B is for Brother
Harvestmere, 9:37 Dragon
The ring in his palm feels heavy, like a burden, as he looks at it, twists it around in his hand and tries to understand. It is the Howe signet ring, the last thing that remains of his brother. Following an impulse, he has slipped it off Thomas' bloodied hand when it was all over. He still doesn't know why he did it, why it was important, just that he had to.
His brother turned out to be a traitor just like their father and Nate has seen to it that he got his punishment, knowing that he deserved it. Once more his family name is sullied with blood and betrayal and he should have learned to hate that name and those who bore it. But as much as that is true for his father, he cannot bring himself to hate his baby-brother.
They had been too close in their youth for that, despite the five years they were apart. He always felt responsible for his younger brother who had never been quite like other children. Thomas had been a quiet and shy boy. Until the age of four, Nate can't recall him speaking a single word and whenever he would speak after that, he always did so in hushed tones and with his head down so that you had to strain your ears to understand him.
He also was sick often and had to spend a lot of time in bed or inside the house with only his books and toys and his own imagination to keep him company. Finding friends had never been an easy thing for the Howe children in the first place. For one, because their father did not approve of them mingling with commoners and two, because people knew that and kept their distance. But for Thomas, it had been especially hard. His shyness and weak constitution did not allow him to play mage and templar with the other kids or go for a ride or a swim in the lake. All he really ever had were his brother and sister and he tended to follow Nate around like a lost puppy whenever he was healthy enough to do so.
On those rare occasions, he always tried to make sure that Thomas had a good time. Seeing a smile on his brother's always pale and too earnest face was worth it every time. Tom was less shy around him, less hesitant, knowing that Nate would watch out for him. When they were together, his younger brother almost behaved like a normal child.
It is this memory he still holds onto to this day. The knowledge that Thomas has tortured and murdered more than a dozen people is not able to change the love he still feels for his brother. It only makes him feel guilty. As if it is fault. As if he could have done something to prevent it.
Nate knows of course that these thoughts are pointless and irrational. He is not responsible for Thomas' actions and never was but the bitter taste of regret and failure remains because he still feels that it was his job to protect his brother and that he did not live up to that task.
Where did it all go so horribly wrong? When did his brother's love turn into hate? Had it always been like this?
He will never know. Thomas is dead and with him the answers he is seeking. What remains is a feeling of guilt and regret, of grief and emptiness and the everlasting question about the why.
The ring still lies there in his hand and after staring at it a while longer, Nate slips it over his finger. There is no bringing back the past, no undoing the things that have been done. What he can do, though, is remembering, holding onto all those good memories and he will. For Thomas. For the boy he was before. He owes him that much after all.