and wiped my face before looking at the doctor as he smiled sadly and gave me a tissue to wipe my tears, "after that hard time when you got a broken heart everything changed am I right you werent the same Joe Jonas everyone loved and who made all his friends and loved ones laugh and had a happy outlook on life am I correct." He asked and I sighed and nodded my head, "yea after what Camilla did I was never the same and I jumped onto a rebound relationship with Brenda Song that really didnt last long she was just someone I tried to fill in the void Camilla left but it didnt work." I said and he sighed before giving us a break before continuing a talk I wasnt looking forward too cause if anyone asks me what my biggest regret was it was when I hurt Demi the one girl I saw a future with who loved me unconditionally and I screwed it up.
We came back from my other therapy sesions I had including a work out after lunch and I was sitting in the Dr. Shields office waiting for the continuation of the rest of my life until now. "So Joe after Camilla did you find love again or not and if you did tell me about it whenever you're ready." He said softly and I smiled before looking at him in the eyes and starting my tale, "she wasnt someone new just someone I never knew I loved until we made our next movie together someone who had been there for me when Camilla broke my heart and my grandma died she was my best friend and her name was Demi Lovato. I met Demi when she was 15 on the set of our disney movie Camp Rock and we connected in a way that wasnt easy to explain she was beautiful and she made me laugh all the time I could be myself with her and she could be herself with me she became my best friend and on the set of Camo Rock 2 I noticed just how beautiful she was and ended up falling in love with her. I was afraid to go there she was my best friend and if it didnt work out I would lose her so I was weary about getting in a relationship with her but I did and I was the happiest I have ever been she loved me for me and gave her all to me as well as I gave my all to her and we were happy but we were young and management and my dad were talking in my ear warning me not to get in too deep with her since they were afraid we would get hurt in the end. I was still getting over my broken heart Camilla gave me it had only been a year since that fatal break and they thought I was rushing things with Demi but I didnt want to hear it but they were right."
"Without my knowledge management was using my relationship with Demi to promote our movie and things with her and I were getting strained her insecurities were hurting our relationship but I still loved her and I showed her in every way she was the first and last girl I ever made love too and the one who scared me the most and she had issues that were taking over her life so I broke it off with her and it was the biggest mistake of my life cause not only did I lose the woman I loved I lost my best friend the break up wasnt pretty and I ran off to Africa to get away and she ran off to South America and thats when things went from bad to worse." "I met Ashley Greene in London and started my first adult relationship with her and ended up hurting Demi more I should have never brought Ashley on tour with me and Demi cause all it did was create arguement after arguement between Dem and I plus my family was pissed off at me especially Nick he said all I was doing was breaking and hurting Demi more but I didnt listen I was rebelling and I changed into someone I didnt recognize. When she had her breakdown I blamed myself for it and even now I still blame myself she needed me and I wasnt there and that was the biggest regret of my life." I said as tears fell down my face and the song Sorry played over and over again in my mind as the doctor observed me.
"Did you love Ashley or was she just a rebound?" He asked and I thought abhout it I did love her but I wasnt in love with her, "I did love her but I wasnt in love with her does that make sense cause after we broke up I wasnt all that hurt." I said and he smiled with sympathy, "that is commmon when you break up with someone you realize you loved too late you tend to jump into relationships to numb the pain of hurting someone so dear to you and act out men tend to jump into a relationship with the complete opposite of the one they were afraid to love completely." He said and I sighed knowing he was being truthful I reied so hars with Ashley it wasnt funny and I turned into a man my parents were dissapointed in and looking back now I should've never gotten involved with her, "Ashley was the first girlfriend who intoruduced me to partying and drinking as well as drugs and I was drawn to the party scene like a moth to a flame and I wanted more of that lifestyle no rules just fun." I told him and he nodded before writing stuff down, "did you ever try to make amends with Demi?" I looked at him and smiled, "yea I wrote quite a few songs about her and one in particular meant the world to me and it was all about her the name of it was sorry." He looked up and smiled before asking me if he could hear it and I smiled before getting my guitar and starting the song that means so damn much to me even now and I think it always will mean the world to me. ( watch?v=lmmIyycLyDE)
As I sang the song all the memories of Dem flew thorugh my mind and I let my tears fall as I put all the emotion I could in this song and when I was finsihed the doctor looked like he was about to cry as well and I wiped my tears as he looked at me, "wow you must really love her and if thats the case than where does Blanda come into all this and why were you with her so long if your heart belongs to Demi." He asked curiously and I sighed talking about my life was draining but I felt like a load was being lifted off my shoulders, "I guess Im with her because I thought Demi had moved on from me and it was time for me to do the same Blanda was different she was a woman who knew what she wanted and she made me feel happy so I stayed with her thinking she might be the one for me but seeing Dem at an awards show changed things I felt my heart beat furiously in my chest and I kept my distance from Blanda just treating her more like a friend than a girlfriend and I realized I still loved Dem but I buried it in the back of my mind and settled for Blanda but things between us were not really good yes I kissed her and yes I was happy but not completely B introduced me to all her partying friends from the model world and somehow we ended up doing drugs and as much as I tried to stop I couldnt seeing Dem everywhere just made me want her more so I drowned in alcohol and drugs trying too hard with Blanda but after Vegas things changed I saw how happy Nick was with Olivia and I wanted that but I wasnt going to get it with Blanda so we argued and I left and got into a car accident and duringn that coma I had dreamt up a life with just Demi and me and how things would be different if I never let her go and here I am getting help cause I need it just as much as I need her."
I exposed and my heart felt lighter somehow and I smiled happy the doctor knew everything and waiting anxiously for his diagnosis. "Well Joe fromwhat we spoke today it proves to me that depression is a big factor in your substance abuse you feel like its your fault Demi was in rehab and you closed your heart to her after the trauma Camilla's betrayal cuased you which makes me come to the conclusion that you were with Blanda becasue you couldnt have Demi and you use alcohol and drugs to drown out the memory of the betrayal you gave Demi by breaking up with her in her most vulnerable time. You were afraid of commitment thats why all your relationships after Camilla ended so rapidly and you were with Blanda to fill in the void Demi left trying hard to forget her but the truth of the matter Joe is you cant replace Demi with other women it wont work your heart was given to Demi a long time ago and she is the only one who could finally make you happy. You use drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of not having Demi and to nforget about your guilt but you need to understand Joe Demi was sick long before she met you and it was not your fault she needed help and she got it and now you need it as well. Now that you are older and thinking clearly we can help you and bringing Demi here for your sessions will be good becasue she is the one you desperately need forgiveness from and the one who can help you stop your addictions cuase only when you two work out your issues will you two be able to move on and be happy. Thats it for the session it was a sucess and Ill arrange for Demi to come to your sessions so the two of you can get passed this but remember Joe when you find love and let it go your soul and heart cry out for that person and now that Demi is back in your life you have a second chance at happiness dont let your issues and insecurities ruin it ok we only find true love once and its time you got your happily ever after with Demi sont let her go or youll regret it for the rest of your life." He said and I sighed knowing he was right and as I walked back to my room I sent an I love you to Demi on my phone and slept thinking of where Dem and I will go from here cause talking about everything just reminded me how much I truly love her and cannot lose her my heart cant take it.