So I haven't updated in like nearly two weeks. Sorry! Total writers block. Feel free to message me or leave reviews on what you like about the story and I'll try to pour an extra dosage of them into the mix.

-Eve

CHAPTER FIVE

TRIS

That Night I dream of Will and Christina.

I'm standing, in a crowd, watching as they rally out the fight. Will throws the first punch, his knuckles colliding against Christina's jaw with a stomach churning crunch. Blood sprays across his face. While wiping it off Christina uses all her might to kick him in his side. He bends over, clutching at his stomach, blood dripping from the end of his nose.

"STOP!" I shout, I'm trying to run forward but I sink, further and further down. The black, faceless crowd pulls me back, denies my objection.

"Shh" they whisper "Shh"

I grapple at them, trying to pull myself up.

The last image I see is Will and Christina, both on the floor, and a glimpse of my hand being slapped against my own skin.

When I wake up, I clutch at my knees, whimpering softly.

"Hey. Wh-what happened?" Toby says, reaching out a hand and finding the bedside lamp. "What. Oh" He opens his heavy eyes and finds me, wrapping me into him. I lean back against him, letting him consume me.

Suddenly I feel ashamed. I am supposed to be Dauntless, how can I be so weak and afraid of a…

Dream?

I hurriedly wipe the tears from my face, and give Toby a kiss on the cheek before I lay back down.

He wraps his arms around me anyway, holding me close as we fall back to sleep.

She giggles when she runs, him on her back. They've never been traditionalists. Shouldn't the man be giving the woman a piggy back ride? She laughs as they fall to the ground, him embracing her, and her kissing him.

You have to learn how to keep this down, Tris.

I tell myself to calm down, keep it suppressed, but my anger at him is too large.

"Hey, Tris." Christina sits across from me, with Will's arm slung across her shoulders, stealing my muffin and taking a bite. I remember just a couple days ago, Christina stole Will's toast and took a bite. He put his arm around her and told her that he would protect her from Peter.

I guess he has a weird way of looking at love.

"So, what's going on Tris?" asks Will. He doesn't seem angry at me or confused about what happened yesterday. I think he's tossing it away like it didn't matter to him, so as to avoid an awkward wall between us. But he doesn't know there's a whole world between us now, now, that I've seen his other side.

My mother used to say, you have to see the evil in someone, to be able to appreciate their goodness. But all I can see is him rooting that Kaya girl up against the wall.

In public.

Anyone could have seen.

And I did.

Somehow, though, I find it surprisingly easy to act normal. I manage to keep it suppressed like I told myself to. I manage to keep from slapping him in the face.

I manage a smile.

"Well, I've seen some stuff" Okay, well I guess I have to admit a little bit of cheeky sass didn't harm anyone, and it certainly helped. But Will doesn't think anything of it and neither does Christina.

"Ugh, I know what you mean. That Thom kid. Christ. He is the most annoying guy"

"Hey," I say, laughing "I love that kid."

"Then marry him. He got into a fight with me yesterday about why we are using dummies, saying they were impractical, nothing like the real target, then he went and punched this girl Amy."

"Ugh, Amy?" comments Will.

"I know right, weird name for a Dauntless girl, I reckon she'll get dropped." She says darkly.

"Whoa, okay." I say, "No need to be so Candor."

"Whatever, shit stain."

"Hey!" I laugh and throw my muffin at her, but she deflects it with her hand and it hits Will in the face. He smiles and throws it at me.

I don't play along.

It's… awkward.

"Hey, guys." Uriah sits down next to me. He nudges me in the ribs and looks from Will to me. I roll my eyes. Christina gives him a deadly look.

"Your brother" she starts.

"Yeah, heard about that, funny." He laughs. I giggle and Will smiles. Christina just stares back at him, fuming and shaking her head in a joking way.

I manage to not look at Will, but have an excuse for it, managing to tune all the conversation to Christina, making her the star. Which isn't hard, she pretty much already did it for me.

When Will leaves us to go to the fence, I think, this is it. I can tell her now.

But in the cafeteria?

Really?

Uriah pats my shoulder and heads off to work. He works in the political side of Dauntless. Don't ask me about it, I have, and don't wish to have, any idea about what they even do there.

"Tris?" Christina keeps her head down, and I instantly make the connection of Tobias keeping his head down when I suggested we have sex by that fountain.

Is she about to tell me something?

"Tris?" she repeats.

I try looking her in the eyes. "Yes?"

"I need to tell you something."

I keep looking her in the eyes and under the table clench my fist in celebration of my accurate predictions.

"I need to tell you something."

"Stop saying everything twice, just say it."

"I've… been sick."

"Yeah, I saw that yesterday."

"Yes, but" she looks up to the ceiling, and I can see she's fighting tears that cloud her eyes. She's biting her lip as if it'll help.

"I'm scared."

"It's not like it was thousands of years ago, Christina, everything has a cure."

"Some things they don't allow a cure, Tris." Finally the tears break out and she lets out a single, small, strangled yelp. Immediately after she cups a hand to her mouth.

Then she dismisses everything.

"No, no, I'm fine, don't worry, I'm fine."

"Christina?"

"I'm fine Tris." She gets up, and walks away quickly, wiping tears from her face.

I stay standing, watching her leave, extremely confused.

What just happened? Allowed?

I run over to the entrance to see where she's gone but I can't see her anywhere. Waves of black circulate around the Pit and Christina's dissolved into it.

And then I see…

Him.

And her.

Not Will and Christina.

They walk together, chatting and talking. They're leaving to go to work, they're walking up to the Pire. When Will left, he didn't go to work straight away, he went to go collect her. Or…

Did he do something else with her?

Bile rests on my tongue and I force myself to swallow it down. I have to catch up with them, if I run, I'll "Accidentally" run in to them. I'll act like I know nothing, and he'll be shocked, exposed.

My heels don't touch the ground, the balls of my feet pound into it, sending my body forth faster with every step. I sprint through crowds of other Dauntless, some of them giving me strange looks, looking at me like I'm a little girl. I feel like I'm back in Abnegation, like I'm getting frowned upon.

I have to slow down, I have to stop running and start walking so that it won't look suspicious when I catch up to them.

I literally have no idea what I'm doing. I didn't want to tell Christina, and then she did that thing where she might have told me something, so I ran up to find her but lost her and now the thing that I didn't want to tell Christina I have a sudden urge to confront Will about.

If you followed that, I have no idea what I'm doing or how I even feel about the situation.

"Will!" I push people out of the way, making my way to Will. "Will!" I shout again. He turns to look at me.

I expected a gasp, a frightened look in his eyes, maybe a petrification to the spot.

But no.

No.

"Hey, Tris, what's up?"

"What?" I say

"What's up?"

"U-uhm… I got to, got to, talk to you about…"

"Tris, I need to go to work, spit it out."

"Um, who's your friend?" I didn't even look around to see Kaya or her face, I was so focused on confronting Will.

"Which… friend?" I look to either side of Will and find that Kaya's dissolved into the crowd just as Christina has.

"Wha-" I start.

"Tris, go to work, get a coffee or something, you must be really tired." He gives me a look of sympathy and he walks away.

I stand there, more confused than ever.

What. The. Hell?

"TRIS!"

"What?!" I yell.

"Hey, come on fights start in five minutes!" Toby grabs my hand and tugs me along behind him as he weaves us through the crowd to the training centre.

"Okay, I've already set everything up just list them off, mark their progress, you know the deal"

"Yeah," I say taking the clipboard he hands me "anything I should be more informed on?"

"Eric."

"No." I look up from the clipboard into his eyes. "Fuck that." I say, rolling my eyes.

"Be brave." I giggle and kiss him, and when I close my eyes fireworks explode all over my mind, and his indulgent eyes stay with me. I could stay lost in this haze forever.

But I have to go face Eric.

"Stiff!"

"You do know I'm fully-fledged Dauntless now, training initiates? I'm not a stiff anymore."

"Get on the fucking computer, I'm here to administer everything, including the administer." He spits. I give him a scowl and turn on my heel to the door of the training centre. I open them and in comes the small group of nine. Once I'm done telling them about the day, Eric steps in and gives them a uselessly threatening and degrading talking that makes everyone in the room feel uneasy.

Including me.

He shoots a small flicker of his evil eyes at me once he's done, then gestures me to continue with the training in one, single, wry smile.

I put up the black board with everyone's names written in chalk.

Simon Declan

Addie Eve

Kathryn James

Dakota Rob

Bill

Eric leans against the wall with his arms crossed. The trail of tattoos going up his neck amplify his grimacing smile in such an eerie way.

I can't even look at him.

When did it come to this?

The day wears on, I record everyone's progress, surprised to see the turnouts of Eve and James's wins against Addie and Kathryn. Unsurprised and disappointed to see Simon triumph. A little bit awkward seeing Dakota and Rob fight. They both looked at each other for a while until Dakota punched him in the nose, sent him down, kicked him in the head and that was the end of it. She looked like she felt really bad about it.

It was strange not being with Tobias all day, I feel like the kids don't take me as r=seriously without him, plus, I miss him.

Eric kept giving the occasional snort here and there, but otherwise not looking at him was easily done and helped a lot. The only thing I really felt bad about all day was Christina and how I failed with both telling her and confronting Will. The only thing I succeeded in was avoiding the problem all together.

By the end of it, everyone out of those who hadn't been knocked out looked pretty tired. The only person running around, happy with himself was Simon. They all reminded me of last year, and how some of us didn't feel so good about winning. I lost to Peter, and then felt bad about winning to Myra, and then felt completely satisfied when I won against Molly. So I guess you could say their spirits may or may not be lifted or un-lifted tomorrow.

When everyone's gone I print out the progress I kept recorded on the computer and put them on the clipboard with all of their names. I walk over to Eric and am about to hand them to him when Tobias opens the door.

"Max wants to see you." He says. Eric snatches the clipboard from my hands and looks from me to Tobias.

"I'll leave you to it, then. Whatever it is that you two do anyway, I would have thought it was nothing." He walks out snickering and looking Tobias up and down, sizing him up I'm assuming, ready for Toby to pounce.

But he doesn't.

He stays still, and just… stands there.

"Hey."

"Hey." He grunts, opening his eyes.

"He's a prick."

"Yeah, I know." He puts a hand on my jaw and pulls me in for a kiss. When he grabs my ass I pull back.

"Toby," I say, giggling "not here, in public. I thought you didn't like doing that kind of thing anyway." He thrusts me away from him, his hands clutched around my arms.

"What. Is that, supposed to mean?"

"What? Toby, I meant I didn't want to pressure you into doing-"

"Who told you? It was Eric. Wasn't it?"

"Told me what?!" I say, a flash of anger rising on my face.

"Don't act like you don't know! Not with that snide comment he just made."

"Toby, you are Dauntless. You are not a stiff. If people think you don't want to have sex, they shouldn't think that degrades you as a man. They should be ashamed of themselves for having a lot of sex."

"WE DO HAVE A LOT OF SEX!" he screams.

"-EVEN IF WE'RE THE SAME! I KNOW WE HAVE A LOT OF SEX, YOU'D POUND ME SEVEN WAYS TILL SUNDAY, IN ALL THE DIRTIEST POSITIONS YOU COULD IMAGINE, WHAT MY POINT IS-!"

"You are missing the point, Tris!" he shouts.

"Four, Tris?"

"WHAT?!" we both yell in unison. We turn to see Christina. She looks like a frightened little bunny. I hope to god she didn't hear us. I don't even know what we were fighting about, because it's left my mind, and when I go back on it I'm more confused than ever.'

But Tobias hasn't forgotten.

"I'm getting a drink" he mutters and then shuffles on towards the pit. I silently scold him before turning my attention to Christina.

"What. Is it. That you want?" I say a little bit harshly, suddenly remembering this morning and how we haven't talked since.

"You know what, it doesn't matter Tris, I don't give a fuck what you and Four were fighting about – having too much sex – but you can't turn that on me."

"You interrupted the fight! If you hadn't interrupted us I probably wouldn't have cooled off and would have been not so angry."

"I don't care. I have something way too important to tell you and you can't even let me do that. Goodbye." She turns around and runs off, down the hall towards her apartment with Will.

Great. Now I'm in her bad books and she's going to the actual bad guy for consolation.

How lovely.

The door's already open when I get home, but that's obviously just Tobias being reckless when he's gone to get his wallet for the drinks. He better not get drunk again, because I want him to be with me tomorrow, despite the ridiculous fight we just had. I don't know what he was doing during today or why he couldn't be there, but I missed him. And it'd be nice to have an adult besides Eric in the room with me.

I check all the rooms to make sure no one's home.

It's been a long time since I've been left to myself. Lord knows I deserve to let off a little steam from today.

Well she's excited.

She's definitely awoken, my brain has definitely sent sex signals to her and she's ready with a tingle that is oh so welcomingly exciting. I reach over gently to the bedside drawer where I hide my dildo. It's pink, and bigger than Tobias. Two reasons to hide it from him. Christina once told me she actually named her dildo, but I can't remember the name, it was someone she had a small crush on at the time.

I slowly move my fingers down between my breasts, down across my belly button, down towards my clit, where it's already wetted.

"Huuh-huh" I moan, as loud as I can as a whisper. Electricity sparks all around me, pulsing through my body. I press onto it coaxing moans I didn't know I was making straight out of my mouth. I dare to move lower, sliding three fingers at once up into me.

"Ahh!" I moan a bit too loudly. I pull them out and am about to grab the dildo when suddenly a knock comes from the door.

"Tris? Are you home?"

"SHIT!"

"Hello, Tri-"

Oh god. Too late.

I stay frozen, my three fingers wet with my juices clutching the covers and my legs spread open facing her. Her face is one of shock, her mouth open wider than I thought it could go and her eyes literally popping. She holds onto the door handle so tightly her knuckles whiten.

"I think you have me mistaken for a gynecologist…" she whispers and then she slams the door shut and I can hear a fit of giggles explode just outside the apartment door.

"Shit."