How a heart became cold chapter 5
When they finally arrived at the
camp, Moscow had already lost track of time. Vladimir had told him they were in
Altai, but himself didn't really know how much time had passed since the
beginning of their journey. The only thing he knew was that he couldn't wait to
get out of the train and to finally sleep in a real bed under a real roof. He
was so tired that just opening his eyes represented a hard time. Dark circles
were forming under them and the other guards found in them another way to laugh
at Nikolai. The poor boy just ignored them, preferring the company of Vladimir,
his adopted older brother. They didn't even look alike, but they acted like
brothers and called each other as so. Vladimir was tall and had blond hair and
blue eyes, and Moscow was tall as well but had silver hair and unnatural
lavender eyes. He was also more pale, a gift of the winter he supposed.
When they stepped out of the train, Moscow took a deep breath of
fresh air. He smiled a bit, glad he was outside, but also afraid of what he'd
see. He didn't want to see the suffering of so many people, he would just break
down and cry, or throw up... Not that it would ever make a difference to their
situation.
He tried to look brave and not to show his emotions as he
followed the others, entering the camp. He decided not to look around him,
afraid of what he'd see. He could hear the wind blowing around them and the
quiet shuffling of the prisoners. The ground was dirty, and he could see some
remaining of food and things he couldn't make out, and the smell was awful. It
was a smell of death and illness, a smell that came from deep in the history of
this place. He couldn't see the prisoners, but he could feel their sorrow and
sadness, and he felt responsible, so responsible he felt as if his heart would
fall and froze in the snow. He could almost see it, the blood adding to the
disgusting sight of the ground, the muscle laying, desperately trying to beat,
fighting for life... Just like the prisoners. His heart was fighting for
survival, but not the same kind of survival. A survival against sadness and
sorrow.
-Коля?
Vladimir had disturbed the thoughts of the
young boy by calling his name. Moscow turned his head at him, forcing a small
smile.
-Да?
The blond man sighed.
-Don't try to fake a
smile in front of me. What's wrong?
-I-I...
The smile on the
boy's face faded as he looked down.
-Everything is wrong...
Vladimir patted his back discretely.
-You should cheer up, we're no
longer in a train!
Moscow sighed.
-Я знаю... Простите...
-If you show your weaknesses to the others, if you make mistakes, they
will bully you without mercy! Don't look so sad please.
Moscow nodded
slightly.
-Да, брат.
Vladimir smiled. He didn't want the
others' bullying to go any further.
-U-um, Володя...?
Vlad
looked at Moscow again. The boy had a frightened look on his face and seemed
unsure.
-W-will I have to escort some prisoners to their
shack...?
-Нет, you won't. They don't need us right now because we're the
youngest of the guards. The commander told me to just go to the barrack and look
for our room. We'll be sharing it with another man but I don't know his name
yet.
Nikolai nodded. He was a bit relieved that they weren't forced to
do this. He would much rather sleep or read the magazines he brought along. He
was wondering if Vladimir had brought some too. He could always show him
his...
-
Their room -if you could call it a
room- was small, and the walls were so thin you could hear almost all the noises
coming from outside. There were three small beds with space under them to put
their belongings. The beds were not comfortable but they were still better than
those in the train. There was no window, it was cold and it smelled bad. Moscow
started to regret his basement. At least it was relatively warm and it didn't
smell like rotten apples. But he didn't really deserve better than those little
rooms.
Vlad and him put their stuff under the beds and sat on their
beds. Moscow took a magazine out of his luggage and started to read it. He
wasn't even at the second page that Vlad took it out of his hands. Surprised,
the young Russian looked at his friend, who looked really angry and
red.
-Um, what's the matter?
Vlad tried to calm down. Now,
Moscow was realizing his friend was not angry, but embarrassed.
What?
-Y-you shouldn't read those magazines! T-they're
wrong!
-Wrong?
-Д-да!
Moscow started laughing.
Vladimir was all red, as if he had never encountered this kind of magazine
before.
-W-what are you laughing about!?
-You're all red! It's
funny!
He tried to catch his breath.
-What's so wrong about
them? It's not like I'm learning the basics of capitalism or
something.
-B-but it's pornography... And you're only 15 years
old!
-Well, physically yes, but in fact I'm much more older than you. I'm
as old as the city, when Moscow was founded, I appeared.
Vlad
sighed.
-But pornography is still wrong!
Moscow got up and
went to sit beside his friend. He gently took the magazine from him and opened
it.
-I think I have to introduce you to the pleasures of reading
those.
Vladimir blushed a deep red as he saw the images in the
magazine. Moscow chuckled at his friend's face, and continued to look at the
pages. Girls wearing little or no clothes were posing suggestively with various
things or naked men. They were all perfectly shaped and beautiful. The magazine
itself was quite old and some pages had been ripped off to put on Moscow's walls
back at his home.
-B-but it's a sin to read those!
Nikolai
chuckled at his friend's words.
-I don't think anyone cares about us
reading those... Otherwise they wouldn't had sent us here!
Vlad
frowned, defeated. Of course, how could he expect not to act sinfully in this
place? His fiancée was dead anyway, it's not like she would care... And he knew
deep in his heart she was far more beautiful than those women in the magazines.
No one could compare to her, no one had hair more beautiful than hers, no one's
eyes were as jewels-like than hers, no one's skin was as smooth as hers. He knew
he had to let go, after all being in love with a ghost wasn't really useful and
he was always looking back at the past. A past that was dead by now, and there
was no use missing it.
-Big брат?
Moscow was looking at him,
his eyes full of worry.
-oh, sorry... I was lost in
thoughts...
The young boy frowned. He didn't think his friend was
only lost in his thoughts, but he let go, conscious that Vlad was probably
thinking about something private. He looked down.
-Простите, брат...
Vlad looked at him.
-Uh? Sorry for what?
-For being
such a crybaby... I know I'm not the only one with problems here but I keep
being a burden to you... And I'm trying to cheer you up but you obviously don't
like it...
The blond man smiled sadly.
-You're not a burden,
Коля. It's perfectly normal for you to be upset. And it's nice from you to try
to cheer me up, I appreciate it. I'll probably get more into it as time passes.
It's just that I was thinking about my fiancée... I miss her...
-Oh...
Where is she right now? I'm sure she misses you too.
Vlad's smile
faded.
-She's dead...
Moscow looked down, feeling guilty for
asking such a private question.
-I-I'm sorry... I-I didn't want to
depress you... But I'm sure she's still thinking about you, wherever she is. I'm
sure that she doesn't want you to keep getting depressed over her
death.
-You're right... But... I loved her so much...
-I felt
like that when Anastasia died... I tried to protect her, but they just killed
me...
-Uh? But... You're alive now...
-I'm a city, I will always
come back to life.
-Oh, that's why... Well, I won't be afraid of loosing
you.
-I actually would like to be mortal... I mean, life isn't really
worth living...
He looked down, thinking about all the times he tried
to kill himself. He had tried all the ways; hanging himself, shooting himself,
cutting his veins, etc. , but nothing had worked. He would always wake up after
a couple hours or days.
-It's nice for a while, then you realize that
you have no future and that you don't mean anything to anyone. You realize that
all the things you do are wrong, that you can't grow up right or that you're too
weak for the world around you. You realize that you're just a burden and that
you annoy everyone by just breathing the same air as them. And you fall. You
fall and you shatter in millions of pieces.
The last words were only a
whisper. Vladimir had tears in his eyes from the other's words, and he felt his
heart aching. Those words weren't the ones of a normal 15 year old. They where
the ones of a depressed 30 year old that wasted their life on alcohol.
He gently hugged the boy, silently telling him that he would always,
as long as he lived, be there for him. He really felt like Nikolai was his
brother, and even if hugging wasn't something a proper guard would do, it felt
okay to do it.
-Don't say such things...
He said softly to
the other, stroking his snow white hair. It was oddly soft, even after several
days without washing it, and strangely cold, as if there was a gentle wind
blowing in it. Nikolai hugged back strongly, burying his face in the other's
coat. He felt like crying, but he knew it would only make him look weak.
After a moment, Nikolai let go and gently pushed Vlad away. He smiled
shakily to the other, feeling a bit better.
-Спасибо...
Vlad
smiled back.
-No problem... Please, don't face your problems alone.
Moscow nodded. He didn't want to be a burden, but he knew he had to
voice his emotions if he wanted to stay sane.
Someone knocked on the
door, snapping them out of their thoughts. Vlad stood up and walked towards the
door to open it.
-Probably the third man...
He gently opened
the door, expecting some ordinary guard. After all, that's all he had seen
lately... However, the man that stepped in was no ordinary guy. He was much
taller tan Vlad and looked much older. He knew he had seen this man before...
-Aren't you that guy that is always standing back when something
happens?
Said man looked down at him and smiled tiredly. His hair was
messy and brownish, and his eyes were bright green with some huge dark circles
under them.
-Да. I'm
Boris.
-
Aaaaaaaand done! I'm excited for
the next chapter, there will finally be some action!
Poor poor little
fluffy Moscow... God I love him so much. I'm in love with my own oc. Don't you
want to cuddle him?
Boriiiis. I love him~ he's one of the oldest guards.
He's not a bad guy, while not being that good either. He's just in love with his
vodka.
Admit it, you waited for this chapter.
I really really like
this fic. Am I the only one that thinks this would make a great video game? A
bit like beyond two souls.