CHAPTER FOUR
TRIS
"No need to cuff 'em, I know these folks, you head on home Johnny."
"But they were-!" he starts
"Just let it go, man." Johnny gives all of us a sulky look as he walks away leaving us with Amar.
An air of awkwardness looms as he leaves.
"Damn Four, never thought you'd be out here with a girl." repeats Amar, with a wide grin. Tobias shoots him a look, and doesn't dare look at me.
Okay… what? What was that meant to mean?
"Let's go" Tobias grunts. He pulls on his shirt roughly and starts off towards the train. I walk over and try grabbing his hand, but he lets it fall away, like a stone, glued to his side.
I try to make out his face in the darkness but it's unreadable. Just a few moments ago he was laughing and smiling with me, he was horny and happy, now he's sad, angry, emotionless? I don't even know exactly what he is but it isn't something good.
Amar catches up behind me.
"Hey."
"Hey, Amar, is it?" I say.
"Yeah, I was Four's instructor." He replies.
There's a long silence as the three of us walk to the train. It's still awkward, why couldn't Amar just go with the Abnegation man? Does he have to embarrass us further by walking home with us after catching us in the act?
Still, he let off the fine, or possible night in jail, so I guess I can't be too angry with him.
The train whistles past, and I don't remember anyone speaking a word the whole trip home.
When we reach the pit, Amar waves us a goodbye and heads off in the other direction, towards the Pire apartments.
I glance at Toby.
"What?" he grunts.
"Nothing."
"I'm just embarrassed, okay?"
"Okay"
Maybe I shouldn't have made him finger me in public. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed him into an uncomfortable zone, maybe I shouldn't have made him do all of those things. Maybe I should have just let him be.
I'm overthinking it.
Am I?
Shut up, walk away, shake it off, Tris.
Fine.
He doesn't even acknowledge me on the trudge home. Just like after we were caught, he hasn't said anything, too embarrassed, I guess then, to talk at all.
When we open the door, I throw my jacket off and flump onto the bed. Behind me, all I hear is the chinking of keys and the creak of the front door as it closes shut.
I spin around, looking towards the door to see Tobias has gone.
I check my watch.
It's only 6:17, he's probably gone to dinner.
Whatever, I'm going to sleep.
I've always slept for eight hours. Like a machine, I wake up at the eight hour mark, every time.
So it's 2:30am when I wake up.
Next to me, Tobias has meandered his way in through the night. A messy trail wandering from the front door, to the open fridge, to the countertop, to the bathroom, where some revolting lime green vomit has projectile exploded everywhere, to the bed. I squirm at the sight and smell of it, pinching my nose.
Closing the door to the bathroom and fridge, I walk out of our apartment, to the pit. The cold hallways are extremely unwelcome, cementing my arms to my sides and producing visible smoky puffs every time I take a breath.
I walk along the corridor, putting my hands in my jean pockets, trying to conjure some warmth. I shiver and think about returning to get a jumper when a squawk from the next hallway makes me stop dead in my tracks.
What the hell was that?
Silence fills the corridor, and all that I can hear is the beating of my heart and my muffled footsteps as I peep my head out from around the corner.
Two dark figures stand at the end of the hallway, although they appear to be one. A woman is pressed up against the wall, her hands on the shoulders of the man in front of – well, in – her. They pant and the woman squawks again.
Well she makes weird sex noises. I'm about to keep walking, having, hours ago, find out how embarrassing it is to be caught when I notice the voice of the man.
"Ye—aww, Kaya ye—yeah…"
A shocked gasp blurts out my mouth, and I cup my hands to my lips to cover it. I jump back to the corridor I was originally walking along and plant my back side to the wall, my arms outstretched. I feel like if I stay in this position, I can sink back into the wall, unnoticed.
Around the corner they stop making noises.
"Hello?" calls out Will.
I have to bite my lip to keep out from screaming.
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
"Is anyone there?"
Silence.
Oh god, Christina, I'm so sorry.
Silence.
"Yeah, keep going, ye—go, yeah that's the stuff"
"Haaah, haaah, aww, yes!" screams the woman – Kaya I think I heard him saying.
My eyebrows are knitted together in rage. Against the wall, I breathe loudly through my nostrils, though not loud enough to go over her moans.
How dare he? That's disgusting. Out in the hallway, for god's sake, on display? What if Christina had gotten up?
I take a sprint and run straight past their scene to the pit, the blackness of it encompassing me.
Without even turning on a light or using my phone to guide me, I run down the stairs, placing my feet evenly apart, going this way and that, knowing exactly where each step is.
I almost trip though when I find the bottom, expecting it to be another few steps. Swaying a little bit, but gaining balance once more, I make my way over to the glow in the distance, hoping none of the Dauntless kids have left anything in my path.
When I reach the door to the dining hall, I don't expect anyone to be there. But a woman with black dread locks and a familiar hawk tattoo sits alone, reading.
"Wow, Tori, didn't know you wore glasses."
"Hmm?" she says "Oh hey, Tris, how's it going?"
"Fine." I say flatly.
"Something's wrong."
"What? Tori, no I'm fine."
"No, you're not. Tell me about it."
"There's nothing to tell about." I say, stealing her mug and taking a sip of her tea as to not look conspicuous.
She looks at me, long and hard until I break.
"Fine!" I sigh
"No, not fine."
"I mean, fine! I'm not fine"
"Exactly" I roll my eyes.
I tell her all about getting caught with Tobias and how he reacted, and waking up just now to see Will with not Christina.
At 6:00am people finally start to file in, mumbling over muffins and toast, making their way to coffee and (a few) bursting through the doors holding energy drinks with crazed looks in their eyes.
Tori left at 5:00 to go get some sleep before her shift at 12:00, so I'm about to leave when Christina walks through the door with a disgruntled look on her face.
I think about telling her or not telling her.
Should I, or shouldn't I?
Maybe she already knows, look at that face.
"Hey" she grumbles as she sits down. I would look into her eyes, but they're covered with the short curtain of hair that she has.
"Hey, you alright?"
"God," she starts "I woke up, feeling all fresh and excited, when just out of nowhere, I vomit all over the toilet, not just in it, but on the tiles and stuff. I'm still not feeling so hot so could you just not… talk to me for a bit?"
Her stomach grumbles after she speaks, and I'm slightly glad. Doesn't look like she does know about Will, and I really don't feel like breaking it to her now.
But a Christina that doesn't want to talk. Well that's something I'm sure is a rare, rare, sight.
Tell her.
No.
Yes.
Well fuck you.
Do it.
I should really see someone about these mental fights I have with myself. But I know it's the right thing to do. I can't tell her later. By then I would have kept it from her and, and, no… I need to tell her now.
"Chri-" but I'm interrupted by a dark-skinned guy plumping down next to me.
"Hey, Tris." Says Uriah.
"Hey."
"What's up with her?" he asks, with his hand in front of his face.
"I can hear you." Mumbles Christina in a deathly tone.
Uriah laughs and asks "So what is wrong with you?"
"She's sick." I offer.
"I'll be better in a couple minutes if you two would just shut. Up."
Uriah gives me a look with a single raised eyebrow and hands me a muffin. I take it hungrily despite having been here for four hours.
"Where's Four?" he asks. I think about when I woke up, how I left the apartment, with his green vomit spewed everywhere in the bathroom.
"Ugh, he's at home, he vomited, quite like Christina, actually" She throws a muffin at me "… as in, he vomited everywhere."
"Yeah, Zeke came into my apartment last night asking me for Booze."
"Oh no, Toby's the worst with hangovers."
"Toby?" grunts Christina.
"Uh- Four, don't know where I got Toby from." Uriah gives me a look. We're just sitting, and I'm just being contempt with just sitting when Will decides to just sit down. I scold him to his face.
"What? All he did was just sit down." Says Uriah when I get up from the table. I walk away, without looking back to see if Christina saw what happened, or to see Uriah and Will's faces. I can't be near him. Which is bad, because if I'm going to tell Christina, he'll most likely be there. I'm going to have to tell her during work.
Shake. It. Off.
I turn a corner into the corridor leading to our apartments when a strangled scream leaps into the air. I sprint around the next corner, to the corridor where I saw Will last night. Suppressing the vomit in my stomach, I sprint towards the dormitories, towards where I heard the scream.
The door bangs open before I can even do so with my fist. Dakota stands at the door, staring me in the eyes.
"I have powers." She says.
"What?" I don't even want an answer I shove her out of the way and let my eyes search the dorm. On the floor in the corner, the girl whose name I can't remember – Adelaide… Addie. She has a bloody nose and blood on her cheek, though not from her nose, or any visible cut – someone else's blood.
Across from her is another girl – Kathryn – wearing a singlet and no pants, just her underwear. I feel bad for her, exposed in front of all these people. Her knuckles are bloody, and I make the connection to the blood on Addie's cheek.
"What's going on?" I demand.
"We were all getting up, some of us were sleeping" a male voice behind me says
"Cut to the chase" I grunt.
"Well, Katie punched Addie." He says.
"Why?" I say to him, keeping my eyes trained on the girls.
"They were fighting over me."
"What?" I turn to him, disgusted at how he said that sentence. It's Simon, the guy with the strawberry blonde hair. He has a smirk on his face and I feel like punching him.
"Girls." I say, keeping my rage as supressed as the vomit, "neither of you deserve him."
They both apologise to each other and Addie hands Kathryn a pair of black pants.
"You should clean yourselves and then get some breakfast, training starts in one hour"
I leave the dormitory, and glance behind to see Simon walking out of the door, and then… James, the Abnegation kid.
Man that kid is creepy.
I go to our apartment to find Tobias putting his pants on.
"What did you do last night?" I question him angrily. I notice a smell of cleaning substances entering my nose, and I silently fall in love with him even more. Cleaning up after himself. But I'm still angry with him getting drunk.
"Nothing."
"So you vomited everywhere for no reason?"
"Me and Zeke got some drinks." He mutters, pulling on his shoes and keeping his eyes away from me.
"And you got drunk!" I yell. He flinches, putting his hands to his ears.
"Please don't be so loud."
"And now you're hung over! I don't know what happened yesterday, but that was a pretty shitty ending, you not looking or talking to me, even though we nearly got arrested and I had to walk home with two men. Maybe I was feeling exposed, maybe embarrassed."
"I was embarrassed too!" he shouts and he storms out, grabbing his sunglasses before he slams the door.
We'll get over it.
I leave our apartment and head towards the training centre, logging onto the computer while Toby sets up the punching dummies around the room. We don't talk or look at each other.
Just like yesterday.
I grimace at the thought.
Everyone files in after Toby opens the door, and I notice the girls staying far from each other and also Simon.
At least I've done something right. I may not know the whole story, but at least I've ceased unnecessary fights.
Tobias goes through all the basic kicks and punches, showing them all how to use them on the dummies. Again, I record their progress. Simon, who now I despise, I wish I could give a low mark, but he does the best out of everyone. Next to him is Kathryn, then Addie.
'Maybe the girls weren't fighting over Simon.' I silently think to myself. Dakota somehow manages to take the head off her dummy surprising everyone. She looks around the room incredulously after she does it, and then she smiles and says
"Yeah, that's right." The Candor boys laugh, and so does Addie and James.
I'm glad to put her up to number four.
At the end of the day, everyone trudges out of the room, tired.
"Rest your muscles, you're going to need them tomorrow." Says Tobias as they walk out.
Dakota doesn't thank him this time.
"Looks like Dakota's becoming less deceiving." Mumbles Toby as he slowly makes his way over to me.
"I'm sorry."
"No I am… for getting drunk… and ruining the bathroom."
"Hah, well I was happy that you cleaned it up yourself."
"Well if I didn't that would be self-indulgent."
"Indeed it would." I say, and then I press my lips to his, glad to feel the warmth of him again. He places his hands on the small of my back and pulls me into him and we embrace for a long time. And I'm glad we're not fighting anymore.
But then I think of all the other bad things.
Christina.