CHAPTER SIX

CHRISTINA

A cool waft of breeze floats over my feet as I stand outside Tris' apartment. My hand clutches the handle and my heart beats around in its ribcage like a pinball machine. I can't help but laugh, despite the seriousness of the moment. Tris and I are meant to be fighting. I've been trying to approach her, twice today, this is my third attempt.

At first I blurted it out, I didn't even know what I was saying or why. And then I began to cry. I couldn't even imagine what Tris would have thought of me.

That was me at my weakest.

Then, I eventually drew up the courage to try telling her after work, but unfortunately I walked in on Four being even scarier than usual and Tris exploding her crap all over me when he walked away.

I don't know why… I normally would have consoled her and have been nice, but right then and there in the moment I was offended, and angry. I let my emotions explode all over her and I couldn't stop myself. I stormed away like an immature child and probably left her thinking lesser and lesser of me.

Now, I need to just tell her. I am Christina, and I'm not one to back down from anything, because I am Dauntless.

I may have been given a small obstacle to get out of the way, but hey, masturbation is a natural part of life. It's hard to supress giggles when they find a way out of my nose even with my mouth clamped shut, so I let them all out.

When I'm done I hear a small creak from the door I lean against.

"Christina, come in."

"I'd be glad to come in."

"Now is not the time."

"You're right, sorry." I say gently. I'm going to have to play it very nice. She's still angry with me and further infuriated by the embarrassment, so I'll play it nice.

She opens the door wide and reveals the same sight I just saw, minus the pink dildo, the wet fingers, and a vagina staring me down. Tris awkwardly moves over to the bed where she takes a seat. I go over to the chair by the television and sit. We both keep silent for a while, and I know the silence could go on forever if I wasn't the one to break it.

"Tris, masturbation is-,"

"-Can we not, just–what-are-you-here-for." She speaks as awkwardly as she walks and I decide to drop the matter altogether to loosen the strings of tension.

"Okay, then. Tris, there's something I need to tell you."

"Yes, I kind of know that already, get on with it." She says, surprisingly bitter compared to how embarrassed she was seconds ago.

"Okay, so please promise me you'll take some time to process this information, that you'll be empathetic, and put yourself in my shoes. I know you can do that, Tris." She gives me a weak smile, which looks a bit crooked because I think she's trying to keep it stifled. Then she shakes her hair and walks over to the chair opposite mine. She crosses her legs and entwines her fingers together in her lap.

How am I going to tell her this?

I go over all the information she already knows.

It was only a couple of weeks ago, at New Year's, Uriah and Zeke held a party. Basically everyone was invited. You name anyone in Dauntless, and either they went, or only remembered being invited, due to how drunk they got.

When Will and I got the invitation in the mail, I talked excitedly to Tris about it and she brightly showed me her invitation, too. It wasn't long until we figured out everyone was invited. But that didn't matter, the exclusivity wasn't the point. The point was that I was invited to Uriah's party, and Tris shared the excitement with me.

To understand the excitement of receiving the invitation, I have to go back a month before the party. I had been shopping by myself, early in the morning, when pretty much no one was awake except maybe Tori at the tattoo shop. I was going from store to store when I found one with black windows and a black door, so that you couldn't see in.

I immediately recognised this as an adult shop. The very same shop I would later purchase black lingerie from as a gift for Four and Tris on Lover's Day.

I burst through the door and grabbed the most expensive dildo they had. It was black, long and fat. I was about to leave the shop after paying when Uriah opened the door and we stood face to face, him holding his credit card full of points, I holding a mysterious black bag full of nothing but a black dildo inside.

"Huh-Hi… Uriah?"

"He-y Christina…"

It was the most awkward part of my life I had ever experienced ever. I was going to die.

"S-so what are you doing?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

"What are you?!" I chastised him.

"Stepped into the wrong store, what are you doing?" I knew he was lying and he knew I knew he was lying but he had all the cards, there was no use trying to fight him.

"I'm going to go."

"No, no, Christina, no, come on, I'm just teasing you." I had paused, slightly confused. Was he trying to trick me, or was he actually being genuine? "Look, Chris, I know girls masturbate too, how do you think I got so good at doing it to them?"

I gave him a look.

"My point is" he said, shaking his head "is that actually that's kind of hot, we should catch up some time, get to know the stuff we don't know about each other.

"I'm in a relationship."

"Not a serious one, not yet anyway." He teased.

"I'm in love with him, so whatever this is-,"

"Eye-candy" he said, waving an arm so as to present himself.

"-It needs to stop." But the sad truth was, I don't think I did love Will, and I don't even know if I truly love him now. And the sad part was that Uriah's charm was working on me, and I was flattered. I couldn't help feeling a wrench in my stomach every time I saw him for the next four weeks. I got such a huge crush on him that I ended up naming the dildo Uriah, and I even told Tris. It was exciting, naughty, because I shouldn't have a crush on anyone besides my man, but exciting, nonetheless.

Over the four weeks after that incident and the four weeks leading up to the party, my crush on Uriah grew stronger and stronger. I couldn't contain myself, and I never told Will anything¸ knowing that he was the extreme jealous type.

It got so bad, not even did I actually name my dildo Uriah, I started imagining him below me instead of Will when we were having sex. Those times were some of the best I've ever had.

So I kept Tris updated with my crush, and surprisingly, she wasn't Abnegation about it all.

She finally acted like an actual girl.

She became really excited about it and kept teasing me every time Uriah would walk past or if he would wink at me. She'd nudge me or punch me and laugh and I'd cover my face with my hands.

So at New Year's Eve, Tris was to keep an eye out for me and make sure I didn't get too drunk in fear of doing something that might jeopardize my relationship (But I think she had a few drinks and went to go keep an eye on Four, because I didn't see her for the rest of the night, if you know what I mean…)

The most confusing thing to Tris about that whole situation, was the question, why didn't I just leave Will and get with Uriah if I loved him so much?

"I don't love him!" I would snap. But what Tris didn't understand was that I thought I loved Will (now I doubt if I did the entire time), because what I did later that night wasn't an act of love.

On New Year's Eve, I, Christina, did not get drunk. My boyfriend, Will, got drunk… and passed out.

So I may have gotten a little tipsy due to coaxing and flirting from Uriah throughout the whole night. In the back of my mind, I was saying 'This is wrong, so wrong.' But at the front of my mind I was saying 'Will's passed out, do what you want.'

This lead to bad choices, me being tipsy, Uriah being drunk out of his mind and Zeke pushing the both of us into his room where we crashed onto the bed, laughing.

He kissed me.

My mind was foggy and the only thing I could remember thinking was 'no.' but foggy minds don't cooperate with your body. Before I knew it Uriah was panting and I was almost gagging…

If you get the point.

So now I'm in Tris' apartment, where I'm devising over what to tell her. She knows only half the story. She knows I had a crush on Uriah, she knows that I blew him off at his party. She even made fun of me for it every now and then, proving to me that it didn't matter to her, because she thought I must've been really, really drunk.

But that is only half the story.

"Okay. So, Tris, I need to tell you something."

"For god's sake, Christina, just tell me." She looks frustrated but I know behind her eyes she's concerned but also curious, it's just her way of being Dauntless on the outside and whatever she is on the inside, hiding it away.

"Okay. Okay." My voice trembles and a lump in my throat already forms. I don't know how in the hell I'm going to do this now, but it's too late, there is no turning back. Not after all today, she knows too much, she knows I have a secret, she knows that there's something really wrong.

No turning back.

"Christina?" she leans forward slightly and reaches her hand out to grab mine. Her hands are warm, and smell of soap (thank god she cleaned them). At that point I let out a small coughing laugh of hysteria. But Tris tosses it aside like it's completely normal. "Christina?" she says again, her eyes deep with thoughtfulness now.

I slowly tilt my head upwards, looking into her eyes.

No. Turning. Back.

"I'm pregnant."

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-Eve